A/N. Here I am! Hello to all :) Here's the next chapter! Hope you enjoy :D

Chapter XII

They returned to the Tower that afternoon. Immediately, the Avengers went their separate ways, having missed their respective comforts of home and the privacy it provided. As soon as Tania and Steve stepped onto their floor, Rocky came bounding around the corner from their bedroom, his tongue sticking out as he jumped excitedly. He seemed to have gotten slightly bigger in the past several days.

He leaped into Steve's arms and began licking his face over and over again. Tania and Steve were laughing at the adorable puppy's antics when Darcy poked her head into the hallway, her glasses askew. She gasped and ran out to meet them halfway. "Oh my gosh, you're back! JARVIS, you didn't tell me, you bastard!"

"You didn't ask," the AI replied.

Darcy huffed. "Are you guys okay?"

They shared a look, debating how to answer that. "We're getting on well enough," Steve answered her vaguely. "Clint's the most beat-up out of all of us. I think there's a metal plate in his head from surgery and he lost hearing in one ear, not to mention a lot of other things."

"Is-is Jane okay?" Darcy asked, biting her lip and twisting her hands together viciously.

Steve smiled reassuringly. "Jane's fine. Totally unscathed. She might've inhaled a bit of water, but I'm pretty sure you can say that about all of us."

Darcy nodded, staring at the wall to Steve's left. "Okay. That's good. Sort of. I mean-" She closed her eyes and tried again. "I'm gonna go see her."

Steve nodded. "You do that. Thank you for watching Rocky for us while we were away," he called to her retreating form as she passed him to get to the elevator.

She saluted, looking over her shoulder at him. "Just doing my duty for my country."

Steve chuckled and watched her go, scratching behind Rocky's ears. "You wanna go for a run, boy?"

Rocky barked in agreement.

"Come on, let's go get your leash."

"Wait."

Steve looked up in surprise. She hadn't said a word since they bade Coulson and his team farewell. He blinked to let her know he was listening.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. Despite the fact that they were now made-up (sort of), she still felt a little weird around him. She thought that as soon as they got home, she'd want to jump his bones but she found the feeling had passed. She could probably work herself up to it again but... not now. "Can I come with?"

"For a run?" He furrowed his eyebrows. Yes, he would be going slower so that Rocky could keep up but he wasn't sure Tania was up for a run with him.

"Well, maybe we could make it a walk?" Gosh, that sounded selfish. "Some other time then, maybe. I'm sorry. You can go on your run."

"No, no. It's okay. We can... yeah. Let's go for a walk. You don't mind, eh, boy?"

Rocky didn't react but he looked happy nonetheless.

Tania smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

"No problem. Let's just grab her leash first."

"Of course. I'd like to change too, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

Ten minutes later, they were in the gym. Five minutes before, they had remembered the fact that they may have been attacked by an unknown enemy just a few days previously. They'd debated for a bit whether or not it was safe to leave, considering the damage the attack had caused to their team, before they settled on using the treadmill.

They had the place to themselves.

They both stepped on treadmills and let Rocky run around the new environment (since neither of them were sure that it was safe for a dog to run on such equipment). At least this way, Steve could run and Tania could walk and neither of them would have to worry about getting too far from the other.

They walked in silence for a while, both without headphones (not that Steve wore headphones anyway – ever) before Tania decided to voice the real reason she had asked to join him.

"We need to talk."

Steve glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "I've heard that's a bad sign," he said, not even a little out of breath.

She tried to force a laugh. It half-worked. "I'm not breaking up with you, if that makes you feel any better," she said.

"Well that's a relief." He may not look it, but he was genuinely relieved. He was losing her; he was very conscious of that fact. It was a fear of his that he may lose her physically as well as mentally and emotionally. He didn't know what he'd do with himself if she walked away. Keep going, he supposed. Just keep going.

She smiled half-heartedly. "We just... we really do need to talk."

When it was clear she wasn't going to go on, Steve prodded her. "I'm listening."

"I don't know where to start."

"The beginning?"

"I don't know where the beginning is!" She buried her face in her hands, her legs moving mechanically as she walked on the treadmill.

Steve sighed. At the very least, she was making an effort to talk to him. "Tell me about your dreams," he prompted. "You've never told me what they were about."

Her throat closed and her head began to spin. Her nightmares. Of course she would have to start there. But they were different each night, how could she explain it? More than that, how could she find the courage to voice her worst fears? She was just a girl who got caught up in this complicated world of superheroes and mutants and aliens that she never intended for herself.

This wasn't the life she had wanted.

She didn't know what to say, but she'd kept her silence long enough. She needed to say something... "I... I... we... um..." Well, it was a start. She swallowed heavily. "Hydra." She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply, trying not to have a panic attack. She mainly had them in the showers now, where no one else could see (she ordered JARVIS never to tell anyone after that first one with Tony). But occasionally she would have a close call or a flashback and she would cry for who knows how long. But she couldn't do that now. She would not... let... herself... cry.

"Hey," Steve's deep voice penetrated through her anguished thoughts and she looked at him. He was the light of her life and that might be the corniest thing she had ever thought but it was true. "Are you okay?"

She was about to nod when she realized that would be lying. So she shook it from side to side instead. "But I need to get this out."

"I'm proud of you," he encouraged, smiling.

She gripped the bars on either side of her so tightly that she felt she had molded with the machine. "I dream... about murder." She kept her eyes wide open for fear of seeing her nightmares behind closed eyelids. "I kill him. N-neo... neo..."

"I know," he breathed. He'd suspected this.

She nodded gratefully. "Not just him. Others. Innocents... you guys." She was whispering now, afraid that if she spoke to loudly, her fears would come to life and suddenly become real. And they would be the end of her. "It's always my fault. Everything is always my fault. I'm not like you all. I'm not a brilliant scientist or doctor. I'm not super strong. I'm not a strategist. I'm not a skilled fighter. I'm not sneaky. I can only speak English and ASL. I don't have gadgets or weapons or exceptional talents that help in the field. I'm useless and weak and I can't handle all the things you do.

"The missions you go on when I don't know if you'll come home. The training to shoot and fight when I'll never be ready to kill someone. The attacks on innocents that plague the Earth since the invasion. The villains that try to kill me – us. The paparazzi, even! I'm not equipped to handle these kinds of situations!

"And I'm dying from it, Steve. I feel like I'm dying inside because I'm just a regular girl who got swept off her feet by the perfect guy and now I'm scarred for life, inside and out. I don't have superpowers or... anything special about me! I don't know how I got so lucky that you chose me or that I bumped into you outside our coffee shop or how I managed to survive this long. But I did.

"And now I dream of murdering people and losing the ones I love. I love more people now than I ever have in my entire life and I can't bear to lose any of you. You're the family I never had; but you're also the family I never wanted. Do you think when I was little, I dreamed of having this kind of family? I wanted the mom and the dad that loved us with a little house and a dog and a white-picket fence. I wanted family reunions with uncles and aunts and cousins and grandparents. I wanted a normal life.

"Don't get my wrong, I'm the most grateful person in the world to have met and known you all and I love you with all my heart but... I don't know if I belong here.

"I mean, I don't dream of not fitting in. That would be stupid." She laughed through her tears. "I dream of battles and death and loss and guilt and fear and my own stupidity at how I let you all die! I dream that I couldn't handle it and I broke and then you all laughed and had bets about how long I would last. I commit suicide in my nightmares, Steve! And sometimes... sometimes..." She lost control of her footing and tripped on the treadmill. The string attached to her shorts yanked the emergency brake and she slammed onto the now still conveyor belt face first. Her nose cracked.

She whined and heard Steve leap off his own treadmill and come to her rescue. Like usual. She was useless and weak and stupid and scared. She pushed herself up and sniffled, inhaling a bit of blood. She coughed and spluttered and Steve patted her on the back, trying to help. She eventually spit blood on the floor. Steve went to fetch a couple towels and brought them back. She held one to her nose while he set about cleaning the red from the wooden floor.

She sat back and cried silently. She hadn't thought she'd be able to get it out but there it was; out there, waiting for the entire world to discover its existence. She should feel a sense of pride for being able to tell Steve all of this but all she felt was self-hatred. The physical torture she'd been through felt distant and therefore not as strong as her emotional torture. But one affected the other and she couldn't deal. "I remember pain," she whispered as Steve swiped at the floor. He froze. She rocked back and forth and continued. "They ripped my tooth out. They ripped my comm out. The hit me and kicked and bit and slapped and insulted and taunted and they threatened to rip my clothes off." Tears spilled so frequently now that she paid no notice to them, rocking on the floor. "Your screams stabbed me everywhere; my heart, my stomach, everywhere. And I couldn't talk to JARVIS anymore and you couldn't wrap your arms around me so I never felt safe and that's exactly what they wanted and then I killed him." She grabbed fist-fulls of her hair and squeezed the strands like a stress-ball, rocking back and forth. "I'm going crazy, Steve. I'm going insane. I feel like everything I ever feared is just fluttering around my head, pecking at me until I give in and I'm going crazy. Am I going crazy?" She looked at him, panic in her expression, rocking back and forth. "Tell me honestly, do you think I'm going crazy?"

Steve was floored. How the hell was he supposed to answer a question sprung on him like that? Well, he should probably say no but... would that be lying? Something was obviously very wrong with her and he had to admit... she did seem like she was going insane. Honesty had always been Steve's best policy; it would continue to be so, even in a century that thrived on lies.

So he dropped the blood red towel and gently grabbed her shoulders, halting her rocking. "Maybe," he answered. She sobbed and tried to curl in on herself but he wouldn't let her. Instead, he pulled her to him so that she was cradled to his chest and not alone. He stroked her hair with one hand and rubbed her back with the other. He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and then moved his lips to her ear. "Maybe you're going insane," he repeated, "but I won't let you. I'm here for you, Tania. Always. I swear to you on my life-" He paused. Even he had to admit that his own life wasn't worth as much the lives of others meant to him. "I swear to you on everything I love that I will bring you out of this. You will come back from the brink. You will rebound and come back to sanity and to me. I promise."

She sobbed again. "You're going to turn yourself into a liar," she muttered, clutching at the back of his shirt.

He shook his head. "You know what you need? Some fresh air."

She looked up, eyes wide and red-rimmed. "What? But- the attack!"

"Do you think they'd risk it with so many civilians around? And we'll be in disguise. You just need to be outside. We haven't really since the cruise."

She gasped. "Oh my God, the water!" And she sobbed harder.

His expression wavered between unsure, awkward, and heartbroken. "Come on, up you go." He pulled her to her feet as she wobbled.

"I'm sorry," she hiccoughed, wiping her face sloppily. "I'm such a mess."

"Don't worry about it," he assured, wiping her tears with his thumbs. "Part of being in love is seeing them at their worst and their best. It's being there for you when you need me and the other way around. You were there when I needed you during the whole time travel thing. You were there when I needed you in that Hydra base and had to patch me up again every day. You were there when I was depressed when we first met, you remember? You made me better. And now I'm going to return the favour. Let's go ask Natasha and Clint for disguises."

Half an hour later, Tania's tears had tried and she and Steve walked out the back of the Tower and around the corner, emerging from an alleyway about a block from their home. Tania was now a red-head with large sunglasses and a floppy hat while Steve was a black-haired, aviator-wearing, motorcyclist (as evidenced by the helmet he carried). They walked hand-in-hand down the street towards their coffee shop with Rocky on a leash (the press didn't know about their dog yet).

They didn't say much but Tania had to admit she felt less hopeless. It was nice to be outside and not near water. They bought iced coffees at the coffee shop and kept walking since they had Rocky and didn't want to leave him alone while they sat inside. They sipped their drinks and Tania felt... mostly normal. If she weren't in disguise, this would be the most normal thing she had done in forever.

"Thank you," she told him a few blocks later. "For being there for me."

"I love you," he said in answer. She leaned up to kiss him-

"Grrrr..." Rocky growled, stopping in his tracks. Tania nearly tripped over him but Steve caught her and held her back.

"What is it, boy?"

Rocky lowered his head to the ground and pushed his ears down upon his head, bearing his teeth. Steve and Tania looked around suspiciously. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Then Steve felt it. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he looked up and around, scanning the surrounding buildings' windows and roofs.

Tania grabbed hold of his arm, stepping closer to him. "What is it?" She asked. Passers-by were starting to give them a wide berth thanks to their very protective pup.

"We're being watched," he whispered back, still looking around.

"By who?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think it's the same people as before? The ones who attacked us?"

"Possibly."

"We should get back."

"I agree."

He tugged at Rocky's leash but Rocky wouldn't budge.

"Come on, boy. Let's go."

"Grrr."

"Rocky!" Steve snapped. The dog stopped abruptly but remained tense, as if waiting for something to jump out of the shadows.

Steve adjusted his glasses, activating the comm. "Can you hear me?"

Keeping up the charade, Tania nodded. "Can you hear me?"

Steve nodded.

Tony's voice came out of nowhere. "Yeah, I hear ya. What's up?"

"We think we're being followed," Steve whispered.

"JARVIS, pull up GPS Satellite and security cameras." Pause. "Okay, I see you."

"Anything else?"

"Not really. There doesn't appear to be anyone or anything suspicious. If indeed there is anyone keeping tabs on you, they're really good. Like, Clint and Natasha good."

"That doesn't help, Tony."

"Well excuse me for tossing up theories." Pause. "Yeah, I can't find anything."

Suddenly, Rocky took off running. Tania, who didn't have Steve's super strength, yelped and was pulled along, jogging behind the German Shepard and trying really hard not to trip.

"Hey, wait!" Steve tore after her and caught up easily. She looked over at him and he nodded. It was an excuse to get out of there quickly. He slowed down and pretended to be behind and try to catch up to her. "Wait for me!"

They chased after Rocky all the way back to the alleyway from which they had emerged and disappeared in the shadows.

About a block away, descending from her perch on top of a tree without so much as someone glancing at her, Sofia tucked the camera into her purse and smiled.