Black World's God
Chapter 13
"I'm free to go?" Sakura asked as she jumped off the bed, testing out her foot gingerly.
Yimin nodded. "It's completely healed. No use keeping you cooped up here any longer. Go to class."
Sakura leant her weight against her bad foot.
Yimin looked up from her desk, turning to Sakura and asking, "Is something wrong?"
Sakura smiled and shook her head. "There's nothing for you to worry about. I'll be going now!"
XxxX
Sakura approached the classroom, her steps slowing to a halt as she reached the door. With a resigned sigh, she opened the door quietly and walked into the rowdy classroom which seemed even more noisy and crowded than usual due to the fifteen students that had been squeezed into Class 17. Her eyes flashed across the room, marking the presence of a few individuals.
Her friends spotted her first.
"Sakura-chan!" Chiharu exclaimed as she rushed up to her friend and gave her a big hug. "Are you okay? Why weren't you in school the past few days? We were worried for you!"
"Chiharu-chan," Sakura smiled in return, hugging her back. She switched to Japanese immediately and said, "I'm sorry for worrying you… I had not known…"
"Mou, Sakura-chan! We care for you! Has that not gotten into your head yet?" Chiharu pouted and pinched her hand playfully. "Of course we would worry! We're your friends, you know!"
We're your friends, you know!
I have people who care.
There are people who care.
-YOU! Things would have been better if you were never-
I still have people who care.
Sakura let a small, true smile grace her lips.
"Thank you… Chiharu-chan," Sakura pulled away from Chiharu. She looked her over and commented, "You seem different today… Somehow, you seem… lighter. More carefree. Like something has been lifted off your shoulders."
Chiharu touched her cheek, shocked. "Do I really look that way?"
"Mmhm… Did something good happen?" Sakura asked as they walked over to their seats.
Chiharu winked and giggled, "That's a secret! I'll tell you some other day!"
Sakura laughed and nodded.
"Kinomoto."
"Li-kun," Sakura nodded at the brown headed boy. She sat down beside him at her desk, pulling out her notebooks and setting them on her table.
Shaoran turned to her slightly with a tilt of his body and murmured under his breath, "Could we… talk after school today? The usual place?"
Sakura opened her pencil case and took out a pen. She murmured back softly, "Sure."
A few seats in front of them, Meiling watched on enviously at the quiet interaction between the two.
XxxX
It wasn't as though I hated her.
Well…
Maybe I do hate her.
I know it is a complete irrational hate. She could not have helped it.
But that day… I remember it to the slightest detail.
How he had appeared
How he had approached
How he had laughed
How he had maimed…
For a long time, she was the only star in my sky. I had grown to worship her for that.
But then, he came along.
For once, my world was not illuminated by a single star. She was a brightly burning star that lit my whole life but he… he was the sun. The one closer to my heart. The one that meant life or death. The one that was everything to me.
And just like that, because of her, my sun was shot down from the sky in mere seconds.
She could not have helped it. If she had, perhaps the one lying in a coma would be her right now. Perhaps she would even be dead. She didn't have a Fujitaka-san. She didn't have a half-reincarnation to save her. She was my best friend. I should be grateful that she's alright.
Except that I'm not.
If possible, I'm even more incensed that she could still go on living, talking and eating like a normal, healthy living person while he was lying in a bed, life trickling away from him by the day. It just wasn't fair.
I understand that she's not at fault. People as powerful as her… they always are bound to have a few enemies. I bet even he had quite a few enemies in his past lifetime.
But that doesn't make it any easier to forgive her.
But that doesn't make it any easier to erase this boiling hate that is growing in me.
But that doesn't make it any easier to shut away the pain
I hate her.
But most of all, I hate myself.
XxxX
A silver haired man in his twenties looked up. His hands, holding a piping bag above a neatly and beautifully decorated cream cake, lowered. He set the piping bag down, turning around to look around at the kitchen. There were few people working in the kitchen and they were all busy with their own creations. With a sigh, he turned back to his cake to add on the finishing touches.
Why are you here?
He jumped, nearly dropping the icing bag into his cake.
Why are you acting as though nothing had happened?
The young man's eyes narrowed and he glanced around. Nothing was out of the ordinary. His colleagues were still working.
There couldn't have been anyone to-
Why are you continuing to delude yourself?
This was…
Why are you hiding the facts from yourself?
Could it be…?
Why are you living a guiltless, carefree life?
He clamped his hands around his ears desperately.
Did you think you could get away with this ignorance forever?
"Stop it!" He whispered harshly, squeezing his eyes shut in a vain attempt to block out the voice.
In that case, you are every bit as a sinner as she is.
"Stop!" He yelled, drawing the attention of his colleagues.
"Oi, Tsukishiro, what's wrong-"
Let me deal out your punishment then.
"NO!"
"Tsukishiro – he's hyperventilating! Someone call an ambulance!"
Say goodbye to your happiness.
"We're losing him! Hey, can you hear me? Tsukishiro!"
I shall deal to you…
"Hey! He's slipping away!"
The worst kind of punishment ever.
The dam broke.
The man screamed as an onslaught of memories flooded into his head.
XxxX
Sakura laid down on the roof, breathing in the cool, fresh air.
"When did you start taking sorcery seriously?"
Shaoran turned his head to her, raising his eyebrows.
"Me?"
"Mm."
"Well… it's hard to say," He sighed, resting his head on his hands as he laid down beside her.
"I'm all ears."
"Probably… when I grew to realize that I wasn't strong enough to become a respectable Clan Head like my father. I forgot when that had hit me but… I knew that after my father's death and my blindness, the Elders wanted to search for an alternate Clan Head," He pulled his sunglasses off, clenching them tight in his fist. "I couldn't let them take that away from me. It was the legacy left behind for me from Father. I knew that if I couldn't prove myself to them, I would lose… everything."
Sakura closed her eyes. "So you trained harder in order to prove… that you're the most suitable."
"Yes… yes, that's it," He nodded. "What about you?"
Sakura didn't respond for a moment.
"Kinomoto?"
"Sorcery… Even the cards…" She let out a soft chuckle. "Things were always a life-or-death for me. Even when capturing the cards, a single lapse in concentration could have sent me plummeting to death from up in the sky. There was once… I faced a challenge on a snowy hill. I tried to deal with it while my reserves were low but I ended up fainting from exhaustion. I was lucky to have survived. In those kinds of situation, how could I have not taken it seriously?"
"…I see. Things must have been hard on your own."
"It was. It was very hard. For a long while, there was only one other person who knew of my secret and I was struggling under the weight and implications of it all. Up to my tenth birthday, I had always thought that the world was normal and devoid of magic but then in mere moments my life had been flipped upside down and I was tasked with something I would never otherwise dream of doing. It was… terrifying, at times."
He turned on his side to face her.
"But you said that there was a person who knew of it, right?"
"Yes, there was. She found out completely by accident, though. If possible, though, I would have never wanted to have drawn her into everything," Sakura mumbled, resting her arm on her eyes to block out the sunlight. "I kept thinking that if I had managed to hide this from her, she would have led a more carefree life and wouldn't have had to risk her life so many times because of me…"
Shaoran grunted. "That… would make sense."
"It does, doesn't it?" She sat up, pulling out her Star Key from under her shirt and staring at it fondly. "But then… what kind of best friend would I be if I kept something as huge and important as this from her?"
"…"
He coughed and sat up as well.
"Sorry… I'm not able to relate…" He looked away in embarrassment. "I… never had a real friend before."
Sakura blinked owlishly.
"Oh… that must have been rough," She murmured. "I couldn't image living without my friends…"
Shaoran shrugged nonchalantly. "Won't feel the loss if I never had it to begin with."
"That's not true. When you see others with their friends… don't you feel lonely?"
He turned away, looking down.
"It doesn't matter if you can actually see it or not… just knowing you don't have friends, doesn't it hurt you?" Sakura probed, scooting closer.
His mouth twitched. "'Suppose so…"
She took his hand gently. Shaoran turned to face her curiously.
"If that's so… Then… can I be your friend?"
His mouth dropped.
"Ah! Is it not possible…"
"No!" He blushed at the outburst. "What I mean is… I'd be glad… if you could… be my friend, that is."
She smiled brightly.
"Then that's settled! I'll be your friend, Li-kun!"
He blushed even further, lowering his head to hide the red tinge of his cheeks. "S-… Shaoran will do."
"Hoe?"
"You can call me Shaoran. That's… what friends do, don't they? In Japan…" Shaoran said uncertainly.
She blinked for a few moments before laughing and saying, "Alright! I'll call you Shaoran-kun from now on. In return, you'll have to call me Sakura!"
"I-it goes two ways?" He choked.
"Of course! Right then, Shaoran-kun, shall we go out after school today?" Sakura took his hands and squeezed them eagerly, stars in her sky hard to miss unless…
"S-sakura… Urgh, this is hard," He rubbed the back of his head. "Could I just call you Ying?"
"Sa-ku-ra. Say it!" She insisted.
"S-sa… ku… ra…" He muttered out softly.
"Great! Then about today afternoon…"
"Eh? Where're we going?"
"Hi-mi-tsu!"
"What?" He cocked his head to the side in confusion.
Sakura laughed brightly, taking his hands and pulling him to his feet. "The last time, you gave me a chance to feel what it's like to be blind. Now I'm going to do the same!"
"Show me what it's like to be blind?" He raised an eyebrow skeptically.
"Hi-mi-tsu desu!"
"What does that mean?"
"Himitsu desu!"
"Oi, Sakura!"
She turned to face him at the mention of her name. She smiled and giggled, "I'm going to show you the most beautiful thing in the world! But what it is… that's a secret. See you after school, Shaoran-kun!"
XxxX
She is a burning star.
No matter how far away she is,
There is not enough darkness in the world to dim away the light of her star.
But what can dim her is the loss of her drive.
With Rika gone,
It burned a notch cooler
With me gone,
It wasn't so bright anymore
With her father gone,
She faded out of the sky
But what is amazing about Sakura is that
Once she finds her drive again,
She'll return as an even brighter star
She never went away
She was there all the time
You just didn't notice her.
Eriol set his fountain pen down, stretching his sore fingers.
"Eriol-kun, it's time for lunch!" Nakuru said as she walked into his room with a tray of chicken and rice.
"Thank you, Nakuru," Eriol replied, moving his pens and journal away from the table so that she could set the tray in front of him.
"I hope you'll be eating more today," She half suggested half warned.
"I will. Thank you for cooking such an amazing meal, Nakuru," Eriol put his hands together. "Itadakimasu." He dug into the rice with gusto.
"I can feel your magic returning. You'll be back in shape in a few weeks," Nakuru chirped happily as she poured the tea and added two cubes of sugar into the dark liquid.
"Yes… It won't be long now…"
'I just hope he won't act until then.'
"So, who're you going to tell first?"
"Hm? What do you mean?" Eriol looked up from his food.
"Who're you going to tell that you're out of coma?" Nakuru repeated.
Eriol pondered over his food. "Sakura, for sure. I need to put her out of her worries. Maybe after that, Tomoyo."
"Maybe after that? Eriol, she's your girlfriend!"
"I know but… I'm not ready to deal with her yet. Such a drastically changed Tomoyo… it scares me to even think what had happened the past year," He shuddered, setting his spoon down. "At least, when I know how to deal with her…"
'This will probably cause some trouble between us but it can't be helped. A Tomoyo like that is… obsessive and dangerous. Just let her hold out for a few more weeks. Just a few more weeks.'
Just a few weeks wouldn't hurt anyone, right?
XxxX
They were out of the door in seconds.
Sakura grabbed the sleeve of Shaoran's blazer, pulling him along as they flew down the hall in top speed before any other student had come out their classroom. She laughed brightly as they quickly escaped the confines of the school and into the open air.
"Kino- Sakura… Where're we going?" He asked, blindly following her as she led him along.
"Didn't I say? Himitsu-desu!" She teased. She took a sharp turn into an alley way and led him through the narrow path. He stumbled on the uneven ground but quickly managed to regain his pace and match her speed.
"Really…" He sighed.
"Almost there, Shaoran-kun! Careful – we're going into… well, you'll see."
"I can't," He deadpanned.
"Believe me – you will."
His feet brushed against something on the ground. He kicked it around, and upon finding it thin and light, deduced that it was a leaf.
"Ki – Sakura, are we going into a park?" He questioned incredulously.
"Hm… Think wilder!"
"A forest?" His jaws dropped.
"Bingo!"
She pulled him closer to her, keeping him close as she navigated her way through the forest. She tapped her foot against the roots to warn him of their position as they moved, letting him step over the protruding roots with ease.
"Why a forest?" He asked as he stepped over another root.
"Because we don't want anyone stumbling upon us," She replied. She kicked a few pebbles out of the way for him, sending them clattering away into the bushes.
"…Will it involve magic?"
"You'll see!"
"I can't," He stressed again.
Sakura paused for a moment, causing him to bump into her back slightly.
"How does Shaoran-kun see?"
"See? I told you that I couldn't-"
"I didn't mean that kind of seeing. I meant, how do you see magic and life? I'm sure you can – how else would you get around like a normal person?"
Shaoran furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean, see? Isn't it… instinct?"
Sakura chuckled, pulling him forward once more and resuming their trek through the forest. "Normal people can't sense life and death, living and non-living, and most certainly magical and non-magical, Shaoran-kun."
He shrugged. "I don't know. It's more like… I can feel shapes moving under my eyelids. There're flashes of colour too but most of the time it's just the feeling. I listen too, of course. And I feel the wind for movement."
"That's amazing!" She praised.
Shaoran blushed and looked down. "It's not that great… Considering that Wei had been helping me with it since young, it's natural that I would be proficient in combining all these senses together to get around with life. Of course, I can't do things like cook or iron since I can't see anything…"
"Is that so…" She pulled him along further more and came to a stop. "We're here!"
"Here is where?" He turned around, feeling the leaves rustle beneath his feet.
"I came across this place during my daily runs. I thought it was quite a pretty place and it's full of life," She said, doing a spin on the spot. He felt the winds whipping around as she twirled. "Come, feel it with me!"
"Feel?" He stood awkwardly.
"Right! Close your eyes and focus on the sounds, the winds, the presence of the woods and the birds…" She took his hands and held them in hers. Shaoran dipped his head slightly, trying to attempt what she told him to do. He slowed his breathing to a calm meditative pace, focusing on the surroundings.
For a few moments, they stood silently in the forest, breathing slowly.
The next moment, he nearly gasped and lost his concentration.
Everything seemed so… clear.
He could feel the wind blowing, rustling the leaves ever so slightly. The leaves drew across the damp ground gently, making soft sounds as they drifted past. He could hear the birds chirping in the distance, soft and thrilling. Not too far off, he could hear the soft trickle of water. A creak, perhaps? The water crashed against the rocks, dripping off the surface and making 'plop' sounds as they returned to the water.
He could hear her breathing. Concentrating on her, he slowed his breathing even further to the point where he matched her pace. Slowly, they gradually began breathing in unison. Their chests rose and fell together and he never felt more in tuned with someone before.
And then the world drastically shifted.
All of a sudden, there was a brilliant splash of colours behind his eyes.
They were surrounded by green – the trees, most likely. A splash of blue was not far off, long and stretching beyond what he could feel. It was continuously moving, never at rest. Far off, dots of yellow and orange flitted across the green. Were those the birds? White shone through the green, shining on everything. It was strong, like power. It was also very warm. What was that?
He spoke for the first time since they had started the entire practice.
"What's the white light?" He asked quietly.
"That's sunlight," She replied.
Sunlight… he hadn't seen sunlight in years…
His attention was drawn to the girl in front of him. He could feel her closely. She was pink, a glowing and shining body of dark pink. He could feel the small spot of gold near her chest. The Star Key she used? It didn't nearly pulse as brightly as hers, though it was a tight spot of concentrated magic that gleamed brightly like a star in a dark sky.
Like a star.
She broke contact with him, slowly drawing her hands away from him.
The keen senses he had developed faded away. He took a step back, overwhelmed by the loss of colour.
"What was that?" He breathed.
Sakura sat down on the ground. "It's called attuning. You attune yourself to the surroundings, becoming one with them. You did see, didn't you? How beautiful everything is? You saw everything clearly."
He nodded mutely. "It… I never saw anything so clearly before. How did you do that?"
"I had someone guide me at first, like what I did with you. You will learn how to evoke the feeling eventually, after some practice. Your sensing will become more acute though, and you'll be able to sense things far beyond your normal limitations without attuning. It's a way of training. Haven't you tried it before?"
He shook his head. "I've done meditation but never at a level like this."
"Strange… your clan is made of descendants of Clow Reed so…"
"What do you mean?"
"Hm? Nothing, really. Just musing…" She stood up and brushed the back of her skirt. "We should get going though."
"Eh? Can't we do it again?" Shaoran asked.
Sakura chuckled. "We can do it tomorrow. Unless you haven't noticed, it's already been two hours."
"Two hours?" But it felt so short…
He wanted to feel that feeling again… The bliss at seeing everything…
"Shaoran-kun," He felt her grasp his hands. "It's beautiful, isn't it? It makes you want to sink into it and never get up every again."
He felt a lump in his throat.
"I understand. The first time I did it, it felt like the happiest thing in my entire life. I never wanted it to stop."
He nodded mutely.
"But you can't. Look into yourself – don't you feel your reserves low? Attuning takes quite a bit from you and overdoing it may cause you to die from magical exhaustion."
She was right. He felt much more lethargic than usual. Was that the price of such a beautiful thing?
"You'll need much more practice. But that's okay, because I'll be here to guide you through it and make sure you don't overdo it. You understand? You absolutely cannot try this without a partner just yet. You might lose control."
But still…
"Shaoran-kun, do I have your word? Can you promise me that you won't attempt this without me? In return, I will guide you through this every time and teach you the control. If not, I will never attempt this again, and you will never learn how to evoke the feeling again."
She gave him a chance to have a sight that was incomparable to anything else.
He would be a fool to not learn from her, to not be grateful for her, to not obey the only request in exchange for this.
He nodded. "You have my word. I will not try this without you."
He could feel her smile. "Good. Now, let's get going. Hold onto me, Shaoran-kun. Tightly."
She wrapped his arms around her waist. He hugged her awkwardly.
"Wha-"
"Jump!"
He tightened his grip instantly as the ground left his feet. For a moment, he felt as though he was flying, before he felt them fall back towards the ground. They touched the ground briefly, only to shoot up into the sky once more.
"Wha- This is…" He gasped as he felt the air rush past his face.
"Isn't this fun?" Sakura laughed brightly, holding him tight as she jumped higher and higher.
"This is…" He struggled for the word to say. "It's… really fun!"
"Isn't it?" She reaffirmed, joy
"How are you doing this?" He asked.
"Sakura Cards!" She replied. They landed gently on the roof of a building. She let him go, and he reluctantly withdrew his arms from her waist.
He sensed a familiar presence below him. "Where…"
"We're at your apartment building. Let's get off the roof shall we?" She opened a door. He nodded reluctantly, retreating from the cool evening air and into the warm building.
"Can we do that again?" He asked as they descended the steps.
"Sure, but maybe not tomorrow. I think we both are worn out from today."
He sighed.
"The day after tomorrow then?"
He nodded immediately.
They stopped at the fifth floor and Shaoran walked to the door of his apartment. He turned to face her and gave her a slight nod.
"T-thank you… Sakura," He murmured.
"You're welcome, Shaoran-kun. See you tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow." He breathed. There was a tight feeling in his chest, as though he didn't want her to leave.
"Bye, Shaoran-kun!" She skipped off lightly.
Shaoran placed a hand over his chest, trying to calm the beating heart. There was something heavy in his chest, causing a sinking feeling as he felt her leave him… further and further, heavier and heavier…
The door to his apartment opened.
"Young Master?"
"Wei," He nodded at the old caretaker.
"Young Master… you…"
"What is it?" He asked, slipping out of his shoes.
"…It's nothing. I take it today has been a good day?"
He nodded. "Very."
"I see. That's good to hear, Young Master."
"Thank you, Wei." He stepped into the apartment. The heavy feeling had gradually lessened and it was now replaced with a light, airy feeling. It felt… good.
He let a smile grace his lips.
Today, had been one of the happiest days of his life.
XxxX
I am a God in my own world.
I am a God in a dark world.
I am a God in my world were in this world, there is only one being.
In my own dark solitude, I command the space.
With no colour, I am bound by no limitations.
With no one there, I have no expectations to live up to.
It is only the crowded, messy world outside that binds me to obligations.
I live in my own world, yet I'm living in theirs too.
My world is wonderful.
It's simple.
It's carefree.
The dark is limitless.
Being a God in my own limitless world is wonderful.
It is also very lonely.
That's why…
When the Star appeared in my sky, I was taken aback.
I had never seen something so bright before.
I had never seen something so beautiful before.
I wanted to touch it.
But I knew that if I did
My world, which I had grown to love
Would crumble away from the light.
My hands hesitated in grabbing the star.
I wanted it to continue burning brightly and bring colour to my lonely world.
At the same time, I just wanted to rip it off my sky
And curse it for every intruding on the world which I owned.
XxxX
Shaoran sat up in his bed.
"I… mustn't…"
He groaned and rested his head on his knees.
"My Black World… I can't…"
He let out a strangled sob.
"I want it to end so badly!"
XxxX
If one could be said to be a kind and forgiving person
Then they would be bound by expectations to be kind and forgiving to every person they meet
To every person that had been wrong.
But in the midst of forgiving
Would you be forgetting what it means to be human?
When you cannot even remember the emotions and anger towards a loss or a wronged?
Does forgiving mean forgetting?
How can you forgive yet not forget?
We live by our emotions
Yet to forgive would seem like cutting off the part that cares, and then smiling and saying that everything is alright.
Can you forgive him without fully forgiving him?
Can you forgive when you still bear resentment?
Is it wrong to say that you forgive when you actually don't?
I'm drowning in an ocean of questions so deep that the light to the answers will never reach the deepest and darkest of them all.
The pen stopped. The teen raised the nib of the fountain pen, looking at the wet drop at the bottom of the page. He touched his face, finding the wet trail of tears on his cheek.
"Oh… oh…" More tears spilled out from the corner of his eyes.
What had I been thinking of?
XxxX
He opened his eyes, blinking blearily. With a heavy groan, he sat up. Taking a look around, he found himself in a white room.
"How… did I get here?" He mumbled, slipping out of the bed.
Everything seemed so fuzzy. His head felt as though someone had stuffed cotton and stones into it at the same time, making it extremely fuzzy and heavy. He groaned and walked to the door, opening it slowly.
"Yuki!"
He took a step back instantly, clutching his head.
"Oh my gosh, Yuki, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"
"T-tou…ya…" He mumbled out.
"You remember me. That's good," The brown haired man sighed in relief.
Remember…
Why… did I…
"Who… did I forget?" Yukito asked, looking up at Touya.
The man's face paled. "What do you mean?"
"I know I've forgotten someone but I don't know who. Tell me, Touya! Who did I forget?" Yukito clutched a fistful of the man's shirt, shaking him insistently.
"Yuki, you're confused," Touya insisted, pulling his hands off his shirt. He patted the man on the back and said with a smile, "Let's get you back in bed, shall we?"
"No!"
He slapped Touya's hand away.
Touya's smile dropped.
Yukito lowered his gaze shamefully.
"Touya, I… I need to know. I need to know what I've forgotten. For so many years, I've lived an existence that I myself never knew about. It was only after-" He broke off abruptly. With a bewildered look, he touched his forehead and muttered, "Who… who gave me this existence? Why… why is there a gaping hole in my memories? Touya…" Yukito glanced up at the taller boy. "You do know… don't you?"
Touya bit his lower lip and looked away.
"Touya! Answer me!" Yukito snapped, shaking his arm.
"It's Sakura! You forgot about Sakura, okay?" Touya yelled back, snatching his arm away from him.
"Sa… Sakura?"
"Yes! You forgot about Sakura, my sister! You forgot about Sakura, the one who had crushed on you for god-knows-how-many-years! You forgot about Yue, for god's sake! You forgot about how I tried to give you my sixth sense in order to keep you alive!" Touya yelled, storming past the silver head and sitting on the messed up bed.
"Sakura… Yue…" Yukito squeezed his eyes shut. "Why… can't I remember? I know it's in my head somewhere but… I can't reach out to the memory. It's… hidden behind a fog…"
"…Yuki, you don't have to remember," Touya whispered.
Yukito looked up and glared at the man. "You're sounding like a hypocrite now, do you know? You were so angry when I forgot about this Sakura and Yue and your sixth sense, and now you don't want me to remember?"
"That's not it!"
"Then what is? Is it that horrible? Why did I even lose my memories in the first place? Touya!"
"I don't want you to remember because I want you for myself!"
Yukito stopped short.
Touya lowered his head in shame.
"I know it's selfish but… if you remembered Sakura, then a part of you would always be hers. Because… she was the one that saved you from fading away… and she was the one who gave you this life. If you didn't remember her… Yuki… your heart would only have me and… I… I'm sorry," Touya whispered.
Yukito stared at him for a long moment with blank eyes.
Touya flinched at the lack of warmth in those eyes.
Walking up to him, Yukito placed his hands on Touya's cheeks and lifted them up so that he could look deep into the man's eyes.
"Did it occur to you that… I would have been hurt by what you've been keeping from me?" Yukito asked, his tone light but chilling.
"…Yes."
"And you still decided to keep such an important thing from me?" His tone was downright cold now.
"…Yes…"
"…" Yukito closed his eyes and sighed.
Touya closed his eyes in shame.
"You'll have to make it up to me," Yukito murmured, wrapping an arm around Touya's waist and hugging him. "I know you did it for selfish reasons… You have hurt me deeply by keeping this from me. Am I not worth the truth, Touya?"
"Y-Yuki…"
"Help me find the truth. Help me remember. That is the price," Yukito tightened his hug. "If you really care for me… if you really treasure me, then you would help me find what I have lost. You will help me find what you have so desperately been keeping from me."
Touya hugged Yukito back, burying his head in the silver hair for a moment.
"Will you… forgive me then?"
Yukito sighed and smiled, "I would never be angry at you for long, Touya."
Touya let out a breath he had been holding in and hugged the man tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you… I'll do anything. Anything."
They stood there, hugging each other for a long while.
XxxX
If I am a kind and forgiving person, I would forgive this person.
I guess I'm not as kind and forgiving as everyone thought I was.
I hate him so badly…
Understanding doesn't mean forgiveness.
I don't know if I will ever forgive him for what he has done.
Perhaps it's better that way.
At least I won't look at him as though nothing's wrong. As if everything was alright.
Everything wasn't going to be alright.
At least when I look at him, with the cold fury burning in my eyes
We would both be reminded of our own sins.
That we feel pain – would only be a reassurance that we're still human, right?
It would be better than feeling like a soulless… emotionless doll.
And while I relish in the feeling of my existence, the cold fire rages away in my heart, burning away what's left.
XxxX
To be continued…
Wow… Alright, I'd admit that this wasn't an epic chapter because this is the transition stage. I really wanted to focus on the growing relationship of Sakura and Shaoran and how this will eventually escalate and well… heh, I don't think sappy romances (cough, Twilight with more emotion) suits my style of writing.
I tried to take a new approach where there is more inner monologues so that you can see into the hearts of these characters but it's not that great yet. I want to try incorporating the monologues into the actual story itself instead of breaking them up into pure-dialogue and pure-monologue. Well... not going so well yet, mostly because that would involve a change in POV and I haven't had much practice so... if you do have any tips on how to improve the writing, please do leave some comments!
Thank you to all that have reviewed and I'm terribly sorry to all those that I have not replied. Up till yesterday, I was just about drowning in a sea of work and now that it has cleared, I feel so much better now! Time to get some real sleep instead of dozing off in class because I stole time off my sleep to finish up bits and pieces here and there… Yay!