When I started feeling unsteady, I was like no big deal, just a little tired from today's exertions. Kidding myself was a way to keep me functioning. All too often I'd be running in a race convincing myself your almost there Chihiro, you can't give up now when I actually had a mile or so left. I didn't want anybody to know how I was feeling though, and I certainly did not want Haku to start worrying all over me. How many times would I have to tell him I wasn't fragile? That I was a lady, not a child? Now that I was thinking it over, perhaps I was a little hard on him. He wasn't the one who had changed. He was a dragon, and dragons were protective and domineering. I used to be fine with his protectiveness when I was a kid, with no ideas or ambitions for myself. In fact, I enjoyed the feeling of his eyes always following my every step, the way he made sure I was safe, staying away from danger. I was the one who had changed, becoming more independent as I deluded myself over the years. You'll never forgive yourself if you give up. So close, keep on going Chihiro. Almost there, so close, almost there…

It's not like I was a daredevil or some adventurous fool, head diving into every opportunity of danger. I just preferred to walk my own path, even if it did mean some wayside mistakes. Make my own choices. And especially have a say on eating my own food, not having him shove it into my mouth like I'm a baby. Did I become emaciated during the years without him? No. Did I break my neck every time I walked out of the house? No! He was acting like I couldn't take care of myself, which I was very capable of.

My thoughts were bugging me, chewing on my brain. You're doing it again. You're pushing yourself and the people around you too hard. Stop having high expectations for everyone. He's Haku. What makes him himself is part of him. You can't have both ways, Chihiro. He asked you why you came back for him. You missed him. Without him, your life wasn't complete. Now its time to choose. Somebody has to relent. Somebody has to make a sacrifice. Think of everything he has gone through for you, building the dreamlike place, sustaining torture for a year. You understood. It's time you relent…

So does that mean I'm supposed to go changing myself, who I've become over the years? I got that far before my legs gave way and I staggered, catching my step before I fell to the floor. And for that moment I was sincerely grateful that he was Haku, that he would always watch for me in that moment of weakness. He rushed over and cupped both of my elbows in his warm hands, forgetting temporarily of the rift between us and supported me as I leaned in against his sturdy and lean chest, soaking in the warmth and the steadiness of his heartbeat as I recovered the feeling in my legs. Without a word, he gently walked me to the lift, always staying behind me while engulfing my hands in his in front. For once, I gave up my strength, the flame that burned within me, to give my body and soul, perhaps not mind, completely to him. I allowed him to hold me close as the lift hummed its way to the upper floors, silence greeting us. I allowed him to guide me into the dark hallways before we reached his room and he pushed aside the rice paper doors, lighting the lamps with a wave of his hand. I even allowed him to scoop me up bridal style as he carefully made his way to the bed and gently deposited me on top. With another wave, the blankets rose to mid air and covered me. But like I had expected, my mind had had enough. You relent, but you are still sixteen. You are not to be treated as a pet. The sensible side of me told me to curl up and go to sleep. The new day would wipe the board of troubles clean. But the strong willed side of me told me to show him how I actually felt about all of this. Don't, you've already been too harsh.

I finally resolved to just sit cross legged in the bed, facing the wall so I could not see the grief I was causing my dragon. My Haku. I would not just shrug away from my problems and hope that sleep would clear them up. They are bound to surface again, the clashing sides of our personality. Better to solve them sooner than later. But how?

"Chihiro…" He ventured slowly, with my back towards him. I could almost see him swallow hesitantly even though I glued my eyes to the blank wall. I could feel that he wanted to say more, to perhaps level the ill feelings we held against each other. I could feel that he was willing to make another sacrifice for me and apologize. I wouldn't let him say sorry however, not when I wasn't even sure who was wrong, if there was even a right or wrong this time. It would only make another scar. So when he said my name, my everyday name that sounded beautiful from his lips, I remained with my back to him, willing him to go away so I could think.

He stood there for a minute, and when it became apparent that I wasn't going to reply, he slowly retreated. His voice cracked ever so slightly.

"I'll be in the adjoining office…" the unsaid words if you need me locked within his mouth. Then the rice paper doors slid shut.

I heaved a great sigh and slowly turned around, wrapping the blankets tight around me, so that I faced his room, still sitting on the bed. For the first time since my arrival, I took in the appearance of the bedroom. It was very Haku in arrangement and decoration, simple, beautiful, spacious, and only the bare necessities. Nothing extravagant or overwhelming like Yubaba's office, but airy as it was, it had certain grandeur. The walls were a pale green, the birch colored wooden floors were shiny with a large chestnut bamboo mat placed in the middle of the room, four royal blue cushions on the sides of the mat. His bed was pressed against the wall. Opposite from the bed was a very large round window, the blinds rolled up for the night, silvery moonlight washing the few pieces of furniture and objects in the room. A small glass-like table rested at the corner of the bed, and a minimal chestnut wardrobe sat in the far corner with the plain mirror hanging beside it. Why a wardrobe when you wear the same thing all the time? I noticed two doors other than the main one standing on the right side of the bed. One was just a bamboo screen. The bathroom, I supposed. The other was another rice paper door. The door to his office? He said he would be in there…he can't spend the night in an office! What about sleep? No, I won't allow him to do that just because I'm occupying the bed. I stood up, leaving the blanket in a messy heap, already crossing the distance to the rice paper door when I hadn't even thought of what I was going to do, or say. I'm sorry that I…didn't want you to feed me? Forgive me Haku…for wanting to be a sixteen year old? I didn't think about it, so very un-Chihiro of me, or at least the present Chihiro. It seems so long ago, but I remember I trusted my instincts as a child…

I pushed the rice paper doors aside, my eyes attempting to adjust to the dark blue gray room. Eventually I was able to make out a large birch colored desk, stacked high with papers and calligraphy paper and ink stones and brushes, everything in order and neat. A few scroll paintings on the walls. The only source of light came from a huge balcony, seeming to be made out of the glass like translucent material that the table beside the bed was made out of. In the midst of the shadowy room, the balcony itself seemed to be a glowing, opal quality, moonlight filtering through the wrought strands of glass that fenced in the overhang casting glittering prisms to appear on the balcony floor. I shivered at the tranquil beauty, pulling my cardigan closer around me. I walked as soundlessly as I could across the room, testing each step as if there could possibly be pits.

He looked like a god. I mean, he was a god, but the indigo silhouette of his simple baggy attire, his lean arms and legs, the sharp out line of his hair, propped up against the twining rails contrasted like black and white against the platinum moonlight. He was leaning on the rail with both hands, shoulders shrugged up slightly, back towards me so I couldn't see his face, looking out into the endless sea that I realized the balcony was facing. He didn't give a sign that he knew I was there, but surely he did, dragon senses and all.

I covered the distance, each step carefully placed, muted as footsteps could be. And I didn't say anything, didn't think. I read his emotions like an open book, how I wasn't sure. The god-likeness was only another façade; he was tired, worried, anxious, and…in pain? Mental or physical? He never told me he was hurt. But then again, there where a lot of things Haku probably hadn't told me yet.

My arms slipped around his middle through the unyielding limbs that gripped the wrought railing and clasped themselves in front of him. I rested my chin against his stiff shoulder and inhaled the scent of his hair, dew in the first peeps of dawn. I exhaled, my breath causing several strands of green black to dance in the current. I felt him shed his armor, like that one time he shed his scales, each pearly pebble taking flight behind us. His tense body relaxed in my encirclement, his knuckles were no longer white from clenching the boundary that separated balcony from sea. Ever so minutely did he seem to press closer into the comfort I hoped I was giving while still standing strong. The waves lapped at the beginning of the concrete building, silvery gliding in and out with the pull of the tide.

"You didn't come to apologize." A statement, not a question.

"No, I didn't." I breathed into his ear.

He relinquished his hold of the rails completely and held my hands in his, the baggy cotton of his shirt brushing my forearms.

"I'm glad you didn't. And I suspect, you don't want me," he closed his eyes slowly, before opening them again, the green brighter than ever, "to apologize." And before I even knew it, I was no longer behind him, but at the rail, getting a full view of the never ending ocean in the pearly light with him behind me, clinging gently, yet desperately to the embrace that I returned.

"When in heart, I feel that I wronged you, but you don't want me to think that either?"

The night breeze streamed past us, two minds, but one form. "No, Haku. I care for you, because you are the dragon I knew then, that I know now. There is no need to strip away layers of your nature because of me."

"Does that mean you are going to change because of me? I won't allow that."

"What you allow or don't allow will not solve the conflicts between us."

A deep growl rumbled in his throat. "What will then?"

"Trust." The word slipped from my mouth before I could even realize what I said. Damn, he's going to scoff at me, like he would actually see it as a solution. I didn't regret my answer, though. This night, gazing out into the ocean of possibilities, I would let my heart rule my head, and not the other way around. He was quiet for a moment.

"I envy you." His silk voice caressed my cheek.

"Hmmm…you do now?"

"Chihiro…your soul is the purest of all humans, of all spirits, purer than mine. I saw it in you, when you were just ten, the clarity of heart and thought that you possessed. You were intriguing, a comfort in a world," he swept his hand as a gesture toward the ocean, "filled with confusion and never ending possibilities. Of all solutions and choice of word, you pick trust. The one thing I may never be able to comprehend. I envy you."

"You don't trust me?" I twisted my head around so I could look him in the eye, lifting a hand to cradle the cheek that no longer held that much boyish allure, but still the face I recognized, defined, arching brows, determined, chiseled eyes, a face with smooth contours, nothing too outstanding or bold, ending with a fine and subtle chin.

"I trust you, Chihiro, and only you, with all my heart. I…I just can't bring myself to trust you living your own life." He cast his eyes down to the floor, shame stinging the cool night air. His voice was very soft. "I sound like a horrible person, but…to know that you might be hurt when I could have intervened—to know that when I was by your side—I just can't lose you again, Chihiro. I feel like I can't take any chances. I can't trust what may come about."

He looked at me once more, eyes burning with feeling, voice rough with sentiment. "When I said that I missed you on the hills, I meant to say that for six years, I regretted letting you go. Releasing your hand. Telling you to not look back. You left with a piece of my heart, I felt—like I was missing something I should have had. I was selfish, regretting what I did, unbelievably selfish for a dragon like me. But," the voice lowered to a whisper, "I missed you. I couldn't stop myself from missing you. Now that you're back, I feel complete again. I don't want to let—you go." He stopped, his voice paining. It must have hurt him, to tell me all of this, thinking of his actions as selfish, when they weren't. I loved him. That, he didn't have to know yet, but I did. And the thought that he wanted me, not in the sense of body but heart, touched me. I felt like—I didn't deserve it.

"What do you see in me?"

"This." A small smile played on his lips as he lifted my hand and pressed it against his forehead, his other hand on the small of my back, sending tingles of what felt like magic up my spine. His mind opened, and I walked into the ethereal darkness, waiting to be presented by some false beautiful image of me, looking like an angle. I braced myself for the flatter and exaggeration I would receive, that I would then have to deny to his face. None came. Only a whirlwind of different emotions swam thickly in his mind, each one emitting a sense of content and completeness. They reminded me…

Of the time I caught a butterfly, then released it back outside so it wouldn't die, no matter how much it had enchanted me.

Of the time I studied late into the night for midterms, then woke up at 5:30 in the morning for swim practice, placing 1st in the grade for the tests and second in the swim meet.

Of the time I sat in the courtyard, buried in my sketchbook, as my classmates sat in their circles eating lunch, later to produce the best sketch of Haku yet.

Of the time I helped a child tie his shoes, then taught him how to do them himself, the next day having him find me and say thank you.

He saw me as me. The everyday acts that I felt strongly about, he felt so too. My determination, my selflessness, my kindness. He loves your heart, Chihiro. A tear sprung to the corner of my eye, and his hand quickly flicked it aside before I could even lift mine.

"Don't cry, Chihiro." His voice trembled, and he searched my face anxiously.

I threw my arms around him and buried my face into his strong chest so he couldn't see me cry. The unyielding arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer. I lifted my head so that my next words would not be muffled against the fabric.

"You understand me so well…and yet…I understand too, Haku. I know that you fear loosing me. But, let me make my own mistakes. Let me see failure as it is in the eye, so that I will learn. So that I will live." He stroked my hair while looking out into the sea.

"Chihiro, I never said thank you for showing me how to live all those years ago. You showed me that time passes and each day is different. You lived each day to its full potential while we wasted our time away in this bathhouse, me chasing after magic, Yubaba and the others chasing after gold. And now, I see that I'm trying to curb that liveliness I treasure. You were right. All this time. Neither you nor I can have both ways…"

"Since you understand me, Haku, then trust me. I know, it will hurt, to see me free with danger in every corner. But set me free like a butterfly, so that we can share the happiness. I don't—want to ask too much from you. Not when you've been hurt, all these years, like this." I stroked the smooth, glittering rail with one finger.

"You made this for me, didn't you?"

He was a little surprised before giving a chuckle. "And how do you know?"

I nuzzled his neck with my forehead. "Because it's not your style."

"What's my style?"

"Plain, airy…beautiful. This is beautiful too. What is it made of? I thought glass, but…"

"It's made from my scales." I pulled back when heard this, a little horrified, but he hurried on in one breath, "shed scales, Chihiro. Melted to hold."

"You didn't have to."

"I wanted to. Besides, I find it helpful when I need to think. Do you like it?" His eyes shined in the dim light.

"Of course, Haku, I love it. And your bonding place." He didn't seem to hear my last statement. He brow was wrinkled as if he was thinking hard.

"Yes, I will try to the best of my abilities."

"To trust me?"

His answer was a gentle smile and a nod.

The sea twinkled under the pull of the moon. I walked to the side of him, our clothes brushing. Turning my head, I found him to be staring intently on me.

"Chihiro, you are such a complex human."

"I take that as a compliment?"

He moved closer, our foreheads touching, his hair swinging forward hide both of our faces. "Let's strike a compromise."

His hand found mine and he pressed it to his heart.

"Because I need you."

I placed my hand on top of his. "I need you too. Nobody was wrong. We just had to adjust."

His laugh brought a smile to my lips. "Lin was right. You are wise…as you are beautiful."