WEDNESDAY (DECEMBER 18)
Derek P.O.V
It had been weeks since Pay's nightmare and she has had few as severe since. Meredith and I think she's still having them though, she's tired, irritable, and never wants to go to sleep. Every time we ask her about it she just says nothing's wrong. Today was the day we were leaving for New York for Christmas and Pay seemed to be excited. It was the year Sophia, Arizona, Callie, and Kennedy would be at Arizona's parents for Christmas. They trade off every year. Mark, Julia, Thomas, Amelia, Daniel, Payton, Brooklyn, James, Meredith, and I were currently sitting in the airport terminal waiting to board our flight. We had shipped Payton, James, and Brooklyn's 'Santa' presents and the presents from us to everyone last week to be sure they made it in time for Christmas. Payton was clinging to Daniel like usual when she gets around him. She says that Daniel is more fun than us which always brings a smile to his face. He was showing her how to play temple run on his iPhone. Brooke, James, and Thomas were bouncing up and down in their seats. I sighed. It was going to be a LONG flight with those three hyper. Amy, Meredith, and Julia were all in a female conversation about things I would rather not think about so I was focused on Mark trying to calm down the bouncing children. I smiled because it brought back memories of Mark being left in charge of the hospital day care for half an hour. Boarding began for our flight and we each took a kid and made sure they had all the belongings from their carry on bags. We took our seats in first class and I was praying the kids would fall asleep since for once we weren't the only ones flying first class. In fact the plane was loaded with people, probably all going to see family for the holidays. Brooke and Payton were sitting between Amy and Daniel. James and Thomas were behind them between Mark and Julia. Meredith and I were sitting by two teenagers that looked like they would rather be anywhere but this plane right now. More and more people loaded onto the plane and finally the door was closed. The seatbelt light came on and we took off. Meredith fell asleep on my shoulder and I noticed Amy, Brooke, James, and Mark all sleeping too. I smiled at my gorgeous wife and then thought about my family. It was everything and more I thought my family would be. Maybe it was the holidays but I got a warm feeling just by thinking about it. I had nothing better to do and being the nosey person I am, well not really I was just bored, I decided to begin listening in on the teens beside us, conversation. The guy was protesting going to see his father because he supposedly hated him and the girl was begging him to be nice just through Christmas. I thought about what I would do if James and I got to that point where he didn't even want to see me. It would be unbearable. I thought about butting in the conversation but didn't want them to know that people were listening. A lot of the people in first class were changing seats and the teens moved to sit by another set of teens. Payton took this opportunity to drag Daniel to sit by me. I smiled at her but she didn't look to happy.
"Pay, what's wrong?"
"I have a headache."
"A headache? Well that's no good. Where does it hurt sweetie?"
She pointed to her temporal lobe. "That's where it hurts most but my whole head hurts."
I looked in my bag and found the children's Tylenol. I gave her a chewable tablet and she looked at it in disgust. Payton never liked medicine, especially grape medicine. "Pay, if you take it, it'll make you feel better."
She started to protest but then I guess the pain won over her will to not take it. She popped it in her mouth and had the most adorable, disgusted look come over her face. I had to try very hard not to laugh and failed miserably. She frowned at me. "What?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Daddy!"
I smiled. "Aren't you sleepy Pay?"
She shook her head. "No, not at all. I don't want to sleep."
"Don't you want to be rested when we get to Nana's so you can play with your cousins."
She looked at me defeated. "I guess so."
"Why don't you take a nap?" She shook her head. "Why not?"
"I don't want to have a scary dream." She whispered to me. I sighed. I knew she had been hiding this.
"What if I hold you? Would that help?" She nodded at me and climbed up in my lap. I put her head on my chest and felt her become slightly heavier as she fell asleep. Daniel moved back up front to Amelia and Brooke. Pretty soon I was the only one still awake. Once we got about 10 minutes away from landing I gently woke up Meredith who woke up the other adults seeing as I couldn't really move without waking up Pay. Once we landed, the adults all carried the kids to the airport and to baggage claim where we saw that Nancy, Tom, Kathleen, and Mike were waiting for us. We loaded all our belongings in the car and drove to mom's. Meredith, Brooke, James, Payton, and I were in the car with Kathleen and Michael. After 10 minutes of the 30 minute drive, the kids were all awake. Payton was telling Kathleen how excited she was for school, Brooke was telling Mike that she was finally old enough to play soccer, and James was still half asleep beside Meredith. Once we got to mom's house, the kids began pouring out to greet us. Ziven and Payton immediately ran off together. I was glad she had such a good friend in the family. James, Thomas, Brooke, Morgan, and Suzie ran inside behind them. The older kids began helping us with our things. Once everything was in the house, the adults sat down to talk. Kathleen looked at me with this look. I knew what it meant, she was wondering how much the rest of the family knew about Payton and the nightmares. I answered "They don't know, but they can. It's not a big deal."
"Are they getting any better?"
"She hasn't woken up from screaming or crying in a while. She is always so tired and irritable though. We don't think she's sleeping very well."
Everyone, well except Mark, Julia, Amelia, and Daniel, looked confused. Nancy looked at me. "Care to fill the rest of us in?"
"Payton's been having nightmares. One night they were so bad she wouldn't calm down for Meredith, I wasn't home because I was on call. Mark brought her to me and she fell asleep and was fine. She's had a few really bad nightmares since but mostly just avoiding sleep. We think she's sort of afraid to sleep."
Hayley looked worried. "Poor thing, have you thought about PTSD?"
"I thought so too but Kathy says it might just be bad dreams and to not jump to conclusions."
Nancy frowned a bit. "Is their anything that helps her?"
Meredith smiled a bit. "Derek, sometimes me or Mark, Julia, Amy, or Daniel, but Derek always helps."
Nancy was about to say something but Payton walked down stairs and over to me. "Daddy, my head still hurts."
Meredith threw daggers at me with her eyes. She hated when I didn't tell her if one of the kids was sick or hurt. "Do you want some more medicine?"
She frowned at that. "It's so yucky though."
"I know but it will help."
"OK."I stood up and took her hand to lead her in the kitchen. I sat her up on the counter and gave her some Tylenol, liquid this time. She frowned and drank it, still making her adorable disgusted face.
"Are you having fun with Ziven?"
"Yeah except my head hurts bad."
I frowned a bit. I thought that her headaches were just from not sleeping but now I was thinking it was something else. I got the thermometer from mom's medicine drawer and stuck it in her mouth. It beeped but said 98.1. Normal. I went into total doctor mode now. I thought about possibilities for headaches in little kids, she didn't have any other symptoms so I settled with sleep deprivation. "Why don't you go take a nap?" She shook her head. "It might make you feel better."
"I don't want to sleep."
"I know. What have I told you about your bad dreams though?"
"They aren't real and they can't hurt me."
"Good, so why are you afraid?"
"I just don't want to see him."
"See who?"
"George."
"Baby, George is in jail. He can NEVER hurt you again."
"But I don't want to see him. He's scary and he makes me remember things."
"Remember what?" She shook her head. "Baby if you tell me I can help you."
"No, you can't. I just want to go play now."
"OK, tell me if your beautiful little head still hurts."
"OK." We walked back in the living room and she ran upstairs. I plopped down next to Meredith.
"Is she OK? And a headache? Another one. Derek!"
I kissed her forehead. "She's just sleep deprived. She'll be fine."
"You should have told me."
"She's fine Mere. No fever, no other symptoms, just a headache."
She sighed and put her head on my shoulder. Kathleen looked at me. "Want me to try talking to her?"
Meredith beat me to that answer. "Please."
I smiled at Mere and Kathleen hid her laugh. I decided to change the topic. "So how are the rest of the kids?"
Nancy laughed. "Oh, you know. Kids. Cannon and Evie are checking their e-mails every 5 seconds to try and see their exam grades, Ava is getting older and older, loving middle school, twilight, and boys. Emma is becoming very 'popular' whatever that means in fourth grade, and Morgan's the happiest little four year old I've ever seen."
Tom laughed "And heard, boy that kid's got some lungs on her."
I laughed thinking of how very loud Morgan could be. Kathleen answered next. "Ella is your typical seventh grader, loving cheer and soccer, making excellent grades. Jackson is having a wonderful fifth grade year and is getting ready for the fifth grade trip to Washington once school starts again. Lily is loving third grade and is following in her sisters and female cousins footsteps cheerleading. Tyler and Matthew are still fighting a lot. They're getting to the point where they can actually hurt each other though so Mike and I have had to start breaking up the fights as soon as they start. Suzie is in another defiant stage, everything is no again and has spent lots of time in time out."
Mike sighed "Screaming in time out is more like it. You would think we were beating the kid if you heard her in time out."
Hayley continued. "Megan is quote, so ready to be done with middle school, and she is breaking tons of boys' hearts. Sarah Paige is having just as much fun as Jackson if fifth grade, they are best friends. Ziven, well he's your typical seven year old. He is getting married on the playground to all the girls though. I don't think there is one first, second, or third grade girl he isn't married too. I just hope he grows out of being a player."
We all laughed. Meredith asked "What about Logan?"
Hayley and Scott looked at each other. Scott sighed. "Yeah, Logan, not doing so great."
I sighed "What's going on?"
"High school. High school is going on."
I sighed "Does Logan need to have a little chat with his Uncle Derek?"
Hayley sighed. "Yes, he really does. You should have a little come to Jesus meeting with him."
I laughed "Will do."
Daniel and Amy looked at each other and then at mom who nodded. I got curious about the discussion that I seemed to not have in sight on. Amy cleared her throat. "Well we have some news."
Everyone looked at them and I could tell my sisters were about to burst with new family gossip. Nancy spoke "Go on."
Daniel smiled "We're engaged."
Everyone cheered and gave Amy hugs. I gave Daniel a huge rather hard smack on the shoulder. "Welcome to the family."
"Thanks Derek." He laughed. Amy began showing off her ring. I smiled, who would have thought Hurricane Amy could settle down and get married? We heard a scream from upstairs.
"Was that Pay?" Mom asked.
"I don't think so." We became quiet to see if their was crying involved in the screaming or just kids goofing around. Sure enough we heard crying. I listened and it deffinatley wasn't any of ours. "Not ours."
Hayley called up "ZIVEN? SARAH PAIGE?"
They both called down "Yeah?"
Nancy called hers next. "MORGAN? EMMA?"
They both answered too. Kathleen sighed. "Probably mine then. SUZIE?"
"Yeah mommy?"
"JACKSON?"
"Mam?" He called down.
"Dang it I bet the boys are fighting again. TYLER! MATTHEW!" It was quiet. "BOYS?" Still no answer. We then heard a lot of rolling around and a few thuds. Next we saw the image of Tyler and Matthew rolling down the stairs one on top of the other over and over again. They finally hit the ground and I saw Tyler throw in a good punch right to Matthew's face. "BOYS! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"
The fighting continued. Mike sighed "BOYS! DO AS YOUR MOTHER SAYS! IF I HAVE TO BREAK THIS UP YOU TWO WILL BE IN EVEN MORE TROUBLE THAN YOU ALREADY ARE!" Matthew threw one last punch and both boys got up. "Now, who was crying?"
Tyler and Matthew got guilty looks on their faces. Kathleen gave them her mom stare that scared all the kids to death. Matthew confessed. "Lily kind of got sort of kicked."
"Is she OK?"
Tyler answered. "No, Matthew made her nose bleed."
"DID NOT!"
"DID TOO!"
"YOU STARTED IT!""NO I DID'NT! YOU'RE LYING!"
"AM NOT!"
"ARE TOO!"
"AM NOT!"
"REVELATIONS, REVELATIONS, 21:8, 21:8, LIERS GO TO HELL, LIERS GO TO HELL, BURN, BURN, BURN!"
"HELL IS A BAD WORD!""NOT IN BIBLE VERSES!""YES IT IS!"
"NO IT'S NOT!"
"ENOUGH! BOTH OF YOU ARE OFFICIALLY IN TIME OUT! MATTHEW, KITCHEN, TYLER, DEN! IF I HEAR A PEEP OUT OF EITHER OF YOU YOU'LL BE IN A LOT MORE TROUBLE! NOW I'M GOING TO CHECK ON YOUR SISTER! GO NOW!" Kathleen yelled firmly at the boys. They groaned and walked off to their time out areas. Right before they left the room Matthew tripped Tyler, who in return kicked Matthew.
"BOYS! KITCHEN NOW!" Mike grabbed both boys' arms and marched them to the kitchen. Kathleen had already made it down the stairs with a crying Lily with a wash cloth on her nose. She sat back down holding Lily. Mike came back out of the kitchen with both boys.
Matthew walked over to Lily. "Sorry Lily." He grumbled out.
Tyler walked over to her smiling. "Sorry Lil." He gave her a big hug.
"It's OK." She sniffled out.
Mike sighed. "Matthew go to the kitchen, Tyler go to the den. I'll tell you when you can come out."
Both boys groaned and walked to their designated rooms. Kathleen sighed and asked Lily. "What was it this time?"
She giggled. "Who was gooder."
"Who was better." Kathleen corrected gently.
"Who was better." Lily agreed. "If you ask me I think they're both on Santa's naughty list."
Everyone laughed. Kathleen continued holding Lily and eventually took the bloody wash cloth off her nose. Cannon came stomping down the stairs holding a Biology book. "I can NOT memorize this damn equation!"
Nancy sighed. "Cannon, language please."
"Sorry, I can't memorize this dang equation."
"Thank you. Which equation?"
"Stupid photosynthesis."
"6CO2+6H20 Yields 6H12O6+CO2+E" She said.
"Yeah, I get that, I just can't remember it."
Nancy sighed "Why on earth did you wait so long to study for your accelerated biology exam? What else do you have tomorrow?"
"I didn't realize how much shi…stuff was on the da…stupid exam and I have accelerate Spanish 2."
"Again with the language, and have you studied for Spanish yet?"
"Yeah…." She gave him a mom look. "A little…" She continued staring at him. "No."
"Cannon!"
"I know, I know, I'll just pull an all nighter."
"What do you have Friday?" Tom asked.
"Accelerated English and Accelerated Geometry."
"Have you studied?"
"No, not yet. Dad, I've pulled all nighters every day this week and so far have had all A's on my exams, I'll be fine." Evie came dancing down the stairs.
"You better be fine. What on earth did you do during dead week last week?"
Evie answered before he had a chance "Flirted with the girls in study hall."
Nancy looked slightly disappointed. "You mean to tell me, you had a WHOLE WEEK of study hall to study for exams and all you did was flirt?"
He grimaced. "Well it worked for my first three exams."
"You better PRAY it works for your last four."
"Trust me I am."
She turned to Evie. "What do you need?"
"Help with Spanish."
Julia and Mark both raised their hands. Evie wasted no time and plopped between them on the couch. Logan came down the stairs with a Pre Calculus book. He looked extremely stressed and practically yelled. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS! AT THIS POINT I'M JUST GOING TO PUT B ON ALL OF THE ANSWERS AND PRAY TO GOD THAT THAT'S A COMMON ANSWER! I MEAN HOLY SHIT THIS CRAP MAKES NO SENSE!"
Scott said "Language Logan."
"Sorry, holy crap I don't understand this stuff."
"Better, and just try. You know it."
"No dad I really don't. I've looked back over all of this stuff and I really don't remember anything except the last few chapters we've covered."
Hayley sighed "And what were YOU doing during dead week?"
"Being dead. MY stupid teachers load all kinds of crap in at last minute so it'll be on the exam"
"Just try your hardest."
"Fine." He grumbled and sat on the floor staring at his book. At 9:00 everyone went back to their houses. We put the kids to bed and Amy, Daniel, Mark, Julia, Meredith, Mom, and I went back in the living room to chat.
Mom sighed "So how are my West Coast kids?"
Amy answered "Good, it's awesome having Dare Bear as a boss."
I smiled. "Glad you enjoy it."
Mom looked at Daniel "And you Daniel?"
"Wonderful, I love the ortho at Seattle Grace, Callie is awesome, probably the best ortho surgeon I've ever seen."
"What about you Julia?"
"Great, it's still not official yet but I probably have a new job at Seattle Grace. It'll be nice, Seattle Grace is much better than Seattle Pres."
"And you Mark?"
"Great, I got the grant for the plastics program and am adding a whole new wing for burn patients only."
"That's wonderful. Meredith?"
"Same old same old. Lot's of appies and obstructions, general is pretty great but I'm considering specializing in something else as well, not sure what yet."
"And you Derek?'
I smiled at my mom. "Great, loving having Amy under my wing. It's nice to have another risk taker."
Payton came down the stairs rubbing her eyes. She walked over to Mere. "Mommy, my head still hurts and daddy isn't fixing it very well."
I heard a few snickers from around the family. "It's still hurting?" She nodded. Mere put a hand on her forehead. "You don't feel warm. Where does it hurt?"
"All over."
"Let's get you some medicine and I'll stay with you until you fall asleep OK?"
"OK." Payton sighed.
"Night angel."
"Night daddy." She gave mom a kiss on the cheek "Night Nana." She smiled at the rest of the family. "Night everyone one."
Mere picked her up and carried her up the stairs. Amy looked at me. "You don't think it could be complications from the surgery?"
"It's been almost two months."
"I know but still."
"I'm going to get a CT when we get back but for now I'm going to let her enjoy Christmas unless it gets worse, then I'll get a CT while we are here. I'm sure any of the family members could ask for a favor at the hospital."
"Especially for Pay."
Mom said. "Well kiddos, as much as I love you all, I think I'll be heading to bed."
There was a chorus of "Night moms" and "Night mas." She went upstairs. I yawned. "Well I'm beat. Night everyone."
Everyone said night and I walked up to my room where Mere had Pay in our bed. I climbed in on the other side of Pay, careful not to wake her and went to sleep.
THURSDAY (DECEMBER 19)
Payton P.O.V
I woke up early the next morning between mommy and daddy. My head still hurt but I didn't want any more yucky medicine. Mommy was snoring and daddy had his ears covered with a pillow. I giggle and got out of bed. I went running straight towards the kitchen to find Nana. I loved helping Nana cook and talking to her. She was the best Nana in the WHOLE world! I made it to the kitchen and it smelled super yummy. "Nana!" I ran over to her and she picked me up.
"Good morning Pay."
"Morning Nana, it smells yummy."
"I'm making your favorite, cinnamon rolls."
Nana was right, cinnamon rolls were my favorite food by far. "Thank you Nana."
"It's no problem. Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, mommy snores but I slept through it."
She laughed "Well that's good."
"Nana can I have some medicine. My head still hurts." I said with a frown. I hated the taste of medicine but my head was hurting really bad.
"Baby, your head still hurts?" I nodded. "Let me get you something OK?"
"OK." Aunt Amy walked in the kitchen. "Morning Pay, your up early."
"Mommy snores."
She laughed. "Yes your daddy used to complain about that. Where's Nana."
"She went to get me some medicine."
"Does your head still hurt?"
"Yeah."
Aunt Amy went into doctor mode. "Can you look in my eyes for a minute? Good, follow my finger." I did as she said.
"What's that for Aunt Amy?"
"Just checking some things out."
Nana came back in with a cup of yucky grape medicine. "Here you go sweetie."
I stuck my tongue out which made Nana and Aunt Amy giggle. I held my nose and swallowed the yucky stuff and immediately took the glass of water from the counter. I took a big gulp and luckily couldn't taste the yucky medicine anymore. I remembered what I was going to ask Aunt Amy now. It was about how I heard she was aggaged. Whatever that means. "Aunt Amy what is aggaged?"
She giggled. "Engaged?"
"Yeah I heard you and Daniel are."
"It means we are getting married one day. Your mommy and daddy were engaged and then they had a wedding and then got married."
"Oh, so when is your wedding?"
"Not until spring. You can be in it."
"Really? Do I get to throw flowers at people?"
She laughed. "Well throw flowers, yes, at people, probably not."
Daddy walked down into the kitchen next. "Morning ladies. Ma, those cinnamon rolls smell wonderful."
"Morning Derek, and thank you." Nana smiled at him.
Aunt Amy looked at him for a second. "Have you looked at Pay's pupils lately?"
"I don't look at my kids' pupils on a daily basis Aims."
"You should look at them."
He came over and looked at me. "Pay can you look at my eyes for a second?"
I nodded and looked at him. "Why are you guys so interested in my eyes?"
He smiled "Because they are so gorgeous. You can look away now, Amy, let's go wake up the other kids real quick."
She nodded and they walked out. I looked at Nana and frowned. "That's adult language for let's use a lame excuse to talk about Pay without worrying her."
She laughed. "I'm sure it's nothing baby. Would you like to eat your cinnamon roll now?"
I smiled "Yeah."
I got up in a chair at the table and began to eat my cinnamon roll but was stopped by a weird feeling in my mouth. I then tasted something yucky. I spit into my hand. It was bloody and there was a tooth! "Nana! My tooth!"
"Did you loose your tooth?"
"Yeah! MY TOOTH!" Great, another way to stick out. I was never going to have a full mouth of teeth. "I need you to glue it back in!"
She smiled. "Baby have you ever lost a tooth before?" I shook my head. "Losing teeth is a good thing. It means you will grow in a big person tooth. Tonight if you put your tooth under your pillow the tooth fairy will come and put a prize under your pillow."
"Really? And you're sure it'll grow back?"
She laughed. "I'm positive." Good, that was a close one!
"What kind of prize will I get?"
"Sometimes the tooth fairy gives money and other times little presents. I don't know."
"Does the tooth fairy know Santa?"
"I think so."
"Is it OK to eat?"
She smiled at me. "Of course sweetie."
Good I really didn't want to have to go without food. "OK."
I went back to eating while Nana finished up cooking. When she was done she sat down beside me and ate some food herself. Daddy walked back in with Aunt Amy, Daniel, Brooke, James, and Mommy. He smiled at me. "I see someone has lost a tooth."
I gave him a big grin and pointed to the empty space in my moth. "Nana promised it would grow back."
He laughed. "Yes it will grow back sweetie, did she tell you about the tooth fairy?"
"Yeah! I think I like losing teeth."
He laughed again. "I always did. Oh, Pay. We are going to take you to the hospital that your aunts and uncles work at later and get a picture of your beautiful head."
I groaned. I hated the pictures, it was always cold and you had to stay still. "CT or MRI?"
"MRI."
I frowned. Those were the worst. "Why can't it be a CT?"
"Just because they are better pictures."
"OK." I finished my breakfast and put my plate in the sink. I went up to the room my stuff was in and found my favorite jeans, my purple sweater, and my grey UGGS. After getting dressed I went back down stairs and went to the movie room. I put on a movie called Home Alone. I watched the silly boy try to trap the bad guys. Daddy walked in to the room.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah, I need to get my jacket though."
"Already got it." Aunt Amy said walking into the room holding my green North Face.
"Thanks Aunt Amy." She helped me put it on and stuck my grey knit hat that matched my UGGS on my head.
Daddy, Aunt Amy, Mommy, and I got in Nana's SUV. Aunt Amy sat beside me and ordered daddy to put on some Christmas music. I giggled as she tried to out sing daddy. We pulled up to a big building. I frowned knowing this was the hospital.
"Well we're here." Aunt Amy said.
Derek P.O.V
We got to Hope Catholic Hospital and got Pay out of the car. I had called Hayley, knowing as the head of pediatric surgery she could pull some strings and get the MRI quicker than the rest of the family. She met us at the entrance. "Hello family, come on Pay let's get these pictures taken."
Pay smiled and gave Hayley a big hug. Hayley picked her up and we all walked to radiology. Meredith and Hayley got Pay into a gown and I was dreading what was next. Contrast injection, then blood drawn. Great. Pay could break a bone and barely cry but needles did not go well with her. I held her still so the radiologist could get the contrast in her. Once it was all done we put her in the MRI and went back to watch for the scans to come up. When they did, I was shocked. Not only was the tumor back, it was even bigger than before. I felt tears begin to form in my eyes. "Derek…" Hayley began.
"No, don't you Derek me. Page Tom."
She picked up the phone and spoke. As upset as I was about everything, Tom was one of the best pediatric oncologists in the country. I ran my hand through my hair and put my head in my hands. A little while later Tom walked in the room. "What, did we move the party here or something?"
I could tell he was trying to ease up the tension. I pointed at the screen. "Pay's scans."
He took a look at them. "You need to shrink it right?"
"Exactly, hopefully enough where surgically we could get it all."
"You got it all the first time though, I don't want to be glass half empty and as much as I hate to say it, what would be different?"
"We didn't use chemo or radiation after."
"Why not?"
"It didn't seem necessary but now, I mean I could have prevented all of this."
Hayley put her hand on my back. "Come on Dare, you know that's not true. This isn't your fault."
Meredith took my hand. "You couldn't have known."
"I shouldn't have taken the chance."
Amelia spoke for the first time since the scans popped up. "Arizona, you, and I decided on it. This isn't just on you Dare."
"What now?"
"Well it's going to take a hell of a lot of chemo to shrink it. Pay better be in for a fight."
"She's a fighter, that's for sure." Meredith stated.
"We've got to stay in New York. I don't give a damn if Tom 'technically' can't treat her. We've got to stay."
Meredith sighed. "Derek, as much as I agree that New York is the best choice, we have two other kids and two jobs, we can't just drop everything."
"We'll take shifts. We can trade off on who is with Pay and when. The Seattle family will watch the kids if necessary and really, James doesn't have to stay in Seattle. Brooke has school but James is just in daycare."
Amelia, I guess realizing that this was best for Pay, spoke up. "Daniel and I can watch the kids whenever. You have to do this. As good of a hospital as Seattle Grace is, Tom is the best and Pay needs the best."
Meredith smiled a bit at her. "Thanks Amy, it means a lot…"
Amelia interrupted her. "Nonsense, it's family, you do what you have to do for your family."
Amelia was right. Family is first. If essentially 'moving' to New York until Pay was better meant saving our family, keeping Pay alive, then we had to do it. As hard as it may be for James and Brooke, we had to do it. As hard as it would be to be away from Mere, it was completely necessary. I didn't know all the details behind this spur of the moment planning, but I did know that it all had to be done.
Mere began again. "And I mean Owen is one of your best friends. I'm sure he will let us take time off. Maybe two weeks at a time. Amy can hold down neuro when your gone and Bailey and the rest of the generals will be fine without me for a while."
I looked at Pay, my little girl, sleeping in the MRI, looking tiny compared to the huge machine, and I realized just how necessary this all was. I realized that I could never lose my baby, no matter how difficult my life would become, I would endure it for her. "How do we tell her? My God, when do we tell her? She shouldn't have to deal with it during Christmas."
"She's going to want answers Derek." Meredith sighed.
"Do we lie?"
Hayley shook her head. "Absolutely not. Lying to the kids about this kind of stuff is one of the most unforgivable things a parent can do."
"Then what do we do oh wise one?" I said slightly sarcastic.
"Just tell her the truth. Tell her that her tumor is back and that after Christmas you all are going to stay her for a while so she can get better. Don't tell her about the chemo or radiation unless she asks and DO NOT say anything that could come across as her not getting better."
I knew Hayley was right. It wasn't worth getting her all upset. I then realized that we hadn't even asked Tom about a course of treatment. As if Meredith could read my mind she asked. "What's your plan here Tom?"
He frowned. "I would like to get her started on chemo as soon as possible. It's the 19th and I understand you wanting her to be able to enjoy Christmas and just how tired our Christmas makes you even when you aren't having chemo. I guess the 26th would be our best bet and then have it at the minimum of twice a week with radiation once a week."
I hated the thought of seeing Pay so weak, so vulnerable. These next few months were going to be hell and not just for Pay. For ALL of us. "She's so small though, her body is just going to get tinier with the treatment."
"It's the only option if you want to shrink that tumor and kill the cancer cells."
I nodded. I looked again at Pay's sleeping form. "We should probably get her out of there. I figure the MRI is sort of in demand during the holiday season. It is in Seattle."
I walked in the room and picked up Pay trying, but failing at not waking her. I knew what was next. Questions. Pay would want to have answers. As if on cue she looked at me with her curious blue eyes. "Daddy, what's wrong with me?"
I sighed and carried her into the room where my family, Pay's doctors were still sitting around the computer. I put her in Meredith's lap. "Pay…" I began trying my best to remember what Hayley said. "Your tumor came back."
"But I thought you and Aunt Amy took it out."
Meredith tried to smile at Pay and answered "They did sweetie, but tumors can come back. We are going to stay here even after Christmas so you can get better."
"But what about school?"
I smiled at her because I loved how much she wanted to go to school. "We are just going to wait until next school year to start you in school, as a third grader."
"Oh, wait if the tumor is back do I have to get chemo again?" Her voice was barely audible now and I could see tears forming in her eyes.
"Yes sweetie, but your Uncle Tommy, he's a really good doctor for chemo so he is going to be the one to give it to you."
"But it makes me so sick. Please, I don't want chemo." She had tears down her cheeks now. I realized Meredith crying too.
"Baby, you have to get chemo so your tumor will get small enough to take out." I waited for another question but her questions had stopped. She had her face in Meredith's chest crying. "Pay, sweetie, it'll be OK."
Meredith rubbed her back. "Baby, I know this is terrible, but your Aunt Hayley and Uncle Tommy will get you all better."
"But what about Sophia, and my other friends. They'll be in Seattle." She whispered.
"They'll visit." I promised knowing that with Teddy, Callie, Arizona, Mark, and Julia they would definitely come to visit.
"You'll make me better?" She asked directed mostly towards Tom.
"I'll do everything I can to make you better."
"Am I going to lose my hair? Isn't that what happens when you have cancer? I didn't before but…"
Hayley smiled but I saw the hurt in her eyes, just like I saw in everyone in the room's eyes. "It just depends. If you didn't the first time you might not now but it could happen."
She nodded. "Can we go to Nana's now?" She asked us, still sad.
"Of course." Meredith answered.
"We'll walk you out. How about a piggy back ride Pay?" Tom asked with a goofy grin that always made the kids laugh.
For the first time since we came to the hospital I saw Pay grin. "Ok." She climbed up on Tom's back and we began walking through the hospital. Hayley's phone rang. I tried not to listen in on her conversation but it was pretty hard to ignore even with Tom and Pay laughing.
"Hello? HE DID WHAT! NO HIS FATHER OR I WILL BE RIGHT THERE! NO I'M SORRY FOR HIS BEHAVIOR! SUSPENDED FOR HOW LONG? DON'T YO THINK THAT'S A BIT HARSH! OK AND GIVING HIM A ZERO ON THE REST OF HIS EXAMS! NO I'M NOT THROUGH YELLING YET! We'll talk in person when I get there." She stuck her phone in her pocket. Meredith, Amy, Tom, and I were all staring at her with curiosity. She sighed. "Logan got caught drinking on campus with a bunch of buds. I've got to go and find Scott I'll see you all back home." She gave Pay a kiss on the cheek and stormed off.
Logan and my little come to Jesus chat was going to be happening sooner rather than later. Drinking on campus? I mean if he was going to drink he should have at least been smart about it. I continued walking and smiled at my giggling little girl joking with her uncle. Once at the car we all piled in and I began driving. Amy cleared her throat. "Forgetting something Derek?"
I smiled, I knew just what she meant. I put the Christmas music on and Amy and I began trying to out sing each other on jingle bells. After the quick drive home Pay got out of the car. She still looked upset. I sighed I guess her happiness from Tom was gone and she was thinking about things. She slammed the car door and walked inside. I started to follow her but Meredith stopped me. "Let her go, let her think."
I knew Meredith was right, she needed time. I stared at the recently slammed door for a second and got out of the car. When I got inside I was immediately cheered up. Mark was playing with the kids, his, mine, Nancy's younger ones, and Kathleen's younger ones, showing them how to play keeracallamoo. A game Mark and I made up when we were younger. It was a mix of hide and seek, freeze tag, pin the tail on the donkey, and twister. I smiled at Brooke who had just put the tail on James to freeze him. After laughing at the kids I went to find mom. I figured she had a right to know first since we would basically be living with her. Mom was in the kitchen with Julia and surprisingly Nancy. I guess she took the day off or something.
Mom smiled at me. "Here taste this." Nancy said sticking a spoonful of chicken noodle soup in my mouth."
It was really good. "Delicious, but I don't appreciate you feeding me."
"Aww wittle Dewek doesn't wike being tweated wike a wittle baby?"
I laughed. "You are scaring me Nance."
She laughed. "It's what I do best. Now why on earth do you have that look on your face?"
"What look?"
"That sad, horrified look."
"It's nothing."
"No it's not."
"Drop it Nance!"
She frowned at me. "Sorry, I'm going to go play with Mark and the kids, care to join me Julia?"
Julia smiled. "Of course."
I waited until they left. "Ma…"
"Oh no. What did the scans show?"
"The tumor is back, and bigger than before."
"Derek…"
"Ma, we've got to stay here. Tom has to treat her. It's bad.""You're always welcome here but what about James and Brooke and your and Meredith's jobs?"
James could come whenever, Meredith and I will take turns up here for about two weeks at a time, Brooke can come on long weekends, spring break, Easter break, and this summer."
"What did Tom say?"
"It's going to take a LOT of chemo. At least twice a week and radiation once a week."
"Does Pay know?" I nodded. "And how's she taking it?"
"As well as a smart seven year old can. She's upstairs right now. I'm giving her space."
"She needs space."
"Ma, please tell me you think Mere and I can do this, that our family can do this."
"Your family is strong, you'll make it."
She put me in a big hug and I felt like a little boy again. Like a 9 year old being comforted by his mommy. We stood there for a while until Brooke came in the kitchen. "Daddy why is Pay sad?"
I didn't know what to tell her, I didn't want to lie but I couldn't tell her the whole truth right now. "She'll be alright baby, she just wants to be alone for now."
"Oh, ok. Will you come play with us?"
"Are you still playing keeracallamoo?"
"Yeah and it's so fun!"
"Ok, I'll come play with you guys."
Brooke dragged me to the living room and I got into the game.
Payton P.O.V
When we got back to Nana's I just wanted to be alone. I hated having a stupid tumor. People treated me different when they found out. They treated me like I was broken, maybe I was but I didn't want to be treated like it. There were few things I hated in life. One was having a tumor, two was being treated different because of it, and three was chemo. I hated how sick it made me and how weak I would get. There was also the fact I didn't know when I would get to go back home to Seattle and see Sophia and my other friends. I knew that the adults were downplaying everything to try and not make me upset but them downplaying it was making it worse. When I heard a knock at my door my brain was saying to just tell them to go away but I hated being mean. "Come in." I sighed hoping whoever it was could hear my barely audible voice.
It was Uncle Mark. "Hey pumpkin. Why don't you come play keeracallamoo? It's really fun."
"I'm good here."
He sat on the bed. "Oh come on. Tell me what's bothering you."
"I hate cancer why did it come back? And the whole downplaying it thing is making it worse! I just want it straight, am I going to die or not?"
He frowned. "Pumpkin, it's ok."
"NO IT'S NOT! IT'S NOT OK! NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS OK! I WISH PEOPLE WOULD QUIT SAYING THAT! I'M GOING TO DIE AND IT'S NOT OK!"
"Sweetie, your not going to die."
"I could!"
"Your uncles, aunts, mommy, daddy, and nana won't let you."
"But I could couldn't I?" He frowned at me. Defeated, he answered. "It is a possibility."
"It's not fair! I finally have a mommy and a daddy and I might die."
"I know it's not fair but you just have to be strong. You have to let people take care of you."
"I hate this!"
"I know you do. Look, sweetie, why don't you just try and forget about it until at least after Christmas. Don't worry until then and then you can worry."
I sighed. I guess forgetting would be good but it would be hard. I wrapped my arms around Uncle Mark. "Thank you.""For what?"
"For being there for me. It means a lot."
"I'll always be here for you no matter what."
"Pinky swear." I put my pinky out to him.
He smiled and took my pinky "Pinky swear. Now let's go play keeracallamoo and get you to have some fun."
He helped me off the bed and walked holding my hand downstairs where my cousins were running around and acting crazy. It looked really fun so I ran to Ziven to ask about the rules.