Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Thank you for the inspiration, SM. Everything else is original and belongs to me, Cosette Cullen.
How did I get so lucky to have such talented and dedicated betas? Pickwicksociety, JenKB, Guitargirl and Mel/mcc101180 you are appreciated more than words can say.
Chapter 13 – Our Greatest Fear
"Say 'sweaty sex,'" Alice loudly instructed, pointing the camera at me and Edward as we posed by the Pulteney Bridge. I felt Edward's body shaking with laughter as he stood behind me, his arms encircling my waist. I giggled as we obeyed Alice, repeating in unison: "Sweaty sex!"
"I got it!" Glancing down at her camera, she hollered, "Wait, one more because your mouths were hanging open in that one."
"Well, then don't make us laugh this time," Edward countered.
"I can't help it if I'm funny." She shrugged, smirking. "Okay, now just smile normally, please."
Alice snapped another picture after which Emmett snagged the camera, explaining that he would take one of Alice and me together. Then it was Emmett and Edward's turn.
I glanced around, looking for a tourist to hit up to take a picture of the four of us, but we were the only ones in the area on this wintry Sunday morning.
Dating back to the 1700s, the Pulteney Bridge was our first stop since arriving in Bath from London. Edward and I had finished our afternoon in London at St. Paul's Cathedral and then Picadilly Circus before we'd returned to the hotel to freshen up for dinner.
Over lagers, Emmett and Alice had told us about their afternoon at Shakespeare's Globe Theatre. I would have loved to see the theatre; however, there just hadn't been enough time to do everything, and forced to pick between Shakespeare and Dickens, I'd happily chosen Dickens.
After a couple of beers and lots of food, we'd all turned in early since we had to catch an early morning train.
We'd arrived in Bath at about nine in the morning, heading straight to the Harrington Hotel to drop off our luggage. From there, it had been a short stroll over to the Pulteney Bridge.
After taking pictures, we browsed through a few of the shops that lined the bridge itself, buying the requisite postcards, and I spent a few minutes coveting a swan figurine. We headed back to the town center toward one of the most popular tourist attractions in the city, the Roman Baths.
We paid the entrance fee and began the tour with an informational pamphlet in hand. Our first view of the ancient bath was from the terrace, a balcony of sorts that overlooked a rectangular pool, filled with naturally heated water that had bubbled up from the earth for thousands of years.
"So who are these dudes, Bella?" Emmett asked, motioning to multiple statues lining the edge of the terrace.
I quickly scanned the pamphlet. "Um, it says the statues are of Roman Emperors and military leaders. When the Romans occupied Britain, they discovered the natural spring. Of course, they didn't understand the natural phenomenon and thought it was the work of the gods. It says they built a temple next to the spring and dedicated it to the goddess Sulis Minerva, a deity with healing powers."
Alice asked curiously, "So did they bathe in it for healing purposes?"
I did some speed reading through the pamphlet before answering. "Yes, let me read what is says: 'The mineral rich water from the Sacred Spring supplied a magnificent bath-house which attracted visitors from across the Roman Empire.'"
Emmett snorted. "Yeah, I bet more than just bathing was going on." His eyebrows danced suggestively. "I've heard about those Romans and their orgies."
Alice scrunched her face in disgust. "Thanks, Emmett. Now I'm going to have visions of sex acts everywhere I look on the tour."
"And that's a bad thing?" Emmett winked at her. She slugged him in the arm, but her face was lit with a smile.
Edward and I laughed, rolling our eyes at each other as we listened to their flirtatious banter.
From the terrace, we went below street level to get a closer look at the Sacred Spring. From there, we entered a museum area which housed Roman artifacts discovered during the excavation of the site in the late 1800s. There were thousands of Roman coins, presumably thrown in the spring as offerings to the goddess. One of the most impressive artifacts was a gilt bronze head of Sulis Minerva, discovered nearby in 1727.
Edward was fascinated with this portion of the tour because he was quite knowledgeable about the Roman Empire. We eventually ended up in a gift shop at the end of the tour where we purchased more postcards that were specific to the Roman Baths. Exiting the building, we headed next door to the Bath Abbey.
I was now up to my eyeballs in cathedrals, but I just had to take a peek at the 12th century abbey. We stepped inside for maybe two minutes, quickly scanning the interior. The most impressive aspect of the architecture was the ceiling, a vaulted canopy with intricately carved fanlike designs.
Stepping back outside, Edward slipped his hand into mine as we followed Emmett and Alice toward the Grand Pump Room just across the courtyard. Its honey-colored sandstone façade displayed Corinthian columns and recessed arched windows.
Alice squealed, "I cannot believe I'm going into a building where Jane Austen herself socialized!"
"I know, right?" I agreed excitedly. I saw Edward and Emmett shoot each other a look that said–what the hell–but I ignored them. They just couldn't understand our excitement without having read Austen's novels, specifically Northanger Abbey and Persuasion where the characters spent time at the Pump Room.
As we walked into that very room, I was in awe at the elegant simplicity of the rectangular cream-colored room with arched alcoves at each end, which were bordered by dual Corinthian columns. The walls were lined with arched windows and framing columns that spanned heights nearly floor-to-ceiling. The only color was splashes of bright crimson swags adorning each window. At the room's center, crisp white tablecloths covered multiple square tables with dark cherry wood chairs.
As it was nearly noon, we decided this was as good a place as any to dine for lunch. I was in no rush to leave as I wanted more time to soak up the atmosphere and indulge in visions of Jane Austen standing in this very room. Once seated, we removed all our extra layers and began perusing the menu.
An impeccably dressed waiter approached, wearing black slacks and a white dress shirt with a gold brocade vest. His uniform was complete with a crisp white apron that went down to his knees.
After giving him our drink order, Edward put his menu down, clearing his throat. "Okay, ladies, so how about you educate Emmett and me on the significance of this building."
"Well, let's see. We should probably start with the basics." I turned to Emmett. "I don't mean this question to be insulting, but do you even know who Jane Austen is?"
"Do I know who she is? Yeess." He drew out the word, rolling his eyes.
"Have I read any of her books? That would be a big hell no." He chuckled, shaking his head as if that should have been obvious.
"Thank god you at least know who she is," Alice said.
I chuckled, glancing at Edward who was watching me intently. "She lived in Bath for about five years during the early 1800s. In her day, the Pump Room was the place to see and be seen."
Alice piped up. "But it wasn't a restaurant then; this room would have been mostly empty, except for a small orchestra and perhaps a few chairs."
"People would 'take turns around the room' or 'promenade,' meaning they walked around the perimeter, socializing and meeting people," I added, casually glancing between Emmett and Edward as I explained.
When my eyes met Edward's, he winked, causing me to lose my train of thought. How something as simple as briefly closing one eye could affect me so intensely and immediately was mindboggling. I smiled gently, mentally attempting to slow my rapidly beating heart from pumping excess blood to my girly bits, which were now twitching and tingling. Damn him and his sexy winking!
Alice spoke up, hopefully distracting everyone from noticing my sudden incoherency. "And they drank the spa water that is pumped in here." She motioned to the stone fountain on the room's edge, a sunlit window its background. Water trickled down from three openings into open-mouthed ceramic fish.
"We can get a cup of the water for fifty pence," Edward said, scanning the menu and then glancing up at me.
"Yes, I definitely want to try it," I said.
The waiter returned, asking if we'd made our lunch selections. Alice and I both ordered the poached chicken and celery salad with tarragon mayonnaise on onion seed bread. Edward went the breakfast route with Eggs Benedict, while Emmett opted for heavier fare and ordered pork chops.
Once we finished eating and the bill was paid, we walked to the fountain where a gentleman with a white powdered wig stood ready to serve. We purchased only two cups of water to share because I'd heard that it wasn't exactly tasty.
Alice and I cautiously sipped the natural spring water at the same time. "It's warmer than I thought it would be," I observed.
"Yuuuk . . . it's so . . . so . . . minerally?" Alice screeched.
"That would be due to the twenty or so minerals that are in it." I laughed, handing my cup to Edward.
He took a generous swig, swirling it in his mouth like wine before swallowing. Grimacing, he said, "Yeah, I'll pass on seconds. It's supposed to have curative properties though, right?"
I nodded. "Then that's why it tastes bad. Almost anything good for you always tastes bad."
Emmett grabbed Alice's cup, taking a quick gulp. "Aaahh, refreshing! Nothing like hot iron water." He grinned.
"That wasn't too torturous, was it, Emmett?" I teased as we left the Jane Austen Center, a museum of sorts that detailed her novels as well as the time she'd lived in Bath.
As we headed toward the Assembly Rooms, Emmett zipped up his hoodie, pulling the hood over his head. "It's true that I wouldn't have stopped there if it wasn't for you two lovely ladies. However, I am all for expanding my sensibilities, so it's all good."
Edward reached for my hand, squeezing it softly as he took it into his. I squeezed back, smiling up at him.
Alice quipped, "Oh, yeah? And exactly how were your sensibilities expanded learning about Austen?"
Edward and I walked behind them, silently observing their interaction.
Raising his eyebrows, Emmett feigned offense. "Is this a test, Miss Brandon?"
She giggled, nodding her head affirmatively.
"Well, I learned that Austen never married, which I found surprising, considering all her books are romances about finding your one true love. I learned that she was proposed to at one time and accepted, only to break the engagement the very next day."
Alice's smile faded, her countenance turning wistful. "Well done, Emmett. Even though it was commonplace to marry for social and economic reasons, Austen was unique in her day. All of her characters fought against that norm, and she wrote in a letter to her niece that anything was better than marrying without affection."
I knew Alice well, and it was obvious to me she was thinking of Jasper and her confusion as to whether she had enough affection for him to marry him at some point. We had talked about it last night at the hotel before we'd met the guys for dinner.
She'd confided that her feelings for Emmett had intensified after spending the afternoon with him. She found herself enjoying things with him that Jasper would never do. Emmett wasn't afraid to make an ass of himself to get a laugh out of her. Though she loved many things about Jasper, sometimes his reserved, introverted personality meant that she did things alone. Jasper would never accompany Alice to do the chicken dance at a wedding, and when meeting new people, he would sit back quietly while she enjoyed chatting with them. We had talked about the cliché that opposites attract. She posed the question that though they do attract, did that necessarily mean that they made a good match long-term? I had no answers, but I offered her a listening ear and a hug.
I had no idea if Edward sensed something off about Alice when she talked about Austen not marrying for any reason except affection; however, he changed the subject quite suddenly from Austen's broken engagement to something less personal. "Well, Alice, I learned that many of Austen's characters, as well as Austen herself, visited the Assembly Rooms. This is where they held the balls, right?"
Alice glanced over her shoulder smiling, "That is correct. You both get an A+. Well done."
"This is the circus, kids!" I announced, motioning to the buildings up ahead.
Emmett looked at me like I was looney. "What? The circus?"
Chuckling, I explained, "Yes, the circus. Those buildings are called the Circus, meaning 'circle' in Latin. Bath is renowned for its architecture. The Circus and also the Royal Crescent are some of the reasons why."
Alice slowed, stepping behind me to unzip my backpack and retrieve my tourist guide book. "Also, Austen mentions both buildings in a few of her novels," she added.
Flipping through the pages before settling on one, she read aloud, "The Circus is an example of Georgian architecture completed in 1768. Divided into three segments of equal length, the Circus is a circular space surrounded by large townhouses. Each of the curved segments faces one of the three entrances."
"It's pretty amazing how the row of townhouses is curved, isn't it?" I looked up at Edward.
"Yeah, very unique architecture. I'd love to see inside, wouldn't you?"
I grinned, nodding my head. "Unfortunately, that's not possible. These are all residences."
We passed the Circus heading toward the Assembly Rooms, walking in comfortable silence with Edward's hand in mine. Alice and Emmett walked ahead of us side-by-side.
"Here we are." Alice motioned toward a building with the same honey-colored stone and similar design as the Pump Room.
The Assembly Rooms comprised three rooms with distinct functions: a ballroom about the length of a football field, a tea room where concerts were also held, and a card room used for listening to music and playing games.
We entered the card room first. It was uniquely octagonal, the walls a cheerful yellow that contrasted beautifully with brilliant white dual fireplaces, wainscoting, and crown molding. Entering the tea room, the subtle cream-colored décor allowed the rows and rows of white columns, accented with crown molding to steal all attention. A second floor with balcony was also lined with columns that ran the entire circumference of the room.
"Now this is impressive," Edward mumbled, turning his head to take in the entire room.
"You can't go wrong with columns. There's something regal and elegant about them," I agreed.
We took a turn around the room in 18th century style, quietly observing the magnificent décor until I broke the silence. "Here's a little mindless trivia for you. Austen had an older brother named Edward."
"Yeah?"
"Uh-huh."
"It was a very common name back then."
"Yes, but it isn't now, so how did your parents choose your name?"
"I was named after my paternal grandfather, Phillip Edward Cullen."
"The one who started your family's company?"
"Yeah, that's right." He released my hand, clasping his right arm snuggly around my shoulder, while threading his left hand in mine. His desire to be as close to me as possible, creating two points of contact instead of just one, touched me and feelings of peace welled up within me.
As we entered the ballroom where Jane Austen must have come on many occasions, I gasped out loud. "Oh, Edward, it's . . . oh, god, it's just stunning . . . so elegant."
He hummed his agreement, and I released his hand momentarily as I stepped further into the room, pivoting slowly to see every detail of its splendor. The light powder blue of the walls and ceiling was striking against the vivid white wainscoting, fireplaces, crown molding, and columns. Original crystal chandeliers were spaced evenly along the entire length of the ceiling, shining on the light hardwood floor below.
A low, husky voice pulled me from my reverie. "May I have this dance, Miss Swan?"
I turned to see Edward with his hand outstretched. I grinned wildly. "Here?"
"This is a ballroom, isn't it?" He grinned crookedly.
"Well, yes, but now?" My eyes darted around the room. Alice and Emmett were on the other side, engaged in conversation, and there were just a handful of other tourists in the room. "Without music?" I asked, looking back at him.
Hand still extended, palm up, he stepped closer to me. "I can make our own music."
I could not refuse him, even if it meant dancing in front of strangers who would undoubtedly have their eyes on us. The second I placed my hand in his, he pulled me forcefully into his arms, our bodies pressing tightly together. I had anticipated we would move randomly in a small circle, round and round, with no particular steps–like teenagers at prom.
Instead, he clasped my right hand, pulling it up to the side, and placed his other hand on my back, creating the classic ballroom dance pose. In response, I positioned my left hand on his back, just below his shoulder blade.
"Just relax and let my body lead you," he said assuredly.
Oh, fuck. Yes, I will let your body lead me anywhere, anyhow, anyplace.
Edward moved commandingly as I followed, and we were as one, waltzing smoothly and effortlessly across the ballroom floor. Our gazes were locked for a few seconds until he bent his head down, grazing his lips against my ear as he began quietly singing.
"My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure."
Had I not been held securely in his strong arms, I surely would have dropped to the floor, my body having turned to jelly, liquefied by the burning heat of his sensual voice. He took a breath, his lips kissing that little spot just in front of my ear, and then continued his serenade.
"She smiled at me on the train.
She was with another friend.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan."
His nose grazed my cheek as he pulled ever so slightly away and looked into my eyes. I met his stare, and he began singing again, his mouth so close to mine that his breath caressed my lips.
"You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I have to be with you."
I knew the song well. It was James Blunt's "You're Beautiful," which I happened to have on my iPod. I had listened to it so often that I knew the lyrics by heart, so I noticed right away that Edward had changed a few words. The minor changes transformed the song into a perfect description of the first time we saw each other on the train platform en route to Paris.
Edward halted the dance, murmuring that it looked as if Alice and Emmett wanted to leave. I didn't bother to look. Still in his arms, I whispered, "I love your voice. Thank you."
Arching up onto my tiptoes, I kissed him quickly, and then we turned, hand in hand, to see Emmett and Alice smirking at us from across the room. I shot Alice my best Cheshire Cat grin, following them out of the glorious ballroom where I'd had my first dance with my Adonis.
We strolled back toward the Circus, continuing on Brock Street to the Royal Crescent. It was similar to the Circus architecture, except that the buildings formed a single crescent. We took pictures of the uniquely designed townhouses before leisurely walking along the perimeter of the building.
"Okay, out with it, Edward. Not many people know how to waltz these days."
"Oh, that." He smirked. "Yeah, my parents are to blame or to thank for that, depending on how you look at it. I mentioned before that my mom oversees Cullen Industries' charitable foundation. There has been an annual ball for the foundation to raise money for as long as I can remember. My parents always required me and Rosie to attend with them. It's a formal event–everyone wears evening gowns and tuxedos, and they have live music and dancing. So when I was about twelve, my mom decided I should know how to dance properly, so I could schmooze the rich ladies at the ball. My dad taught me how to waltz with my mom as my practice partner. I hated it at the time, but later as an executive of the company, I was grateful that I could dance with the wealthy contributors without looking like an ass." Edward chuckled, scratching his scruffy jaw line. "Your turn."
"Huh?" I said, playing dumb.
"You know what I'm talking about." He tickled my side causing me to squeal. "I can tell if a woman is blindly following my lead or if she knows what she's doing. Your waltz was flawless. So who taught you?"
"Flawless, huh?" I grinned. "Well, thank you, sir. You were pretty impressive yourself."
I pulled him closer, hooking my thumb in his belt loop and my fingers into his back pocket. I had to consciously tell myself to not squeeze his ass. "I took a ballroom dance class in college. I've been somewhat obsessed with that type of dancing since I was a little girl . . . actually, with all dancing. I fell in love with ballet when I went to see The Nutcracker. Then after I saw the movie, The King and I, ballroom dancing became my obsession. Have you seen it?"
"No, I haven't."
"Well, it was my first introduction to ballroom dancing. I always wanted to learn, so when I saw they offered classes at ASU, I signed up for a semester. I did it just for fun. I never dreamed I'd find a man who could actually waltz with me." I giggled, feeling like I'd found my Prince Charming.
"So I made your dream come true?" He grinned.
I nodded, smiling coyly.
"Remind me to thank my mom then."
"Thank her for me, too."
He kissed my forehead, mumbling that he would be sure to tell her. "So you said earlier that some of Austen's characters mention the Circus and the Royal Crescent. In what context?"
"In Northanger Abbey, some of the characters come here to promenade. The beautiful architecture and the views of the city made it a popular place to walk and socialize."
"I know you must have some Austen lines memorized since she is one of your favorite authors. Share one with me?"
"Well, I declare, Edward," I said in my best southern accent. "What is with all the questions about her? Have I converted you to all things Austen?"
He chuckled. "Um, honestly, not quite. I can't say I feel compelled to read her books, but I do enjoy listening to you talk about her. Your enthusiasm is refreshing."
I smiled shyly, slightly embarrassed by my literary geekiness. Edward pulled me tighter against his body as we continued our promenade in front of the Royal Crescent. "I like it when you quote literature because it gives me a glimpse into your soul."
His comment stripped me bare, having naively never considered that quoting literature exposed me in that way. My head snapped up, appraising Edward's expression. His eyes radiated kindness, and his mouth matched them as the corners turned upward ever so slightly.
"How so?" I gulped, knowing full well what he meant.
"You told me that you memorize the parts that touch you in some way. Knowing the types of things that speak to your soul gives me insight to you as a person. Tell me one of your favorite Austen lines? Please," he coaxed, his sexy crooked smile on display. I could deny him nothing.
"'In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed.'" No longer able to bear the intensity of his eyes on mine, I looked away, lowering my gaze to the sidewalk. "'You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.'"
"Damn, I am such a girl–I can't believe I'm relating to an Austen novel." He chuckled as his free hand tugged anxiously on his hair, the other still resting on my shoulder. "She wrote exactly what I felt when I realized I couldn't stay away from you anymore. What was the first line? In vain have I struggled?"
I nodded. "I knew you were my Mr. Darcy." I smiled, running my hand up and down his lower back as he looked down at me with raised eyebrows.
"That quote is from Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice when he confesses his love to Elizabeth," I explained.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I just might have to read it because this Mr. Darcy and I seem to have a few things in common."
I didn't want to embarrass him, but I couldn't suppress my laugh. "It'll be our little secret, Edward," I whispered through my grin, which he returned with a smile and a kiss on my nose.
Later that evening, we found ourselves indulging at a local pub, recommended by the hotel's concierge. We were intrigued when he'd told us the building had been used as a debtor's prison and when live music was mentioned, we all agreed it sounded like a great place to let loose. We talked and laughed over dinner and beer. Later, we played pool, enjoying some cover tunes by a local band.
On the walk back to the hotel, Edward whispered in my ear that he didn't want to say goodnight to me yet and asked if I would come to his room for a while. My Inner Vixen shouted - Um, hell yes! However, my Outer Lady politely responded, "Okay, I'd like that."
We said our goodnights to Emmett and Alice, leaving me wondering if she would invite Emmett to hang out alone or not.
Once inside Edward's room, he offered me a drink from the mini-bar. I was still buzzing a bit from the beers consumed at the pub, so I asked for a bottle of water instead. He handed me the water and motioned for me to have a seat on the sofa, excusing himself to the bathroom. Just as in Florence, his room was larger than mine with a king-sized bed, sofa, and a small dinette table. Scanning the room, I noticed the iHome clock/stereo on the nightstand and Edward's iPod docked in it. I jumped up and crossed the room to the nightstand. Removing the iPod, I began scrolling through his playlist–I was looking for one in particular. When I found the song Edward had sung to me in the ballroom, I returned the iPod to the dock and pressed play. Listening to the opening lyrics, I conjured up the memory of Edward's voice and the feeling of dancing in his arms.
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
Hearing the bathroom door open, I turned. Edward stood silhouetted in the door frame, looking at me with a piercing stare as he began singing along with the song.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
His mouth stopped moving as he began walking toward me. He crossed the room so slowly and seductively, like a predator slowly approaching his prey. His face was serene and light while his eyes were stormy and dark. They would not release me from their hypnotic gaze, and I was a willing and eager captive.
Standing motionless in front of me, his alluring stare lulled me into a lust-induced trance. He took my wrist in his hand, stroking the sensitive skin on the underside as his other hand caressed my neck before pulling me against his chest. He buried his face in my hair before trailing his nose down my neck, skimming along my tingling skin. I welcomed his affection with eager arms surrounding his waist and wandering fingers exploring the muscular contours of his back. His mouth pressed firmly against my neck, just above my collarbone and then continued a journey upwards, his lips slightly parted, ghosting across my skin while his tongue periodically tasted my neck with a small amount of suction. My breathing accelerated and my legs quite literally quivered. His lips ended their worshipful adornment of my neck, and he leaned back slightly, looking into my eyes before softly pressing his lips to mine. His mouth was wet and warm and his lips, so full and soft. As his tongue languidly grazed my lip, I knew that I could kiss this man for days and never tire. Just as the ache between my legs began to intensify, Edward pulled his mouth from mine, cradling my face in his hands.
"And to think that if that train hadn't stopped for whatever reason, we wouldn't be here together right now," he whispered throatily.
"Tell me about that day . . . about what you were thinking." We had never talked about it, and I was suddenly very curious as to how he'd interpreted our first few random meetings.
He smiled. "Let's sit." Taking my hand, he led me to the sofa where we sat closely.
"The first thing that got my attention was your laugh. Well, no, that's not right. The first thing that got my attention was the sound of Alice falling out of the train." We laughed. "I was standing on the platform, talking with Emmett. Both of us were wondering why the train had stopped. Then I heard a noise, and I turned to see Alice sprawled out in the gravel."
"Uh, yeah, poor Alice." I giggled.
"It's funny now, but I really did feel badly for her. I was looking at her, curious as to whether she was okay. Then I heard laughter, and that's when I saw your face and your smile. I couldn't look away–you were so beautiful."
"Thank you," I whispered, unable to hold back a giddy smile.
Edward reached out, combing the ends of my straight hair with his long fingers, and then twirled a strand around his finger. "I was still staring while you walked to the platform. Suddenly, you looked right at me. Normally, I would look away if I got caught staring at a woman, but when our eyes met, it became much more than just your beauty." He looked away, sighing while rummaging one hand through his hair. "Damn, I don't know how to explain it, and it will probably sound ridiculous."
"Maybe I can help." He looked back at me curiously. Since he was having trouble describing it, I knew he must have experienced something similar to what I had, so I inhaled a deep breath and took a risk. "You felt like you couldn't look away even if you wanted to, like a magnetic field was pulling you to me, and you felt as if you knew me already, like I was looking into your soul–as if our souls were connected."
For a moment, he was silent and expressionless, but then he beamed. "Yes, yes, yes, and yes . . . all of the above."
His hand that had been busy playing in my hair moved up to my neck, gently pulling me toward him and into a supple kiss. He released me, dropping his hand down to mine. "I'm glad it wasn't all in my head. I'd never experienced anything like that before."
"Same here. I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I was sick at the thought that I would never see you again, never even know your name."
"When I saw you in Notre Dame, to say I was shocked would be an understatement. Then you left so quickly. Between my shock and your quick departure, I didn't find out anything about you. I actually was going to follow you, but by the time I found Emmett, you were gone."
"Ha! I knew you were stalking me," I accused teasingly.
"No, I tried to stalk you, but apparently I am a pathetic stalker." He chuckled. "It really was just chance, or perhaps fate, that we saw each other at the Louvre. That museum is huge, so for us to have been in the same room at the same time is pretty mindboggling."
"Agreed. My heart nearly stopped when I turned around and saw you standing there, looking at that painting of Napoleon."
"Yeah?" He grinned. "Why is that?"
"Why did my heart nearly stop?"
Edward nodded, still smiling.
"Um, well, partially because I was so stunned that I'd run into you again, and also because you are so freakishly handsome that my heart does flip-flops."
"Freakishly handsome?" His face twisted up in puzzlement. "I'm not sure if that's a compliment."
"It is a compliment. I said freakish because no earthly being should be so beautiful. You're an anomaly among us mere mortals."
Edward's eyes widened as his mouth fell open, his lips moving as if to form a word but no sound came out. Shaking his head in bewilderment, he rubbed the side of his face, stroking his jaw line. He was utterly speechless.
I smiled, waiting silently, unwilling to rescue him from his embarrassed state because I found his modesty utterly adorable.
Finally, he responded with humor, attempting to deflect attention from himself. "Wow . . . um, thanks, but–uh, note to self–Bella has a flair for the dramatic. Don't believe anything she says because she grossly exaggerates."
"Ha-ha! Whatever, Edward." I giggled. "Okay, so back to our story. We finally officially introduced ourselves at the Louvre and hung out for a while with Alice and Emmett. What happened after Alice and I left?"
"You mean after you left and didn't invite us to go with you? Emmett and I both sulked like little boys who'd just had their Big Wheels stolen."
"Seriously?" I honestly found it hard to believe that while I was thinking about him incessantly, he was simultaneously pining for me.
Edward paused, tugging on his earlobe nervously. "Weelll . . ." He dragged out the word hesitantly. "Yes, seriously. You know Emmett likes Alice, and that was immediate when he first met her. He's actually the reason we followed you to Munich." I must have looked surprised because he quickly continued. "Don't get me wrong, Bella. I couldn't stop thinking about you, but I kept telling myself it was for the best. I was convinced that a relationship would be a bad idea. But Emmett did not want to let Alice get away, so he pestered me relentlessly until I agreed to go to Munich. It was a long shot–we didn't know if you'd show up at Hofbräuhaus or not."
"Remind me to thank Emmett for being relentless."
"Yeah, no kidding." Edward chuckled. "I owe him." He lifted my hand to his mouth, kissing it. "It was on the train to Munich that the James Blunt song came up randomly on my play list. It was perfect; I couldn't stop listening to it after that."
"But he didn't get the girl that he saw on the subway."
"No, he didn't go after the girl, but I did . . . eventually. We have a happier ending," Edward said, a lightness in his voice. Suddenly, he lifted both of my legs, pulling them onto his lap. I leaned back against the throw pillow in the corner of the couch. He began to remove my black high heels, but then stopped. "May I?"
I nodded with a smile. He removed my shoes, placing them on the floor. Quietly, he began gently rubbing my calves. After a minute, he deepened the pressure, massaging away the ache from walking all day. "What's your favorite color, Bella?"
"That's an impossible question."
"You're kidding? That was supposed to be the easy question."
"I don't have just one favorite color. It depends on if we're talking about clothes, a car, or the color scheme of my house."
"Let's go with clothes."
"I like black. I think black is sexy. Oh, and red. Yeah, I like to wear red, too."
"You are sexy in any color," he asserted with a sultry edge. Before I even had time to blush, he continued, "Favorite food?"
"What is this–twenty questions?" I laughed.
"Something like that, I guess. How about we make it five questions instead of twenty?"
"Okay, but let's establish some rules. Five questions each. We have to answer them honestly, of course. And you're allowed to pass on one question if you don't want to answer it."
"Agreed," he said eagerly. "Favorite food?"
"Mexican."
"Longest relationship?"
Oh, shit.
My face flushed, and I worried that it was noticeable. Nearly in a panic, it dawned on me that it was a straightforward question. I didn't have to give any details about the relationship.
"Um, almost three years."
"Why have you chosen not to date?"
What the–
I was completely blindsided. How the hell did he know about Operation Nun? "Uh . . . what–" I stuttered.
Edward smiled reassuringly, his fingers dancing softly across my leg. "Emmett told me."
"Oh, right. I forgot about that. Uh, yeah, he and I talked briefly about that at Neuschwanstein Castle." Twirling a strand of hair around my finger, I contemplated telling Edward about my marriage and divorce. "Um, pass," I croaked.
It was the perfect opportunity to tell him, but I was terrified that he would somehow see me as less, as a failure, as tainted. I'd fall from the pedestal upon which he seemed to have placed me. I feared that particular subject would rupture our bubble of bliss.
Edward regarded me for a moment, his eyebrows knitted in contemplation. "As you wish," he conceded. "Last question . . ." He stopped massaging my legs, taking both of my hands in his. "What is your greatest fear?"
Between the last question and this one, solemnity hung heavy in the air. Goddamn, this "game" had unexpectedly morphed into a therapy session of probing questions. Fear is such a personal thing; it reveals so much, stripping you emotionally bare in front of another, and empowering the observer with knowledge of how to hurt you. I had given all of myself to Jacob, and, in doing so, I'd effectively handed him the power to crush me, which he ultimately did.
Edward rubbed my hands with his thumbs, and then lifted one to his mouth, kissing it as he'd come to do frequently. When I looked into his patient eyes, I knew I had to offer him this part of myself. I'd already passed on one question, and if I kept stonewalling him, he certainly would do the same. With a sigh, I murmured timidly, "My greatest fear is to lose somebody I love."
Without waiting for his reaction, I quickly launched into my own questions. "Now it's your turn to be under the microscope," I announced gleefully.
He chuckled. "All right. Turnabout is fair play. What've ya got?"
"Favorite color?"
"Black."
"Copy cat."
"No, kindred souls." He smirked.
"Favorite food?"
"Now you're the copy cat–you're stealing my questions."
"Oh, don't get your boxers in a bunch," I retorted. "I'm not stealing all your questions, and even if I do, just take it as a compliment."
Edward laughed. "I'm not wearing boxers, so they can't possibly be in a bunch."
One errant eyebrow involuntarily cocked in surprise. "Briefs?"
"Hell, no." He twisted his mouth, scrunching up his nose as if I'd insulted him.
"But . . . ?" I was momentarily confused. No boxers . . . no briefs. Processing, processing. "Ohhh . . . ohh . . . commando?" My eyes flew wide open, and I must have looked a bit too happy with the idea because Edward burst into a fit of laughter.
Punching him in the arm, I warned as I giggled along with him, "Don't laugh at me!"
"I'm sorry. It was just….oh, god, your face was priceless." He exhaled heavily, recovering from his belly laugh. "Um, yes, commando. Always. Okay, so what was the question again?" He grinned mischievously. "Oh, yeah, favorite food. That's tough because I love most food, but one of my favorites is lobster–really, any seafood."
Holy fuckarooni! I heard something about lobster, but I could barely focus on his words, and I was struggling to formulate my next question. All I could see was a visualization of his amply-endowed naked dick hiding just behind the buttoned-fly on his jeans. Commando . . . mmm.
"Bella? Earth to Bella."
"Oh! Sorry, I was thinking of my next question. I'm going to steal another one of yours."
Edward's fantastic leg massage had moved down to my feet, but I needed to be closer to him–and to his button-flys. I lifted my legs from his lap, drawing them up and under my bottom as I scooted closer to him. He put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me under his arm and against his chest.
"Thanks for the massage. You have very talented fingers," I purred, reaching for his hand. As I glanced up at him, he looked as if he were about to erupt into another laugh attack. He gave me that crooked half-smile but with a particularly roguish edge to it.
"What?" I asked innocently.
He snickered, shaking his head amusedly. "Nothing . . . nothing. You are very welcome. I probably enjoyed massaging your legs more than you did. Okay, so do you have another question for me?"
"Longest relationship?"
"Interestingly enough, same as yours. About three years."
"Okay. Uh, next one–tell me about your friend who died in Iraq?"
The jovial fire in Edward's eyes extinguished immediately. "That isn't really a question, but, regardless, I pass."
Goddamnit! I cursed myself for possibly ruining our evening by bringing "it" up, but if we were going to have a real relationship, he would have to open up to me about the war at some point. I knew I was pushing my luck with my next question, but if Edward could ask it of me, then surely I could do the same and expect an answer. In the spirit of tonight's copy-cat game, I lifted Edward's hand and kissed the back of it in reassurance before asking him to make himself vulnerable. "Your greatest fear?"
Edward held my gaze for a moment before looking down at our joined hands. He exhaled forcefully and then looked into my eyes again. "Losing somebody I love," he whispered.
I couldn't say I was surprised by his answer, but I was somewhat amazed that he'd actually answered the question. It was a small step in the right direction toward revealing our true selves to each other. "Kindred souls," I whispered with a wistful smile.
Revealing our greatest fear to the other and finding it to be the same, removed the suffocating somberness of uncomfortable subjects. Though there was an enigmatic connection the moment we'd first looked into each other's eyes, the link felt strengthened, now with its roots in truth. It was as if peeling back a layer of ourselves added a concrete strand of knowledge to the existing invisible threads of energy between us.
"Yes, kindred souls," Edward mused quietly.
Between his seductive adoration of my neck earlier and the emotional ties pulsing between us, the sensual longing welling up within me was overwhelming. I launched myself at him, crushing my mouth against his as my hands flew wildly into his hair, tugging and exploring.
His response was as frenzied as mine. As our teeth knocked together and he sucked my upper lip between his teeth, our breathing became labored. He turned and lifted himself onto his knees as he gently pushed me onto my back, laying me out beneath him on the couch.
Passion poured from his gaze as I caressed the stubble on his jaw, and my focus rested on his pouty, luscious lips that were agape as he panted.
"Edward," I moaned, pulling his face to mine, tasting the deliciousness of his mouth. As he kissed me ravenously, he lowered his body to mine, thrusting his hardness between my legs. I whimpered with want as my back arched, lifting my hips up to the source of my yearning, and then suddenly, somehow, my rational voice broke through the dizzying cloud of desire, urging me to slow down. It was the voice of my greatest fear–Edward might not want me once he knew about my marriage and divorce, my greatest failure.
I desired him sexually more than any man I'd ever known, but my devastation would be compounded if he left me after making love to me. We both had layers of baggage to reveal before becoming even more vulnerable to each other by having sex. "Edward," I panted. "Baby, I'm sorry."
He pushed himself up on his elbows, lifting his body off of mine. "Bella?" His voice was breathy and full of concern.
"Um, I think we should slow down," I murmured, biting my lip.
"Okay, sure," Edward said. "Sorry . . . I thought you–" His voice trailed off as he sat up, pulling me into a sitting position beside him.
"I did, I mean–I do! I'm the one that's sorry, Edward. I mean, I attacked you, and then I stopped. I feel like such a tease." I couldn't look at him; my eyes darted around the room as I anxiously played with my hair.
Edward chuckled, reaching for my hand and removing it from my almost-sex hair. "Bella, it's okay. We really haven't known each other very long, so I understand if you're not ready."
I smiled in relief. "Edward, I want you to understand that it isn't because I'm not sure about how I feel about you. I just . . . well, I know we did more in Florence, but that's because I thought that was the only night we had. Now that we have time, I just think that we should know each other better." I sighed heavily. "I just can't give myself to you that way yet–I'm scared of losing you."
"Why would you lose me? Do you not believe that I'm serious now about a relationship . . . because I was so opposed to it before?"
"No, not at all. I believe you, but . . . well, we probably should be able to play twenty questions without passing on any of the questions." I looked up cautiously through my lashes, unsure of his reaction.
"Ahhh." He nodded. "I see what you're saying. So how about we find something to do that will distract us from temptation. I'm not ready for you to leave yet."
"Good, because I don't want to leave," I hummed happily. "What did you have in mind?"
"We could watch a movie?"
"Perfect."
"But we'd have to be on the bed to see the television. Do you think you can control yourself?" Edward smirked, barely holding back a laugh.
I reached out impulsively, pinching his nipple. "Hell yes! I'm the one who stopped, remember?"
Edward groaned as he grabbed his nipple. "If you were trying to punish me, you failed–that's nothing but a turn on."
"Oh?" My eyebrows danced in mock seduction. "I'll keep that in mind."
Chuckling, Edward got up and retrieved the remote from the nightstand. He turned on the television and began looking for a movie while I took a moment in the bathroom.
As I washed my hands, I looked up, giggling at my reflection. My hair was a haystack, even worse than when I wake up in the morning. Edward's toiletry bag sat on the side of the sink. I peeked inside and found a comb to tame my hair the best I could, smiling when I noticed the pink-tinted patches on my chin and cheek from Edward's five o'clock shadow. Little love burns, I hummed to myself. I grinned, giddy with love and lust as I licked my slightly swollen lips.
I returned to find Edward on the bed, propped up against the headboard where he'd placed all the pillows. He'd removed his shoes and black pullover sweater, leaving on a white v-neck t-shirt, which much to my delight, nicely showcased his sparse but ample chest hair and well-defined biceps.
"There isn't a lot to choose from, Bella. Have you see The Bourne Supremacy?"
As I crawled across the bed, he lifted his arm, drawing me against his side.
"I have, but I love the Jason Bourne movies," I explained. "I could definitely watch it again."
"So you're telling me you like Jim Carrey's juvenile humor and you like testosterone-fueled, shoot 'em up movies?"
I looked up at him and shrugged. "Uh, yeah, that's what I'm telling you."
He beamed, shaking his head. "You're just too perfect. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up, and you will have just been the fantasy woman in my dreams."
He leaned closer to kiss me, but I tucked my chin down, nuzzling against his chest. "No kissing, mister. Your kisses are like a drug to me. Once I start, I can't stop."
His chest shook against my face as he laughed. "I love how you speak in metaphors all the time. If I'm your drug, please don't ever go to Edward rehab, okay?"
"That was actually a simile," I corrected smugly.
"Smartass," he growled, pinching my side. I shrieked, burying my face in his neck, laughing loudly. He kissed the top of my head, gently rubbing the spot that he'd pinched. "Okay, settle down, little swan. Shall we start the movie?"
"Yep, I'm ready." I cuddled up against him, entangling my legs with his.
After about an hour into the movie, my eyes became heavy. I considered going back to my room, but I was too content in Edward's arms to tear myself away, so I allowed sleep to overtake me.
As I turned over, voices pulled me from my sleep. I groggily looked around, realizing the voices were coming from the television. Edward was asleep next to me, his arm draped over my side. I looked for the remote and found it on the bed next to Edward. Carefully reaching over him, I grabbed it and turned off the television, quietly placing back it on the nightstand.
Settling back down onto the bed, I pulled Edward's arm tighter around me. That must have woken him slightly because he repositioned himself, pressing snuggly against my back, and I smiled as I returned to my dreams.
I was peacefully lost in slumber for an unknown amount of time until a piercing cry jolted me to consciousness. Gasping, I sat straight up, my heart thunderous in my chest as adrenaline coursed through me. I looked around but didn't see anything unusual. Edward was still asleep. Perhaps the scream was in my dreams.
As I began to lie back down, a deep, guttural cry came from Edward. He was turned away from me, so I sat up on my knees, leaning over him so I could see his face. Tears covered his cheeks, and his face was contorted as if he was in pain, but he was clearly still sleeping. I observed him for a few seconds, contemplating whether I should wake him or not. His breathing was shallow and rapid, and his hairline was damp. I then realized his whole body shimmered from a light sheen of perspiration.
"James!" he sobbed. "James! No!" Edward gasped in between torturous moans. "Sergeant Jones, cover me," Edward yelled, his legs thrashing violently.
My vision clouded as my eyes welled up–I couldn't stand to see him suffer another moment. "Edward," I said quietly, not wanting to startle him.
"Edward," I said a little more loudly. After no response, I yelled, shaking his arm, "Edward, wake up!"
He gasped loudly, sitting straight up in bed, eyes wide and darting around fearfully.
"Edward, it's okay. It's Bella. You're fine."
I scooted closer, placing myself in his line of vision, but he didn't look at me or respond in any way. As I put my hand on his shoulder to comfort him, he jumped, pushing my hand away. I moved away from him, and we sat in silence for a while. Everything in my being told me to hold him, to comfort him, but he clearly did not want that. My thoughts raced as I analyzed the situation, trying to find a solution.
Suddenly, he swung his legs around and placed them on the floor, sitting on the edge of the bed so that his back was to me. His elbows rested on his knees, and his head fell forward into his hands as he let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry I woke you up," Edward whispered hoarsely. Before I could answer, he muttered, barely audible to my ears, "I can't believe I fell asleep."
Crawling on my knees across the sheets to his side, I slowly placed my hand on his back. He flinched but didn't push me away this time. "Edward, don't apologize. You can't help it. Um, I've read that it helps to talk about bad dreams." I rubbed his back gently.
With his face still buried in his hands, he laughed overzealously. "Is that right?" he bellowed sarcastically. "What the fuck do they know?"
I was stunned; I'd never seen Edward angry. The worst I'd ever seen him was in moments of sadness or aloofness. "Okay, baby. We don't have to talk. We could just lie down and try to go back to sleep."
"I think you should go, Bella," he mumbled without any emotion. He lifted his face from the cover of his hands but kept his gaze down, looking at the floor.
My heart sank, and my stomach twisted as feelings of rejection swirled in my head. "You want me to go?" I whispered, my voice cracking.
"You won't get a good night's sleep if you stay here. I'll probably wake you up again." He lifted his hand to his disheveled hair, scratching his head and pulling at the roots. His hands were trembling.
"I don't care. I can't leave you like this . . . when you're clearly still upset."
"I'm fine, Bella," he nearly shouted. He sighed heavily as if to regain his composure. In a quieter but authoritative voice, he said, "I need you to go . . . now."
I had never felt more helpless in my entire life except when Jake had walked out on me. Then, I was helpless to control the direction my life was taking, and helpless to comfort myself. Now, I was helpless to comfort Edward. I wasn't sure which was more painful.
Very slowly, with a measure of fear of rejection, I leaned over, placing a tenuous kiss on Edward's cheek. I crawled off the bed and found my shoes next to the sofa. After slipping them on, I walked to the door with a very heavy heart. I placed my hand on the door knob, looking back at Edward. He was still sitting on the bed, frozen in place. As tears began to form once again, I opened the door to leave.
"Bella?"
I stopped in the open doorway, turning toward his voice to find his eyes finally meeting mine.
"It's not you, Bella. It's me." He looked away, rubbing his temple as though trying to soothe a headache. "I'll see you in the morning."
Good night, Edward." I hurriedly left his room and walked toward my own as the weight of realization settled on my shoulders. For the first time, I began to comprehend why Edward had been so adamantly against a relationship, not wanting to subject me to all the shit that comes with him, as he had so aptly put it. It seemed our bubble of bliss had burst.
A/N: Just in case you've forgotten, James (who Edward was dreaming about) is Edward's friend and fellow soldier who died in the battle for which Edward was awarded a medal. Edward risked his life to save James, but he still died from his wounds. (Refer to Chapter 10 if you want to refresh your memory.)
A/N: Just in case you've forgotten, James (who Edward was dreaming about) is Edward's friend and fellow soldier who died in the battle for which Edward was awarded a medal. Edward risked his life to save James, but he still died from his wounds. (Refer to Chapter 10 if you want to refresh your memory.)
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