A/N: Did someone say fluffles? I think someone said fluffles.
-Misty
Shingeki No Kyojin soundtrack of feels my friends.
P.S. By the way, in case anyone is offended (or becomes offended) by the use of the terms "loony bin" or "crazy ward" within the past two chapters, I greatly apologize, because that's not the aim I'm looking for. The terms being used towards the metal hospital are used as symbols of rebellion (Eren) and disinterest towards higher power (Levi). I in no way think of the terms used are proper by any means and personally find them a little offensive myself, but they're simply for the build and structure of the story. Nothing more. Sorry if I offended anyone. ^^'
Lost Cause
It's his job. Being in this special operation requires apathy, a cold heart, and dead eyes, making him just the man to do it. Of course this doesn't mean he likes it. However, when he runs into three young teens in the worst possible situation a life could lead, it turns out that he isn't as heartless as he once thought he was. Modern day AU: Officer Levi, Prostitute Eren. (Lots of trigger warnings. You're going to hate me so much for this fanfic.)
Rated M for adult themes, sexual content, adult language, violence and gore, child abuse, rape, drug abuse, oh so much more that I can't even list.
Main pairing: Riren. Other pairings with side pairings.
Anime: Shingeki No Kyojin (Attack on Titan)
Chapter 13: Trust Me
Watching Levi walk out of the hospital with Eren in his arms was a sight to see.
"This has been a very hectic day." Erwin said as he rubbed at his temples. He took a seat on one of the benches beside a hospital room door, his eyes downcast in an attempt to disperse the oncoming headache he felt.
"It has been." Hanji agreed and sat beside him. Her eyes drifted to Mikasa not far away, still sitting in her seat, but with the absence of her toy car, she wasn't very happy.
"I honestly can't agree with Levi," The blond man mentioned, his eyes looking to Hanji. "I don't think it's safe to let Eren go home with him, especially after today."
"Eren is safe with him." Hanji assured him and pulled her glasses off of her face to clean them.
"Are you sure, Hanji? You saw the damage Eren did to his hand. Who's to say he won't do it again?" Erwin asked.
"He'll do it again. Maybe not to the extent of this time, but he'll definitely do it until he finds other means of calming himself down from a situation like that." Hanji said distractedly while putting her glasses back on.5
"So you agree that his biting is a coping mechanism?" Erwin questioned skeptically.
"Of course. Levi is right; Eren doesn't have a suicidal bone in his body, and I'm sure he wouldn't unless something happened to Mikasa or Armin. He's not trying to hurt himself by any means; he's just trying to calm down. While I question his mental state when he bites as hard as he did this time around compared to others, I know Eren isn't insane. He just lacks the proper means to cope with what's happening around him." The woman explained while putting her glasses back on.
"So then why biting? Why not pinching himself or snapping a rubber band against his wrist?"
"He probably didn't think those up. I could give you a whole bunch of scenarios as to why Eren would decide to bite himself instead of do something less destructive, but this isn't the time nor the place. I can always mention it in a report, but I know Mikasa is listening right now, so now isn't a good time."
"I want you to try talking to Mikasa about it. She might know the true source of it." Erwin lightly commanded the woman. Hanji's brown eyes drifted over to Mikasa again from behind her glasses. She knew she'd have to talk to Mikasa about this; she'd have to talk to Mikasa about a lot of things, but not today. Not right now.
What needed to be tackled was Mikasa's cutting issues. First things first was to find out how recent any of the scars were.
"I will," Hanji said. "If we're being honest though, I'm more interested in what's happening between Levi and Eren than this."
"Why would you say that?" Erwin questioned, genuinely curious. Hanji tilted her head to Erwin, a wide grin on her cheeks that the man new all too well.
"You don't see it yet, do you?" She asked.
"See what…? Is there something I'm missing?"
"You don't see how close Eren is to Levi already?" She continued asking him.
"Obviously I'm not. I thought Eren still detested Levi."
"And to some degree he does, but that's only for show." Mikasa looked their way, and after a quick exchange in glances between her and Hanji, the woman leaned in closer to Erwin so she wouldn't hear them. His sister could hear Eren's name like a pin dropping on a wooden floor in the dead of night. "Didn't you see it? The way Eren clings to Levi in a drug induced sleep is adorable."
"He isn't aware of his actions." Erwin tried passing it off as if it were nothing.
"Maybe so, but you saw Eren calm down instantly when he realized who it was that picked him up. Anyone in Eren's position wouldn't let anyone get near them, whether they were drugged or not. You can try and debunk that all you want, but the point is that Eren trusts Levi, even when he doesn't want to. Even when he thinks he doesn't, he does. It's all just a part of his tough guy act so people can't see how broken he really is."
"So it's just an act?" Erwin asked.
"To all of us but people Eren trusts."
Green eyes slowly blinked open, dull and unfocused to the surroundings bidding him good morning. There was an annoying clicking sound in his head, and with each click reality seemed to slip further into his mind. The clicking stopped soon enough, however, and that left his ears free to listen in on other sounds around him.
There was a rumbling sound; a car engine if he made it out right. Then there was the pitter patter of rain against a metal roof, and by the sound of it, it was pouring hard.
Again the clicking sound appeared. It was irritating beyond his wildest comprehension, and with a growl, he slowly lifted his head from what he found was a cold glass window. His head turned slowly, and as it did, his eyes chose this moment to focus in on everything that was around him.
He was in a car; that much was obvious. It was raining, pouring like he had guessed. The windshield wipers were going back and forth, and how he hadn't heard that sound he wasn't sure. The incessant clicking sound he continuously heard was the sound of the turn signal at every turn or change of lanes, and that was all done by Levi, who was quietly keeping his eyes on the road. Of course he was mouthing curse words like there would be no tomorrow, his eyes squinting to see better through the hazard that was the rain.
Eren blinked a few times, quiet and confused. He couldn't seemed to wrap his mind around his situation, or why he was in a car with Levi while it was raining. He remembered being at Levi's apartment, making breakfast. What had happened after that? It was all so fuzzy to him, too transparent to wrap his mind around. Why did his head feel so heavy too?
"You awake brat?" Eren's head flinched upwards at the sound of the older man's voice. He hadn't noticed when Levi's eyes flickered over to check on him, but they had, and now Eren was left more confused than before.
"… Yes," He croaked and winced. That wasn't his voice, was it?
"You've been slipping in and out of consciousness for a few minutes now. Are you sure you're awake?" Levi asked again. Eren's head nodded to avoid the use of his voice, because his throat hurt like hell. It hurt just to think of the idea of speaking. "That's good. We're a block away from my place, so just hang tight."
Eren's eyes looked out the windshield, but it wasn't easy to make out anything through the rain, sober or not. Everything was still very fuzzy for him, however, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn't remember how he got here.
Levi wasn't the type of person to drug people, right? No, that definitely wasn't it. Even if he was, Eren would rat him out and Levi would lose his job.
So what was he doing here?
"You can keep sleeping if you want." Levi spoke up again after noticing Eren wasn't dozing off like he had before. "Nanaba said you don't take kindly to light doses of medication, so she drugged you up pretty hard. You may want to sleep most of that off."
"What… H-Happened?" Eren asked, a shiver going down his spine.
"You don't remember?" When a red light came, Levi finally got the chance to look over at Eren.
"No…" Eren decided it would be best if he stuck to shorter, simpler answers. Levi uttered out another curse before pulling into a parking garage, or more specifically, the one belonging to his apartment building. The rain let up instantly, and Eren was glad to see that it had been the rain that caused the stress on his eyes, nothing more.
As far as he knew.
When the older man was able to park into a nice, safe, and dry parking spot, he was able to sit back and sigh. Today's events were getting to him too, and he didn't even have any medicine. He had pain medication in his medicine cabinet, and that was it. Eren was the lucky one when he got a good dose of lala land.
"What's the last thing you remember?" Levi asked while leaning his head back against his seat. Eren's eyes slipped closed, and for a moment he thought that the teen had fallen asleep, but when green eyes revealed themselves again, he realized that he was only thinking.
"Breakfast…" Eren mumbled and looked up at him. "Was it good?" At that, his eyes lightened up some, as if the mention of breakfast had his hopes rise. That had been part of his plan in the beginning though, hadn't it? Wasn't Eren simply trying to feed Levi?
"Well, I can't say. I never got the chance to have any. It went up in smoke before I could." Levi mentioned wearily, careful not to set Eren off again. "Does that ring a bell?"
It obviously did. The realization was readable through the expression on Eren's face as it all became clear to him, the memories of this morning making their way through the dim fog called his mind and shinning in the light.
"Yes…" He mumbled and covered his face with his good hand. Levi noticed his whole body begin to shake, his head tilting back and forth along with it. Small whimpers began leaving his lips, and behind his hand that he used to cover his face, tears began sliding down his cheeks. The brunette tried to wipe them away, but it wasn't enough. The tears were coming in big, fat, thick droplets that his shirt sleeve couldn't handle. Another panic attack?
No, Levi would make sure it wouldn't come to that.
"I-I'm sorry…" Eren sputtered, his lungs heaving in an attempt to control his breathing.
"No, Eren…" Levi pulled his seat belt off in order to fully lean over the console between them. He reached to undo the belt around Eren's waist and chest, and when he did, he yanked the boy forward so Eren could rest his head against him. "Shush, Eren, it's okay."
"It's not okay…" Eren mumbled. Levi forced his head up with both hands against wet cheeks before pushing his forehead into Eren's. The teen's eyes were wet, red, and already swollen from the crying, but Levi didn't let that deter his actions. He wasn't going to let this stop him from helping Eren.
"Stop it, Eren. Don't think about that." Levi said softly and rubbed the pads of his thumbs against his cheek bones. "Talk about something else."
"No…" He whimpered.
"Yes, Eren. It'll help you get your mind off of things." Levi noticed the way Eren's hands began to fumble under the blanket, but he wasn't sure if the brunette remembered biting himself yet. Some things may not have been there just yet, and Levi wasn't about to remind him. "Petra's father made a lot of food, and both of them said we can have the share that'd be thrown out otherwise. He's made food for us before, so I know he's a damn good cook."
Eren's red eyes looked up at the man, his lower lip sticking out some, as if he were pouting. Somehow, that endearing little gesture seemed to reassure Levi that he was okay, and that he was going to be okay. He had to remind himself that Eren was stronger than he let on, stronger than his own body could handle. Sure, he had his moments, but if Eren were truly weak, he would have ended this a long time ago.
"… W-What's the food?" He asked with a stutter. Levi couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the edges of his lips or the light breath that could be mistaken for a laugh pass his lips.
"On the way to the car, I think Petra mentioned something about steak bits and gravy." He told him. "And then I think there is a bowl of chicken in broth-"
Levi had his attention at steak bits, and Levi could tell by the small rumble that that was heard within the quiet car. Eren's head immediately tipped, a low whine escaping him, but Levi pulled off the part of pretending he hadn't heard Eren's stomach growling in hunger. He simply wiped his hands away of the tears from Eren's eyes and let himself out. He told Eren to stay put, and Eren did as told. When he got to the other side and opened the door, Eren had done exactly as was told. The only difference was that, while Eren was sitting patiently and waiting, he had found his bandaged hand that had been sitting under the blanket Petra had given him.
He was messing with the wrap with his good hand, trying to find where it started and ended, or maybe even frayed. He just wanted to take it off to see the damage, to see the wound that would eventually become a scar. He knew it would, just like all the others, but he had never gotten stiches for them before, and he wanted to see them and what they would look like.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. You have a greenstick fracture." Levi said as he leaned against the metal framework of his car.
"What's a green… Greenstick?" Eren asked, his eyes straying from his hand.
"You know when you snap a toothpick in half, but it doesn't separate? That's similar to what you did to your hand."
"Oh…" Eren muttered.
"Nanaba said it was minor though. It'll still be a few weeks until it's fully healed." Levi reached in and tapped at the top of Eren's head, fully grabbing his attention. When he knew he had it, judging by those big, green eyes on him, Levi held out his hand, waiting to see if Eren was willing to take it.
"I can do it." Eren continued talking quietly as he shifted within his seat. His feet hit the ground first, testing the feeling to see if he had any sensations left in them. He knew he was on some form of medication after what Levi said, but to its use was unknown for him. He pushed the blanket aside and used the car to stand, but the moment he let go of the door, he all but collapsed.
If Levi hadn't been there to catch him, the fall would have easily hurt.
"I got ya," Levi said with arms wrapped around him and keeping him up. Eren had no choice but to drape himself over the man and hold onto him by his shoulders to keep himself up, or risk falling on the ground that was damp from the rain.
"Thank you…" He said softly by the man's ear.
"Anytime…" Levi said and led Eren out of the parking garage.
The lights to the apartment were off, and the lingering smell of smoke hadn't yet left the air. The kitchen window was open, letting in a cold draft, but it did well to get rid of most of the smell. However, the cold draft from the rain pouring outside was enough to have the whole apartment feeling subarctic.
"Fuck…" Levi cursed. Eren wobbled on his side as the older man dragged him over to the couch, where he gingerly set him down. Eren fell like a lead weight, the couch screeching against the floor from his added weight, but it wasn't like he could help it. Levi didn't care either, and when Eren was settled against the couch, Levi pulled the blanket off of the chair and covered him with it. "How is this?"
"Cold…" Eren murmured. Levi rolled his eyes before sitting down next to Eren and tucking him in.
"I'll turn the heat up in a minute." Levi said.
"Mh…" It was all Eren could think of to respond.
"Do you want to take a nap? Maybe wear off the last of the drugs?" Levi asked. Eren's head slowly shook, but at the rate it shook and with how his eyes were drooping, Levi felt like Eren's response wasn't thoroughly thought through. "Uh huh… I'll go turn up the heat really quick." Levi said.
Before Levi could stand, however, there was a hand grabbing at the loop of his belt. It wasn't enough to stop him from going anywhere; if Levi really wanted to, he could stand and ignore the gesture entirely. It was when it happened that had him stopping to look at Eren, silently questioning his actions.
"Captain…" Eren mumbled, his eyes drooping sleepily.
"Yes, brat…?" Levi asked and grabbed at his hand.
"… Stay here…" His tone was weak again, broken and defeated. He was tired, physically and mentally, and it showed. His expression could no longer be prideful, stoic, or even mad. He was tired, with red, swollen eyes and a frown that could beat anyone. He was barely clinging to reality; Levi knew that, but he didn't understand why Eren chose to fight to stay awake.
"Eren…" Levi said and sighed. He resituated himself on the couch, Eren immediately scooting over to give him more room before Levi spoke again. "We need to talk about this."
"About what…?" Eren asked.
"You know about what." Levi corrected him and placed a hand on his arm. "We need to talk about what happened."
Eren looked away, his attention pulled to some frayed thread hanging from a pillow like it was the most entertaining thing there was. This was his quiet and sly way of telling Levi that he didn't want to talk about it, but he also knew that it'd have to be brought up. He knew that he went overboard; he'd never done anything that insane before, so it was an obvious fact that he had to talk about it. He just didn't want to, especially not right now.
"Do we have to…?" Eren hesitated.
"Yes, we have to." Levi rubbed at Eren's arm, feeling the goosebumps rise up on his cold skin. "Trust me, I don't want to bring it up either."
"So then don't…" Eren argued.
"I have to, Eren." The older man let his hand press into Eren's cheek, curious to any leftover fever he may have. While Eren was flushed, it was more than likely from being cold than a fever. That, and he had been doing an excessive amount of crying today.
"I don't want to." Eren pouted. He slowly crossed his arms over his chest, like he was trying to prove his point, but Levi wasn't deterred by the motion at all.
"Eren," He said disapprovingly while Eren let out a long, prolonged sigh. "Listen, Eren, while I don't get the biting part, I know why you do it."
"You don't know anything." Eren scoffed.
"I know you do it to calm down. I scared you, and I'm sorry for doing that." Levi said. Eren did something that Levi knew every teen did, but that didn't make it any less annoying. He shrugged his shoulders lightly, his eyes looking from Levi to something else and then back again. He was listening, but he was trying to continue being annoyed. Levi hated it when someone would do that, but he hated it more that Eren was trying to play this off like it was nothing.
"I won't apologize for stopping you though. You could have really hurt yourself by doing that, worse than what you did. Eren," Levi waved his hand, making sure Eren looked at him. He needed Eren's full attention, because Eren needed to know how serious this was. "What you did was serious. I had to fight with Erwin to keep you."
That caught his attention.
"… Keep me…?" Eren asked wearily.
"Erwin wanted to admit you to Maria's. Do you know of it?" Levi asked.
"The crazy ward, right…?" Eren questioned, and Levi nodded his head.
"Yeah, that place. Erwin wanted to send you there, and so did Nanaba, the doctor who gave you those stiches. Both of them said you were mentally unstable, and they thought it'd be best to have you admitted so you can be watched, and so you don't do that to yourself again."
"What…?" It wasn't much of a question, but more of a surprised statement. Eren was looking at him with a mixture of amazement and fear with a shiver that didn't go unnoticed by the older man.
"I talked them out of it though. For now at least. Nanaba says that, since you don't have a legal parent or guardian with you, your rights can be taken away if her boss feels that you're still a harm to yourself. She can only stall for a few days before her boss gets a report and decides."
"What happens if they decide I should go?"
"I'll fight it. I'll see if Erwin can get a court order. You're a witness to a case, so that may help us." Levi explained.
"But…" Eren mumbled, his hand coming up to cover the quiver in his lips. Levi could see him breaking down slowly, fear spreading over him fast and reality setting in. The thought of being taken out of this place and put into an area he had heard bad rumors about scared him, but it wasn't just that. The idea of being put in there for God knows how long was more terrifying.
Eren was messed up. Even he knew that, and going there meant staying there. They'd pick away at every problem, and how long could that take? Months? Years?
It'd take a long time to get through the long list of things that was wrong with him. That long amount of time meant that he'd also lose what was important to him, which was Mikasa and Armin. He wouldn't get to see Armin or ever know if he was safe. He probably wouldn't even be updated about him from someone from the outside. He'd never get to save him. He would never get to know if Armin was okay, and he'd never know about Mikasa.
"Hey," Levi called to him and brushed a finger against his cheek. His skin was wet with tears that fell heavily, but he did his best to stop the flow.
"I don't want to go…" Eren whimpered while tilting his head into Levi's hand that welcomingly cupped his cheek.
"I won't let you." Levi said and pulled him close. The teen hid his face away in Levi's neck, the quiet sobs muffled by the scruff of his sweater. He cradled his head against him and held him close, with arms wrapped around him and his head on top of his.
"I don't want to go…" Eren repeated against his sweater and shook his head.
"I won't let you, Eren. I promise," Levi said softly. Eren's head shook again, but Levi wasn't sure what for. Was he denying the promise entirely, or did he not believe Levi? Why couldn't he just believe him? "I'll protect you…"
"I want to stay here..." Eren sobbed, a statement that made Levi freeze up for a moment. Levi thought it was just him imagining things, that he wasn't understanding the situation properly, that Eren was still a little loopy from his medicine, or that he was emotionally compromised, but Eren was still stronger than he let on to be. He had a big mouth, but he wouldn't say things like this without something important to imply.
Yes, he had heard what Eren had said, but he heard what Eren wanted to say as well. What he wanted to say, but still had too much pride to speak out.
'I want to stay with you.'
"Eren," Levi said and leaned back. Eren lifted his head without a second guess, knowing Levi's intentions and understanding that he needed to sit up. Levi cupped his hands against Eren's cheeks again, pulling him forward so their foreheads could rest together. Like this, Levi thought he could feel a fever on Eren's skin, but he couldn't be too sure. He felt warm, but there were so many reasons as to why that was. Levi wouldn't take it against him either if he felt sick. Eren had been through too much in one day to continue being tough.
"C-Captain…"
"Shh," Levi hushed. "Look at me, Eren…" He instructed, to which he was met with a watery gaze. "Eren, I promise you that I will protect you. I won't let anyone take you away from here."
He wasn't going to say "me." They'd work their way up to that together, but for the time being, they'd take slow steps towards it.
"Promise…?" Eren asked with a shivering voice.
"I promise." Levi assured him. "Trust me, Eren. You're safe. No one is going to take you away…"
Eren's head fell back to his shoulder where it stayed for a good, long while. In that time, Eren cried more, a slight surprise to the officer. He didn't think Eren had anything left to cry, but obviously he was proven wrong. It took Eren twenty minutes to deplete anything else he had left in him, and by then, he was truly exhausted. There was nothing left but to sleep, which wasn't easy for him right now. All of the crying had left him congested with swollen eyes.
Levi momentarily left him to get him some medicine and tissues, as well as a cup of water. The medicine wouldn't kick in for a while, but the tissues and cup of water did well to help relax any leftover frayed nerves. After that, Eren went back to hiding himself against Levi. The only difference was that Eren decided at some point that it was comforting to lay completely on top of Levi with his head on his chest and his ear over his heart. Levi was more surprised in himself that he didn't find this at all irritating or annoying, but whether he did or not didn't matter. He knew that he had to work with Eren. Eren needed time to recover, and this was only one step in many to help him.
It wasn't until another half an hour of resting later that the quiet but comforting silence they had been surrounded by was broken by Eren's stomach growling. He whined, obviously embarrassed by the sound, but Levi simply rubbed at the back of his head and sat up, bringing Eren with him.
"You haven't had the chance to eat today, have you?" He asked. Eren shook his head, his face tilting down to hide his self.
"Not really…" He responded quietly.
"I haven't had anything to eat yet either. I'm starving." Levi said and moved to get up. Eren pouted before sitting up, his head lulling to the side in a tired motion. "How much did you eat yesterday?"
"Why does that matter…?"
"I want to make sure I can track how much you eat. We've got to start somewhere." Levi explained and received an awkward and tired stare. "So…? How much did you eat?"
"I didn't," Eren stated too easily.
"What do you mean 'you didn't'?"
"I mean I didn't eat." He stated again.
"Eren…!" Levi bit out. "What about the dinner I made?"
"I wasn't hungry." Eren looked down at himself, to the hands coiling together in his lap. Levi was reminded again that he couldn't yell at Eren that way, or he'd have to deal with another trip to the hospital, but how could he not?
"So you didn't eat anything yesterday?" Levi asked, trying to calm the annoyance in his tone. He answered was a shake of the head and a small bite to his bottom lip. "When was the last time you ate then?" He couldn't help but ask, curiosity taking over.
He remembered Eren hadn't eaten anything the day he came in. Eren was too upset with him to even try leaving his room for a second, whether it was for food or the bathroom. Eren was sick most of the day after, and he refused to eat then too. Levi knew that, that wasn't so much rebellion, but because of his upset stomach. Beyond those days though, he couldn't remember seeing Eren with something to eat, even if it were small, like a sandwich. They'd been going through too much to even think about when he last ate, and that was a problem.
So, when Eren lifted his eyes up, as if deep in thought, Levi was mentally beating himself over the head.
"The fact that you have to think about it says something." Levi said and grabbed Eren's wrist. "Come on," He held back a growl.
"I-I'm not really hungry though," Eren tried to excuse.
"It doesn't matter if you feel hungry or not. You haven't had anything to eat in days and you're starving yourself. Your body needs food or you're going to collapse." Levi explained to him as he practically dragged the teen into the kitchen. He grabbed at the bag of food left from Petra and began unwrapping its contents, first pulling out some plates covered in tin foil and then two bowls. He wasn't even going to bother trying to separate food into shares. He could eat whatever was bought the day before, but for now, Eren was going to eat what was given to him.
The first plate had the steak, and inside one of the bowls was the gravy. He wasn't aware that there was some mashed potatoes on the plate before, but he was glad for it. He'd save the chicken soup in the other bowl for later, when it was needed as a smaller side dish, and popped the food into the microwave to heat up.
"That smells good…" Eren said with a breathy inhale after a few quiet moments. After a minute, the microwave timer went off, and Levi pulled the plate out roughly.
"Her father is a good cook," Levi said and placed the plate in front of him.
"… Wait, do you want me to eat all of it?" Eren asked, wide eyed and disturbingly terrified by the idea of it.
"That's the point." Levi said.
"Isn't this too much?" Eren questioned with a pointed finger to the plate.
"Just eat it." Levi said.
"What about you? Don't you want-?"
"Eren." Levi reprimanded and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'll eat some of the chicken soup when you eat that. Fair…?"
"… Not really."
"Eren." Levi scowled and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. He inhaled deeply and looked at the brat in front of him, who was staring at him with a mixture of confusion and alertness. "You don't have some sort of eating disorder, do you?" The officer asked.
"Of course not!" Eren scoffed.
"Be honest with me, kid. If you do, we have to figure out what to do from here."
"I don't have an eating disorder!" Eren yipped. "I just don't get the chance to eat often, and sometimes I forget to! That doesn't mean that I don't eat!"
"Then eat." Levi motioned for him to eat again and pushed the plate forward.
Eren poked at the fork beside the plate for a moment before taking it up and poking at the steak bits. He looked up at Levi, eyes pleading for him not to do this to him, but Levi simply stared back with an annoyed glance. Eren sighed before picking up some of the food and stuffing it into his mouth, but the taste was quick to flood his senses. He was instantly reminded of how hungry he really was, his stomach growling in both protest and happiness. Protest, because he hadn't eaten for so long, and the food was becoming foreign to him. Happiness, because the food was exactly what his body was asking for, and it was exactly what he would need to give him energy.
After that first bite, everything else disappeared quickly. Eren began shoveling food into his mouth in record time, but he didn't bother trying to chew or swallow. The brunette was beginning to look like one of those chipmunks that hid food in their cheeks, and by this point, Levi couldn't let him continue that way.
"Hey, slow down." Levi said and set a hand on his shoulder. "I know you're hungry, but you're going to choke if you don't take it easy." He reminded him. Eren set the fork down on the plate and inhaled heavily with his puffed out cheeks. Levi thought it'd be easier if Eren simply spit his food out and tried again, but he saw Eren continue to chew slowly, his eyes beginning to water. "You okay?"
Eren nodded his head weakly and finally swallowed. He gasped out the moment he could breathe again, his face contorting in pain. It was obviously too much to swallow and it hurt, but at least he got it down.
"Better…?"
"Mhm…" Eren hummed and picked up the fork again. He began eating, but he took it slow this time. He picked up tinnier bits, swirling them around within the gravy, and plopping them in his mouth. Levi was going to need to remember to thank Petra's father for this, because this was probably the most decent food Eren had eaten in a while. He admitted that they ate fast food, so Levi couldn't imagine what Eren was used to digesting, but this was healthy food. This was what he needed on a daily basis.
So when the water in Eren's eyes became tears, Levi was no less than surprised.
"What's wrong…?" He asked and rubbed Eren's shoulder. With his mouth full from his last bite, Eren shook his head, fearing he may choke if he tried to swallow now in this state. He could barely breathe through his congested nose as it was, but he didn't want to spit out the food that was so good it was making his mouth water. Levi pulled his head close regardless and held him close though, hoping he could do something, anything to help him. "Chew carefully and swallow, Eren." He instructed softly.
Eren nodded his head, and after a few seconds of mental preparation and some excessive chewing, he swallowed. The moment he could open his mouth without food in it, he fell against Levi and let his head rest against the man's collar bone. He fisted his shirt into his hands, his knuckles turning white from the grip he had on it. He would have done anything to hide though, and it wasn't enough simply holding onto the older man like his life depended on it. It wasn't enough that he had promised him he'd protect him. It wasn't enough that he was here holding him, keeping him close and safe, warm and fed.
Why wasn't it enough…?
"Eren…" Levi whispered softly and ran his fingers through Eren's hair. He felt the questions within him bubbling up, threatening to spill, but he feared asking them. Or rather, he feared Eren's reaction to them, which wouldn't be good if he asked. He knew that, and yet he felt them slowly rising up his throat.
"C-Captain Levi…" Eren whimpered and wrapped his arms around his shoulder.
He wasn't close enough.
"Eren," Levi said and leaned back, which didn't bode well for Eren. "Where's Armin…?"
He shouldn't have asked. Even he knew that. He was treading back into bad territory that was sensitive for him, but the question came out regardless. It was wrong to be doing this to Eren. Hadn't he had enough for today?
"No…" Eren sat back, his arms falling from his shoulders to his chest.
"Eren, please tell me where he is." Levi pleaded with the teen and tried looking into his eyes, but Eren kept his head down and his bangs in his face. "Tell me where he is, Eren, and I'll go get him for you."
"No…" The teen shook his head.
"I'll go get him, and this can be all over. You can stop worrying about him; you'll know he's safe and he can-"
"No…!" Eren snapped at him and pushed out of his hold. Eren jumped away from the table and out of the room, leaving behind the half eaten plate of food for Levi to either eat or throw away. There was a moment of quiet before his bedroom door slammed shut, and after that, the whole apartment fell into silence.
He knew he had pushed too far with that. He knew that mentioning Armin wasn't something he should have done, but he couldn't help it. He thought Eren was emotional enough to let it finally slip, but he was wrong.
What was he thinking? Of course he was wrong. Eren was stronger than that, and he was stupid for thinking that this could all end just like that.
But why…? Why wouldn't Eren give him up? Why was Eren hiding Armin like it was the most important thing to do for him?
Armin wasn't safer if that's what he thought it was about. As it stood, Armin was probably in more danger than he had ever been in his life. He wasn't safe where he was, and it should have been obvious from that conversation on the phone.
Or maybe this was about pride. Maybe Eren wanted to be the one to save him. Eren always had fears of never being able to save him, and maybe he wanted to be the one to get Armin out of that hell. After all, Eren had said he'd save Armin himself, but he didn't think that Eren would go so far. Was that really the case? Was this all about him being the one to save his brother?
Could he really not trust Levi that much? Hadn't Levi promised?
Well, that was a half assed thought. People broke promises all the time, and he was sure Eren had promises broken to him many times before. It wasn't fair, but that was how the world worked, and that was probably the case for him. He suffered from trust issues enough as it was, which just meant that Levi was going to have to work twice as hard to fix it.
Just another thing to work on for him.
Levi sighed and looked down at the plate of food. It wasn't a joke when Petra had said he made left overs, but he made a lot of them. There was enough on that plate to feed two or three people, and Eren managed most of it in a short amount of time. Levi knew he was still hungry through, still starving, and it wasn't a good thing to leave food behind like this. There was still plenty left, and it needed to be eaten. It wasn't good if Eren just ignored the rest of it.
The older man grabbed at the forgotten plate and fork and walked to Eren's room. He waited outside the door for a moment, listening in to any sounds that should tell him not to go in or burst in right away, but there were none. He couldn't even hear any sobbing or crying sounds, which worried him greatly. He thought about knocking, to be polite, but he remembered that Eren probably wouldn't appreciate that if he did it. He wasn't sure why, he just felt like Eren wouldn't like it.
He opened the door and poked his head in, looking around the room to make sure Eren wasn't going to throw anything at him or attack him from a blind spot. That wasn't the case at all, to his luck. Eren was sitting on his bed, legs pressed against his chest, arms wrapped around them, and his head hidden behind his knees. The moment the door opened, however, he lifted his head some to look at the man presenting a plate of food to him.
He looked upset. He looked guilty. He looked like he was ready to throw in the towel and give up all together, but Levi ignored it. He wouldn't let Eren do that, because that was something they could tackle together. He had promised after all, and he wouldn't let Eren fall.
"I don't like it when people waste food." Levi simply stated and sat on the edge of the bed beside him. Eren looked down at the plate for a moment, but his eyes were back on him quickly.
Was he waiting to be punished? Was he still scared that Levi really would hurt him? He shouldn't have been thinking that way.
Levi promised him.
"I'm sorry…"
"Are you sorry for wasting food? If that's the case, then I'll accept it so long as you eat what's left." Levi said and set the plate in front of the brunette. Eren's eyes followed the plate with hunger and a bit of greed, but Levi wouldn't blame him for it.
"… Sure," Eren mumbled and picked up the plate. He didn't even waste time; he began eating again like nothing had happened and they hadn't just gone through what they had gone through. His portions and bites were smaller this time around, but he managed to clear the plate, and by the time it was empty, the food was doing its job.
Eren's head was lolling to the side, reality barely clinging to his tired senses. By the fifth head nod, his whole body moved to the side, but Levi's shoulder was there to catch him. The man rolled his eyes, but he wasn't against this. Eren hadn't had a decent night of sleep yet, as far as Levi could tell, and after a meal that heavy, it was definitely needed.
He wrapped his arms around the boy, but apparently Eren was still cognizant enough to cling onto him. He muttered intelligent phrases, too quiet for Levi to catch, all except for one.
"Don't go…" It was a small whisper, and Levi couldn't possibly deny him that.
"Hold onto me." Levi instructed in a soft tone. Eren did as told, his arms barely holding onto his shoulders as Levi put the plate on the floor and pulled the blankets out from under him. He tucked Eren in, and once comfortably under the blankets (And thoroughly out cold), Levi settled himself down beside him. He'd make sure Eren would be out for good, long time before he tried heading back to bed himself.
Who knows? Maybe that would mean he'd just stay there for the night.
A/N: More fluffles to come...