"Why"
Days gone by so fast; but for me those past few days were somewhat a struggle; being me as Sebastian; as an amazing guy, as a soccer player, as a fine student and mostly as Olivia's closest guy friend. I'm quiet impress of myself, really; because until now, no one ever notices that I am just pretending as a guy… I just hope until my very last day; pretending as my twin brother; everything will went well. That I will just leave in this place unnoticed and my brother will take over, simple as that…
After all; I'm still me, Viola Hastings; the ordinary but amazing girl from Jordan; I never forget about that, my identity. Even though at times, I am carried away as Sebastian, specifically the day after the kiss; and the strange feelings took over my awareness about me and Olivia… I know this kind of complications will just pass by, as soon as my twin brother come back from chasing his dreams; and me will go home, back to my normal life.
"Vi please… I know what I am doing… so just relax, okay?" Jethro helping her, tying her silk bow tie "You will be fine with this outfit…" he grin
"Really….but… I am truly nervous…" I'm looking at Jethro who is so cool and calm dressing me up. "You think it will be fine that you know... I'll ask Duke to replace me? I really had this nervousness you know… about tonight" I keep on talking and Jethro just roll his eyes
Mia enters the room "Vi, use this perfume later, okay?" she put it on top of the bed
Zina pick it and read the brand with her eyes "Not bad… Olivia will gonna eat you after the dance…" she teases her showing the perfume bottle
I look closer to read what is written in the label "Cotton candy?" I raise my left eyebrow…
Mia gives me a thumb up…
"Last time you give me a candy scent and now to the next level… a cotton candy… you gotta be kidding me" I shake my head
Jethro slap my butt, so I go back standing still infront of the mirror…
"Black and red will make you look so beautiful and elegant…" Jethro complimenting her nice outfit who he just bought in rush mode yesterday
"Don't forget the awesomeness and handsomeness" Mia wink
I look at my mirror image… I am wearing an Emporio Armani one button wool tuxedo, my inner is a classic black evening shirt, and I really like the red silk cummerbund around my waist and of course the dark red bow tie is kind of making me look like a super mannish… though it's awesome that this outfit makes me look so great; as a pretending guy, it also terrifies me the fact that I am a girl… "I feel weird…" I speak softly
Zina knows already what to say "If you don't find it happy and fun, then just forget about going there at the ball" she look at Viola's mirror image… "You know, forget about Olivia waiting for you and just don't show up… it's not your problem, after all just a couple of days? 3 days? 4 days? You'll gonna leave Illyria. So it's not really a big deal" she tries to make Viola guilty
I turn around to face her… then I sigh… emptying my lungs… "That is an awful plan, rudeness…" I give emphasis to the word rude… "You had no idea how her eyes appeared on that night, and refusal is not an option"
Jethro is busy fixing her fake hair… while Mia is just listening to them; she knows that Zina will handle the situation, because she is a pusher; someone who will encourage, persuade and give confidence…
"Really… but it will not be fun for you…" Zina adding an irritating statement
I give her and etched expression "What the hell Zina… stop that… I know you're trying to annoy me, you're pushing me to… to do this…" I turn around in circle to show to her my whole body, my whole outfit "It's just I don't know anymore…" now I'm totally sad… I don't understand, but the thoughts that I will be leaving soon and I'm a girl just pretending to be a guy, really sucks.
"Geez Viola…" Zina stands up and hug her confused and bewildered friend "Remember… There's a guy within you…"
"Right" Jethro and Mia join the hug
"Right, a group hug right now will really ease my complicated and strange…" I pauses "whatever…" I chuckle; I can't find the right word
"You're just confused that's all" Mia giving her the thought
"I guess…" I reply smiling
And my preparation for the debutantes' ball is just finished with a little drama…
Zzzzzzz
Jethro driving his BMW; he will drive me to the venue; Mia and Zina come with us also.
"Remember the dance I taught you this morning... don't ever step on her foot, ever..." Jethro seriously look at me
"I'll try my best mother" I joke at him
"Habibti don't forget to wear the attitude and confidence..." Mia getting closer at the back of my seat and hugging me "I really like your smell..." she giggles
I just hold her hugging arms... and smile...
"Super nervous, clock is ticking 7 minutes..." Zina joke at her
I nod... "Geez, the closer we get to the venue the more nervous I am"
Jethro slows down the car... "Looks like we got a problem ahead..."
I move my head closer to the front mirror... An accident happened, and looks like it causes traffic... "This is bad" I turn to Jethro "How long it'll gonna take if we detour?"
Jethro look at his watch... "Long... Not enough time, and with the traffic; you'll gonna be late..."
"Then I'll just run... It's only 1 block right? And I'll get to the venue..." I look at them
"Yeah, go now habibti... don't fail Olivia; this is her night, her very special night..." Zina smile to her
"You can do it habibti..." Mia cheers him
"Will be there..." Jethro give Viola an approving look
I hurriedly go outside the car "Thank you guys..." I smile and slam the door close.
"Go go go" they 3 shouted to show support in her marathon to the venue
So this is it ha... I am running... towards someone who is waiting for me, who believe in me; just wait for me Olivia... I will not let you down...
I run as fast as I could, clock is ticking... I passed through the flower shop, then jump to the stairs... 4 minutes... almost there...
Zzzzzzz
The program will about to start in 3 minutes... the organizer of the Ball announces...
"Olivia, honey is your partner will gonna make it?" Gloria ask her, she is Olivia's mother
She turns around to face her mother "He will be here mom..." she look around, hoping she will see him among the crowd of people, walking towards her...
Gloria smile and caress her daughter's blond hair... "Okay... but if the presentation of the debutantes starts; you're father will gonna walk you to the stage..." she look at her with fix eyes
"Okay mom..." will her mom is right, she can't walk infront of the audience alone...
"I will call your dad, his just right there... I'll be back, and smile okay... this is your night" she kiss her daughter's forehead and walk towards where her husband is...
The music starts... that is the beginning of the program...
"Good evening everyone... welcome to the 15 Annual Debutante Ball; we are here in Star Pavilion Garden... Hosted by yours truly..." Mrs. Holley smile as the spotlight darted on her standing at the podium
The visitors, parents of the debutantes, relatives, friends and even photographer and bystander give a round of applause.
"Thank you everyone for coming... this evening is the special evening for our dear debutantes who deserve to be called fine young ladies, as they will going to share to us the joy and happiness of tonight's celebration... may this night will give them the confidence and experience. So, not to take any longer let me introduce our debutantes in this evening...
Kate Kidman... escorted by Danny Lang... Mrs. Holley introduces the first pair
Olivia, thumping her Cinderella shoes on the floor stairs... 1 more pair and it's her turn...
Jane Sullivan... escorted by Thomas Geri... Mrs. Holley clapping
Now it's her turn... she did not look back... her dad is on his way to be here escort
Olivia Lennox... escorted by Sebastian Hastings...
This is her special night, she should be happy with or without Sebastian... She takes a step forward to the opening of the stage and she turn her gaze to the other side of the stage... her heart jump and a genuine smile appears in her face... Sebastian is standing there at the opposite side, smiling at her...
They both walk in the center of the stage... spotlight is focus on them... and they hold hands as they stand infront of each other...
"I see you..." I look at her with bug-eyed "Just like the Avatar movie" I joke to her, easing my tension... my heart and blood is pumping so fast... I had a one hell of a run out there...
"I see you too... pfff" she softly laugh and cross her arms on Sebastian's left arm
They walk slowly and proud… waving to the people infront of the stage…
"Look at that pair... they are so cute together..." comment from one of the parent attending the ball
Olivia's parents were sitting in their table…
"Isn't she's lovely and so happy tonight Gloria?" Ralph asking his wife who just sit beside him, he is Olivia's father
Gloria smiling and clapping her hands for her lovely daughter "She is, and they both look good together" looking at Sebastian
They walk together to the table where Olivia's parents sitting.
"Mom, Dad" she hugs them both
"You're like glittering diamond up there honey…" her father complimented her
"Thanks dad…" she gets off "Ahmm… this is Sebastian…" she hold his hand and slowly pulls him closer infront of her parents "and Sebastian… they were my parents" she introduces them to each other
"hello… good evening" I shyly greet Olivia's parents… I did not expect this
"Nice to meet you son" Olivia's father shakes hand with him "Glad you make it"
"Thank you…" I smile if he only knew I run like a cheetah
Olivia's mother stands up and hug Sebastian "It's really nice to meet you in personal Sebastian… Olivia told me about you… and she is right" she wink
"Thank you…" I smile again… Geez I don't know what to say to Olivia's parents
Olivia winks at Sebastian… "It will be fine… they both like you" she smile
"What a relief..." I give her a cheesy smile
Folks… we invite the debutantes and their partner to dance the debutant waltz… Mrs. Holley announcing
We look at each other… this is it… the dance; mostly, this is the best part of the movies I watched…
I look at Olivia's parents "Mam, sir I'm gonna take your daughter for a dance"
"You have our approval son…" Olivia's father reply to him
"Thank you" I smile and turn my gaze to Olivia… "Shall we?" I offer my hand to her
She smiles to him… She accepted it and they hold hands walking to the center of the dance floor…
"Oh my God look at them…" Mia giggles as she indicates them for Jethro and Zina to see them
"Gosh… Viola is so cool" Jethro admiring his masterpiece
"I'm happy for them, they look so cute together" Zina smile…
And they all look at them
They were dancing in the middle of the dance floor, their eyes are lock into each other… they keep smiling… they had their own world…
I just learned this waltz dance, (the guy part) this morning… it's really nice and slow… Olivia's hand is soft and her waist is small and tender. I keep smiling and looking into her eyes… as we waltz slowly.
Olivia, without a word enjoying the dance… this is the best dance she ever had in her life…
Olivia and Sebastian waltz in silence… only their eyes speaks what they feel deep inside their heart…
Zzzzzzz
I left Olivia at the event and heads my way to the parking area at the back part of the Pavilion garden… I received a text from duke that he wants me to meet him, it stated urgent and ASAP.
I easily spotted him, since no one's there in the parking area; everyone is inside the place. I walk fast to where he is standing… "Bro… wazz up?"I smile to him, as friendly to him; always
Duke did not smile "So, this is what you're doing, backstabbing me?!" he look at him angrily
I stop "What are you talking?" I look at him, questioning
"Don't play dumb! You know what I mean!" his voice gets louder and fuming "You stole this moment from me! I should be Olivia's partner, but you took it away from me!"
Now I understand… "I know what you mean… Olivia asked me to be her partner this evening… okay? So don't think or make it big deals because I did not backstab you dude…" I explain to him
"Sebastian what's going on?" Olivia, walking fast almost running to where Sebastian and Duke standing
"Olivia, get back inside…" I stop her from getting close to us
Olivia did not listen; she keeps walking and reaches them… "Why are you here Duke?" she looks at him
"He just wants to talk to me, Olivia…" I answer
"I just want to clarify what is between you and him" Duke glaring at Olivia
I smile, trying to control the situation "He is confused…"
"I'm not!" Duke shouts "So tell me Olivia!"
Shouting is rude… especially when you're just too close to the person your yelling at "Dude you don't have to yell, you know" I'm reminding him
"Sebastian its okay…" Olivia faces Duke… "I don't know how many times should I dump you; so that you can understand that there is no you and me… And I don't wanna be you're gf! And you have no right to question me if who I like, and who I want to be with me!" she say it on his face
Duke sneer "So you're telling me that you like this guy? This skinny Arabian guy!" he pointed Sebastian
"Come on Dude" I am calming him, I got a bad feeling about it
"Yes! I like this skinny Arabian guy you're mocking at!" she retaliates "And if there's a guy I wanted to be my bf, it is him and not you!" she gets right back to him
Duke gets angrier hearing that from Olivia "So is this what you telling me Sebastian! You're not backstabbing me! Huh!"
I'm speechless… even me I'm surprise to this turn of events… "Look man…" I try to tap his shoulder "I don't know…" I did not finish what I was trying to say… I passed out…
"OH my God… you're crazy!" Olivia kneels down and shakes Sebastian unconscious body
Duke, realizing what he did… "I'm sorry…" he runs away from them
"Sebastian wake up? Help!" she shouted…
Zzzzzzz
"Ouch… gently…" my mouth hurts, and my lips hurt a lot more…
"Okay, stop moving backward… I can't wipe off the blood" Olivia wiping a tissue napkin in the right corner of his mouth…
"Ouchhhh…" I close my eyes… it is really painful and my lips are swollen "Jesus Christ be gentle Olivia"
Olivia look at him "Sebastian endure the pain... if you can only see your lips right now"
"It's okay, I guess I deserve this…" I look down…
Olivia touches Sebastian face, then his swollen lips… and gets closer to give him a kiss…
No… not a kiss again… I turn away my face… refusing the kiss
"Why?" Olivia looks at him with sad eyes
I did not answer and I did not look at her…
"Why you're always like that… always avoiding me, are you deaf? Are you blind? You're not right? You hear, you saw what I just said and did earlier…" she is now feed up
I don't know what to say…
"Are you waiting for me to admit to you that I like you? That I'm totally into you… that I want to be your gf… is that what youre waiting for me to say… okay then it's all true…" she's making herself firm, she will not back out nor hide her feelings…
I look into her eyes "You're not supposed to feel that way towards me"
Olivia's reaction is puzzle to what Sebastian just told her "What do you mean by that?" she doesn't get it… "Are you a gay?"
I chuckle… "I'm not…"
"Then why are saying like that?" she's getting more confuse "Didn't you feel anything for me?"
"I like you... I really really like you…" that's the truth…
"Then why you're like that… if you like me, just what you said; then why you keep on avoiding the chances that you and me can be together more than what we are, right now." She's trying to know why if he likes her
"Sometimes it is better things left unsaid than to know the truth and can just hurt us more…" whatever she say's its meaningful
She gets closer to him, motioning her hand asking for an explanation..."What?"
I unconsciously bite my lower lip, then I smile to her "What I mean... is..." how am I supposed to say it to her "It's wrong that you like me Olivia... I'm sorry..." I really don't know how to say it to her without compromising my disguise
"You're so mean... you know that..." she is now feeling gloomy "Do you have any idea how I feel? Do you?" she's holding her tears back but yet it flows down on her cheeks "You have no idea what is like to get hurt every day, every single seconds that I am with you, trying to understand my feelings and you, you didn't notice it or you just ignore it…" she closes her eyes and look at him again
I don't know what to say... should I comfort her, should I wipe her tears... I am motionless... speechless...
"I know you're a nice person, friendly and comforting that's why I completely into you... I keep hiding and controlling myself, my feelings towards you... hoping that one day, you will wake up and you'll see me... not as you're closest friend but as me... Olivia" she is now weeping...
This is a total revelation... I am feeling guilty and terrified "I have no right to hurt you, to make you cry like this..."I speak softly "As much as I want to respond to your feelings towards me... I can't" I look at her with sad eyes
Olivia getting calm... she wipe her tears "Why you can't?" she holds Sebastian's hands "Don't you like me? Am I not that good enough?"
I sigh... This is going far... Olivia is my important friend... maybe now is the right time I will tell her the truth? "You're perfect Olivia... every guy likes you... but me... I cant, it's against the rules..."
Olivia is more confuse as what Sebastian is now telling her...
"You see..." I am now speaking using my real voice
Olivia didn't notice it really the changing of Sebastian's voice
"I have no intention to complicate things between us" I pull my fake eyebrows... "Because... Olivia... I am" I pull my fake side burns... "I am a girl too" then I take off my fake guy hair...
Olivia's eyes widen... She is now looking at a girl, a beautiful girl to be exact... Sebastian is a girl? Olivia is speechless... for real the Sebastian she knew, the guy she adores so much and almost fell inlove with; is actually a girl...
"I have only one goal in coming here in America... To go to Illyria and pretend as my twin brother; replace him for the meantime..." I explains to her "I didn't mean all of this to happened... and I'm sorry"
"I hate you!" she slaps Viola... and walk away from that place
Stuns by the slap... I just stand there, motionless... watching Olivia walking away from me... I never turn away my gaze...Olivia's perfect image is now completely loss in my sight... and I feel warm tears are falling from my eyes... actually the slap doesn't hurt, even the swollen lips it's not painful anymore... but why am I in tears and why does my heart hurt so much... may be because I know very well, I'll never see her face again...