I know it's been a while. I'll give no excuses, just enjoy!
You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up
But will it ever be enough? (Raise it up, raise it up)
It's not enough (Raise it up, raise it up)
Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl
Frozen in the headlights
It seems I've made the final sacrifice
-Rabbit Heart, Florence and the Machine
"Happy Halloween!"
Alice forced a smile as she adjusted the strap of her tote bag awkwardly on her shoulder. "Yeah, you too."
Divya grinned back at her, flashing her pearly whites enthusiastically. The half-Indian girl was holding a plastic bag in her left hand and balancing two coffees in her right.
Alice quickly took one from her. "Thanks Div,"
"Oh sure." Divya said off-handedly. "And these are for you!" She held the plastic bag out toward Alice, letting it swing back and forth.
Alice stared at the bag for a moment, "I'm sorry. What is that?"
"It's your accessories for tonight." Divya explained, turning away and opening her locker. Alice grabbed the bag slowly and peered inside, finding what looked like a white sheet and golden leaves.
"Listen Divya," Alice started, pausing to find the right words. "I don't think I'm going to the party tonight."
"What? You promised to be Athena! Do you know how foolish I'd look as Selene alone?" She frowned, throwing her locker closed and crossing her arms over her busty chest. Alice had always been jealous of Divya, because unlike her ethnic friend, Alice was barely a B-cup.
"That was weeks ago, and I'm just not in the mood for a party." Plus, Amelia was supposed to be Aphrodite. She didn't say it out loud. It hurt too much to even think it.
"What better things do you have to do?" Divya sighed, narrowing her eyes. "Because you never want to do anything fun anymore. I barely see you. We haven't talked in days. Why can't you spend the night with me and celebrate Halloween?"
Bluntly, Alice said, "I was going to visit Amelia tonight."
Divya's face fell. "Really?"
"Yeah," Alice stumbled, looking away and tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She had be meaning to get out to the grave site for a while, but there were always people there. Obviously there wouldn't be anyone out there on Halloween. Everyone in Mystic Falls would be at some kind of party, either at the school or some random house party. Alice would have peace.
Plus, Damon would undoubtedly be somewhere else. Halloween meant an abundance of drunk slutty girls. His favorite. Alice liked it when Damon distracted.
Alice continued, "I'm sorry Div."
"I understand," Divya replied softly, taking a drink from her coffee, looking solemn. Suddenly her eyes lit up and she smiled. "Oh! I have an idea. Let's go together before, puts some flowers, talk to her for a while, and then we'll go to the party together! Amelia would have wanted us to have fun, you know that."
Alice didn't. Had Amelia been alive, she probably would have bitched at her for even considering ditching. But now that she was gone, Alice liked to remember her differently. Maybe if she thought of Amelia as a kind, sweet hearted girl, the feeling that it was ultimately her fault for Amelia's death would pass. If only Alice could convince herself of that idea.
"I don't know, I haven't been out there yet-"
"-Ah come on Alice. It'll be fun. A girls night out." Divya gave her a comforting smile and placed her hand on Alice's arm.
Alice almost jumped at the touch. Divya was so warm.
She hadn't felt anything other than Damon's cold touch for days. Where his hands gripped her face still stung to the touch. And Alice had to cake on makeup the day after to make sure there weren't any bruises.
There weren't. Damon had made sure of that. She was only paranoid.
With a loud sigh, Alice agreed. Divya grinned maniacally. "Thank you Alice! You'll see, we'll have a great time tonight!"
Alice didn't believe her, of course.
She paused in front of the mirror, tucking a strand of the curled hair behind her ear. Alice felt just as she looked, ridiculous.
Divya moved behind her in the bathroom, shuffling through a basket of gold body glitter. She was dressed the same as Alice, except her dress was a bit longer and her skins was obviously darker, contrasting elegantly with the white fabric. A crown of gold leaves sat on her dark hair.
Alice turned away, back to see her reflection. Blonde. Pale. Circles under her eyes.
"Here," Divya said, moving toward her with a gold glitter pencil. She started to draw complicated swirls around her temples and down her cheeks. Alice wasn't sure what it was for, but she figured Divya thought it looked good.
Suddenly, she stopped mid swirl and turned away.
Confused, Alice furrowed her brow. "You okay?"
"Um, yeah. I'm fine." Divya mumbled. From the mirror, Alice could see that she wasn't. The Indian girl's face was scrunched together and Alice could almost see tears welling up in her eyes. Alice had only seen Divya cry a handful of times, she wasn't one to break easily.
But she didn't want to press it. She knew from the last few months that some things were better left untouched. That sometimes, people don't want you to ask them what's wrong and comfort them. At least, that's the way Alice felt. She didn't want to talk when people asked her what was the matter. Alice wanted them to go on living their lives, not caring a rats-ass about hers.
Alice turned away and walked out of Divya's bathroom toward her bedroom. Divya's house was much smaller than her own- they were just a simple middle-class family. It was nice, her house seemed like a home rather than a mansion to stay in. Her bedroom was cozy- a canopy bed with warm blankets, a desk with a moderate laptop, and a closet stuffed with clothes. When Alice was younger she used to love staying at Divya's. Her parents used to make them milk and cookies late at night when the girls were supposed to be asleep. They sneak down to steal a few and always got caught. Alice couldn't look back at those memories without fondness, because they were such a simpler time. Her whole life appeared ahead of her at that point.
Not anymore of course. And when she could have small moments of normalcy, like getting ready and gossiping with Divya, she'd take them. Alice learned that now. She couldn't shy away from Divya anymore. She needed Divya. She needed some kind of rock to keep her steady from Damon.
Damon.
Things were different lately.
She couldn't quite put her finger on it. But things were definitely different.
He hadn't fed from her in quite a while. He didn't make as many rude comments, he didn't threaten her. He was mostly, well, charming. Alice of course didn't find him charming, just a menace. But it was nice not to have him breathing down her neck every ten minutes. He was almost giving her space, as if to say, if you do as I say, and I won't eat your parents.
Alice sat down at the edge of Divya's bed and started to pick through her purse. She found her iphone and carefully pressed the home button, finding the screen light up. She looked immediately at her background picture- her, Divya, and Amelia at the Chastity Ball last year. Alice almost started to laugh at how different they all looked.
Especially her. Alice looked like a totally different person. Her hair was pin straight, she was wearing a pale blue gown and she was smiling. That was one of the moments Alice actually liked being in the Celibacy Club. Otherwise, she had hated it.
Amelia and Divya looked so happy. And beautiful. Alice always thought they were much more beautiful than she was. Divya was ethnic, she was almost racial ambiguous. Amelia looked like a model, blonde, skinny as a twig, and tall.
"I have to tell you something,"
Alice looked up to see Divya hovering in the bathroom doorway, her head hanging low.
Hesitant, Alice said, "Go on."
Divya pushed her hair away from her face. "I-" she paused, "It's nothing, never mind. It's stupid." Then she started to pace up and down the door, pulling her arms around her body. She stopped suddenly, then turned back to Alice. "Actually. I don't know. I just- I just need to tell someone."
Alice nodded, dropping her phone back into her bag. She wasn't sure what was going on.
With a sigh, Divya continued, "I have this theory."
"About what?" Alice asked.
"The animal attacks."
Suddenly it felt like a bus hit her. Alice looked up, wide eyed. "Oh, you mean you think you know what animal did it?"
"Oh come on Alice," Divya snapped, crossing her arms. "You and I both know it wasn't just any kind of animal. Look at the evidence."
"I'm not quite sure what you mean?" Alice didn't know what to do, other than to play dumb. Lying to Divya was easy, but she couldn't let her get an type of inkling as to what it really was. If Divya found out that it was vampire, Damon specifically, Alice wouldn't last one more day.
"Bodies drained of blood," Divya explained. "Bite marks. Doesn't it sound a bit too much like one of those crappy Twilight novels?"
Alice's heart started beating faster. She tried to stay calm on the outside. Of course Divya was on to it. Divya was smart. Smarter than Alice. She was the smartest teenager in Mystic Falls. It was only a matter of time before she started to put things together. "Don't you think that's a bit ridiculous?" Alice replied, touching the hem of her skirt. "I mean, vampires? They don't exist."
"Yeah, but-" Divya protested.
"-you're trying to justify what happened Amelia, from one random, savage attack to something of fiction." Alice spoke, the words tearing her apart as she did so. How she wanted to share the pain of what she was experiencing with another person. She had never wanted to do so before, but now she ached for it.
She needed to someone to understand.
"Now come on, let's go visit Amelia and then party the night away! Maybe you can even hit on Tyler Lockwood for her." Alice winked, reaching her hand out to Divya, who accepted it right away.
You're right, what was I thinking? Vampires!" Divya laughed, and Alice forced herself to join in.
Crisis averted.
(page break)
Alice sat on the ground in the grass, pulling up blades robotically as she stared forward past Amelia's grave. Divya was standing a few feet away from her crying. Alice couldn't quite bring up that emotion.
For some reason, being there, sitting next to her grave, it didn't have the same effect that Alice had imagined. She didn't feel sad and happy to be in her presence. Alice didn't feel anything at all. Like she didn't care. Like she was numb.
"Ladies,"
The air cooled almost immediately. Alice felt a shudder run through her. She didn't even need to look over her shoulder to know who was there. To know who was standing directly behind her.
Divya on the other hand looked over her shoulder. "Hi?" she asked, confused. She scrunched her eyebrows together. She obviously recognized him as Stefan's brother and the boyfriend of Caroline Forbes.
"Hi," Damon replied, wiggling his eyebrows and giving her a flirty look. "Not even going to say hi to me Alice?"
Alice didn't say anything, just swung her head over her shoulder. "Hi Damon."
"That's better." He winked.
"You know him?" Divya asked, directed as Alice.
Before Alice could answer anything, Damon moved toward Divya. "Wait- Damon. What are you doing?"
He didn't answer her, just put his hands on Divya's shoulders. His grey eyes twinkled as they bore into Divya's. "You are tired, so you're going to go home. You left Alice here alone and went straight home. And went to bed."
"I am sleepy." Divya replied monotony, a blank look spreading across her face.
"Good. Have a great night!" Damon said sarcastically, dropping his arms off of her. Alice watched as Divya immediately turned around and started walking out of the woods the way they came.
Just as Alice saw the back of the toga, Damon spun around and faced her, shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. He was giving her one of his wolfish half-grins, eyebrows curved in his typical fashion.
"You look particularly sexy this evening." He said smoothly, spinning a bit on his heels. He was antsy.
"Why are you here?" Alice asked, her eyes quickly moving toward Amelia's headstone.
He ignored the question, "That it being Halloween, a celebration of my people, I was thinking, who would I most want to spend this glorious holiday with? And I couldn't come up with any answers other than little miss Alice Veer."
Alice sighed. This couldn't be good. Things were never good when Damon purposely sought her out. He wanted something.
"You're hungry?" Alice asked, looking away and grabbing the end of the fabric of her dress.
"Actually, not. I'm trying a new diet."
"Oh, and what's that?"
"Slut," Damon replied with a grin. "Sorry to break it to you Vreer if you were hoping for some hot action tonight, but I've had too much of the pure stuff for a while. I'm laying off of it for a while."
Heat rushed to her face. She was so confused. Damon was done drinking from her? What did that even mean? Was she going to be free? Was he going to let her go? "But you want to," she paused, as if to find the right words, "Spend the night with me?"
"Just me and my friend Alice."
We're not friends. Alice thought. You murdered the girl who's grave I'm sitting on.
"Okay," she sighed. Damon offered her his hand. Alice took it, reluctantly.
"So what are you supposed to be?" Alice asked, walking a few paces behind Damon. She couldn't help but look at him. He wore his usual white t-shirt, dark jeans, boots, and of course that leather jacket.
"James Dean," he replied coolly, winking at her over his shoulder. He paused, allowed his eyes to wander from her head to her toes and then turned away again.
Uncomfortable, but used to it from Damon, Alice pulled her arms around her. It was freezing. She hadn't expected it to be so cold outside. Besides, Alice had thought she and Divya would have been at the party by now. Not wandering the forest with Damon Salvatore.
They were silent, only the crunching of leaves underneath their feet added sound. And Alice's breathing. As usual.
"Athena, right?"
Alice just nodded and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Nice choice. I'm more of a Dionysus fan myself. But I suppose the goddess of wisdom and war is respectable enough." He said matter-of-factly. "I remember an old legend-"
He paused, allowing Alice to catch up. He looked away as they picked up walking again. Alice looked at her feet, careful not to trip over any branches. As he started to speak. She was shocked- Damon didn't strike her as the type to be immersed in Greek mythology.
"Athens, at this point, was unnamed. Poseidon and Athena both looked to put their namesake upon it. Poseidon gave the gift of water, allowing the Greeks to have an open market for trade. He proved to be wrong, as the water was too salty for drinking. Athena, on the other hand, placed a single olive tree in the middle of town, which allowed for olives, oil, and wood. The Athenians named their city-state after her, and she has been worshipped ever since."
Alice didn't say anything for a moment, just shivered in the cold. "She was wise."
"As she was beautiful." He looked down at her. Alice looked back up, finding an odd feeling arising in her. She quickly shoved it away and turned back to the ground.
Damon was only trying to get something from her. It was simple as that. Alice knew better at this point. She figured, he was moving on from her blood. Onto something else. What it was, she didn't know.
Silence fell upon them again.
Until Damon spoke.
"She hated you, you know."
Alice stopped, turning her head toward him. Damon kept going until he released she had stopped. He looked back at her. "Who?"
"Amelia."
"Wait- what?" Alice crossed her arms. "What are you even-"
"She hated you Alice. She wouldn't stop talking about it." His voice became higher and squeaky, "She thinks she is so superior. Alice, she's always looking down at me. She gets everything she wants. She is such a spoiled little bitch. I wish she'd just get run over by a bus."
"I don't understand why you're telling me this?" Alice snapped, anger rising in her. "And how would you even know-"
"-because I was sleeping with her." Damon cut her off, getting angry himself at Alice's doubt. At her shocked face, he scoffed. "Oh please, Alice. You didn't really think she was a virgin?"
"She was President of the Celibacy Club!" Alice protested, not believing him. "You were not-"
"-I was. And I've got the bite marks to prove it. Or, I would have, had I not healed automatically. She was frisky. And awful adamant of her distaste for you."
Amelia was Alice's friend. Sure, Alice was annoyed with her most of the time. But they were friends.
"Explain to me why we were best friends, then?" Alice snarled, taking a step closer to him. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She was furious.
Amelia was dead. When people are dead, you don't reminisce about the bad things about them. You glorify them. Amelia was a kind, loving girl. She wasn't one full of hatred.
"You weren't best friends. You hated her too." Damon snapped right back, stepping closer too. "And you should be thanking me for getting rid of such a horrid person. She gives human beings a bad name. Sleeping with me, sleeping with Lockwood."
Tyler. Amelia was sleeping with Tyler before she died. Alice was starting to feel sick. This couldn't be true. Damon was messing with her. Trying to get her angry. "She was the one who told your parents about the wine in seventh grade."
"You're lying, you filthy piece of shit!" Alice screamed, shoving her hands against his chest. But of course, Damon was a vampire. He didn't stumble back like he should.
"I wouldn't do that Alice," he said, almost calmly. But his voice was foreboding. As if to warn that if tried anything like that again, it wouldn't be pretty. "You're lying to yourself. You hated Amelia. You wanted her gone. And now she is."
"Stop trying to justify that you killed her in a fit of rage!" Alice growled, restraining herself from slapping him across the face. "Stop trying to make me feel like it's okay that you killed an innocent young girl! She was a person, faults and all. Just because she may of disliked me or anyone else, that does not make it right to murder her!"
"Check her diary." Damon said. He didn't snap back at her with another justification. He just stared back down at her, his eyes seemed to be diving into her.
"That's all- that's all you have to say-" She didn't get to finish her sentence. Damon grabbed her in a second and pressed his hand over her mouth and brought her in toward his chest, holding her tight.
Alice started to squirm. What the hell was he doing? He bent her head down, "Ssh. There's something in the woods."
She started to tense up, terror racing through her. Damon was scared, didn't that make Alice feel any safer. "What is it?" Alice managed to choke out after he slid his hand away from her mouth."
"Vicki, I'm trying to figure out which direction she went." He answered, looking over his shoulder. "Now shut up."
"Vicki? Why would you be scared of-"
"-I'm scared of her, I'm tracking her. And it's impossible with your heart pounding in her chest and you heaving out every two seconds."
"It's called breathing Damon." Alice snapped. "Why would you have to track her? Unless she was dangerous, and a-"
Alice's stomach dropped. "A vampire."
"Ding ding ding. We have a winner." Damon chanted, still glancing around them. Alice wiggled herself free.
"You turned Vicki?" She gasped, grabbing her head. "You turned her. Into a vampire? How could you?"
"I was bored," he replied dully. "Now come on. She's at the school."
"You were bored? And the party? Where everyone is? You- you need to get her out of there!" Alice cried, pinching her eyes together, trying her best to keep her tears from falling.
Everything was coming at once. Amelia. Vicki. Damon. It was just, too much. "We have to, we have to-"
Suddenly she was hyperventilating. Alice couldn't breathe. She was heaving, clutching herself.
Damon reached for her, "Calm down Alice. Calm down. Everyone will be fine. Stefan, I'm sure Stefan's there."
Alice didn't know why he was trying to comfort her. She didn't know why he told her all that about Amelia. She was so confused. She conflicted.
"Don't touch me!" she growled, yanking herself away. Damon didn't reach for her again.
He let her stand there and catch her breath before saying, "Come on, we have to get to school."
With a sigh, Alice nodded.
(page break)
Everything was happening so fast.
Alice was thrown into the middle of the school, looking for Vicki. Damon was off to find Stefan. Alice kept her eyes out, trying to blend in. That wasn't too hard, being the nature of her costume.
There were flashing lights everywhere. It was dark, there were strobe lights. Everything looked green and blue. Her eyes burned and she had to keep blinking to see.
"Alice!" she turned over her shoulder to see Elena hurrying over to her. "Have you seen Vicki, she's-"
"I know, don't bother telling me." Alice almost snapped, then quickly softened. "Sorry. I just- I'm looking for her too."
"Gilbert, Vreer!" Elena and Alice both stopped.
Tyler.
Alice quickly blushed. "Hey Tyler," she said quietly, looking away toward the door.
He looked good, like he usually did. Alice found her eyes pulled toward his exposed chest, where his sexy abs practically shined next to her gladiator costume. He was so very attractive. And as much as Alice wanted to stick around and ogle him a bit more, she had to find Vicki. And fast.
"Excuse us," Elena said, grabbing Alice's wrist and pulling her toward the exit. Alice looked over her shoulder at Tyler. He looked confused and dejected. Alice almost felt bad.
She lost Elena in the crowd again and stumbled back into the party. The flashing lights were driving her insane. She threw open a classroom door and practically fell inside. Thankfully, it was empty. There were no drunken students fornicating on the teacher's desk.
Alice settled into one of the desks in the back and rested her head on the top. She grabbed the fake crown on her head and tossed it on the floor. It was scratching her head like crazy. And she wanted out of that stupid toga costume. It was riding up far to high on her legs and she really just wanted to be in her pajamas.
There were so many things racing through her mind. She couldn't keep track or even stop to think about any of them. She was lost in it.
She wasn't going to cry. Alice knew that. She was past crying. Right now, she needed to clear her head. But she could barely tell which way was up. At this point, Alice just wanted everything to go away, if not just for a little while.
But outside was Vicki, a newborn vampire probably on the verge of killing Jeremy Gilbert. Stefan was undoubtedly out there, trying to stop her. Elena was probably in a mess. Damon was probably watching from a distance, waiting until he saw fit to intervene. And Alice was sitting in a classroom, avoiding it all.
Maybe it was time she maned up and got out there. She was involved. There was no doubt about that. Damon made sure she was, what with his subtle hints to his various plans. Alice was part of it now, but all she could do was sit on the sidelines and hope everything turned out okay.
That was it. She pinched her eyes shut and pushed herself off the desk.
She was going to help.
Not for Damon or Elena. But for herself. She was going to, for once, end this thing by herself.
Alice stepped outside.
Elena was crying, leaning over a body.
Vicki.
Alice wanted to puke. She'd seen more than enough dead bodies in the last few months than most people see in there lifetime. It was all too much. She stumbled backwards, hitting the wall of the school.
Damon came strolling out from the behind the buses. "You should go," he said to Elena, "I got this."
"You did this. This is your fault!" Elena stood up slowly, her voice quivering in sadness.
"You confuse me with someone with remorse," Damon replied easily, staring down at Vicki's body. His eyes twitched just briefly toward Alice.
Elena moved to push him, much like Alice had earlier. Damon didn't move. In a fit of anger, Alice raised her hand to slap him. Damon only caught her hand. "None of this matters to me. None of it."
The words broke inside of Alice. It was like witnessing Amelia's murder all over again. He was so cold. So cruel. So detached.
And so very fake.
"People die around you. How could it not matter? It matters and you know it!" Elena snarled, on the verge of tears again. This time, she did slap him.
Damon turned back to her slowly. Alice hadn't seen him so angry. "You need to leave. You're wounds are bleeding. And you need to leave."
Elena grabbed her shoulder. She turned away, reaching for Alice, who was a few feet away against the building. "No, no, no." Damon shook his head. Alice stared at him fearfully.
Elena walked away. Alice stayed, pinching her eyes shut, praying. He was going to take it out on her. Alice was going to die.
Damon raised his head to look at her. She managed to look at him back. "She's right," Alice managed to spit out. "She's right."
Damon didn't say anything, put scooped up Vicki's body. "Come on," he sighed, and started walking off toward the woods. Alice had no choice but to follow.
(page break)
"I can do it."
Damon volunteered, standing under the porch light at Elena's. Alice stood behind him on the path, his leather jacket draped over her arms. She had just buried a body.
What was she going to say to her mother when she got home. What if Audrey asked her what she had done, why she was so muddy? Alice couldn't answer, "Oh, the usual. I watched a classmate die and then with my psycho vampire acquaintance, I buried her in the falls."
"This is what you want," Damon continued, stepping closer. "I'll do it."
"It's what I want." Elena whispered. Damon nodded and moved inside.
Alice stood at the stairs. Elena turned her head to see her for the first time. "Alice, why don't you go inside and get cleaned up. I'll be inside in a minute."
"That's okay." Alice said, turned on her heel. "I've got some place to be."
Elena just gave her a tiny half smile, Stefan nodded.
Alice turned around and started to walk down the street, on her way to Amelia's.
She had a diary to read.
Sorry if that jumped around all over the place. The Haunted episode is just super inspiring and worked perfectly with the plotline, so I tried to weave Alice into it. Reviews are my love, especially long ones!
Also, sorry about the lack of Tyler in here. It didn't fall into place like I had hoped. Maybe next chapter or soon? I'll do my best.
But reviews are amazing! SO PLEASE do it.
I'm so thankful for all that I've gotten so far, you guys are my inspiration to write. Seriously. Love you.