[A/N:] Thanks to my beta jeaniebird! I'll be posting the last few chapters within the next few days. There are 16 total. R&R please!
Chapter 13: Last Wishes
Damn disease. Damn it to hell.
Can feel the rage and frustrations boiling inside me like hot grease. I can just-about taste the bitter yet darkly pleasant scent of bloodlust, but there's nothing to maim. Nobody but myself and the adamantium's working double time to do that for me.
Besides, even if I could muster the willpower to go downstairs, the danger room'd make short work of me without even trying. I can recall one other time I've felt this weak, but that's the part I wish I could forget but can't.
Some critical bastard may say I always solve my problems with violence, but it's worked pretty damn well for me so far.
And y'know what? Fuck critics. And introspection.
The only thing left for me to occupy my mind is myself. Ain't had ta think too hard on it since Chuck started tryin' ta convince me I'm more than the animal I was forced to be.
Back then, if someone'd told me I'd be sittin' up in my dorm at some fancy school, I'da laughed in his face. Woulda thought he was crazy.
I'da also thought he were crazy if he told me I'd be dying. Not just dying, though, but dying with a life worth living. Actually makin' a difference somehow.
How many times have I wished I could just end it? And for what.
I'da missed out on findin' my purpose, or as close to it as I can guess. I'da missed out on finding Elise, makin' her believe I wasn't dead yet.
Still don't know much about my past, and Elise gets real cagey when I ask. Sometimes, though, she'll tell a story or two from when we were kids. I can tell she's telling the truth, but there're always a few details she glosses over.
Will I never get to figure out those details? Those little bits that would tell me so much more than anything else in the stories? I may not live long enough; she may not live long enough.
If she dies, all the stories she won't tell anyone are gone forever.
We have to live. There's no other option. And for once I ain't the least bit upset about it. We've been through so much, it'd be a cruel joke to let us die weak and feeble like this.
Well y'know what? Death can kiss my ass.
So many times before I wouldn'ta cared if I died. My only wish would be for a hero's death if I could scrounge that up. Now though…
Now there ain't any villains in stupid costumes. The villain's inside me. Its winning now, but I can't let it.
Defiance ain't hope, but I s'pose it's close enough.
A knock at the door break my train of thought
"Come in," I say.
What does it matter if someone sees me sick anymore? Everyone's probably clued in by now. Ain't really got the pride left, anyway.
Kurt opens the door. I smell the bacon before I see it.
"I brought breakfast."
"Thanks," I smile a little, then frown.
"Wasn't the jet supposed to be done by now?" I ask.
"Ja, but there was a small delay with the viring. Ve vill be leaving in a few hours."
He puses, and sighs, "I know you don't believe in it, mein Freund, but I've been praying for you."
Like that's gonna help. If there is a god, I'm probably his sick joke.
"Whatever makes ya feel better, elf."
He smiles a little but drops it and I eat the stuff he brought me. We chat a little during, but nothing too important.
I'm in the mood for a few shots'a brandy. Against the rules, but when have I cared about the rules, really?
"Hey Kurt?"
"Yes?"
"Couldja do me a favor an look in my closet, to the left, behind the hamper?"
He pulls out a shoe box. The glass inside tinks.
Might as well let someone know where it is in case I ain't around ta drink it. Wouldn't want good brandy to go to waste.
Kurt takes out two of the shot glasses and fills them, "A toast?"
"To what?" I ask.
He shrugs, "Friendship, perhaps."
"Success in the mission?" I suggest.
"That, too."
I grin, "How 'bout we just have two toasts?"
Kurt laughs, "That sounds like an excellent idea, mein Freund."
Later, Kurt leaves ta get ready to go. After a few minutes of boredom, I go downstairs myself.
It takes a while, though, and a lot of effort despite the morphine. Eventually, though, I make it to the common rooms.
"It's the adamantium, isn't it?" I hear Parker say from the day room.
How the hell would he know that? I stop at the threshold to listen.
"What makes ya say that?" Elise asks, cautious.
"I have a degree in chemistry. Plus, there are very few things that could make you both this sick this quickly."
"Oh. Well, yeah. You nailed it."
"I'm sorry," he says. Sounds genuine, too.
"Peter- Can I, um, can I ask a favor? Something important."
"Sure," he says. "Anything to help."
She holds out a thick sealed envelope from where he's sitting, "If things go bad, can you give this to Xavier? He'll know what to do with it."
He takes it, "Of course."
I wait a moment before coming in the room.
"Oh, Hi Logan," Elise smiles.
Now that I know what's up with her, that smile comes off as fake.
"Hey," I say, pretending I didn't hear a thing.
Parker slides the envelope into his bag. Wonder what's in it?
"Sorry I can't chat longer, but I have to go," he says.
"Bye Peter," she says, and looks down.
"Somethin' wrong?" I ask after he leaves.
"No. Just chatting," she says.
If you're gonna lie ta me at least explain some things, I almost say.
She doesn't offer any more info and I don't ask. Still curious, though.
"If things go bad." Must mean if the mission fails an' we die, right? So it's a will, maybe?
Somehow I can't see her writin' out a will. Besides, that envelope was packed ready to burst, something else had to be in there.
If it ain't a will, what could she've put in there?
Hell if I know.
I sit next to her and wrap an arm around her shoulder. She leans in.
"Somethin's wrong," I say.
"No shit, Sherlock," she admits.
At least she's tellin' the truth this time.
"You gonna tell me what it is?"
"Nope," she says and scoots over closer.
"Fair enough," I say and drop it.
~ooOoo~
The team' leaving. Elise John and I're in the X-jet hanger with 'em sayin' our goodbyes. Hopin' they ain't our last.
'Roro comes up to me.
"Goodbye, Logan."
"See ya, 'Ro."
God, I hope I do.
After a pause, she hugs me.
Wasn't expectin' that!
"Team, we're set to liftoff in ten minutes. Everyone needs to be onboard now," Scott says.
"Goodbye," she says again before getting on the jet.
Elise, John and I leave the hanger so we don't get knocked over by the thrusters.
Wonder what that was all about?
Nothing else ta do, so I hang out in the empty changing room. Don't feel like goin' all the way upstairs. John and Elise go elsewhere.
That was strange of 'Ro. Real strange. Though, I guess just about everyone acts strange around death. Even if it ain't their own.
I take a shower, careful not to mess up the catheter thing or the morphine pump. Then I get dressed and spend probably hours just sittin' around in the changing room. Just thinking.
My train of thought gets broken by the screech of an alarm. I get up quick as I can and go to investigate.
No one's down here, it seems. Or at least they ain't checking out the alarm. Though, I s'pose if anyone's in Hank's lab they wouldn't hear it. He had that damn thing so soundproofed you prob'ly couldn't hear an explosion two feet from the door. That's why he's been keeping a pager on him.
The door to the danger room control center's open. Figure that's probably where the alarms comin' from.
No one's supposed to be in there now. The only people, besides Hank I guess, with the permissions to now're in orbit and on their way to beat the shit outta the High Evolutionary.
When I go inside, I see sparking and exposed wires, some of which are hooked up to a laptop running a command prompt.
Elise has been here.
I fact, there she is in the danger room. I can see her sitting in the middle of a meadow from the overhead window.
I panic for a second, thinking she might be tryna sic the danger room on herself, but no opponents come. She's just sitting there.
I enter the room myself and head over towards her. She doesn't look my way, but I guess she knows I'm there anyway.
"Isn't it beautiful?" She sighs. "Too bad it isn't real."
"Why are you here?" I ask.
"I just wanted to see outside again. That's all."
"Where's John?"
She lays down in the golden grass, "I told him I was going to the bathroom. He'll probably come looking for me in a few minutes."
"Yeah. D'ya really wanna give him a heart attack, though?"
"No," she hangs her head. "If this were any other time I wouldn't hafta feel guilty about takin' a break when I need it."
She picks a dandelion and blows off the seeds, wheezing a little after, and lies down.
"I just wanted to see outside," she repeats.
"I know," I lie down with her.
The gentle, manufactured breeze is pleasant. It sways the tall grass and makes the overall scene more relaxing. Nothing at all like the medlab we've been trapped in.
"I did, too," I say.
"What are you two doing?!" Hank says over the intercom. "Hacking the danger room to bypass the security features could cause it to attack you in defense!"
Well, that's all I needed to hear to convince me to leave. Everything's fine for now, so I fgure I can wait a minute before complying. Elise doesn't leave, though.
"Fuck off and let me have my peace," she says.
"Elise, c'mon. please?" I ask.
She coughs into her elbow, but this time I swear I see red.
That's it. We're done here. Proving a point or not.
"Elise, now. We need to go," I say quietly.
She glares at me and crushes a flower in her hand, but does as I asked.
When we get up to the control room, Hank isn't finished with us yet, "Manipulating the danger room like that, especially after your access had been denied, is the fastest way to set off its security systems."
"I was fine," she hisses.
"That is entirely incorrect. If you so much as moved the wrong way, it could have killed you in an instant."
"Oh, now you tell me I wouldn't be fine. Look at us," She gestures to the both of us, her voice up a few octaves. "Do we look fine to you?! Why did you say we'd be fine?"
Then, she starts coughing again and there's no doubt there's blood spraying into her elbow.
The room starts greying out and I try to grab onto something for support.
I can't, though. The room shifts around me and shadows form monsters. Blood trickles through the tiles.
"Oh my god!"
Beep.
There's blood everywhere. I'm drowning in it again.
"He's seizing!"
The shadows consume me. One by one they tear me apart. More blood.
"How're you gonna – his claws?!"
They start attacking Elise, too. She screams and cries.
"Jean I need you right now! Hurry!"
"Logan please don't die! Dammit, please?!"
So much blood.
"Logan!" She screams as the shadows take us.