I know what you're thinking: this isn't Thursday. I am aware, and I have a reason. I'm writing an original, and I'm absolutely stuck with my protagonist's name. Where else would I turn but to my fabulous readers here on FF? :)
A little background to help decide: she's around eighteen, dark hale and pale skin. The setting is kind of a Middle Earth/Alagaesia/Old English sort of place (if that even makes sense), and she's pretty average for girls around there so nothing extreme or too different. Right now I have a few candidates: Bryony, Eyrian, and Abilene.
So I would be really appreciative if you could drop me a review telling me which one to pick. If you want to, you can even suggest more. I do love options! So yeah, help me out, guys! I'm paying you back with an early update!
"So this is the end of you and me. We had a good run, but I'm setting you free to do as you want. To do as you please, without me. Remember when you were my boat and I was your sea? Together we'd float so delicately. But that was back when we could talk about anything."-You Me at Six
*+*Aderyn*+*
The end was so simple, so utterly unexpected in its nature. Out with a whisper instead of a bang with only harsh words to say goodbye with. Truthfully, when Tristan asked me to leave Hadrian's Wall with them when he and the rest of the knights were discharged, it made me think that we would always be together. In fact, I might have subconsciously thought it even before that. All of the plurals we spoke, "us" and "we", they'd seemed so definite, permanent. So when I left the room and the door clicked shut behind me, I half expected the world to collapse around my shoulders. But no such apocalypse occurred. The sky stayed where it should as I walked down the hallway, out of the Keep, and up the stairs to the Wall.
On the opposite side of where the Saxons camped, everything was peaceful as it should be. So deceitful. If someone were to walk on this side and not the other, they would never suspect the danger that was waiting to swallow us whole on the morrow.
Walking the length of the path beneath my feet, I wondered what it would be like tomorrow, to stand across from an army knowing it might just be my last day on this earth. I couldn't even fathom it at the moment, as all my thoughts were oddly sluggish and backed by no real emotions. I was numb from the cold on the outside, but the reason I was so numb on the side was a lot more complex. I almost wished I could cry, to at least get some of that anguish and heartache out now, but not a single tear came to my eyes. The separation must not have fully sunk in yet.
A memory came to mind, one from many months ago when I was still living by myself in the forest. While I'd been hiding Tristan in my house, Drenna had come and noticed how strange I was acting. She'd forced me to give her my palm to do a reading, and had foreseen a great love in my future, one that would end in heartbreak.
As usual, she'd been frighteningly accurate.
There was someone walking towards me, but I didn't pay them any mind. My thoughts were miles away, pondering on what afterlife could possibly be real, when that very same person touched my shoulder. Coming out of my daze, I recognized it was Desiderius.
"Oh, it's you," I acknowledged.
"Yes, that it is," he replied with a smile that didn't quite touch his eyes. "What are you doing up here?"
"Walking…thinking," I answered.
"You picked a good spot. I always come up here when I need a quiet place to think."
"Is that what you're doing now?"
"A lot to think about, isn't there?"
I nodded in agreement, and asked, "Have you and your mother decided what you will do?"
"There's really no question of it," he riposted. "We're healers, that's what we do. And what better place to practice such a profession than on a battlefield?"
"Good point," I conceded.
"My mother's actually with Arthur now, arranging the best spots to set up small medical teams," he continued. "We've already got some volunteers who are willing to help out. Are you staying? If you are, I'd be honored to have you join mine."
"I am staying, but you'll more than likely be working on me than with me," I replied.
Confusion flickered across his face, followed a moment later by comprehension. "You're fighting?"
"Yes," I snapped harshly. "And please, don't give me some sort of lecture about being a fool! I'm doing what I know is right, and I am tremendously tired of everyone treating me like some sort of porcelain doll! I was trained by a Woad leader, spent ten winters living on my own with men trying to tell me what to do with my life, and I can tell you what place to shove your opinion in two different languages!"
He held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. "Alright, alright! I get it, you can do whatever you damn well please."
"You're the only one that gets it then," I grumbled.
"Have you…did something happen?" he questioned, looking at me with concern.
I ran a hand through my hair, and turned to lean against the Wall, facing away from the city and Desiderius. "Tristan and I have gone our separate ways."
"Really?!" he gasped. When I glared at him, he quickly corrected, "I mean, what happened?"
"I told him I was going to stand by Arthur in the battle tomorrow, and he couldn't accept that. So I told him that he could either support me in my decision, or we'd be done. He chose the latter, and here I am." Now that I'd spoken the words, the weight of the situation came crashing down on me. The emotionless fog lifted, and the sheer misery of losing the man I loved hit me all at once. Crying came easy this time.
Desiderius put his arm around me, allowing me to lean into his side. "That's terrible," he said softly. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry he hurt you."
I laughed humorlessly, tears still coming. "That's just it though, isn't it? He's not hurting me. I'm hurting me. If I could give up my pride and acknowledge that I'm fixing to get myself killed tomorrow, then we could be packing to leave this place forever tomorrow. But I can't. So I'm going to break my own heart and most likely get skewered on the end of a Saxon sword tomorrow."
"We both know that isn't the truth," he retorted. "If you really cared so little about this, then you would be leaving tomorrow. You believe in this fight, Aderyn, and with all the right in the world. What better reason is there to fight for than freedom?"
"Love," I answered, an answer that came from my lips without thought, and yet one that I knew was true down to my very bones.
"You love this land. You love your people."
I did, that was true. But enough to die for them? That wasn't quite clear yet. I rested my head on Desiderius's shoulder while I thought about it, and he laid his on top of mine. His warmth was doing a good job at warding off the cold, so I was in no hurry to move his arm from around me any time soon.
"Not more than Tristan," I whispered finally. "He's stoic and unpredictable and the most vicious person I've ever seen on a battlefield, but he's also ruminative and intelligent and gentle with the things he cares about. Two people like us shouldn't have even made sense, but we just worked, so easy without even having to try. And I loved him more than anything…do love him more than anything."
"But really think about it, Aderyn," Desiderius protested. "He doesn't want you to be the warrior that you are. The sort of man that wants you to sit back like a trophy on a shelf while he reaps all the glory is not the type of man for you."
"What sort you would say is right for me then?" I asked skeptically, wondering why our conversation had taken such a strange turn.
"Well…," he began, cheeks reddening, "I would think someone who can understand that you're a superior combatant and don't need to be coddled. You don't need a protector, you can take care of yourself. However, you deserve to know you're loved, so someone who isn't ashamed to tell you just how special you are. Closer to your age, can make you laugh, understands that you sometimes get confused by social norms because you lived away from society for so long…I think someone like that is who you need."
I scoffed, wiping my nose on the back of my hand. "Where in the name of the gods am I supposed to find someone like that?"
His hand came around to cup my cheek, forcing me to look at him. When did his face get so close?
"Right in front of you," he murmured, and then kissed me.
My shock made me go rigid for several seconds, wondering where in the world this came from. When I finally recovered enough to become responsive again, I pushed him away, taking several steps back.
"Desiderius!" I exclaimed reprovingly.
He smiled serenely. "You have no idea how long I've waited to do that."
"B-but…but," I spluttered, "what? Why?"
"Aderyn, I care about you so much," he admitted. "I have ever since you first came here. You amaze me, everything you do. There's no one in the world like you."
"But Desiderius, not five minutes ago you listened to me tell you that I'm still in love with Tristan," I reminded him.
"I know that, but you two are done. You'll get over him eventually, and I can wait. Then we'll be free to be together."
I don't think my mouth could have dropped open any wider. Never in a thousand years would I have seen this coming. Suddenly the look Vanora's daughter gave me in the infirmary that day made sense. So did a thousand other little gestures from this man whom I thought was just my friend. Like the way he hugged me too tight sometimes or the way he stared at me so intensely in such lighthearted moments. Good gods, how long had this been going on right beneath my nose?
"I don't know what to say," I admitted, looking at the ground.
He took my hands in his and waited until I looked up at him. "Say you'll be with me," he urged. "You'll never be lonely or hurt or unloved."
Desiderius really was everything a girl could hope for: educated, handsome, affectionate, and humble, with a good profession to top it all off. His appeal his easy to find, but while he'd been pondering over all of my good qualities, he'd failed to add the bad ones to the equation. I was stubborn, argumentative, pessimistic, reckless, clumsy, unrefined, and those were just some of the things that made us a bad match. Where Desiderius could simply look over these, things, Tristan counteracted them. He made me a better person. Even though this was the end of us, I doubted that there would ever be a time in the future when I didn't love him.
"I can't," I muttered regretfully. "I'm sorry, but you have to realize that things between us could never be as simple as you say. We're not compatible."
"We could be if we tried!" he argued.
"We're friends," I replied, stressing the word. "That's the way it'll have to stay."
I had to walk away then, knowing he might try to argue more. I must have hurt him and I was sorry that I had to, but if I wasn't honest with him now, it would just add fuel to his hopes. I didn't want to hurt him more in the long run.
The idea that I'd just lost him as a friend just added onto the weight of the pain I was going through. Losing Dagonet, Tristan, and Desiderius, all in different ways.
I pulled up the hood of my cloak so no one walking by would notice that I was crying again.
*+*Elaine*+*
The tavern would be closed soon, which I was thankful for. There was only one man left, and he was well on his way to passing out, he was so drunk. After he hit the floor, I was leaving. Normally, I'd stay to clean up, but really where was the point in that now? Who knows, Saxons would be the ones drinking here tomorrow night, and I couldn't care less if they sat at dirty tables.
Because fortune clearly was not smiling on Briton at this time, just as the drunk man's face plummeted to the table in sleep, Medea walked into the tavern. The detestable woman sauntered towards me with the usual smirk on her face, and leaned against the bar once she got there.
"Vanora said Damien left my pay here," she said.
I picked up the bag of coins the tavern owner had plunked down on the bar without a word earlier that night, and pushed it towards her wordlessly. She took them out and began to count them, sighing once she was done. "Shame the pay's so little. Fortunately my other endeavors give me far more coin."
"How surprising," I blurted before I could stop myself.
Her eyes flashed with malice as she snapped, "You think yourself so much better than me? I wouldn't trade my life for yours any day, you prude. Besides, both of your little friends are whoring for the Sarmatians, and you don't question them."
"They're not whoring!"
"Don't lie to yourself, Elaine. Why else would Tristan and Gawain be with them? Naveen's a bitch, and that filthy Woad's face is all disfigured." She paused thoughtfully. "Do you know how it happened? I guess it doesn't matter really. She obviously deserved it."
A change occurred in me then, one so sudden that there was no time to question its arrival. Unable to take one more word said against my friends, I slapped Medea as hard across the face as I could. She gasped, grabbing her reddening cheek, and looked at me with such bewildered eyes that I had to suppress a grin.
"Don't you insult them ever again!" I growled through my teeth. "Naveen and Aderyn are great people, and you're just a bitter, nasty whore!"
She gave a tiny little screech of rage, grabbed her salary, and stormed out of the tavern. I stood there, thunderstruck after she was gone, unable to process what had just occurred. It was so out of character for me. Had it even really happened?
"Should I thank you for defending me or ask who you are and where you stashed the real Elaine's body?"
Glancing around, I noticed Aderyn standing just out of sight of the bar for the first time, smiling at me. "Perhaps both," I admitted. "What are you doing here?" She stepped into the light, and I finally noticed the tear tracks on her face and the redness of her eyes. "Addi, what's wrong?"
"What isn't wrong as of now?" she questioned, so quietly I almost didn't catch her words. "Dagonet has died, I'm probably going to die in battle tomorrow, Tristan and I are no longer together, I was just forced to break Desiderius's heart, and I've been crying so hard I've given myself a stomachache."
"Er, you might have to start from the beginning," I requested.
"I hope you have a lot of time," she sighed, sitting down across from me.
Aderyn might not have been in my life as long as Naveen, but we were still just as close. It sometimes felt like she'd always been here, growing up alongside Naveen and I. Thinking back on some of the times we had as children, it was strange that the girl in front of me wasn't included in them. Only a few months was all it took for her to become a fixture in this society, and now there was no "Naveen and Elaine". It was always "Naveen, Elaine, and Aderyn".
"You're one of my greatest friends," I told her. "I have all the time you need."
She smiled down at her hands, and then began her tale.
*+*Aderyn*+*
After my talk with Elaine, I was feeling much better. She hadn't exactly given me advice, as it was a pretty hard situation to solve, but just having someone listen to me without expecting anything in return was nice. Eventually we parted ways, and I was left to wander the streets again, refusing to go back to the room in case Tristan was there.
As I was going past the stables, Guinevere emerged from them, smiling when she saw me. "Aderyn, I have been looking everywhere for you!"
"You have?"
"Yes. There's someone you need to meet. Follow me."
Apprehensively, I followed her toward the Keep, wondering who on earth I was about to be introduced to. Even more confusing, she brought me to Arthur's quarters, of all places.
"Guinevere, what…"
She put her hand on the doorknob of Arthur's study, and smiled as she flung it open for me to head in first. The room looked just as it had when I entered it for the first time only days ago, to beg Arthur to take me on the mission. The commander himself was even in the same spot, sitting behind his desk with his shoulders hunched as he studied what looked like a map laid out on his desk. The only difference was that this time, there was someone standing with him. A Woad wearing the sacred blue paint and raggedy flowing robes of brown and green. He had three thick lines tattooed on the corner of his forehead, and his long, dark hair hung down to his shoulders. In his hand was a staff almost taller than he was, carved with ancient symbols of our people. When he saw me, he smiled like I made his day just by existing.
"Aderyn," he said in a surprisingly calming voice. "How I have longed to meet you, my niece."
"You…you're Merlin?" I asked, surprised. I expected him to look more like Drenna considering Guinevere did, but there was barely a similarity between them.
"I understand your surprise," he said with a chuckle. "I have not inherited the greet beauty of my mother, as my sister and daughter did, but I assure you, I am who I say. And I have been waiting for this day for a long, long time."
"Really?" I asked, exchanging a glance with Arthur.
"Of course, child. My sister did not take a young girl under her wing every day. You are the daughter she could never conceive, and family means very much to me. Not knowing you for so many years is a tragedy in my eyes."
"I'm glad to meet you, Merlin," I said truthfully. "You and Guinevere. I am sorry that it took Drenna's death to bring us together."
"As am I, my niece, as am I. But the gods take who they will, and we cannot condemn them lest we condemn ourselves. Now we are here, and a war is at our doorstep. So I must ask you, do you stand with us?"
"Yes," I answered firmly. "I will fight for my people."
"I hoped you would say that," said Merlin with a proud smile. "It shows just how much like Drenna you are." He looked to Arthur, and continued, "Commander Castus and I have been devising the plans for the battle. Guinevere will be in charge of a large squadron of infantrymen who will charge from the Northwest. We have called you here because we believe you have what it takes to join her as second-in-command."
My eyes nearly bulged out of my sockets. "What?" I gasped. "No, I'm not…I couldn't possibly-"
"Aderyn," Arthur interrupted, "you're fantastic with a sword and a bow, and you have no problem taking the initiative. You showed me you know when to take a risk and put yourself on the line for others. These are all qualities of a great leader."
"But…what would I even have to do?"
"Mostly just back me up," responded Guinevere. "I'll have the right flank, you take the left. Make sure they do as I say. After that, it's mostly just about staying alive."
"The men won't even listen to me!" I protested. "They don't know me, and most of them think it's my fault Drenna died."
"No one thinks that," Merlin corrected. "Fachtna the Traitor is to blame, and he will pay for his crimes on the battlefield tomorrow."
I ran my hands through my hair, mulling their words over. "Are you certain?"
"Absolutely," returned Arthur.
"I suppose I accept then," I mumbled, almost surprised with myself at the answer.
"Good," said Merlin, pulling out another map and laying it over top of the one Arthur had out. There were red markings all over it. "I took the liberty of drawing up a suggestion for you."
Arthur blinked, turning the paper this way and that to understand what exactly all of the arrows and signals meant.
"Alright. Well," he said slowly. "Let's get started."
And the cat's out of the bag. Sorry, Desiderius.
Anyway, review telling me what you think, and giving me your name suggestions please! Can't wait to hear what you guys have to say!