Disclaimer: You certainly know the score.

Notes: This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

Warnings: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 is your safe stopping place.

Song: 3 Doors Down – Kryptonite

::I took a walk around the world to ::

::Ease my troubled mind ::

::I left my body lying somewhere ::

::In the sands of time ::

::I watched the world float to the dark ::

::Side of the moon ::

::I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah ::

Fade to Black

By Doctor Megalomania:

Chapter 12: Never Let You Down

::I really don't mind what happens now and then ::

::As long as you'll be my friend at the end ::

He tightened his laces and checked the ear piece. Satisfied that both were in the right place, he took off at a moderate pace. Jogging in the morning helped Heero to focus his mind, and he often used the time to think through what he would talk to Duo about. He left his apartment early, wanting to get at least half an hour's worth of exercise in before opening hours at the hospital. He glanced at his phone and flicked through some options. Relena had left a message with Unterward, who had passed it on to him. He found her number and rang. The time difference between L2 and Earth meant that he would be catching her in the evening.

It rang twice before Relena answered.

"Hello?"

"It's Heero." He said, turning left into the park. "You left a message."

"Heero!" There was a smile in her voice and he was pleased. "I'm so glad you called."

"You called me." He said slowing his pace, he liked running in the park. "What did you want to talk to me about? What's wrong?"

"Does there always have to be something wrong for me to want to talk to you?" She said, almost offended. Relena sighed, "I just... you've been gone for four years, you come back and it's now been almost six months since I last talked to you."

He frowned marginally, "I've been working with Duo." He followed the path, turning so he would be going up the small incline at the centre of the park. "You know that."

"I know, but surely you can make time to talk to me?" Relena sounded upset, and Heero was unsure what to say next. She seemed to wait, and then said. "Heero, you can't possibly dedicate all of your time to Duo. He's in a coma."

Heero slowed his pace to a brisk walk, "He's in a coma, but my research indicates that he will be able to remember interactions while he was under. It's vital that he has company."

"Heero, that company doesn't have to be you all the time." Relena sounded doubtful. "You don't owe him that."

He paused at the top of the hill, and turned to stare across the park. To the north, he could see his apartment. To the south of the park, he could see the hospital. He sighed and resumed jogging, "You mentioned in your message that you wanted to talk to me."

Relena seemed to pause at that, and then sighed. "You were gone for four years, Heero, I missed you. We used to spend time together."

He carried on jogging.

"I was hoping that we could spend time together again." Her voice was hopeful. She carried on, "I heard about your idea for a fundraiser. I think it's brilliant!"

"It was Trowa's idea, he's organising it."

"Ah, it's still a good idea." She paused, "So are you going?"

"Of course," Heero rounded a corner and it took him back out onto the streets. "The idea is that we are having a reunion in Duo's honour."

"I would be perfectly willing to attend." Relena said, "As soon as you know a date, could you let me know?"

"Of course," Heero said, "I believe that Trowa is hoping to capitalise on all the ..." He searched for the right words, "All the major players from the war and their influence. We're hoping to raise a lot of money for Duo's charity."

"Good." Her voice sounded mildly impatient. He didn't understand why until she asked: "Do you plan on taking dates?"

"Ah." He paused at a road. "No. We're going to host a press conference, and then I believe Trowa is planning a main event that doesn't require us. A reception or after party too, I think."

When she next spoke, he found it difficult to pick out the emotion in her tone. "You disappeared for four years, Heero, you've changed. I... I would like to get to know you again." She lightened her tone, "Would you like to meet later next week?"

He frowned as he crossed the road, and returned to the entrance of his apartment. "I'm taking care of Duo, but I am sure we could perhaps meet for lunch."

"I was hoping for –" She cut herself off, "Lunch is fine."

"Good." After his cool down stretches, he made his way up the stairs. "I need to get ready, it's almost visiting hours."

"Is it?" She asked, not expecting an answer. "Will you be there all day?"

"It's my..." He frowned, staring at his front door. He raised the key and turned the lock. "He needs someone, Relena. He needs someone to protect him." Heero moved into his apartment and moved to stand by the window. Across the park, he could just about make out the roof of the hospital. "I can do that."

"Can it be someone else?" She asked quietly, "Why do you have to be the one?"

He paused at her words, and thought for a long moment.

She sighed and began to speak. "Sorry, I shouldn't—"

"No. It's ok." He stepped away from the window. "I went away, Relena, because I was becoming dangerous. I didn't know how I could keep my promise by protecting you from me." He stepped into his bedroom and sat down on the bed, pulling off his trainers. "I don't have any excuses, just my promise. I will always protect you, Relena." He pulled off his socks, and looked up. "But Duo needs someone to protect him now. You're not in danger now, are you?"

"No. I suppose I'm not." She sighed. "I just miss you."

Heero smiled faintly. "I've missed you as well. I tried to keep up with current events, I was always proud of your endeavours."

She seemed surprised, "I... Thank you, Heero."

"I need to go; visiting hours begin in half an hour." Heero said, reaching into his pocket for his phone. "Let me know when you want to do that lunch." He thumbed his phone, and sent a message. "I've just sent you my contact details for here."

"I've got them." She paused, "Heero?"

"Hmm?"

She seemed to think for a long moment. "I... just ... Don't forget to take care of yourself as well."

She hung up on him then, and he pulled off his ear piece.

The woman was standing, looking out of the window contemplatively.

Heero shrugged off his bag and glanced over at Duo. Duo lay with his eyes closed, undisturbed by the change in his morning routine. Heero frowned as he put his bag down and glanced at the woman. Her face was pale, her eyes hidden by her designer sunglasses. Her clothing was of exceptional high quality, and her hands were clasped behind her back. She turned her head toward him, but resumed staring out of the window. He stood beside Duo, and reached down to touch Duo's hand. "Good morning, Duo. It's 8.36am. I'm sorry; I am late because I missed my normal bus." He brushed a hand over Duo's forehead. "I'm not the only one visiting this morning." He glanced up at the woman, "Have you introduced yourself?"

"Why bother?" She said, her voice was tight. "He's in a coma."

"My research has indicated that Duo could potentially respond well to being included in conversations." He motioned the chair beside Duo, and sank into his own normal chair. "The nurses should have told you that, and I will ask that you respect that."

She removed her sunglasses and came to sit, primly in the chair he'd indicated. They sat in silence for a long time.

Heero glanced at her, and then reached into the bag by his feet. "Well, Duo, I'll begin today by brushing your hair. I spoke to Quatre, and he remembered a time when you were together. He remembered the music you listened to, and found it. I'll play it for you later." He brought out the brush and began brushing Duo's short hair. He glanced at the woman again, and her lips were pulled into an angry expression. Her dark eyes were cold. He brushed Duo's hair, careful as he lifted Duo's head. When he was finished, he stood to empty the brush into the bin. He heard her stand up and walk to the window again. Her angry snort got his attention again before he'd returned to his seat.

"Did it really have to take Duo getting shot to drag your ass out of hiding?"

Heero turned slowly toward her, surprised by the anger in her voice. The dark haired woman scowled at him and turned to lean against the window. She shook her head before reaching into her bag. She pulled out a memory stick, and held it up between two fingers. She stepped forward and held it out to him. "Did it really have to take him almost dying to get you to pull your head out of whatever god-forsaken hole you'd put yourself in?" She asked again, her voice low and angry. Heero picked up the memory stick and held it up.

"Is this for me?"

"Yep." She shook her head, "You bastard." Her smile was tight as she thrust the memory stick into his hands. "You don't even recognise me. But you... god damn, you stand out in the crowd."

He stared at her for a long time, before nodding. "Hilde."

She snorted and stepped forward again. "I'm going to start talking. You..." Her voice was tight, as if she were restraining herself. "You are going to listen." She glared at him, daring him to start talking. When he nodded tightly, her eyes narrowed. "He never stopped looking for you." She glanced at Duo's prone body. "Even when we said we'd give us another go. Even when the years stretched out in front of him. Even when he lost hope, and drank his nights away in front of his laptop." She shook her head, her voice was bitter. "You drove him there, to that dark place. You broke him down."

"I—"

"Don't you dare say you didn't know! You can go to hell, if you think you can lie to me." She looked at him and reached out to squeeze his arm, searching his eyes. "He looked for you. Where were you when he was down? Where were you when nobody could reach him? He threw himself into drink, and then threw himself out when he realised that he wouldn't want to find you like that." She let him go as if he burnt her. She stared into his eyes. "He threw himself into work, so he could find you. The more he could work, the more money he had to throw into finding you. Where were you when he couldn't breathe?" She looked at him, deeply and Heero was lost for words against her cold eyes. "Where the fuck were you?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came forth. "I... "

She held up a warning finger and clearly had to take a moment to calm herself so she could speak again. "We were good friends, fond of each other, but it was never enough. I don't hate him, because he's so nice to me." She shook her head hard, "He's such a goofy dork and he doesn't even know it. He tried so hard for me, but when he's looking for you, nothing else matters." Her head dropped and she shook her head slowly. "I built a new life, but he couldn't... not without finding you."

"I'm sorry." Heero said, but she shook her head again.

"It's not fair. You turned him out, and he..." She raised her head, "It was never fair. You were always the perfect solider, and he had to follow you. He was always there to back you up." Tears spilled down her cheek. "You always took from him, why did you have to take everything and leave?"

Heero wasn't sure what to do in the face of her helpless anger. Her eyes were filled with fury and she stepped back. She let go of an angry breath and looked at Duo, stepping toward the end of his bed. She stood for a long moment, staring at him. "He never stopped looking for you. All you had to do was let him know." She glanced at him as he joined her. He stared at Duo as well, unable to meet Hilde's eyes as she looked at him. "A text, an email, something, a word... anything. You could have done anything."

"I'm here now." He said quietly, and closed his eyes at her harsh laughter.

She turned on a heel and leant toward him.

"It's too late." She hissed into his ear, and slipped on her sunglasses. She strode toward the door and paused to look back. "That memory stick. Unterward would never give it to you, because Duo probably didn't want you to see what you'd done to him. But me? We might be colonies apart, but I'm still looking out for him. You watch that, Mr Perfect Solider, before you come back and dare to touch him." She pointed at him, "You watch that, Heero Yuy. Don't you dare come back tomorrow morning until you understand what you've cost this man."

He turned to look at her. "What about you?"

She nodded slightly, "I left him because I'm not going to ever be anybody's second choice." She glanced at Duo. "Even if he doesn't know it." Her head dipped slightly, and Heero took a step forward. He stopped when she held up a hand. "Don't." She raised her head, "You don't get it. You were always the inspiration." She shook her head, "But he was my inspiration. He's the one who taught me to do impossible things, to reach out and make fantastic things happen. He helped me to realise what I was fighting for."

She stared at him hard before turning away. She paused at the door and glanced at him over her shoulder.

"What did you fight for?"

"Oh!"

The nurse's surprise made him look up, and he realised he was sitting in the dark.

"Oh, Mr Yuy." The nurse walked further into the room, "Visiting hours ended an hour ago, I thought you'd gone home early."

He silently shook his head.

She smiled brightly, "Well, I won't tell if you don't. Mr Basilica always looks better after a visit from you, I always say." She motioned the observation window. "But it is time to go, Mr Yuy. I'll be back to check in ten minutes."

The nurse bustled out of the room, and Heero leant forward. "End of my visit today, Duo." He looked down at his clasped hands. "What's on this flash drive?" He wondered aloud, and then looked at Duo. He hadn't opened his eyes all day, and Heero had just sat and watched him during the whole day. "What is here that you don't want me to know?"

He stood and collected his things. He stood at the end of Duo's bed and looked at him.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Duo." Heero said, tightening his hand around the flashdrive. "I'd like to think that nothing could stop me coming in to see you."

"It's been, something stupid like, three months or something."

The image was grainy, as if Duo hadn't bought a good camera. It was slightly tilted, and Duo was sat in a cramped apartment. He was surrounded with unpacked boxes and bags, piled high. A window was open somewhere, because occasionally Heero could see a curtain flap in and out of the picture. Duo sighed and leant back in the plastic chair. He scratched his head and picked up a box of greasy take-out. Heero thought he looked impossibly young.

"I mean, I don't understand it. How can we go on like this? It's been three months! Quatre won't return my calls; god knows where Trowa's disappeared to and forget about Wufei. He keeps passing me in the corridor and it's like I don't exist." Duo looked hurt briefly, and then his eyes flashed with anger. "And then there's you, Heero! Requesting a transfer, destination unknown! C'mon man! I'm your partner! We're supposed to be standing by each other! I'm your back up!"

Duo waved a fork, the noodles flapping.

"You gotta be careful out there. I'm gonna be sending you these as soon as I figure out where you got transferred to." A smile passed over his lips, "Think you'll escape my gossip? No way, man!"

Heero paused the video, and leant back in his own chair. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the time. Duo had just moved apartments, and had been hoping to use his house warming as a chance to fix things. He remembered deleting the emails as soon as he'd finished reading them, dismissing them as frivolous. He opened his eyes and reached out to start the video again. Duo burst into motion again.

"And I mean, come on! Quatre and Trowa will figure it out, everybody has arguments! Everyone does something stupid!" Duo leant forward, "But we always forgive, am I right? You took bits from my buddy to fix Wing, I still backed you up! We made a great team! Quatre and Trowa just need to clear the air, okay? And then we can get on with ..." Duo's fork turned in circles for a moment, "I dunno, saving the world, getting world peace, saving Relena..."

Duo winced and stuck a finger in an ear.

"Which reminds me, dude, call her. It's like I'm the only one she can get through to." He leant forward, "I'm totally serious, man, call her or something."

The video ended and skipped on to the next one. Looking at the time stamps on each file, Heero had realised that Hilde must have only given him a select few over the years. Though looking at the length of some of the videos, Heero was unsurprised that she had had to edit them. The next one started without Duo in the frame. It was a better camera; the video picture was almost perfect. Heero looked around the screen. Duo's apartment was the same, but tidier. Some of the boxes had disappeared, and it seemed much more homelier than cramped. Duo wandered past, holding a cup of something steaming close to his chest. He looked tired, and happened to glance over at the camera. He seemed to do a double take, and shook his head as he came to sit down.

"I swear..." He grumbled as he picked up his belt off the keyboard. He held up the buckle and shook it, "Well, I was going to start later after a hot chocolate, but here we are." He sipped from the mug, and sighed. "So, where are we now?" He squinted off screen, "Six... no, seven months. Wow." Duo sat back in his chair, sipping his drink contemplatively. "Well, I got my ass busted down to um, desk work. Wufei got transferred last month, he's gone. God knows where Trowa is. He isn't returning my emails. Last co-ordinates on him was L3, so I suppose he made good on his threat. Quatre's definitely on L4, but he's out of reach." He drank again, and Heero stared at his friend's features. Duo's eyes were wary, tired. The smile he dragged up for the camera was broken. "And you, Heero, you're gone. Deep cover I'm told, you requested it." He sucked on a tooth, and looked away. "I'm uh... I'm thinking of quitting, going back to Hilde. She's been making noises, says that she wants to try again on the scrap business." A shoulder lifted in a shrug. "I dunno... I mean, I'm not on active because apparently, without you guys to control me, I'm 'reckless' I think was the term used. I suppose I do things a little too loud for some people. Whatever." Duo sipped his drink and sank lower into his chair. "Heero, man, seriously. I just wish you could have, I dunno, just told me." Duo's eyes crossed as he remembered something. "Oh, and call Relena. Seriously. Call her."

The video ended and the laptop paused for a long moment as it loaded the next video. Heero wrapped his hands around his drink and leant back in his chair. The next video showed Duo's face illuminated by the light of the computer only, behind him boxes were packed again and the apartment was looking very empty.

Duo sighed and simply shrugged. "It's been a year. You're not coming back. I quit a couple of days ago." He looked down briefly and when he looked up again, Heero was surprised to see the hardness in his eyes. "I'm heading to L2, man. Fuck this Earth bullshit, I'm gonna get out of the Preventers because..." He paused and shrugged, throwing on a carefree smile. "Hilde's wanting to give us a second go. I'm gonna build a business, you know. Something awesome, but not with my name. Not as a Gundam. I'm gonna build it, from the ground up. Ain't nobody going to stop me." His eyes got colder, "But don't you dare think that I'm giving up on you. I'll find you, Heero. I'll find you."

The video ended and another started.

Heero was startled by the sound of urgent banging at his door. He paused the video and got up, stretching and finding himself very stiff. He walked to the door and was unsurprised when Wufei pushed past him. "Is this where you've been?" He turned around in the room, "We lost our table." Heero shrugged and returned to his desk. Wufei stared at the man for a long moment before pulling his mobile out. He flicked through the address book and thumbed the call button. He stared at Heero hard. "Found him. He's at his apartment. Call Trowa."

Wufei signed off, and sighed deeply. He grabbed a chair from Heero's dining table and put it down by Heero. The man was staring at his laptop. "What kept you here?"

Heero motioned the screen, and had to clear his throat. "Hilde gave me this."

"She came to see you?" Wufei glanced at the screen; it was a freeze frame of what looked like Duo. "What is it?"

"The other videos that Duo made, while he was...uh, while he was..." Heero frowned, he found the words hard to say. "He was looking for me."

Wufei glanced at the screen, at Heero and then leant forward. At a keystroke, Duo sprang back into life. Duo grinned brightly, "And you know, the price of scrap here is brilliant. I mean, what people are willing to buy! I've got a feeling. We're on to something good! This... this Second Chance Inc... It's just flying..."

"He looks happy." Wufei commented quietly.

"He's drunk." Heero said, his voice low. "He's been drinking hard liquor." His blue eyes were fixed on Duo's glass. "When this video started, that bottle was full."

Wufei glanced at the bottle to the left of a screen. It was nearly half empty. Duo poured another drink and toasted the screen. "I found you, in Paris. You're there. I've got you, Heero." Duo was giddy, joyful. "Man, this is a good week! I find you, the business is cool!" Duo leant into the screen, his unsteadiness becoming clearer. "And I just got word about Wufei's daughter! She's called Nataku, and she's like a year old! Man, I wish I could meet her!" He spread his arms wide. "I mean, wow. When we go to see Wufei, and we're gonna, man. We've gotta, she's like a whole year old already!"

"This is..." Heero closed an eye as he estimated, "This is approximately just over six years ago."

Duo slipped back into his chair, he pointed his fingers at the screen. "No way, anyone's gonna want to miss this. Now I got a bead on you, I'm gonna start looking for Trowa. Quatre's probably talked to him already. I tried the other day, but could not get past that old cow he's got for a receptionist." Duo's grin was devilish, he wagged his finger knowingly, "But I got to Quatre's personal receptionist. I'm getting there." He motioned with his arm suddenly, "I'm almost—"

The video cut out as Duo's arm hit the camera.

"What are these?" Wufei asked as Heero leant forward to cue the next video. Heero shrugged.

"His diary, his messages to me." Heero looked down, his expression lost under his hair. "Duo never stopped looking for me. He lost Hilde because he wouldn't stop looking for me."

The next video began to play. Duo looked desolated, his eyes were watery and his nose was red.

"You're gone." Duo stared into the camera for a long time. "You're just... gone. I found you, Heero. I found you." He held up some tickets. "Look! These are my tickets, I was coming to Paris. I found you. But now you're gone." He threw the tickets down. "The Preventers lost you days ago, but I had you. I..." His eyes were blank and he shook his head slowly. The long haired man collapsed into his desk chair and sat spinning slowly.

He rotated on the chair for a long time before finally stopping.

When he looked into the camera again, his eyes were hard. "Is that it for us? What did we fight for?" His pale face did something ugly, and rage over took him. Duo's desk chair clattered behind him as he stood and planted both hands on the desk. "WHAT DID WE FIGHT FOR?"

Wufei sat back, shocked by the fury in Duo as the man on the screen railed on. The video ended as a scared looking Hilde ran into the room and she reached forward to close the laptop. A small sound made Wufei glance at Heero. He reached out and held the man's shaking shoulder. "It's not your fault." He licked his dry lips, and shook his head. "It's not just your fault. We did this." He looked at the screen and reached out to close the laptop. "We will fix this."

Heero's blue eyes were watery. His mouth opened and closed, he was unable to find the words. His expression slowly crumpled and he raised scarred hands to cover his face.

Wufei let his hand fall away, unsure what he could do for Heero. His eyes fell upon a photo Heero had framed on his wall. It was them, all of them. A hasty picture of them when they had just survived Mariemaia. He remembered the photo, Duo had been so insistent. They gone out together, just them for once. The restaurant manager had taken the photo and the smiles on their faces were hesitant but hopeful. Wufei stared hard at the Duo in the image.

"We will fix this."

::You called me strong, you called me weak ::

::But still your secrets I will keep ::

::You took for granted all the times I ::

::Never let you down ::

A/Ns: Another short author's note, to thank you once again for your time and your reviews. Here Hilde is, throwing a spanner into the works, I didn't think she would have a place here, but I've seen what being your lover's second choice is like. It is a hard thing, and I hope you can forgive her bitterness.