Chapter XIII

''Good evening.'' John immediately stood up when he saw Anna had finally arrived. He had no idea what her reaction would be to him showing up on her doorstep like this, but he felt had no other option.

''Go-…good evening,'' Anna replied hesitantly, surprised that he was there. ''Is there something…?''

''I'm sorry for showing up like this, but…'' he began, his hands in his pockets. He already felt he was making a huge mistake by coming here; so much for keeping his distance from her! ''…I tried calling, but you didn't answer…and we need to…''

''…talk.'' She had to admit to herself that she was a little worried about what his reaction would be. Was he going to yell at her? Order her to keep her mouth shut if she wanted to keep her job?

But once again John surprised her by walking closer and saying gently, ''I know I have no right to ask you this, but I need you to forget what you saw at the hospital earlier today.''

Anna searched his eyes and saw not even a trace of anger there, giving her the courage to speak out.

''But why? What you do…it's amazing. Why wouldn't you want people to know about it? Why…?''

''Miss Smith, please?'' he interrupted. He hated asking her this, especially after the way he had been behaving towards her for the last few days.

''Are you asking as my boss or my friend?'' she pushed, curious about what he would say.

Her question was the last thing he expected to hear. Friendship was something he had never considered. He couldn't; it would be the beginning of the end for him. ''We're friends?''

''We could be. If you would stop acting like a complete idi-…'' She stopped herself. Despite everything, he was still her boss. She had no right to talk to him like that.

''You can say it.'' He chuckled when he saw her blush. ''A 'complete idiot.'''

''Well, yes,'' she smiled, when she saw that he wasn't upset. ''I mean…''

''No, you're right. I acted like a total prick," he said, then paused. "Especially when I left Rome without you.''

''Well, you did send the company car to the airport.'' She smiled at his obvious remorse.

''Still - I shouldn't have done that.''

''And I shouldn't have brought your wife int-…'' she began.

''Really, don't worry about it. I deserved every word.''

''You didn'-…''

''Believe me, I did.''

''So Joe working on the Moretti project instead of you has nothing to do with you being angry at me?''

''No,'' he lied. ''I got an email from one of our regular clients in America yesterday, and I can't afford to say no to them right now. That's the reason I asked Joe to join you. I trust him…just as I trust you.'' What the hell was he doing!? He was once again dangerously showing too much of himself to her. But Anna didn't seem to mind.

''I have no idea why you don't want people to know, but I won't tell anyone about today.'' She saw the tension leave his shoulders immediately.

''Thank you,'' he smiled. ''I know this might be hard for you to understand, but I'd really like to keep my Mysterious Mondays a mystery, if you don't mind.''

''Yo- you know about that?'' Anna's eyes widened. He really was full of surprises.

''Who do you think gave Mr. Barrow that stupid black book of his?'' John laughed, warmed by her smile. If she only knew how beautiful she was when she smiled.

''You never did,'' she giggled. Oh, if Thomas only knew.

''It was my first office Secret Santa gift to him,'' John chuckled.

''But doesn't it bother you?'' she asked, when they stopped laughing, ''The things they say about you behind your back? About where they think you're disappearing to?''

''No, not really.'' John shook his head. ''Especially because I make sure that all the money goes to a good cause.''

''What do you mean?''

''The money from the bets. Everything goes to The Clown Doctor organization.''

''What? But how?'' Anna's face lit up. He really was incredible, turning some nasty office game into something good. But in a way she wasn't surprised at all; it appeared to be in his nature to be like this - harsh and cold when eyes were on him, but humble and kind when no one was looking.

''With a little help from Molesely,'' he winked. ''Thomas put him in charge of the money.''

''I can't believe it,'' Anna laughed again. ''So Joe knows where you go every Monday?''

''He does. Besides Robert, he's one of my oldest friends. He knows about ever-….''

John stopped himself before he once again said too much. But it was so easy to be himself when he was around her. So easy to let his guard down. And he both hated it and loved it.

''Well, I'd better go now,'' he said, the silence becoming uncomfortable. ''Once again, I'm sorry for showing up like this.''

''It's OK,'' she smiled weakly.

''Good night.'' He started walking backwards toward his car.

''Would you mind helping me before you go?'' Anna called after him. She couldn't let him go, not just yet. Because although he was trying desperately not to show it, he truly was a good man, and she knew that after today she would always see beyond the cold persona he wore to work.

''I...'' John hesitated. He wanted to say no to her and get away as quickly as possible. And yet…

''You do sort of owe me. You know, for not spilling the beans about Doctor Giggles,'' she laughed, hoping he would recognise that she was teasing. And he did.

''Smith, you play dirty.'' John chuckled when he saw her grin. She really was something.

''Do I?'' Anna feigned innocence.

''All right, you win. What can I do for you?'' He knew he was pushing his luck, but what choice did he have?

''Would you mind unlocking the front door while I carry him inside?''

''What do you mean?'' he frowned, not understanding until she opened the back door of the car and showed him that she wasn't alone.

''Ohhh...what happened to him?'' he asked, noticing that the sleeping boy had a cast on his leg.

''He broke his leg playing football. He's the reason I was at the...''

''…hospital.'' John stared at her, realisation dawning.

''Yes,'' she nodded. ''He's my godson. His mum had a meeting in Liverpool and asked me to pick him up. I hope you don't mind, but I had no option but to leave the office early today. I'll stay late tomorro-...''

''No need,'' John interrupted. ''I'm sure Joe got you covered.''

''Yes, well...'' Anna stared at him. He was so very attractive when he allowed himself to show his kindness, and she forced herself to admit that she was starting to fall for him. Oh, what the heck, who was she kidding? She was already smitten. ''...should we...?''

''Let me,'' John said quickly, as she unbuckled Freddie's seat belt. And before she could reply, he gently pushed her aside and lifted the sleeping boy out of the car.

''You really don't have to...'' Anna began. This hadn't been in her plan - she had just wanted to show him why she had been at the hospital earlier. She'd never thought he might enter her flat.

''Lead the way,'' John replied, and the combination of the sweet smile enhancing his handsome features and the fact that Freddie cuddled further into his neck without waking up made Anna practically melt on the spot. He looked absolutely irresistible! So gentle, so caring, so…attractive! Seeing him like this stirred something inside her, and all she could do was be grateful that the darkness hid her blush.

''Anna?'' He knew he was playing a dangerous game, but he simply could not help himself. And how dangerous could it be? What could possibly happen between them with a child present?

''Umm, yes, ok, thank you.'' Anna struggled to find the right words. ''Follow me.'' She locked the car and entered the building with John and Freddie right behind her.

xXx

''Here we are.'' Anna walked into the small flat and turned the lights on. ''I'm sorry about the mess. My roommate's fiancé is crashing with us until they can find a place to live.'' For some reason she felt the need to explain the state of the flat.

''What mess?'' John looked around as Anna walked into the kitchen. There might have been a few unwashed plates in the sink, but that was about it. ''Where would you like me to put him?'' He looked down at Freddie who was still sleeping peacefully in his arms.

''Ummm...you don't have to. I can take over,'' Anna said nervously. She knew that the only room he could put Freddie in was her bedroom.

''It's no bother, really.'' John smiled, oblivious to her concern.

''All right, then. Come.'' Anna could only hope her bedroom was at least decent. Oh god, let there be no bras and knickers lying around, she thought, as she walked past John and down the hall toward her room.

''Here.'' She pushed the door open slowly and was thankful that she hadn't left a mess that morning. Her bedside cabinet was stacked high with files, but other than that, the room looked clean and well-organized. Just like her, John thought, as he walked in. And it smelt of her, vanilla and…something else. She was all around him, invading his nostrils with every breath he took.

''Just lay him down in the middle of the bed, if you would.'' She walked over and pulled the covers down.

Without saying a word, John walked to the bed and tried, as gently as possible, to set the sleeping boy down. But Freddie wasn't ready to leave his warm arms.

''Daddy...'' he mumbled as John started to let go of his tiny body in attempt to get him tucked in. John paused and stared at the boy. And despite the dim light in the room, Anna could see that John's face had turned white.

''Dadd-...'' Freddie muttered again, finally letting go of John, and continued to sleep as if nothing had happened.

''Mr. Bates, are you OK?'' Anna whispered gently, when John kept staring silently at the boy, not moving. ''Mr. Bates?'' she repeated, but he didn't move until Anna placed her hand on his shoulder, bringing him out of whatever state he had been in.

''What?'' John looked at her, startled. ''Yes, yes, I'm fine, thank you.'' He walked out of the room before Anna could say anything.

That was odd, she thought to herself, and followed him into the hall.

''Might I use your loo before I go?''

''Sure. Second door to the left." She noticed cold sweat beading on his forehead.

''Thank you.'' He smiled weakly, before walking toward the bathroom.

xXx

''Mr. Bates, is everything OK in there?'' Anna knocked gently on the bathroom door. Ten minutes had passed, and she was starting to worry.

''I'll be right out.''

''Are you sure everything's...?''

''Yes, quite sure, thank you.''

She could hear his movements through the door; he was definitely pacing. But why?

''All right. I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything.''

Five minutes later, John finally walked into the kitchen. He felt really embarrassed, even though he knew Anna had no idea what was going on in his head.

''Everything all right?'' Anna asked again, as he walked up to the counter. She had no idea what had happened, but he looked like a completely different man from 20 minutes ago.

''Yes, thank you.'' He felt guilty for lying to her. ''I should go. Thank you for everything.'' He was turning to leave when Anna stopped him.

''I've made some fresh coffee. Would you like a cup?''

''I'd better not…I don't want to…''

''You're not...'' Judging from his ashen appearance, the last thing she wanted was for him to be alone right now.

''All right.'' He knew he shouldn't stay, but he couldn't help himself. Deep down he knew he wanted the company.

''Great!'' Her face lit up. ''One coffee, coming up.'' She turned around and opened the cupboard to get a couple of mugs. ''Oh, for god's sake,'' she muttered, and stood on her tiptoes, trying to reach the high shelf. Ever since Gwen's fiancé had moved in, almost everything he had touched had ended up just a little higher or further inside the cupboards.

''Here, let me.'' John was by her side as soon as he saw that she was struggling, and before Anna could say anything he'd reached over her head for the mugs and handed one to her.

''He-…here,'' he stammered, when he looked down and suddenly noticed how close they were standing.

''Thank you,'' Anna whispered, and took the mug from his hand, not moving her gaze from his face. God, it felt good being so close to him again.

''No problem.'' John caught himself staring at her rosy lips. This was getting more and dangerous by the second. He needed to get out of there, and quick! He felt cold sweat gathering on his forehead, but he didn't move, and neither did she. It was like Rome all over again.

Every time they got close, it felt like the world stopped turning. They were barely touching and yet Anna could feel his body heat on her skin. It felt nice - more than nice, really. It felt right, for god's sake!

''I...'' He tried to cut through the silence which filled the room, but she quickly shut him up by placing the mug on the counter and slowly drawing even closer to him.

''Miss Smith, please, don't...'' John whispered. He couldn't make himself move even though his brain was screaming for him to get away from her, too scared to do anything.

''Just let me ask you this…'' This was it, she thought - perhaps she could not force him to talk about his personal life, but she deserved to know the truth about what was going on between them.

''Ask me what…?'' he forced the words out.

''Is this only in my head?'' she asked, feeling him tremble. She knew she might be pushing her luck - he was her boss, her married boss - but after everything that had happened between them, she had to know.

''What?'' he exhaled, his eyes still fixed on hers as he tried to maintain some physical distance.

''Would you have kissed me if Francesca and Gino hadn't shown up when they did?'' Anna gently placed her palm on his chest, making John freeze.

''Anna...'' he hissed as he felt the heat of her palm burning the skin beneath his shirt, silently begging her to move away from him as he was too weak to move himself. ''...w-we can't...I can't...''

He forced himself to take her hand in his, attempting to end the contact between them. But that only made things worse. Her hand fit his perfectly, and no matter how much he wanted to let go and push her away, he couldn't. He couldn't stop her…and that scared him even more.

''Anna, please...''

''Just tell me.''

''I- I would have...'' he blurted, surprising not only her but himself too. Oh, how Robert would be proud. ''...but it would have been a mistake, as this is right now.'' He finally found the strength to let go and stepped away abruptly.

''Mr. Bates...''

''Please don't do this to me…to yourself. What happened in Rome was a moment of weakness, and I do apologize. It was unprofessional, and if you want to make a complaint you are free to do so.'' He took yet another step away, trying to get as much space between them as possible. ''There are things you don't know about me. And no matter how I might feel about you, I can't let you do this to me. Do you understand?''

''Wha-...?'' Feel? He had feelings for her?! Do what to him?! Once again Anna was completely confused by his behaviour.

''Do you understand me?!'' He was angry – not with her, but with himself for once again allowing himself to fall under her spell.

''No, I don't!'' Anna exclaimed. ''But I want to! I want to know why you act like this! Hot and cold all the bloody time!'' She glared at him, furious at the way he was making her act and feel.

John didn't dare to move. If she only knew the truth, what he was too afraid to admit to himself. His heart was dying to hold her, kiss her, but his stupid head said no, over and over again. He couldn't do this - he couldn't hurt her and pull her into his troubles! He had tried so hard to stay away from her over the last couple of weeks. But she was smart…beautiful…quick…hardworking… She was everything he could ever ask for in a woman!

''Say something...'' Anna said at his silence. ''...because I need to know what's going on. You are a good man, but for some reason you're desperately trying to hide it.''

''I'm not a good man,'' he looked away sadly, wishing he could just end the conversation and leave.

''But you are.'' She took a step toward him and saw how his entire body tensed. ''I saw it. And not only today.''

''Please, don't…'' he begged again. Her clear blue eyes were glued to his, and it felt like she could see into his soul. And that scared him to death.

''But...''

''Anna, stop! You might think you saw something in me, but whoever that was, he was gone long ago.'' John could feel the panic rise in his chest. ''So I'll ask you again, please - don't do this.''

She truly wanted to know what was happening, but Anna saw the fear in his eyes and knew she could not be so cruel as to keep pushing.

''Does this mean I'm fired?'' Although Anna desperately wanted to know his whole story, she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around her in the office. She respected him far too much for that.

''What are you talking about?''

''Well, I don't know. You said...''

''I want you on my team. In fact, I need you on my team.'' He took a step closer, momentarily forgetting his fear. The thought of not seeing her in the office every morning made him feel even worse than he was already feeling. ''Please...'' he placed his hands on her upper arms and took a deep breath. ''...can't we just forget about everything that's happened and start again?''

''I...'' She was so confused. He had feelings for her, for god's sake - he'd said it himself - and she had feelings for him! Something was happening between them, and all he wanted was to forget about everything and start fresh. But could she? Could she really forget?

''Please, I promise nothing will change at the office. You are so talented, Anna. I don't even know if you realise how much! Please don't let this silly little misunderstanding between us make you think that the company and I don't need you. Because we do - you're brilliant at what you do, and the last thing I would want is to lose you because of this.''

Silly little misunderstanding?! He was being so unfair! Anna wanted to talk, to find out what was really in his head, but she knew he'd made up his mind. She could see it in his eyes. What in the world had happened to him in his past?

''Anna, please!'' he begged, but series of loud knocks on the front door prevented her answering.

''Anna, it's me, Jane!'' a voice called, as John quickly stepped away.

''It's open!''

''I'm sorry I'm late. The traffic was…oh, hello.'' Jane stopped in place when she saw Anna wasn't alone.

''Good evening,'' John replied quickly. ''John Bates.'' He offered his hand. ''I'm Anna's…''

''…boss.'' Jane looked at Anna, raising an eyebrow, before shaking John's hand. ''I'm Jane Moorsum, Anna's friend.''

''Nice to meet you.''

''Likewise.'' Jane's eyes sparked with curiosity. What in world had she interrupted, she wondered, noticing the blush on their faces.

''I'd better go.'' John looked at Anna. ''See you at the office tomorrow, Miss Smith?''

''Sure,'' Anna replied, nervously tucking her hands in her jeans pockets and trying not to look at Jane, who couldn't seem to stop grinning.

''Good.'' John smiled at her, reassured, and then turned to Jane. ''Once again, nice to meet you, Miss Moorsum. And I hope your boy will get better quickly.''

''Thank you, Mr. Bates.'' Jane's eyes followed his retreating figure until he closed the door behind him. Turning to Anna, she smirked.

''Young lady, we need to talk.''

YES, we are still alive! :O

sorry for being so late with this...but you know, life happens ;)

and thank you for still taking the time to read and review! :D xoxox

no idea when we'll post the next chapter :O my muse is (apparently) dead...

& AMB, thank you! :*