Under the Boardwalk

by Robicorn

With the summer brings new people, and with the fall, an empty space they once were. See what happens when Bella meets Edward and one harmless lie turns thier world upside down. Taboo/Teacher student. lemons. Be warned.

13. Chapter 13

SM Owns. Not Meg. Not Me. Or Buffy Don't own Buffy.

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The Girls on the UtB thread on Facebook just amaze me. Thanks ladies. If you love this story, and need support that's the place to be. Facebook. Friend me. Robicorn Iwannaget Robinated. I can add you to the Under the Boardwalk group.

Anyways, on to chapter 13!

Chapter 13: Cookie Dough and Cupcakes

My phone rings as I put my car key into the ignition. I don't even check the caller I.D. before I answer. "Hello," I mumble, noticing the sound of defeat in my voice.

"Son, are you okay?" my father asks.

Sighing, I answer, "I think my nose is broken, but I shouldn't have expected anything less."

"Edward, you need to stay away from her. I know how strong your feelings are for this girl, but all you're going to accomplish is ruining your life."

"She's laying in a hospital bed, Dad...pregnant. I'm pretty sure it's already ruined..." I trail off.

My father groans. "Is she miscarrying, Edward?"

"I don't know much. I didn't actually get to see her, but I think that's what they suspect is happening."

"I hope for both your sakes it's true."

Knowing my dad the way I do I'm positive he hates himself for thinking that, but it still angers me. "I can't believe you would say that."

"Really, Edward? You want to be known as the principal that got his student 'knocked up'? You want Isabella to spend her senior year of high school pregnant? Miss out on college? Be a teenage mother...?"

"Of course I don't want any of that." At least that's what my head is telling me.

"Edward, if she loses this baby you need to stay away from her."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Then we deal with the consequences," he says matter-of-factly.

This is the moment I realize just how angry I am at Isabella for lying to me about…everything. The possible consequences that have been popping in and out of my head since I laid eyes on her in my classroom suddenly solidify and take up permanent residence.

Public scrutiny. Jail time. Sex offender status.

All of these consequences could change the path of my life but they are only possibilities because she lied. Possible consequences I will have to deal with, just because I trusted her. No one will believe I didn't know the truth.

"I have to go," I tell my father and hang up without waiting for his acknowledgment.

I pull away from the hospital and drive straight to Keenan's where I sit at the bar and think about drinking my problems away. My old boss, Patrick, who actually owns the place, keeps my glass full.

"So, what's going on?" he asks.

"Izzy," is my one word answer before I slam back a shot of Jack Daniels.

Patrick crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the bar. I'm his only customer right now so he's waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breath before I unload my troubles. "She's in the hospital. I can't see her but I'm pretty sure she's pregnant." I pause when he scrunches his face and says 'ouch'. "Anyway, she isn't who she said she was and…I still love her. At the same time I'm so mad at her because my life could be ruined over the things she lead me to believe."

Patrick passes me another shot. I down it without hesitation.

I don't stay much longer because I have a job to do in the morning. A job I deserve. A job I worked really hard to get. I'm not going to let anyone take that from me by showing up hung over and pissy. I refuse to go down without a fight.

UtB

I arrive at school the next morning with a black eye. I don't know how to explain it so I down play the whole thing. When Mrs. Cope shows concern, I just smile and tell her I'm fine.

I stand by the back doors as the students come in. Riley walks in with Jessica. She smiles at me but he just glares. I break eye contact quickly and greet a few other students as they walk into the building. Of course, I'm only standing about ten feet from Riley's locker so I can't help but overhear when a girl walks up and asks him about Bella.

"Did she really have an abortion?" she asks.

Riley slams his locker, startling me and causing me look in their direction.

"No" he says through gritted teeth.

"So is she okay? You guys are like, having a baby?"

He glances right at me before he answers. "I don't know what the fuck is going on." He pushes past the girl and walks away from me.

I'm back in my office, when Mrs. Cope calls in that Liv is here to see me. I tell her to send her in.

I hang up the phone and look up to see Liv walk through the door. Her expression registers shock and she says, "Ow. Emmett really gave it to you didn't he?"

I simply shrug. "I can't hold it against him. I would have done the same thing."

"Are you okay? I mean this is just..." she trails off, unsure exactly how to finish her statement.

"A mess?" I offer.

She chuckles darkly. "Yeah, a mess," she confirms. "I mean...even for Riley. He isn't even denying that the baby is his."

Rage rises within me. "I don't need some high school kid to cover for me." Especially him, I think to myself.

"Actually, you do. Unless you want some serious trouble, that is," she adds sarcastically

I rub my hands over my face in frustration. "I don't even know how I got here. I mean, the only mistake I made was to believe her. What was I supposed to do? Ask for her birth certificate?"

She smiles sadly and walks toward me. She stops beside the chair where I sit and leans against my desk. I feel the pressure as she gently runs her fingers through my hair and I look up at her face.

"I know you aren't the bad guy, Edward," she whispers soothingly. "I believe that."

"I'm so mad at her for lying to me…for putting me in this situation," I growl, slapping my hand on the desk top. Just as quickly my anger fades. I close my eyes, shake my head and I add, "And I'm so worried about her."

"It's okay to be angry, just like it's okay to care."

Without thinking, I lean over and rest my head against her stomach. She wraps one arm around my shoulders and continues to stroke my hair. My arms move to circle her waist.

She speaks in hushed tones and with reassuring words. Whatever happens, she knows it's not my fault. Not that her sentiment matters. I would never say anything that would jeopardize Izzy's future, even if it means I lose everything.

It's nice to be comforted, but I suddenly realize just how intimate this situation feels, and how easily I let myself fall into it. I pull away as I mumble an apology.

"What are friends for?" she says with a smile. She reaches for a stack of post-its and a pen. "This is my cell number," she says as she writes. "Call me if you want to talk. Anytime, about anything. We all need someone to listen sometimes." She finishes writing and hands me the note.

"Thanks. I really appreciate that, Liv."

I watch her walk out and then look down at the digits written in bubbly print on the yellow post it note. The 'i' in her name is dotted with a heart. It makes me chuckle.

The rest of the day continues to feel off. The art classes aren't the same without her. There is an energy and excitement missing. The love of art that only she brings.

Throughout the school day I continue to dwell on my problems. One thing I realize is that I can't blame Izzy for getting pregnant. I was completely irresponsible when we had sex this summer. I shouldn't have assumed anything, and normally wouldn't have assumed she was on the pill. I was just so consumed in the heat of the moment. Of course, if she had only told me the truth, things would never have gone that far in the first place.

The other idea that I have trouble coming to terms with is that I do want a family of my own. Some day. With...fuck...an adult. I don't want to be responsible for an eighteen year old girl's unexpected pregnancy. That's not who I want to be. Yet somehow, it is. My dad's words ring in my memory. Hope for a miscarriage.

I can't even do that wholeheartedly.

UtB

I sit at home, ignoring the million calls and text messages from Alice. I'm just not in the mood to deal with her energy at the moment. All I can think about is Izzy.

I am worried about her. I don't know if she lost the baby or even if she is okay. Emmett said something about excessive blood loss, and that worries me.

The more I think about it, the less I worry about myself and what could happen to me and the more I worry about her and what she is dealing with. By herself. I can't imagine how afraid she is.

I have to stop that thought process immediately. It's not like I can go and comfort her, or show her my support so why even think about it. It will only cause me more grief.

I'm startled by a knock on my door. When I open it I'm surprised to find Rose on the other side. She hands me the pink package I left for Izzy.

"I'm sorry," she says, with minimal eye contact. "Emmett wouldn't even let me tell her you stopped by."

I reach for the package, taking it from her hand. "I understand." I step aside and invite her in with a wave of my hand. "How is she?" I ask.

Rose sighs heavily and pauses before she answers, probably fighting the knowledge that her husband would not want her to give me any information. "She has what they call a threatened miscarriage. She's twelve weeks along, has a lot of bleeding and cramps, but hasn't actually started to dilate yet. The doctors think it's only a matter of time. She just realized she was pregnant and hasn't exactly been taking care of herself."

"But how is she really?" I needed to know how she was holding up not only physically but also emotionally.

"She is freaked out, and scared. She doesn't want to have a baby but she doesn't want to lose it either." I shake my head as I realize that even in this madness her thoughts mirror mine.

"How the hell didn't she know she was pregnant?" I snap at Rose, flinging my arms through the air in frustration. "If Izzy had known she could have taken better care of herself and our baby."

"She's a teenager, Edward," Rose reminds me. "And just so you know, she swears it's Riley's and he's going along with it, even though Emmett and I aren't idiots. They do have Renee fooled."

"I should own up to this," I voice. Once again, I don't like the idea of a couple of kids covering for me. "There is no way I'm going to let Riley take on the title or role of father to my child."

Rose gently places her hand on my forearm. "Edward...Bella's condition isn't improving." I think that's her way of telling me there will be no child to claim. "You need to let go. We will take care of Bella. She already said if she doesn't lose the baby she wants to give it up for adoption."

I shake off her hand and start to pace as one of my hands reaches up to grab at my hair. "That's just great! She wants to make all these choices without me? Just fucking great! As if she hasn't made enough decisions without me since the day we met!" I throw my hands up.

"It would be the best option...for both of you," Rose says calmly.

"I'm not some teenager that's incapable of..." I stop pacing a lean back against the wall as true understanding of the situation sets in. As much as I want Izzy, this person we're talking about isn't Izzy. The person in the hospital is Bella; an eighteen years old high school senior who is incapable of caring for a baby on her own.

Rose's soft but firm voice brings me back to the moment. "I'm sorry, Edward. I really am. I don't think there are any words I can say to make this better for either of you. You both just need to...let go and live your separate lives. It was the wrong time to find the right thing and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you can move on and heal." I can tell those are her final words on the subject as she leans over, kisses my cheek, and walks toward the door.

Rose opens the door to leave but I reach out and grab her arm right before she walks out. I extend the hand which holds what I hoped would be a great gift for my girlfriend at the time I bought it. "Just, say it's from you. She's upset because she thinks everyone forgot her birthday. Please," I add. It's the closest I'll come to begging. She nods once, takes the package, and walks away.

I watch Rose walk away for just a minute before I close the door and move listlessly toward the couch. My cell rings as I sit down and I see Alice's name again. I hit ignore and am about to put it down when I decide to call a friend.

It only rings a couple times before I hear her voice on the line. "Hello?" she answers.

"Liv…hey. It's Edward," I say a bit awkwardly. I'm not sure why I feel so unsure of myself. I mean, we talk every day at work, right?

"Hi, Edward. What's going on?" she responds, cheerfully.

I'm about to answer when I hear her daughter whine in the background. "Chloe, baby..." Liv says, trying to calm her down. "I'm sorry, Edward. Can you give me a second?"

"Of course." I wait patiently as I listen to her soothe her daughter. She is out of breath when she returns and apologizes for the interruption. I assure her that it is no problem.

"Did you want to talk about Bella?" she asks.

"No. I actually wanted to get my mind off that whole situation," I explain.

She seems happy oblige and we talk for a good hour. She tells me about her daughter and her ex Lucas; how he takes her on the weekends and loves her to death, but isn't very responsible. He still lives off his parents and parties more than someone his age should. The fact that she wanted to be a grown up and he wanted to play house was the biggest problem in their relationship. He could not seem to understand that life isn't a game so she left him last year.

It's nice to listen to Liv talk about her life. This way, I don't have to focus on mine for a while.

UtB

Sleep eludes me. I'm not able to find any peace knowing that the one I love is in a hospital bed, alone and scared. I can't help but think of the time we spent together this summer. Izzy and I, not Bella. One memory in particular weighs heavy on my mind at the moment.

I remember waking up to the sound of the T.V. at seven one the morning. She was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer reruns. When I asked what she was doing up so early she got mad, slapped me and told me not to interrupt the program. I wasn't allowed to talk to her until the commercial break so I just held her and watched Buffy give speeches, fight demons, fall in love, and always come out on top.

"Team Angel or Team Spike?" I ask during the commercial.

"Spike. Hands down Spike," she replies with conviction.

"Really? Why?"

"Seriously?" she asks, looking at me like I've grown a third eye. "Well, Angel was all 'cursed' with a soul, but Spike…he sought after a soul for her. No question, she should be with Spike."

"Yeah, but she won't ever become a vampire for him and he won't ever become a human, so what are they supposed to do?"

"I know. That does kinda suck," she answers regretfully. "Whatever happened to vegetarian vampires with free will?"

I laugh. "They only exist in YA fiction."

"Shhh, it's back on!" she says, flapping her hand at me to emphasis the need for silence. I follow her directions.

Angel appears and kisses Buffy. Meanwhile, Spike hides in the shadows, upset. The dialogue is something like this.

Angel: "Is it Spike? You're not telling me something. And his scent, I remember it pretty well." Buffy: "You vampires. Did anybody ever tell you the whole smelling people thing's a little gross?" Angel: "Is he your boyfriend?" Buffy: "Is that your business?" Angel: "You in love with him? OK, maybe I'm outta line, but this is kind of a curve ball for me. I mean, we are talking about Spike here." Buffy: "It's different. He's different. He has a soul now." Angel: "That's great. Everyone's got a soul now." Buffy: "He'll make a difference." Angel: "You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was the cool new thing." Buffy: "Oh, my God. Are you 12?" Angel: "I'm getting the brush off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me." Buffy: "You're not getting the brush off. Are you just gonna come here and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?" Angel: "Aha! Boyfriend!" Buffy: "He's not. But...he is in my heart. What was the highlight of our relationship? When you broke up with me or when I killed you? I'm well aware of my stellar history with guys... And, no, I don't see fat grandchildren in the offing with Spike, but I don't think that really matters right now. You know, in the midst of all this insanity, a couple things are actually starting to make sense. And the guy thing— I always feared there was something wrong with me, you know, because I couldn't make it work. But maybe I'm not supposed to." Angel: "Because you're the slayer?" Buffy: "Because—OK, I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat— or enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then...that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done." I look at Izzy and say, "Cookie Dough?" at the same time Angel says it to Buffy. "Would you be quiet, please? This is huge right now. HUGE! And you're making me miss it!" I lean in and kiss her neck. I didn't say another word and she still missed the rest of the show.

She lied to me and those lies could very well ruin my entire life. That doesn't mean she deserves to go through this alone though. She needs to know she isn't alone and that I'm just as freaked out as she is. I want her to know I care about this baby.

With that thought and the memories fresh in my mind I give up the fight. "Screw it all," I mumble as I toss the blankets off my body. I pull a pair of jeans out of the dresser and put them on, then grab a hoodie and zip it up over the wife beater I'm already wearing. When I get outside I pull up the hood and head toward the hospital.

UtB

I keep my head down as I walk the dimly lit hospital hallways. I wait until the nurses aren't paying attention before I slip past the desk and into her room.

There she lays, wide awake and flipping through the channels. I push my hood down and approach her bed. A slight change in her posture lets me know she is aware of my presence, even though she won't look in my direction.

"Get out of here, please. Just...you should leave," she pleads with a shake of her head.

I stop moving toward her but I'm not going to let her convince me to leave. "I can't pretend this isn't happening, Isabella. I can't pretend that this doesn't affect me either. Even though I am angry, I do care."

Now she looks at me with deadened eyes. "It doesn't concern you and it's not your problem. Please...I've caused enough drama to last a lifetime. Walk away."

"Let's just...do this. Together. I'll resign and…"

"Would you stop!" she interrupts. "I don't want that. I don't want to be the center of some huge controversy! I don't..." She swallows back her emotion and wipes away a tear. "I want to be eighteen. I want to be a senior in high school. No matter what happened this summer, I'm still just a kid and you...you scare me," she finishes quietly as she looks away.

I'm hurt by her words. "You never seemed scared or unsure when we were together."

At least she looks at me when she responds. "That's the trouble with being a teenager. You think you're an adult, that you can handle anything life throws your way. Then life actually throws something and you see what's been so obvious to everyone else; that you're not an adult and you're not able to handle life's curve balls. I'm sorry, Edward, I really am. I do love you...but I'm not ready for you." She's lost the battle with her tears as I can see them run freely down her cheeks.

"You're cookie dough?"

She smiles and snorts sarcastically at the Buffy reference. "I need to bake."

"What about the baby?" I ask.

She looks down at her lap. "I can't talk about that right now. I won't think about something I'm so close to losing."

I nod in understanding. After a brief pause to digest everything she said I walk the rest of the way to the bed, lean in to kiss her forehead, then back away from the bed. After one last good look at her tiny huddled form, I pull my hood back up and I leave her room.

Once in the parking lot I sit in my car and find the strength to let go, regardless of my true desires. I send Isabella a text.

"Angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry, I turned away."

BPOV

I'm sitting on my couch trying to focus on some homework when there a knock at the apartment door. It's hard to concentrate though since I found out I was pregnant yesterday. I get up to open it and find Riley smiling at me. It's barley four o'clock. He must have come straight from school, and skipped football practice.

"Hey," he says in greeting. I step to the side and invite him in. He walks a bit awkwardly and that's when I notice he's hiding something behind his back.

"I know your birthday was kind of crappy with the whole Renee thing, so…this is a re-do." He pulls one hand from behind his back with a flourish and hands me a small box.

I smile for the first time since yesterday. I spent the whole day today curled up in bed trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do instead of going to school. I currently refuse to think about what happened with Edward or about the fact that I'm pregnant

"You're the best," I compliment as I take the box. I notice that he sets something pretty big, and wrapped in a black garbage bag, on the couch as I set the box he just gave me on the counter and open the top. "You really are the best," I reiterate when I see the fancy cupcakes inside.

He comes over to stand next to me. "Yeah?" he questions before picking up a cupcake and taking a bite.

I nod dramatically. "Definitely."

I lift one of the cupcakes and start eating. They are so delicious that I think my eyes roll back in my head. "These are sooo good," I moan before taking another bite. Riley just chuckles at me.

"You aren't going to sing to me?" I joke. He graces me with a huge smile. His smiles are infectious so I can't help but return it with a smile of my own.

"Hold up," he says seriously. "You have something on your face." His voice is soft and warm and his eyes focus on my lips. Before I know it, he's smearing icing on my face and I gasp in surprise.

He laughs and steps backward, a bit fearful of retaliation I think. "Now you really have something on your face" he teases as he finishes his cupcake with a sly smirk.

I wait a moment, hoping he'll relax and let his guard down so I can get him back. I quickly move to wipe my finger full of icing down his face but he was just waiting for me. He grabs my hand to stop me then sets the remainder of my cupcake on the counter.

"Get it off," I demand, cocking my hip and propping my hand on it, all while trying to keep a straight face to convey my fake anger. Before I can protest, Riley grabs me around the waist, pulls me close, and licks my face.

"Eww, gross," I squeal and giggle as I push him away playfully. He reaches up, grabs my hands, and pulls me back toward him. My laughter dies in my throat as I see the look in his eyes. That look shouldn't scare me, but it does. I close my eyes to shut out the feeling.

"All you have to do is ask, Bel," he says so softly I barely hear it. He's so close. I smell his warm, familiar scent. I feel his heart beat under my palms. Unfortunately, all I see behind my closed eyelids is Edward.

I open my eyes, squeeze Riley's hands, and give him a tiny smile. "I wish it was that simple, Ri." I am completely sincere. My life would be so much easier if I could love him. He nods in understanding.

I can tell he's a bit disappointed, but he does his best to get us back to our silly, friendly selves. "Okay. So, I'll never be as good as you..." he says in a playful tone, walking over to retrieve the other package. He returns and hands it to me, saying, "...but this is for you."

He helps me take out a canvas with an abstract painting. What looks like black flowers are set against an orange and yellow background. The painting reminds me of a sunset.

"I... it's beautiful. Thank you so much." I'm almost moved to tears so I have to do something to lighten the moment. I hit him in the chest and focus on his negativity. "You're amazing at everything, Riley, including art. Thanks again," I say and return to admiring the painting.

I look back up at him and he pulls me in for a hug. That's just how Riley and I are. It's always carefree and easy.

We settle in to watch a couple movies; The Breakfast Club and Billy Madison. Somewhere in between singing clowns and falling asleep I ask him to stay the night.

At some point he addresses the elephant in the room. "What are you going to do about the baby? Will you tell Edward?" he asks. How in the world could I ever hide it from Edward?

"I really don't want to think about it tonight, okay?" It's nice to pretend I'm still just some high school girl without a care in the world, even if it's just for tonight.

UtB

The sound of my alarm wakes me up. Riley's arms tighten around me and he grumbles, "Turn it off."

I roll over to face him and that's when I realize something doesn't feel right. Everything is wet but I don't know why. I sit up and fling the covers back.

"Holy shit," Riley exclaims, his face losing all color.

The sheets on my bed, my white shorts, and Riley's light blue shorts are covered with blood. It looks like a vampire had a messy meal in my bed. A sharp pain rips through my stomach at that moment, causing me to suck a breath in through my teeth in what sounds like a hiss.

Riley reaches out for me. "Bells, you okay?" he asks a bit frantically.

"So much blood," I whisper, frozen in place and a bit confused. I must zone out for a minute because the next thing I notice is that Riley is standing beside the bed, yelling at someone on his cell phone.

"...I don't know what to do! Should I call the ambulance or just take her in? God dammit, Cameron!" I don't like the idea of his brother knowing what is going on. Part of me realizes this is not what I should be worried about right now. Besides, he is a pre med student at some college in New York so maybe he can help us figure out what the heck is going on.

Riley must be upset because I hear the traces of Aussie in his speech as he relays information to Cameron. If I wasn't so freaked out about all of the blood I would have laughed and teased him about his accent creeping out right now.

I'm startled again as he sends his phone flying over the side of the bed after he ends the call. He takes a deep breath and then walks around to my side of the bed. His frantic attitude is gone in an instant.

He kneels down to my level and speaks to me in a calm voice. "Bel, I have to call the ambulance. I don't want to risk hurting you and someone needs to check you out. I'm going to change you first. Is that okay?"

I must nod, because he leaves and comes back with a warm rag. He starts pulling my clothes off so gently. Then I hear him talking again, but he's reciting my address, so I don't think he's talking to me.

"The baby," I whisper.

He gives me a sad smile. "Let's not think about that right now. I just need you to be okay," he says as he slips a new t-shirt on my body, followed by underwear and finally sweatpants. I just sit there like a life size doll, letting him take care of me.

There's knocking on the door and Riley kisses my forehead before leaving the room. I want to scream for him to stay with my but before I can utter even a syllable there are people all over my room. The smell of the blood hits me and everything goes black.

UtB

As I wake up I hear murmured words that don't make much sense to me. "...twelve weeks. There wasn't too much blood loss but the baby's heart beat is weak." I realize it's Emmett's voice I hear and try to open my heavy eyes.

As I take in my surroundings I immediately notice Rose and Emmett. He has the phone pressed to his ear. Next, I realize I'm not in my room, and that the room I am in is an ugly green color. Why am I in the hospital? A sharp pain in my abdomen quickly reminds me.

"Shit," I gasp and clutch at my stomach, causing Rose and Emmett to rush to my side.

"Bella?" Em says, tentatively.

"Is it okay? Is he okay?" I ask.

"He?" Emmett questions. I answer by looking down at my stomach.

I had trouble coping with the news of being pregnant but I can definitely picture it now. I see a little boy running around. He has Edward's intense eyes and his insanely beautiful hair.

"Whose is it?" Emmett asks through clenched teeth.

"Emmett!" Rose warns, slapping him on the arm.

"Mine," I hear from the direction of the doorway. I turn to see Riley walk in, ignoring Emmett completely. Emmett does not return the favor and glares at Riley.

"What are you doing?" I whisper to Riley when he's close enough to hear me.

"Keeping our beloved vice principal out of trouble. Just go with it," he whispers in my ear before he kisses my check.

A doctor comes in before anything else can be said. "Hi, Bella. I'm Dr Greene. How are you feeling?"

"I keep waking up with cramps. Other than that, I'm just tired. I'm scared, too. I don't want to lose him," I answer. Tears spill over my bottom lashes before I can stop them.

Rose is immediately at my side, holding my hand. "Bella, you need to calm down," she soothes.

"She's right, Bella," Dr. Greene confirms. "You're experiencing what is called a threatened miscarriage. There's nothing we can do to prevent it. The best chance your baby has is for you to keep your stress level down and to get as much fluid and rest as possible. I'd like to do a quick ultrasound while I'm here, too."

I nod, even though what he is telling me seems impossible. After all, I'm not just a high school student facing an unwanted pregnancy. I'm a high school student facing an unwanted pregnancy with the vice principal of my high school. Why would I be stressed out?

Riley smoothes some of my hair back from my face as we wait for the doctor to return with the ultrasound machine. The gel is cold against my stomach but that fact quickly fades away. There, on the fuzzy black and white screen, is what looks like a lima bean, flickering in the static. The doctor is silent.

"Why is there a flicker on the screen?" I ask excitedly.

Dr. Greene confirms that that is the heartbeat. Wow. I created that. Edward and I created a heartbeat. Tears prick at my eyes again.

"That's good right?" I ask, trying to get a handle on the situation. As I look closer, it's more than a lima bean. I can make out the head and body, tiny arms and legs. Almost like sticks. It's a baby.

"It's not very strong. That on top of the bleeding and cramps..." he trails off, leaving the truth unsaid.

I feel Rose squeeze my hand. The doctor explains that he would like me to stay overnight for observation before he prints out a few pictures at my request then leaves the room.

Emmett asks Rose and Riley if he can have a minute alone with me. They both start to leave the room. Rose turns back to Em at the last second. "Don't upset her," Rose warns. I have a feeling he wasn't very calm earlier.

"I heard the doctor," Emmett replies.

Rose kisses Emmett on the check, then turns to Riley. "Come on, Dad," she says a bit sarcastically. "You can buy me a shitty cup of coffee from the cafeteria."

Emmett pulls a chair close to the edge of my bed and sits down. He reaches over and puts his big hand over mine in a protective, caring gesture. "What is going on with you, Bells," he sighs.

I've given Emmett a lot of attitude lately but I do care what he thinks. I care if he is mad or disappointed with me. Suddenly, I am a vulnerable little girl. I am not a grownup, I don't have all the answers...and I am in hot water.

Emmett gently wipes the tears from my face. "I don't know," I answer.

"You know you don't have to protect him." I know he is talking about Edward.

"I'm not," I reply and look away. "Do you think I'm going to lose the baby?" I ask him.

"It doesn't look good right now." He frowns and continues. "You're so young, Bella. You have so much to live for. What are you going to do with a baby anyway?"

"I really love this baby," I respond. It comes out as the slightest whisper. "I know I can't take care of him though. If...if I have any favors left to call in, and this child gets the chance to live...I want him to have an awesome life with an awesome family that can give him everything I can't."

"How long have you known, Bella? Why wouldn't you tell us?" Em asks exasperatedly.

"I'm...I just found out like two days ago," I admit. This is awful to own up to. It just confirms that I'm not the adult I thought I was.

"Mom is freaking out. She mentioned something about calling Charlie 'cause she has no idea what to do with you. First it's this older guy, then it's tattoos, and now you're pregnant. What's next, Bella?" Emmett looks like he's really at his wit's end.

Oh, shit, the tattoo. You're not supposed to get tattoos when you're pregnant. That reminds me of all the other things I did that you aren't suppose to do when you're pregnant. I did a lot of drinking with Riley that night at the end of the summer. I haven't been eating well. My lack of sleeping. I feel like the poster child for what not to do during pregnancy.

I guess what they say about babies having babies is true.

"I was thinking of joining a gang." I joke, trying to crack a smile and lighten the mood.

"Haha. Very funny," Emmett mocks. "Seriously, Bella."

"I know, Emmett. So...what did Charlie say?" The man is certainly not father of the year. He has been nonexistent in our lives up to this point. He sends mom money every month and cards for birthdays and Christmas. He calls sometimes but we never know what to say. He is a quiet man. Nothing like my Mom.

"He said Mom was too lenient, that you need more rules and structure. He even thought it might be good for you to spend some time out in Washington."

"No! No way. Never." I start to panic. I could never leave Edward.

"Bells, no one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do. Plus, you're eighteen now."

"I feel more like fifteen at the moment. I thought...I thought I would feel different or have some new wisdom or knowledge once I turned eighteen. I'm supposed to be an 'adult' now," I laugh lightly at myself. "I think I'm more scared and confused than ever," I admit. I can't hold back anymore and I sob quietly into my hands. "I'm so scarred, Em," I admit.

Emmett climbs in bed with me and cradles me in his arms. "It will be okay, Bells. I promise" he says in an attempt to soothe me.

I fall in and out of sleep the rest of the afternoon. At one point I wake to noise in the hallway. I know immediately that it's Edward. I'm not sure why Emmett is giving me hell about it. Maybe he thinks I have been through enough.

Edward's appearance pisses me off though. I am pissed that he would risk everything to come here. Pissed and moved to tears because of what he is risking for me.

It scares me to death.

I am not that...selfless.

"So, we are having a baby?" Riley asks later when we are alone.

"You don't have to do this you know."

"I know, Bella, but I want to." He rests his chin on my shoulder, and I just stare in his eyes.

UtB

I can't sleep. I really don't even want to.

When Edward shows up late at night with a black eye, I know I have to end this. For him and for me. I know that if we keep doing this dance we will destroy each other and whatever we had will be lost forever.

When I get his text it definitely feels final. Of course, I don't know what that means if I don't lose our baby now. How will that change things between us? I am positive he would not just walk away. He is not the type of man to run from his responsibilities, no matter what it might cost him.

Those thoughts were all for nothing because the next morning my cramps intensify. When they do another ultrasound my little lima bean isn't flickering. There is no longer a heartbeat. Riley is with me during the whole thing. I rest my head against his chest and cry as he softly runs his fingers through my hair.

The doctors ask me what I want to do. My options are to let the pregnancy naturally abort itself or to let them dilate me and scrape my uterus.

I don't know what to do. I look at Riley for guidance, but he is just as clueless. I finally ask if I can have some time to think about it.

When my mom arrives she is in tears. Riley steps aside and I hug her. After she soothes me and gives her opinion on what I should do she turns her attention to Riley.

"Are you parents aware of the situation?" she asks, crossing her arms over her chest in full-on mom mode. I have only seen this side of her a few times. I'm really glad because it kinda scares me.

"Ah...um..." Riley stutters, looking at me.

"So, since it's not your body you think you don't have to tell them? You think you can just get off scott free?"

"Stop, Mom." I'm about to tell her the baby was Edward's when Riley interrupts me, surprising me yet again.

"She's right, Bells. I should tell my parents. My older brother knows, so it's not like I've been keeping it a secret."

"I should hope not. I hope you kids have learned a lesson from all of this," Mom chastises.

The nurse comes in with all the paperwork for the procedure, effectively ending Mom's rant. She describes everything and explains that I can be discharged a few hours after it's complete.

Silent tears fall down my face as they wheel me to surgery. As I slip into unconsciousness, all I can think of is Edward. All I see is that little boy running free in a gray shirt. I briefly wonder why it's gray, and then I realize the significance. Nothing in this situation has been black or white. It's all been varying shades of gray.

I spend the rest of the week at home in bed. Riley comes every day after school. Every night I dream of that little boy, always in gray.

After several afternoon visits I ask Riley about football practice. I know he's missing them and that he's required to be there.

"What about it? You're more important than football."

"But they're not going to let you play..." I trail off.

He grasps my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "So I sit on the bench a few games," he says with a shrug. "That just gives me more time with my queen at homecoming," he smirks.

"Shut up," I scoff. I always I wanted to be homecoming queen...but now it just seems so trivial and stupid.

"Yup, it's me and you. I mean Kelsey and James are nominated too, but we are shoe-ins," he says cockily.

"You are so full of yourself." I laugh, smack his shoulder then turn my attention back to my journal.

This is what I wanted right? To be a senior in high school...

I work in my art journal every day. I use a lot of gray.

"Life isn't black and white; it's a million gray areas."

I stop my work and look at Riley. His hair is really blonde in the front. His eyes are a really intense brown. His jeans have a hole in the knee.

He catches me starring at him and asks, "What?"

"You have been amazing, Riley. Really. I don't know what I would do without you."

He wraps me in a hug and when I pull away he has that same look in his eye from the night he brought me the cupcakes. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and his thumb strokes over my cheek, lingering just long enough to reinforce his desires.

"Kiss me?" I ask.

"I can't handle it if you don't mean it," he whispers, his mouth hovering close to mine.

I swallow the lump in my throat and say, "I mean it."

He leans in and places one soft kiss to my lips. He moves up and kisses each of my closed eyelids softly before his lips find mine again. This time I open my mouth slightly. His tongue touches mine for a second. He tastes the same as always, like cherry Lifesavers. My hand travels under his shirt to feel his ridged six pack, then further up to his smooth, hairless chest. The kiss intensifies and deepens as our tongues move in and out of each other's mouths.

The million gray areas just became a million and one.

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