As luck would have it, a five-car pileup interrupted the rest of our little talk that afternoon. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to have a conversation with my husband without both of our beepers going off and demanding that we sprint up to the operating rooms.

So we'd left the living situation up in the air for about twelve hours. Neither of us wanted to bring it up again. Kind of a hot topic.

It was five-thirty am, and my shift was starting soon. I stared into my black coffee, thinking about what he'd said the day before.

I'm not the same person I was in New York.

The words resounded in my head.

The thing was, they were true. He wasn't Derek Shepherd, hotshot doctor who loved being one of the most renowned surgeons in the city – hell, on the east coast. Part of the reason we'd gotten married was probably because we were both ridiculously ambitious, even as med students. We knew we wanted to make it to the top, and we got there together. We loved the city and the fast life and working all the time and being the best at what we did.

But now he was just different. It was as if he'd discovered this whole other side of him – someone who liked nature and fishing and living "the simple life" or something. I would never have thought Derek, of all people, would like living in the middle of nowhere. He found some new part of himself out here. And I guessed he found someone who loved the new him.

Maybe I was clinging too much to what he used to be.

"Morning, Addie." He walked in the kitchen – or stepped into it, really, because – oh wait - we lived in a TRAILER.

I glanced up from my newspaper and handed him the sports section wordlessly.

"Thanks," he said, sitting across from me and pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot I had out already. "So I've been thinking about this."

"You have?" I immediately put down the paper. I hated the little part of me that was still so terrified that the reason he didn't want to move was because he still wasn't sure he'd made the right choice in staying with me instead of Meredith.

He nodded. "What if we keep the apartment but build a house here? That way we can still go back and visit… her… you know."

"I…" I pictured our beautiful brownstone, with Haley's bedroom inside. Now the entire place would be empty and heartbreaking, permanently. It seemed so sad, but I knew there was no way in hell I was ready to give up our old home, and this was the only way I could keep it. I sighed. "Okay."

"I just… I know you want to go back there. I know every single fiber of you screams 'New York.' Everyone can see it, and I'm sorry, but I can't. I can't go back there. Do you get that? There's just too many horrible memories."

"There's good ones, too," I said softly.

"I know. But we can remember them from here."

"I guess so." I had a feeling that this particular battle was one I couldn't win. At least I'd be able to go back sometimes and visit our friends – and Haley's things - when I stayed in our old home.

"We'll have some of her stuff shipped out here, if you want," he said, reading my mind as usual. "And when we build a house we can have our furniture sent out."

"Okay." God, I couldn't wait to have the rest of my wardrobe. There was no room for it here. And I wanted our pictures of her – I only had the one I kept in my dresser drawer, hidden.

"So we still have to sell the summer house, obviously," he said, his tone more official. "And I'm pretty sure it's in your name, so you can take care of that, it should sell in a snap, being beachfront." He paused. "But it's still going to be kind of a stretch to keep the apartment and build a house here…"

"Don't worry about it," I said.

"What do you mean?"

I hesitated. "I mean… we can afford it."

His brow creased. "I know we're each making two million a year, Addie, but after malpractice and taxes on this property and paying the ridiculous New York co-op prices – "

I interrupted him. "I'm - umm, I'm kind of making more than two million a year," I said quickly, standing up and grabbing my bag.

His mouth dropped open. "What?"

"Time for work. I'll see you later." I dropped a kiss on his forehead and sped for the door.

"Oh my god, I am going to KILL Richard!" I heard him yelling after me.