James and Sirius finally took a good look around themselves. Remus and Peter sat directly in front of them, watching them with worry. Lily sat next to Remus, and Matilda next to Peter. Tibby and Bibb, their favorite house elves, sat on Matilda's other side, and next to them perched two owls that James recognized as his own and Sirius'. A small third year that James remembered from the day he'd gotten Lily to go out with him sat next to Lily, and next to him was a girl James thought might be a Hufflepuff, but he wasn't sure. Nearly Headless Nick and the Fat Friar floated just behind her chair, looking intrigued.

"James, Sirius, listen." Lily said cautiously. "Your friends are worried about you. Let them help you."

James furrowed his brow. "I don't see what's so bad about Billywigs. I mean, they just make us feel good. And we can fly." He maneuvered himself so he was sitting in midair, next to the chair, to prove his point. Sirius grinned and did the same.

"Ah yes," Nearly Headless Nick said wistfully. "I remember the good old days, don't you Friar? Back when floating was still novel…" The two ghosts stared dreamily into space, with faint smiles on their faces.

The Fat Friar was first to snap out. "It's not as fun, after a few hundred years, you know." he said conspiratorially. "Personally, I'd like to have my feet back on solid ground."

Nearly Headless Nick nodded in agreement. "But, if you boys enjoy floating so much, you could always become ghosts like us!"

James and Sirius glanced uneasily at each other, and shook their heads.

"I think I'd prefer moving on, personally." Sirius said hesitantly. "No offence or anything, but I mean-"

"No, no. I understand," Nick said softly. "Sometimes I wish I had…"

Everyone was silent for a moment, contemplating his words.

"Well," Lily said, finally breaking the silence. "That wasn't exactly on the agenda, but okay…"

There was another moment of silence, then Lily cleared her throat pointedly and Remus jumped up from his chair, pulling a book out of his bag on the floor next to him.

"Er, James, Sirius," Remus said, clearing his throat. "You were saying before about how you don't see anything bad about billywigs?"

James nodded, and so did Sirius, after glancing at James to make sure they actually had said that.

Remus cleared his throat again. "Er, well, this book has some information on billywigs…have you ever actually looked them up?" The looks on James and Sirius' faces answered his question for him. "Well, here. Listen for a moment.

"The Billywig is a small, vivid blue insect-like creature, native to Australia, that secretes a helium-based venom through it's stinger, causing the recipient of it's sting to float several feet above the ground for short periods of time. The Billywig sting also causes extreme giddiness, mood swings and, in some cases, paranoia. Regular stingings over a long period of time may cause impotency and hair loss, and when large amounts of Billywig venom has been ingested, the victim's head may begin to swell to disproportionate sizes, and they will begin to rise rapidly into the air and will not return to solid ground until the head is either deflated or pops. Dried stingers are useful in potions and are a key ingredient in Fizzing Whizbees, a popular sweet."

Remus looked up at James and Sirius to see them staring at him with blank looks on their faces. Lily raised her eyebrow at them and said, "Well? Were you even listening, or do you want him to read it again?"

James frowned. "I heard him…but I don't believe him. Let me see that book."

Both James and Sirius had sunk down into their chairs by this point, and James reached out for the thick tome in Remus' hands. Remus handed it to him, and James skimmed the page rapidly, eyes widening. Sirius looked over his shoulder and frowned.

"So its true, then?" Sirius asked curiously. "Hair loss, hmm?"

"Yup," James said weakly.

"Impotency…like you can't-"

"I know what it means, Sirius," James said quickly.

"And swelling of the head…hmm. So if we do it too much, you'll get a big head…" Sirius considered this. "I don't think you need billywigs for that, mate."

"Sirius?" James said, glaring up at him. "Shut up for a second, will you?"

"You see, James?" Lily asked softly, standing behind him. "Billywigs do have negative effects."

"Well, not just that," Peter said, looking down at his hands. "You guys are out doing that, and we're up here, worrying about you."

Lily nodded approvingly at Peter and said, "See James? Sirius? You're hurting people. Your friends miss you. Stop doing billywigs and be with them."

James stared into space for a moment. When a moment became a full minute, Lily cleared her throat pointedly.

James jumped, looking guilty. "Sorry, yeah. Yes."

"Did you even hear what we just said?" she asked, exasperated. "You're hurting your friends by doing this, and you need to stop."

"How about you?" James asked curiously.

"Er, me?" Lily repeated, confused.

"Yeah," James said, turning around in his seat to look at her. "Am I hurting you?"

Lily hesitated, and glanced quickly at Matilda, Peter, and Remus, who were nodding frantically at her.

"Yes, James," she said carefully. "You're hurting me too."

James deliberated this, then said sadly, "I never meant to hurt you, Lily."

Lily looked nonplussed. "Um, okay, as long as you stop stinging, it'll be alright."

"That's why I missed our date…" James continued solemnly. Lily looked up at Remus, Peter and Matilda again. They were grinning at her. She scowled at them, then looked back at James, who was still twisted backwards on his chair in order to talk to her. "I…I promise I won't do billywigs anymore, Lily. Can you give me a second chance?"

"I - a second chance?" she asked. "I guess so."

James's face lit up. "Really? How about this weekend?"

Lily frowned. "This…what?"

"Our date," James said blithely. "We can go to Hogsmede. Maybe even Madam Puddifoots!"

"Oh! Um, right. That's what I agreed to." Lily said faintly. "Okay, then."

"Hey, what about me?" Sirius pouted. "Aren't I hurting anyone? Don't I get a date in exchange for quitting?"

Everyone looked at him blankly.

"Well," Bertha Jorkins winked. "I think that can be arranged."

"Hey, what is she doing here anyway?" James interrupted, having taken Lily's hand and refused to let go. Lily was standing awkwardly by his chair, looking mildly annoyed.

"Oh, well, we figured she could help." Peter said shiftily.

"Yeah, but who is she?" Sirius asked. "And now that we're on the subject, who's that kid?"

He pointed at Galvin, who flushed.

"I'm Galvin Gudgeon," he said timidly. "I play seeker." Here he looked pointedly at James. "I'm pretty good. I can play reserve, or even starter if you want. I tried out for the team, Mr. Potter. Do you remember?"

Lily frowned at him and said, "Galvin, you aren't here to suck up to the Quidditch players. You're here to help the Quidditch players get off drugs."

"Hey, I remember you!" James said abruptly. "Yeah! You were the kid who…" he trailed off awkwardly.

"Who what?" Galvin asked excitedly.

James grimaced, and whispered to Lily, "He was rubbish…don't tell him I said that though."

Lily's mouth twisted. It was not funny. It wasn't.

"Who what?" Galvin repeated insistently, sitting on the edge of his seat and watching James hopefully.

"Er…who tried out that one time…and you were in the corridor that one day…" James finished lamely. Galvin's expression drooped somewhat.

"Oh. Well at least you remembered me!" he perked up. James shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and Lily stared at the ceiling, which was less awkward.

Sirius interrupted, thankfully, his voice irritated. "Hey, you lot!" he said, standing and waving at the group. "Am I not important enough to be apart of this intervention at all? Isn't it technically all mine, now that Prongs has gone turncoat?"

They all looked at him, and Lily gave Matilda a meaningful glance and cleared her throat.

"What?" Matilda said, staring down at her hand in distraction. She looked up to see Lily, James, Remus, and most of the rest staring at her. "Oh! Yes, Sirius." She glanced down at her hand once more for good measure, and began her speech.

"Sirius," she began, "You really need to quit stinging. It's bad for you! It causes hair loss, and…oh wait, we already did that bit…" She looked at her other hand, then pulled up the sleeve of her robes and checked her arm. "Ah, here we go. You don't want to end up bald and childless, do you?" She looked up at him, eyes expectant. "Do you?"

"Well, no…" Sirius said slowly. "But - "

Matilda interrupted him. "And you need to understand that every time you do billywigs, you're hurting your friends and family."

Sirius scowled at this, and opened his mouth to say something, but Matilda forged onward, pushing her sleeve up past her elbow and twisting it in order to read the rest.

"You could die from it, Sirius, and if you died, we would all be very unhappy." She mouthed the words, 'look at him sadly', then glanced up at Sirius sadly, putting a hand over her heart and repeating, "Very unhappy, Sirius."

Sirius looked at her doubtfully. "D'you mean it?" he asked.

She glanced down at her arm, then up at Lily. Lily nodded.

"Yes, Sirius." she said sincerely. "I mean it."

Sirius frowned.

"Well, Peter and I mean it too, Sirius," Remus added. "And we don't have to look at our notes to say that, do we Peter?"

Peter quickly hid his hands in his pockets and nodded furiously. "Exactly what Remus said, Sirius."

"There you go, Sirius." Lily said, giving Remus a grateful smile and rolling her eyes at Matilda. "Now will you quit?"

"Well…" Sirius considered it. "I just don't see how I'm actually hurting you. I just want billywigs."

"Sir wants billywigs?" A high voice interrupted them, and Tippy stood and looked at Sirius, eyes wide. Bibb jumped up excitedly. Apparently the house elves had been feeling useless up to now, and had found something they could help with.

"Bibb will get Sir billywigs right now!" Bibb said happily, and disappeared with a crack.

Tippy looked put out. "Tippy will get more billywigs for Sir!" She disappeared as well.

Lily's mouth dropped open. "Have they been completely ignoring everything that's been going on up to now?" she asked in astonishment. "Do they not realize that the entire point of this whole thing is to get these two to stop with the bloody billywigs?"

Sirius seemed even more shocked than Lily. Turning to James, he muttered, "And to think, all this time, all we had to do was ask them! We didn't have to go trekking round the forest at all!"

"You mean I fell in that ditch for nothing?" James demanded irritably.

Remus stood and tried to calm Lily, who was positively seething. "Lily, don't worry, we'll just explain when they come back, alright?"

She sighed and tipped her head back to stare at the ceiling. "I just don't understand why they're even here, if they aren't going to pay attention."

"They're house elves, Lily," Remus said in a pacifying sort of voice. "This just isn't what they do. They cook and clean and do laundry and such." he paused. "And besides, we didn't exactly tell them what was going on. We just told them to come to the common room and we'd tell them what to do from there."

Lily shook her head in exasperation. "You could have warned them."

Remus nodded, ashamed, and at that moment, both house elves popped back in, presenting Sirius with what looked like half a billywig colony in two large jars.

"Wow," Sirius said, eyes wide. James stared as well, inching away from Lily and toward the bugs.

"James," Lily said sternly. "What about our date?"

James looked back at her. He looked at the billywigs. He seemed to be having a difficult time deciding. He squirmed with indecision, and looked continually from Lily's encouraging face to the jar that Sirius was already trying to pry open.

"Augh, fine," he sighed, turning his back on the billywigs and walking over to stand next to Lily and Remus. "Happy?"

Lily grinned, as did the rest that were paying attention. "Very happy."

James flushed with pride and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, y'know, that's what I'm here for."

"Sirius," Remus said, pulling the jar out of his hands, "I can't let you have those."

"Aw, come on Remus!" Sirius whined. "Please?"

"No, Sirius," Matilda said firmly, coming up behind them and nabbing the other jar before Sirius could get his hands on it. "You've got to quit, alright?"

"You two," Remus said sternly, turning to the two house elves, who seemed to realize they'd done something wrong. "You two should not have gotten these for him. Aren't you supposed to be helping the students?"

"It is what Sir wanted, sir!" Tibby said anxiously.

"Yes, but it would have hurt him," Remus explained. "You shouldn't let your masters hurt themselves, should you?"

"No sir," Bibb said, ashamed. "Bibb is sorry, sir. Bibb and Tibby will get rid of the billywigs now, sir."

"Thank you Bibb." The house elves vanished with the jars. Remus sighed and looked back at Sirius, who was eyeing the spot where they'd vanished with no small amount of longing.

"Alright," Lily called. "Remus, Matilda, Peter, all of you come here."

They all, even James, crowded around her, leaving Sirius standing by his chair, still gazing at thin air.

"Okay, how are we supposed to get him to agree to stop?" Lily asked, looking around at them all. Galvin was standing next to James, staring at him steadfastly, and James was looking at her in much the same fashion. Lily blushed and looked at the rest of them. Bertha was whispering something to Matilda, who giggled and whispered back. The ghosts were still off watching Sirius watch air, looking highly entertained by the whole affair. Remus and Peter were the only ones watching her seriously.

Remus shrugged at her question. "I think Matilda was the last of our ideas…" He shot her a sharp look. "Fine job she did, too. We need a new angle."

"How about…" Lily said thoughtfully.

"What?" Peter asked.

"Well, remember I told you I had someone coming?" Lily asked, cautious. The two boys nodded expectantly, and she continued. "I think he could be a lot of help, if we play it right."

"Who is he, though?" Remus asked.

"Just…someone I invited…" Lily said evasively. "I figured he'd at least be another body in the circle, you know? And he said he'd be late, so we should be expecting him any time now…"

At that precise moment, a derisive voice echoed from just outside the portrait hole, saying, "I knew you lot were trusting, but leaving your entrance wide open for anyone to just waltz in? That's dense, even for Gryffindors."