A/N: You can still leave messages in my inbox even if you don't have a tumblr.
Request: Oui, ça va. Can you do one post-R2 wherein the two finally get together formally but C.C. doesn't know how to act in a relationship and Lelouch finds it hard to deal? What resolution could you give? Merci beaucoup.
"C.C.? Are you ready? If we don't leave right now, we'll be…"
Lelouch stopped in the doorway of the bedroom, the cheerful light from the hallway spilling over to shatter the monotony of darkness that was swamping the room. He saw her standing in front of the open window, the crescent moon in the sky barely illuminating her silhouette and the spring evening breeze fluttering her silver dress - worry tied his stomach into a tight, intricate knot and he tried to swallow. What had happened?
"C.C.?"
It wasn't until he stepped towards her when she spoke.
"Don't come any closer, Lelouch."
He froze. The number of questions snowballed in his head, and the exhaustion in her voice made alarms go off as he wondered why she was acting this way and what had happened. But he already knew.
The moment C.C. hadn't come out of the room, he had already known what was about to happen.
The way she had shied away from him the past few weeks told him. Her silence told him, the way her hand was limp as if she were dead whenever he held her hand told him, the way that her smiles had become more and more rare told him how it was coming to an end. They weren't going to go to the restaurant, were they? They weren't going to make it out of this room together, were they?
"Do you love me, Lelouch?"
He didn't reply. His breath was becoming too shallow for him to draw enough oxygen to answer, to tell her that he did, even if… Even if the feeling wasn't mutual. He couldn't breathe well enough to tell her that yes, he did in fact love her and that he always had and that he always would no matter how she felt towards him.
"What's love, Lelouch? I don't know what it is. Tell me. What's love?"
His hand clenched into a tight fist as he tried to steady his voice before he answered.
"Love is one of the basic human emotions. Love is what makes us fight, even when all of the odds are agains our favor. Love is what changes the world. And love is what a couple shares and has for one another."
"Are we a couple?"
Yes. He wanted to say it. Yes, they were. They had gone on dates. They had kissed. They had done everything that a couple did. Yes, they were a couple.
But he knew that he was clutching at straws, that he was trying to trick himself into thinking that his wishes were reality, that they were something more than just wistful thinking. So he told her the truth that had been wedged between them for some time.
"No."
"We're not lovers?"
"… No, C.C. We're not lovers."
He saw her shoulders relax, as if she had been relieved of a huge burden. His heart shattered - so she had hated it that much, had she? She had hated him that much, had she?
"I'm sorry, Lelouch," she said in a gentle voice. "I'm sorry for doing this. But I just can't… Take it anymore."
"No. It's better this way. The last thing I want is to force you into something you don't want to do. It's fine. I'm fine."
But he was lying, and they both knew it. Yes, he didn't want to force her into a relationship. But he wasn't fine. He was the farthest thing from fine. It felt like a hole had been ripped into his chest where his heart had been and he felt sick to his stomach as he was forced to face the realization that C.C. wanted their relationship to end. Lelouch had forgotten what pain was, after all of these years as living as an immortal. But the memories of what pain felt like, of its vicious and merciless agony and torture returned in a tidal wave of despair. His nails dug into his palm, but fortunately, his voice came out as normally as it possibly could in the current situation.
"I'm going to go cancel the reservation."
She nodded and he left the room, quietly closing the door behind him. As Lelouch made his way down to the kitchen, he quietly struggled not to cry. It was ridiculous. He shouldn't cry. He was a man, and he had been born a prince and crowned an emperor - he should walk away as dignified as one of his birth, no matter how many centuries ago it had been.
But his hands shook as he reached for the phone sitting on the kitchen counter and his vision was blurry as he pushed the buttons for the restaurant's phone number and the grief demanded to be acknowledged, and before he knew it, Lelouch stood in the empty and desolate kitchen, his hand covering the tears that streamed down his cheeks as he grit his teeth to fight the ugly sobs that built up in the back of his throat. The phone lay on the cold floor by his feet, the angry dial tone that was breaking the miserable silence mirroring the way their break-up had destroyed his smile and the small velvet box in his pocket burning a hole in his chest as he admitted defeat.
Request Complete