"Gentlemen! The time has come for us to bear witness to what could be a revolutionary conclusion that will be written down in the pages of history," Germany announcement echoed as he along with Italy, Japan, America, Canada, Russia and China hiked down a set of concrete steps that lead deeper underground.
"In all honesty, I feel a bit nervous for them," Japan said.
"Even after what I told you guys yesterday?" Canada shot frown at the rest of the group. "They said they understood each other better."
"But how do you know that for sure, aru?" China questioned the Canadian. "For all we know, they could have lied just to deceive us. They wouldn't want to spend anymore time with each other than we want them to, aru."
"At least China agrees that there'll be bloodshed at the end of this," Russia beamed his trademark child-like smile at America.
The American's sneered from the corner of his eyes at the Russian. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."
"Oh really? What makes you sure that they won't kill each other?" Russia's demanding violet eyes laid upon America.
"Because I'm a hero and heroes are never wrong!" America's bright blue eyes sparkled with determination. Their argument was interrupted when everyone reached the metal door. When everyone stopped, Germany turned to face everyone with his icy blue eyes.
"Behind this door lays the result of a possible way to successfully settle disputes between arguing countries," He stated.
"Pardon me Germany-san, but you make it sound like we conducted some form of experiment rather than trying to improve the relationship between England-san and France-san," Japan raised his hand.
The German stroked his smooth blonde hair and hesitated. "I will confess. There was an ulterior motive for locking them up that I've kept from the rest of you." The other countries blinked in confusion. "As everyone knows, France and England's rivalry has been considered more well-known as well as more louder and inconvenient. If isolating two of the biggest rivals forces them to get along, think of what it can do for the other countries that constantly fight each other. We could be on a path to world peace."
"If that's the case, can China and I go in next? I want to get to know him better, da." Russia grinned at the terrified expression of the Chinese man. "But what if this experiment of yours turns out to be a failure? For all we know, their relationship may not have changed at all or it could have gotten worse over the weeks…" The Russian glanced at the American making him snap.
"I'm still in with a chance of winning that bet you commie!"
"Like Germany has said before, France and England's rivalry have been one of the most well-known though out the world," Russia continued. "I very much doubt people who have been rivals for a long time can truly become friends. Maybe seeing their enemies' face every day in a room where they can't escape, was enough to drive them insane to the point of killing each other."
"I think they'd be a little more civil than that commie!" America tightened his fists and gritted his teeth in which Russia laughed in response. Observing the ensuing argument, Germany took out a small, black, leather note pad from his back pocket and started scribbling down on it. Italy noticed this and peered over the German's shoulder.
"Veh, Germany, what are you writing?" He asked.
The German sighed. "The next pair to be locked up in the cell." All of the sudden, a loud cackle erupted from the other side of the metal door signalling everyone to stop what they were doing.
"I hear… laughter," Japan stammered.
"Laughing is a good thing isn't it?" Italy beamed. "That means they must be getting along!"
"I don't know," China spoke with a tone of uncertainty as he raised his long sleeve to his chin. "There's something off about that laugh just now."
"It sounds like a laugh of a psychopath," Russia chuckled much to everyone's nervousness. "Besides, I could only hear one laugh."
"You haven't won yet! Both of them have to be dead!" America reminded the Russian.
As if on cue, a pair of cackles filled the tension in the air once more. America punched the air in delight.
"Yes! In your face commie!" He jabbed his finger at the platinum blonde haired giant. "You're buying me WacBurgers for a month!"
Germany cleared his throat as he began unlocking the cell door. "Well at least we can confirm that they're still alive. But the real test is, has their relationship improved?" Everyone waited nervously as the lock clunked with the turn of the key. "England, France, your time in here is up. Once this door opens you'll be free to go." Another burst of laughter was the reply to Germany's last sentence.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Canada hugged his polar bear cub closer to his chest for security. There was some hesitation about opening the door from the German but he eventually and slowly pulled the door towards himself. He peered around it only to snap it closed again. The others looked at the wide eyed German with bemused expressions.
"Germany-san, what is the matter?" Japan inquired.
"Have they killed each other after all?" Russia grinned like an excited child. It took Germany a long while to compose himself enough to only pull the door open again. The other countries gathered around the gap, only to stare at the pitiful sight before them. France sat on the bottom bunk of the bed with the mattress and pillows returned to their original state while England leant against the wall. Both of them were enveloped in uncontrollable giggles as though they drunk a lot of alcoholic beverages.
"Oh look France!" The Briton pointed at the Frenchman. "Uni wants to see you!"
"Aaaw! Bonjour pretty unicorn!" France mimed as he held out his flat hand out. "I have some rainbow drops for you. Would you like some?"
While the two inmates petted the air, the faces on everyone else dropped into a horrified state. None of them could blink nor turn away from the scene that met their eyes. "Germany, what's going on?" America finally mustered as Germany joined in with the frozen group.
"I don't… this wasn't supposed to happen…" The German stuttered as they watched the scene in dismay. "Did you put some kind of hallucinatory drug in their food?"
"No!" America screeched. "We've put nothing of the sort in there!"
"I think they may have the case of cabin fever," Japan's voice wavered.
"But they were fine yesterday!" Canada stammered. Meanwhile, France leant back and pointed his finger at England.
"Oh England! I think the leprechaun has something he wants to say to you," He sang in a sing song voice. The Briton responded pressing the lobe of his ear forward with his fingers.
"What's that Mr Leprechaun?" England said in condescending manner. "You say we have visitors?" At that moment, both inmates gazed at the countries with a deranged expression making everyone feel less than uncomfortable. England turned back to the invisible leprechaun. "Why, we do have visitors! We don't get them very often so we weren't prepared for their visit! It was rude of us to have not noticed!"
"Then why don't we go and greet our guests?" France suggested as he jumped from his spot. England did the same, placing his hands on his waist in a heroic pose.
"Yes, I think we shall!"
"Everyone get back!" Germany commanded. "Their mental state is clearly unstable and they may act violent towards us!" Without a second thought, everyone else moved away from the door, allowing the giddy England and France to burst through it.
"Germany! This wasn't supposed to be part of the plan, aru!" China yelled standing in his fighting stance.
"I didn't know this was going to happen!" The German shouted. "I thought they had the will to get through it!"
"Well you thought wrong!" America glared at Germany with anger on his face. "This is your fault they've gone insane!"
"America! England's coming towards you!" Canada exclaimed, making the American spin around to face the oncoming British man. He braced himself by crossing his arms across his face when England suddenly halted to a stop. America slowly lowered his arms as they stared at each other. The intense gaze unsettled the American as he wondered what action the Briton's unhinged mind would take.
"Urble glurble bluble bluble blergh blergh glurble glurble," England slurred.
America cocked his eye brows. "What?"
"Urble glurble glurble bluble durgle urgle memnah blurgle," The Briton gestured his hands as though he was trying to explain something.
"Look, I can't understand you. Trying speaking English," America's lips quivered.
"URBLE FLUFFLE BLUGH ARGH PUGGLE NUGGA BLURGLE DAH DAH DEE BLURGLE BLURGLE!" England waved his arms furiously. America took a step back.
"Seriously dude! Stop it! What the hell is wrong with you!"
"Britain! Is this not one of those may poles you spoke about?" France pointed at Russia which drew the Briton's attention away from America.
"Why yes that is!" He squealed with excitement, leaving the American to try and relief himself. Russia looked at the two countries with a bemused expression as England took both ends of his grey scarf. "On the first Monday of the month of May, there's a tradition where children each hold a ribbon and dance around a may pole. Why don't we have a dance now?" Russia wasn't sure how to handle the situation as England passed one end of the scarf to France. Before he knew it, the Russian felt a weird sensation as both countries skipped around him singing songs that made little sense. Russia could only watch them with curiosity.
"What are they doing?" He said nervously. "Make them stop."
Italy watched the surreal scene with a sense of joy yet perturbed appearance. Sure England and France were having a lot of fun but it was as Germany said, they're not in their right minds. Something patting his leg however broke the Italian out of that thought as he looked down to find the Frenchman on his hands and knees, gazing at him with wide cutesy eyes.
"Meow," France stroked his leg with his hand before he pretended to clean himself behind his non-existent cat ears.
"Um… big brother France?" Italy murmured as the Frenchman purred and nudged his head against his leg. He let out another mew which the Italian found appealing. So much so, that he crouched to France's level and raised a comforting smile.
"You're a nice kitty aren't you?" Italy stroked the top of the Frenchman's hair as one would with a real cat. "How about I make you some tuna pasta and bring you a saucer of milk? Would you like that?" France mewed happily as Germany over heard what Italy said.
"Don't encourage him!" The German shouted, dragging France to his feet by the collar of his shirt. The Frenchman hissed with annoyance and lashed his arms in an attempt to claw Germany's face.
"Give me back my scarf!"
"England dude! You're seriously freaking me out!"
"WoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!"
Germany spun around to find England terrorising a panicky America by waving Russia's scarf at him while wailing ghost noises. While the Russian tried to prize the scarf from England's grip, the Briton spun his head around to catch a glimpse of an alarmed Japan in the middle of all the chaos. Throwing the ends of the scarf away, England strode over to Japan who had the right to be more than nervous about being the next victim.
"May I just say that you are the most beautiful creature my eyes have had the fortune of meeting?" England said in his smoothest tone of voice.
The Japanese man winced. "B-but… I'm a man…"
"What are you saying my dear?" The Briton gently took Japan's shaking hand and lovingly gazed at the Japanese's distressed expression. "You have an elegant, feminine grace that I don't find in many women such as yourself."
"P-Personal space… personal spa-ace…" Japan's words barely wavered as he froze on the spot with fear.
"England! Stop flirting with Japan and compose yourself!" Germany barked. France, whose shirt collar was still in the grip of the German, seized his opportunity of escape. Seeing Germany's free hand floating in front of him, France lunged and sank his teeth into the German flesh. Germany let out an almighty roar and a few curse words as his other hand snapped open, releasing the shirt collar. While Italy tended to Germany's "injury", France used him as a distraction and loped towards England, who was getting an all too friendly hug for Japan's liking.
"I am sorry monsieur but this young lady seems to be in distress around you," France pulled the Japanese man out of the British arms and into his own. Japan tried to squirm out of the French grip but to no avail. He looked up to find the pair of lustful blue eyes gazing down on him. "You are safe now mon cherie. No-one shall violate you as long as I'm around."
"But you're-"
"Oi! I believe I found her first so unhand her immediately!" England jabbed his finger into the French shoulder.
"Oh non non non! Can you not see she prefers to be with moi?"
"Then how about we settle it once and for all; let the young lady decide who she wants to love!"
"W-What are you going to-"
All too sudden did two pairs of lips crash on both sides of the Japanese flushed cheeks, England to the right and France to the left. Once both cheeks pulled away, Japan's whimpers transformed into a scream of terror. Never had anyone seen Japan bolt up the stairs and out of sight so fast, since the incident with his tuna stock and the visit from Greece's cats. Japan's sudden disappearance left England and France perplexed.
"Oh la la," France sighed. "I think that girl was a little too shy."
"Not to worry though," England optimistically spoke as he pulled China into his embrace. He tried to struggle from the British grip as he felt his long pony-tail being stroked. "This wonderful woman's hair is like the night sky blanket adorned with diamond stars and her voice is that of the nightingale that sings her song which my ears cannot resist."
Canada at this point tried to use his invisibility that he loathed so much to his advantage, only for it to be ruined by France capturing him in his arms. "And this angel has fallen from the ray of sunshine that her golden locks reflect. And just look at those amethyst eyes; I am drowning in their charming depths."
"You only notice me properly when you're mad?" The Canadian squeaked as his head repelled from the French lips that came dangerously close to his.
Once Germany assured Italy, for the twentieth time that France's bite didn't cause serious damage, he marched up to the lunatics and hauled them away from China and Canada by the collars of their shirts.
"That's it!" Germany bellowed. "You two are going straight home for some bed rest!"
"Aaw but we don't want to go to school maman," France complained with a child-like tone.
"Yeah, school sucks," England scowled.
Before Germany could answer back, both countries he held threw their arms around his broad shoulders into a hug. "We want to stay at home and bake cookies with you all day long!" They shrilled in delight at the same time. This made Germany really lose it in terms of patience.
"That does it!" He screamed as he pushed England into America and Canada. "You two will escort England back to his place and make sure he stays there!" Likewise, he threw France into Italy, Russia and China. "And you three shall take France back to his home and do not let him get away!" The German snapped his head in all directions before glaring back at the rest of the countries. "Where the hell is Japan?"
"Oh, Japan ran away because these two managed to traumatise him by kissing his cheeks," China explained.
Germany rubbed his throbbing forehead. "Fine. Italy, since you can run a lot faster than anyone here, you have the job of finding and returning Japan to me so I can assign him into to who ever he wants to escort. I will be escorting England with America and the girl with the blonde hair."
"I'm Canada," The Canadian whined.
Once Italy vanished up the stairs, Germany turned to the rest of the countries. "Alright you two, lets get you home."
"Row row row your boat, gently down the stream," France and England sang as they walked backwards in a line whilst circling their arms in a rowing motion. "If you see a crocodile don't forget to scream! Ah!"
As they sang another round of the same song, all everyone else could do was stare despondently that the insane couple.
"Let make one thing clear," Germany started. "We must never meddle in the business of France England's arguments unless they require our intervention. Agreed?"
Needless to say, all the other countries nodded their heads in agreement to the German's statement. "Agreed."
"If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream! Ah!"
!
During France and England's "recovery" of their case of "cabin fever", the other countries involved with 'Operation Cell Mate' held a meeting about the incident that occurred. Several conclusions have been reached and a lot of promises had to be made.
For example; everyone still agreed with what Germany had said about meddling in France and England's arguments; it's a bad idea and no-one should do it. That's what the island dedicated to their fighting was for. If one does erupt between them at any time, as long as no-one intervenes, problems are not likely to escalate and no-one else would get caught up in the fights.
Another decision that had been made was that the cell Germany constructed would not be used as a way to settle disputes. After witnessing what it did to France and England, it was obvious that no-one would not want to suffer the same fate, nor would anyone want to spend three weeks locked up in a cell, with their worst enemy or someone they picked a fight with.
Because of this, Germany had to endure constant reminders of how his glorious plan crashed and burned into a nicely lit bonfire. It would be several weeks later where he would have enough courage and pride to lift his head in conferences and meetings. But there have been rumours that despite plans of having the cell demolished, Germany still used it for when he needed to spend some quality time alone, or when he needed to lock Italy up for being too annoying.
!
A/N: Wow this has got to be the most disturbing yet funniest thing I've ever written. But I'd like to thank my sister known as Twilightgirl12 or Air_Twilight_Guardian (whatever she calls herself) for helping me come up with some of the jokes and other things for this story. We do have some really random and funny discussions that make us laugh until our stomachs hurt and I really do appreciate her sense of humour.
Just one more chapter to go folks and I'm gonna be glad to finishing this because I have a mountain of coursework that I have been neglecting. I shouldn't but I'm a procrastinator *laughs*. But I'm also going to miss writing all the scenes that have had me (and my sister) in stitches, had me tears (when I write for France, I always cry for some reason), had me test myself when writing the infamous sex scene and had me feeling warm and cosy writing the fluffy parts. This is also my second Hetalia story I've written (I'll put my first one here after I got this one up) and I seriously love writing for the colourful characters that Hidekaz Himaruya personified. As you can tell, FrUk has become my favourite pairing (I seem to like pairings that are wrong but so right for some reason). Until next time, I'll see you guys in the final chapter.