A/N: Hello lovelies =) Once again a HUGE thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. You all make me smile and laugh with your comments. I'll never get tired of hearing that you actually like what I'm doing, I'm still dumbfounded.
Also thank you to all my anonymous reviewers. I just recently realized that I wasn't allowing you guys to review my story, yes I know, shame on me. But the problem is fixed so now you have NO EXCUSE to not review =P
Any who some shout outs are required…
Mad props to JBismyRomeo01 for mentioning this chapter's song wayyyy back when. I love this song, it's my guilty pleasure =)
A special thanks to Nevaehell and tjbarber for the wonderful words of encouragement, TrueTayFans and agresha for always making me laugh and smile, and a special hello to my music soul-mate justbreathe19; what's up my twitter peeps?!
Oh and I can't believe I failed to mention this in the last chapter but…
Taylor Lautner is legal bitches! Now I don't have to feel like a pedo every time I drool over a picture of him…and I guess it's ok to finally start planning our wedding ;)
Well here we are a Ch. 13, still can't believe I've made it this far. Haha. But think you're gonna love it….hopefully.
Disclaimer: since it's been forever, SM owns it…bitch ;)
HAPPY READING!
**
"I know this isn't what I wanted
I never thought it'd come this far.
Just thinking back to where we started,
And how we lost all that we are.
We were young and times were easy,
But I could see it's not the same.
I'm standing here but you don't see me,
I'd give it all for that to change."
-Nick Jonas & Miley Cyrus
Chapter 13
I Don't Have The Strength…
Against all better judgment and fair warning from Leah I decided to continue with my plan of moving into Jacob's house.
"Bella have you lost your mind?" Leah had hissed when I broke the news to them. Charlie stood behind her nodding his head.
"No I have not lost my mind," I argued back.
"Could have fooled me" Charlie had grumbled while stalking out of the room.
It was safe to say that neither Charlie nor Leah supported my decision.
Although Charlie and Leah were both miffed and displeased they agreed to help me transfer my stuff to the house the following day. Charlie was going to take a day off of work and I was still on leave from the diner. After a long discussion with Yolanda I decided to keep my job with her after much convincing on her part. I wouldn't pick up as many shifts before due to the distance from Port Angeles but Yolanda said if I ever needed a shift to just call and she would have one available for me. I knew that even with my diner job I would need to find another job to help keep up with my new stack of bills.
Most people my age start with an apartment.
I was starting with a house.
I was the only one who could really understand my reasoning behind keeping the house. Any smart person would have declined the gift the first time around, and a genius would have thrown the house back in Jacob's face, explaining to him that he could have his new fiancé and home and to "stick 'em where the sun don't shine," as Leah had so eloquently put it.
Well I'm not a genius, and I'm not smart…but I'm not stupid.
So it was this decision to live in his house that found me and Leah hauling my desk on a Saturday morning towards my front porch. It was the last item of mine that was being transferred to the house and it wasn't going without a fight. We stepped lightly, whilst Charlie watched from the porch, huffing and puffing the whole way; well at least I was. Leah was putting on a good show of looking tired but I knew better.
Although she had stopped phasing her strength was still present.
"Doing good girls!" Charlie yelled from his seat, raising his cold beer in the air a smirk plastered across his face.
He had "thrown out his back" half way through moving and had resorted to sitting on the porch watching us, directing us like cattle as we carried piece after piece of furniture into my new home.
"Thanks, Dad" I rolled my eyes as we reached the porch, setting the desk down in front of the door with a loud thud.
"No problem Bells, no problem." He chuckled before taking another swig of his beer.
"Well I'm glad this is over," Leah huffed as she plopped into the unoccupied seat next to Charlie, breathing heavily for good measure.
"Not quite," I grumbled sitting down on the steps. "We still need to drag this monstrosity all the way upstairs." I slapped the side of the desk, wincing at the sharp contact.
"Save it for the movers," Leah leaned back in her chair, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. "After we shop for furniture to fill the rest of this damn house, then they can come and put everything in its place," She declared.
"Sounds good to me," I shrugged.
"Uhh, shopping?" Charlie asked. I didn't need to look at him to know that his face held an expression of bewilderment and apprehension.
"Don't worry Dad," I laughed. "You don't have to go, you've done enough already,"
"Well that's great!" He hopped up from his chair and quickly moved down the steps and onto my front lawn, picking up speed as he moved towards the county pick up truck he'd borrowed. "Well then I guess I can head home,"
My mouth dropped at his care free movement as he opened the door of the truck.
"How's the back Charlie?" Leah yelled from her seat, laughing at my enraged expression.
Charlie fumbled with the keys at this and turned to face us, rubbing at the back of his neck.
"Oh, it's much better" He said sheepishly.
"Charlie!" I yelled, standing to my feet.
"Sorry Bells gotta run. He hopped into the truck and gunned the engine, offering a quick wave as he sped out of my driveway, Leah laughing hysterically the entire time.
"I cannot believe him!" I yelled turning to face Leah, who was currently clutching at her sides tightly. "It's not funny!"
"Oh, oh come on yes it is," She said through her laughter.
I couldn't help but smile at the look on her face; at her happiness. I allowed myself to laugh with her and plopped down into the seat that Charlie had previously occupied.
"I guess I can't blame him," I sighed. "Moving all of this stuff was hard work,"
"True, very true." Leah chimed.
"Oh come off it," I laughed. "You know you're not tired."
Leah turned to smirk at me. "Yeah, you're right."
I slapped her arm playfully as she let out another boisterous laugh.
"So, shopping?" she said after she calmed down.
"Yup," I said, popping the 'p'. "Shopping…"
**
"I can't believe you did that!" I cried out through hysterical laughter as we exited the IKEA of Port Angeles.
Leah strolled along beside me smiling devilishly, a bag of goodies for her propped on her arm.
"Oh he had it coming," She proclaimed shooting me a grin.
"But did he really deserve that kind of humiliation?" I raised a brow failing at my attempt to not smile.
"Of course he did," She blanched. "He was drooling all over me…I mean…not that I blame him."
I burst into laughter again as we made our way to my car.
After Charlie had left we shoveled down a quick brunch of eggs and bacon and then hopped into my car and made our way to Port Angeles. There were still many things that I needed and wanted to buy for my new house, Leah volunteered to help me. As we shopped around I couldn't help but notice that she had quite the eye when it came to interior design.
"You should see my house," Leah subtly bragged. "After my father passed I changed everything in the house. I think my mom knew to let me do it…it was my coping mechanism."
So I let Leah take over the trip. I already hand my master bedroom decorated and I was shopping for the guest bedroom. I told Leah that the guest bedroom could be her project, since she'd helped me out s much. She accepted whole heartedly and our quit shopping turned into a sudden storm, of curtains, bedding, carpet, decorations, and everything that went with designing a room. From the sidelines I could honestly say that watching Leah was an art form; she knew exactly what she wanted and where to find it.
"You come here often?" I asked with crossed arms and a wide eyed expression.
"I'm a regular,"
The poor boy who attempted to help us never had a clue.
"Well yeah he was drooling over you, what guy doesn't?" I shot back. "And the pack doesn't count," I interjected quickly.
Leah opened her mouth to respond but then thought better of it.
"My point exactly," I smiled. "Anyways…he was kind of cute."
"Shut up," She laughed lightly nudging her shoulder into mine.
The poor boy in question was Laren; at least that's what his name tag had said.
Leah had been sifting through different choices of curtains when he approached us. He was all smiles and enthusiasm, his charm seeping from his pores and making its way into me. As soon as he had introduced himself to us, offering up help I was immediately taken with him; he was sweet. Leah on the other hand was not too impressed.
"We're fine," She had said curtly to him, not even bothering to look at him.
"Oh ok," I watched as his smile faltered. "Um, we've got some great carpets on sale and I know just the one that would g perfectly-"
"We're fine," Leah lifted her eyes to him for a fraction of a second and returned to folding the curtains in her hands.
"You sure, because it's a really great sale-"
"Listen kid," I gulped at Leah's tone of voice as she turned to face him. "I said we're fine, so why don't you run along and try your pathetic attempts at flirting on some other girl," My eyes widened.
"Leah," I scolded her quietly.
"What?" She hissed.
My heart ached for Laren at the defeated expression on his face.
"Right sorry," He mumbled backing away. "It's just, I see you in here a lot and I thought…I thought that-"
"Well you thought wrong," Leah grumbled turning away. "I'm not interested."
Laren opened his mouth to speak and then thought better of it. My hear went out to him as he shot her one last longing look and then slumped off, his head hanging low.
I stepped to Leah's side and grabbed an end of the curtains and proceeded to help her fold them. I stared at her in mock indignant and waited for her to acknowledge me. After we finished folding the curtains she whipped her eyes to me and sneered.
"What?"
I raised my brows and crossed my arms.
"That wasn't very nice," I said coolly.
"So?"
"So, it wasn't very nice."
"He's always staring at me Bella, it's irritating" Leah whined. I couldn't help but smile at her childish behavior. "Every single time I come in here."
"Still wasn't nice," I proclaimed and turned and walked out of the aisle heading towards the bath section.
"Bellaaaa" She whined.
"Come on we've been shopping for hours," I called to her. "Let's get this done, I'm hungry."
Leah mumbled something incoherent behind me and then followed behind me with the cart.
The horn of my car beeped quietly as I unlocked the doors to my car with the remote and popped the trunk as we drew near. When we reached my car I shoved what I could into my trunk while Leah filled the back seat. I had also bought more furniture that would be arriving the next morning with the movers.
"If you don't mind my asking," Leah said as she stood from the back seat. She placed her hands on her hips and quirked a brow. "But how exactly did you pay for all of this? I mean Ikea's not cheap."
I paused and took a breath, then slammed down the trunk lid.
"Oh, um" I fumbled with my keys.
"Hey! Hey wait!" A male voice yelled at us.
I breathed a sigh of relief at the interruption as Leah's eyes widened at the sound of fast approaching, running, heels upon pavement.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" She hissed. "This kid just won't quit."
We turned simultaneously towards the approaching voice and were met with the sight of Laren running towards us. He was waving a yellow sheet of paper frantically in the air.
"Be nice," I warned as he came closer.
"Fuck that," Her response flippant.
Laren slowed to a stop in front of us.
"Hey," He breathed out shooting each of us a grin. I couldn't help but smile at the light in his eyes as he gazed at Leah.
"What do you want?" Leah scowled crossing her arms tightly over her chest.
"Leah," I warned.
She let out a low growl and took a step away from Laren. He looked anxiously back and forth between Leah and me, his smile gone. His eyes finally landed on me in what I assumed was a smart decision to go with talking to me rather than the gorgeous, uptight, annoyingly cruel yet endearing young woman next to me.
"Um, you forgot your movers consent form," He handed the paper to me.
"Oh my goodness," I threw a hand to my mouth gushing over him. "Thank you so much!" I needed to make up for Leah's lack of enthusiasm.
"Yeah, it's no problem," He said sheepishly, trying to hide a blush. "Just Ikea making sure we're not liable if anything gets broken you know?"
"And nothing will, right?" Leah growled.
Laren took a step back shaking his head wildly.
"No, no of course not." He raised his hands in defense.
I rolled my eyes. "Don't mind her," I said as Leah huffed and walked round to the passenger side and clambered into my car. 'She's always a bit moody,"
Laren nodded. "Yeah, no problem."
I smiled and rubbed his shoulder lightly. "Thank you though, you're sweet."
He blushed and looked at the ground and I laughed. I patted his arm and then climbed into my car and shut the door.
"God that was torture," Leah grumbled sneaking a peak out the back window to see if he was still standing there; he was. She sunk low in her seat.
I laughed and gunned the engine, rolling the window down.
"He's not that bad," I took my time buckling my seatbelt.
"Not that bad?" She whispered screamed. "He's a nightmare!"
I shifted the gear into drive and turned my head to her. "I think you like him," I smirked and gave a quick wave to Laren out the window and hit the gas, shooting out of the parking lot, so as not to subject him to Leah's outcry of denial.
**
We drove in content silence along the highway as we headed back towards my home. The sun was setting and the sky was lit in thousands of colors; different hues of blue and black, purple, red, and orange. It was fast approaching twilight and the air was cooling.
Leah's lips moved fluidly, singing along silently as Dashboard played through the speakers.
I guess its luck, but it's the same
Hard luck you've been trying to tame.
I breathed in the cool air that whipped about us through the open windows. I let the fresh air fill my lungs and felt the beginnings of a cleansing soul. It was moments like these that I enjoyed the most. Those quiet, calming, "I feel like I'm in a movie" moments, where everything in the world is still.
Maybe it's love but it's like you said,
"Love is like a role that we play."
The time when your problems don't matter and the things that hurt are gone, and the hard things are no longer hard, they're easy, and you get that feeling that all hope is not lost, that maybe the world isn't so fucked up after all.
But, I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say.
It was these moments where I could pretend that everything was alright. I could convince myself that maybe this was all just a bad nightmare. That at any moment I would wake up by his side and the past three years would have never happened and I'd be wrapped up in Jacob's arms.
But, I believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say.
I could push myself to believe that Lana wasn't his.
I could push myself to believe that Jake wasn't hers.
But, you're chasing the ghost of a good thing.
Haunting yourself, as the real thing.
Since the day that I had returned I couldn't bring myself to really think that things could be over between us. Sure I had entertained the idea but I never really put any substance into it. I knew that he was with Lana, I knew that he loved her; but never did I think that he would possibly choose her over me.
It's getting away from you again,
While you're chasing ghosts.
Of course this was extremely selfish of me but could anyone really blame me? From the beginning, since we were kids, it had always been Jacob and Bella. When I had moved away to Arizona our connection had weakened but upon my return in high school it had only grown stronger; especially in the days without Edward.
I never believed that moving away a third time, leaving him for a third time would completely sever that connection; destroy it.
I didn't want to admit to myself that things could possibly be over.
"Hey, you alright?" Leah asked from next to me.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts.
"Yeah, yeah why?" I turned to look at her.
"Um, you're crying," She pointed out reluctantly.
I turned my eyes to my review mirror and they widened at the sight. Of course my eyes were red rimmed and growing puffy. What little mascara I had put on before me left was becoming runny. I was fast approaching a hot mess.
"Christ," I mumbled, wiping at my tears.
"Hey it's cool."
"No, it's not." I grumbled. "I'm so sick of crying, I'm over it"
Leah nodded and allowed me a few minutes of grumbling.
"You know, it's ok to cry." Leah said quietly. "It's normal to feel things like this, you know?"
I let out a sarcastic chuckle.
"Right, it's completely normal to be an emotional wreck over a guy,"
"Well it's not like it's any guy," Leah laughed, crossing her arms. "It's Jacob,"
I nodded my agreement and settled back into driving again. I hated the sporadic ways of my emotions. I detested the fact that I could be enjoying myself one minute and then a complete wreck the next. I had sworn to myself, that I wouldn't allow myself to get upset over this but I was failing miserably at this promise.
A sudden loud clap of thunder tore me from my thoughts. Leah and I leaned forward to gaze at the sky which had darkened considerably. Rolling through the sky were mass clouds of blackened thunder. A flash of lightning streaked across the sky.
It's funny how the sky always reflects my mood.
"Looks like a storms rolling through,"
"Great," I mumbled. "Just perfect."
"Scared of a little rain?" Leah laughed.
"The rain I can handle," I mumbled. "It's the thunder that really gets me"
Just as I spoke this last line my car spit off an awful loud bang and began to shudder violently.
"No, no, no!" I cried as the engine roared in clanking sputters the noise deafening.
I slowed the car and pulled it alongside the road, coming to a complete stop. My hand came into contact with my steering wheel as the engine gave one final loud bang and promptly began smoking under the hood.
I beat my hands against the steering wheel and let out a frustrated groan, dropping my head to rest against the wheel, Leah laughing the entire time.
"I think God hates me," I groaned, banging my head against the wheel for good measure.
"No, this isn't God" Leah said. "This is karma,"
I sat up with a huff and glared at the smoking hood of my car. The swirling masses of smoke that rifted form the hood laughed and mocked me as they danced towards the graying clouds.
Smoke before fire.
And then everything else shall burn.
Leave it up to fate and karma to deal me this heavy blow. My car was nice, but it hadn't always been nice. I'd had my share of accidents and some left more lasting damage then others. Truth be told, my Bertha was on her last leg.
"Need me to call a mechanic?" Leah asked, reaching for her pocket.
I nodded without saying a word, throwing my back onto the steering wheel as she contacted the nearest car garage. Ten minutes later Leah dropped her phone back into her purse and settled back into her seat.
"They'll be here in fifteen."
"Wow," I mumbled. My head bobbing with each movement of my jaw as I rested it upon the steering wheel. "We're already miles out of town, who'd you call?"
Leah shifted awkwardly, her silence failing to go unnoticed.
"Leah?"
"Black's Automotive," She whispered keeping her eyes trained on her lap.
"What?!" I cried, whipping around to face her. "Leah why would you do that?!"
"Chill out, ok!" She yelled back. "They're the closest and best garage around here…besides Jake isn't even working down at this branch yet." She slumped back into her seat.
"Well who was on the line?" I questioned with narrowed eyes. "After the bonfire fiasco I doubt any of them want to see me," I cried. "Do they even know that I'm with you?"
My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. The last thing I needed was another run in with the pack. They'd already done enough damage.
"It was Quil and no they don't know," She shrugged. "But listen Bella, not everything is as it seems,"
"Oh so all of that was just for the sake of my happiness," I hissed at her.
I was angry, mad; furious with her. How could she put me into a situation like this?
"Look I'm sorry but who else was I supposed to call?" She raised her shoulders in a shrug of defense.
"Um I don't know," My words were biting and sarcastic. "How about a garage that isn't owned by a man who hates my guts and full of employees whom hate me, just as much if not more."
"They're the best mechanics I know Bella," She said. "And contrary to popular belief, the majority of them don't hate you."
"Well that's just great," I snorted. "Now I feel much better about myself."
Leah opened her mouth to respond but shut it tightly and slumped back into her seat in a huff. I drummed my fingers nervously against the steering wheel and avoided looking at her. I could feel the meltdown that was sure to come after this inevitable run in.
Why couldn't she have called someone else?
We sat in silence for another ten minutes. The sky had grown considerably darker and the ever present greenery around us cast us in a blackened shadow. If not for the bright lights I would have never noticed the tow truck approach us from behind.
"Thank God," I grumbled sitting up in my seat.
Leah pulled herself up from her relaxed state and unbuckled her seatbelt.
"Here, I'll go talk to him," she mumbled, climbing out of the car quickly.
Her door was shut before I could offer up any sign of acknowledgement.
I watched with bated breath as Leah approached the tow truck slowly. As she drew near to the driver's side of the truck she was shrouded in darkness, tiny droplets of rain falling onto my windshield obscuring my view. I flicked my headlights on in an attempt to help them out but was met with only the view of their waists and everything below. The clouds were overbearing and the sky too dark. From what I could see, Leah was standing a ways back from Quil, her arms gesturing quickly between them and the truck, Quil offered up no movement. After what seemed like ages, Leah made her way towards my car quickly. The rain was falling harder now.
I rolled down my window as she reached the side before she had a chance to nock.
"Hey what's up?"
"Bella I'm sorry," She said in a pleading voice.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
Leah's head hung low as she gripped the windowsill tightly. The rain was pouring in.
"I didn't know-"
"Didn't know what?" I demanded, my insides twisting nervously.
Leah didn't answer me and my heart raced in anticipation. She shook her head once and turned her head towards the truck.
A clap of thunder.
A flash of lightning.
Karma really is a bitch.
My eyes widened. "Jacob," I breathed.
When would these surprises cease.
Was fate ever going to cut me a break?
After ten minutes of stammering and begging to get someone else I reluctantly allowed Jacob to rig up my car to the back of his truck and tow us back to the garage. The ride was silent and awkward, Leah attempting to make light conversation with me, but I was too damn nervous and worked up to offer any coherent responses. Jacob sat in silence the entire time.
When we arrived at the garage, an impressive looking building; at least what I could see through the sheets of rain, I waited in the bed of the truck as Leah went inside with Jacob to discuss the damage of the car.
Call me a coward.
Call me stupid.
I just wasn't ready to face him.
After a good twenty minutes Leah emerged from the garage with Jacob following behind her. I opened the door to the passenger seat and climbed out, not bothering to shield my hair from the rain.
"Hey," I called, "What's the damage?"
"She's gotta stay over night," Leah shouted as she neared me. "Jake's gonna drive you back and I'm gonna borrow Quil's car."
"W-what?" I spluttered. She didn't actually expect me to get into a car with him, by myself, after everything that had recently happened.
"Yeah, Quil went on patrol and Jake said I could just drive his car back to La Push," She shrugged nonchalantly. "We're neighbors."
"Leah, I c-can't," I begged. "N-not without you!"
"Bella you need to do this," She said. She took a hold of my shoulders and looked me directly in the eye. "This is your chance to come clean, you have to take it."
I shook my head wildly; I was falling apart. My heart was racing at an abnormal speed, my forehead wet with sweat, the rain only adding to it.
"Leah, please."
"I can only do so much for you," She mumbled before letting me go. She turned to Jacob who was standing next to a pick up truck parked behind the tow truck.
"Hey thanks!" She called. "I'll see you around ok?"
Jacob nodded his head curtly.
"Leah you can't honestly expect me to-"
"Bella, I know you can do this." She pulled me into a quick hug and released me just as quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow ok?"
I fumbled over another protest but finally gave in at the stern look she gave me. At seeing my acceptance she squeezed me once again and then took off for a car, which was conveniently parked on the other side of the building, leaving Jacob and I alone in the parking lot.
"You ready?" He called to me, his voice muffled by the rain.
No.
"Yeah,"
I looked for any sign of Leah, hoping that she was playing some sick sadistic trick on me.
But she wasn't and Jake was still waiting.
Karma can kiss my ass for all I care.
**
We pulled into the driveway of my house after a long, awkward, uncomfortable drive. Jacob pulled the car to a stop but left the engine running. I knew that he didn't plan on staying but Leah's words of encouragement were still ringing within me. I knew that this could possibly be my one and only chance and getting him back I knew I had to take it.
I sat in the truck and mulled over my thoughts a bit before taking a deep breath.
"So um, thanks for this." I mumbled wringing my hands in my lap. I looked at him out of the corner of his eye and saw the slight clenching of his jaw and the tenseness in his shoulders.
"Yeah, it's no problem." He mumbled, keeping his eyes trained forward.
I nodded and returned my gaze to my lap. We sat in silence again, neither one of us sure of what to do. I knew that I should remove myself from the car, leave and run inside; but I couldn't bring myself to do it. In a way I felt that by leaving this time, without saying what I wanted, I would be running away and I'd miss out, just like before. So I did the unthinkable.
"Do…do you," I stammered. "Do you want to come in for some coffee?" I mumbled. I didn't look at him, I couldn't. I didn't want to see the look on his face when he rejected me.
"Sure, sure" he muttered to my amazement, shifting the truck into park and killing the engine.
"Um, ok…ok great." I stuttered, failing to hide my surprise. It took all of the energy within me to not scream and smile with delight in that very moment.
We climbed out of the car and made our way quickly towards the house. I fumbled with the keys, due to nerves and finally got the door open after what seemed like ages.
We stumbled into the front foyer and Jacob flicked on the hall light as I shrugged my coat off, desperate to escape the soaked entrapment. Jacob closed the door with a thud and let out a low chuckle as the lights flickered.
"Don't think the electricity is going to hold out for long." He said, taking my coat from me and hanging it on the nearby hook. "We should light some candles."
I gazed at him dumbfounded. How could he act so aloof to what was happening?
"Uh, yeah sure." I mumbled turning and making my way towards the kitchen. "I'll just whip up some coffee quick, before it gives out."
I walked into the kitchen and made for the coffee machine, Jacob right on my heels.
"I'll light some candles," he said as he began rummaging through the many drawers of the kitchen. "Dad always left some lying around. I doubt you threw them out."
"Bottom left drawer by the sink," I replied.
For the next ten minutes, the only sound within the house was the sharp smack of rain upon the roof, the spluttering of the coffeemaker and the sound of striking matches as Jacob placed the many candles strategically throughout the house, lighting each one along the way. I couldn't help the warmth that filled me at the normalcy of this situation, how natural it felt.
By the time he made his way back into the kitchen I had a fresh cup of coffee waiting for him on the counter. Jacob smiled at me and sat on the bar stool at the counter and took a hearty swig of it.
"Thanks" He raised his glass to me. "I needed this."
I nodded a silent 'you're welcome' to him from across the kitchen at the sink counter where I was leaning. I felt it would be best to keep some distance between us.
He took another sip and then put his cup down, running a nervous hand through his hair. I steadied myself for the barrage of questions that I knew to come.
His steely gaze met mine, his eyes burning and intense.
"Are you still married to Cullen?" He whispered.
I was more than taken aback by this. I figured we'd start small, work our way up to personal things like that.
"Um, n-no."
"Divorce?" he questioned quickly.
"Annulment," I replied. "The day packed my bags and left."
"That quick?" He raised a brow in disbelief.
"The Cullen's…they've got connections."
"I see," He took another swig, I sipped on mine timidly. "You just let it go, must've been hard" he paused and shook his head. "Well then again, it was never really hard for you to let go of things now was it?"
And there it was, that biting tone and hard face. I knew it was only a matter of time until this new Jacob made an appearance.
"That's not fair," I whispered, my eyes instantly watering.
"Yeah well life isn't fair," He sneered. "I learned that the hard way."
"Jake I was only doing what I thought-"
"I don't want to hear your excuses," he hissed slamming his mug on the table. "I've had just about enough of them."
"Then why are you here Jacob?" I questioned, fury building within me. He glared at me, his body tensing and fists clenching.
"I want answers," He growled.
"Well you won't get them if you keep shutting me out," I hissed. "What's the point in trying to give them if you won't let me talk?"
"It's hard to let you talk when all I'm getting is excuses!" He yelled, standing to his feet. "I want the truth Bella, not some sugar coated bullshit you've been feeding everyone else!"
"I'm trying to tell you the truth but you won't let me!"
"No, it's you that won't let it happen, you that skirts around everything" he cried. "Just tell me why! Tell me why you left me!"
"Because of Lana!" I finally screamed, the tears rushing to my eyes. I slammed my mug into the sink and collapsed against it throwing my head in my hands. I willed myself to not cry in front of him.
"W-what?" he spluttered. "You didn't even know her-"
"I knew she existed Jake," I cried. "Just like Emily exists for Sam, and Kim exists for Jared." I whispered. "It was enough to know she was out there."
I let my words sink into him, too afraid to take in the heartbroken expression I knew was on his face.
"Bella," He whispered, his voicing filled with agony. I could feel him standing behind me, the warmth of him reaching out a drawing me in. "You really thought it could keep me from loving you?"
"Yes eventually," I mumbled.
His face was forlorn and broken.
"Bella-"
"Four days Jacob," I whispered. "We would have only been given four days."
"That's not true-"
"Jacob you met her four days later!" I cried.
"It wouldn't have mattered," he argued back.
"How can you say that?" I cried. "Jacob you're engaged."
He backed away from me, his eyes filling with tears. He stopped when his back hit the kitchen table.
"I-I" He fumbled. "I can't do this," he turned quickly and ran for the door.
I shook my head and let the tears fall, moving forward to go after him. When I heard the slamming of the front door, I picked up the pace and bolted after him, flinging the door wide open, hit with a strong gust of wind and a wave of rain.
"Jacob!" I yelled after him. He was already half way to his car. "Jacob, stop please!"
I flung myself forward and dashed down the steps racing after him.
"Jacob please!"
He stopped in his tracks at the sound of my approach. The rain dropped down in waves, the water sharp and cold against my skin. I stopped behind him and reached out a hand.
"Jacob talk to me," I grabbed his shoulder. "Please."
He allowed me to turn him around to face me. The tears fell faster now at his weakened stature. His shoulders sagged and his head hung low; I had never seen him so vulnerable.
"You weren't supposed to be there," he whispered, his voice making its way through the rain. "You weren't supposed to find out that way,"
"Would it have made it any easier," I questioned. "Would it have been better for me to find out through someone else?"
He looked away from me and didn't answer.
"Jacob I love you," I threw my hands into the air. "But I don't know what to do anymore!" My voice broke. "I know I fucked up when I left you, I know that believe me I do!" I reached for him and took his hand. "But don't…" I cried. "Please don't marry her, I won't survive it."
"I have no choice," he said. I dropped his hand and shook my head.
"You've always had a choice,"
"Bella you took away my choice the day you walked out on me, on us!" He roared.
"I did what I thought was right!" I shot back. "And I know it was wrong, I've admitted that I was wrong!"
"It doesn't change things Bella, what's done is done." His shoulders heaved with heavy breaths, his eyes ablaze with anger. "You can't just waltz back in here after three fucking years and expect everything to be how you left it, life doesn't work like that!"
"Then tell me how it works Jacob!" I reached for him but he pulled away. "Tell me why we can't be together! I hate this!" I sniffed. "The fighting, the distance; this isn't us Jake." I cried into my hands.
He said nothing. My eyes widened.
"But there really isn't an, us anymore is there?" I took a step back and clutched a hand to my chest. I was slowly falling apart my world unraveling at this notion. My breath then came in quick short gasps, I was breaking down.
Jacob rushed forward and seized me by the arms, preventing me from sinking.
"It's hard Bella, it's so fucking hard and I don't know what to do," He cried, pressing his forehead to mine. "I love you I do, you have to believe me when I say it!"
"I do believe you," I said, gripping the front of his shirt tightly.
"I-I don't know what to do anymore," He released his hold on me and stepped back, his face twisted in pain, his hands clutching wildly at his heart. "I just…I can't stay away from you anymore, I don't know how." His eyes were pouring tears, the drops mixing with the rain as they glided down his face. "And it's killing me, it's tearing me apart inside"
I didn't dare speak, afraid to interrupt his confession. Scared that if brought to his attention, he would shut down, leaving me alone.
"God I wish…I wish all the fucking time that you could just…" he cried and tore at the ends of his hair, his face streaked with tears. "I wish you could just see the world through my eyes."
"Then help me see,"
I moved towards him and his head lowered towards the ground, his hands falling to his sides, his shoulders sagging in defeat.
"I'm engaged," he whispered.
"I know,"
"I love her,"
"I know,"
"I love you," He choked out as I placed a hand on the side of his face. "I can't stop, no matter how hard I try."
"I know,"
My eyes fluttered shut at his confession and shot open at the sudden contact of his chest against mine. His hands wound their way around my waist, gripping tightly and pulling me in impossibly closer. His forehead was hot pressed close to mine.
"I'm tired of fighting it," his lips ghosted across mine. "I don't want to fight it anymore."
"Then don't," I whispered, gripping the base of his neck, my other hand winding into his hair. "Don't fight it,"
"There's always going to be an 'us' Bells," He squeezed my sides as his tears fell relentlessly. "I don't have the strength to let you go,"
A clap of thunder.
A lightning lit kiss.
Please tell me this is a second chance.
**
A/N: Sooooo was it everything you'd hoped for and more?
hahaha. Well loves I hope you enjoyed it =) not disappointed with this chapter but as always, I feel as if it could have been better.
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xoxo B