A/N: I'm not even going to apologize for how late this chapter is, because all of you are probably going to slaughter me, regardless of how many times I say sorry. (Sorry X Google earth and infinity and beyond!)
Anyways, to the chapter.
16. Whenever he's talking to Saphira or someone else in his mind, pat him on the shoulder and whisper "Eragon, the Voices do not exist."
Eragon scrunched up his face and concentrated, trying to find Saphira. Finding her, he smiled briefly and started having a mental conversation. Haha, get it, mental conversation? I made a pun! I'm a freaking genius! You're probably all laughing your butts off now, aren't you?
…
Wait.
…
Never mind. Anyway, back to topic.
Eragon had just started explaining his unimportant plan to Saphira (who was now half-asleep) when Tameera jumped up from behind him and put her hands over his eyes.
"Guess Who!" she screeched.
"The spawn of Satan."
Tameera shrugged. "Close enough. Whatcha doin'?"
"Talking to Saphira."
"Really? Where is she?"
"In my head. Okay, I probably could've phrased that better…"
Tameera's eyes grew huge as her voice went quieter. The quiet voice freaked Eragon out much more than the previous screeching.
"You hear voices in your head?"
"Uh… yeah?"
She patted him sympathetically on the shoulder.
"Eragon, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the voices do not exist. I'm sorry," she sure as heck didn't sound sorry.
"But…." He sighed in defeat. "Never mind."
17. Dye his hair pink with sparkles.
18. Get everyone to call him princess Sparklestuff.
"ARRRRRGH! MY HAIR! GODDAMMIT TAMEERA!"
"What makes you so very sure I did it?"
"BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IN ALAGAESIA IS THIS MESSED UP!"
"Hypocrite. At least I'm not hearing voices in my head, am I, Princess Sparklestuff?"
"What… did you just call me…"
"It's your new name. I even managed to forge a birth certificate with that name for you."
"We don't have birth certificates in Alagaesia."
"Really? Damn. I guess I wasted 20 minutes of my life."
Nasuada chose this time to enter their argument.
"Hey Princess Sparklestuff, I love your hair."
"!"
19. Carve "Eragon and Angela love each other" in the menoa tree.
Tameera dodged around a tree, barely missing an elf. She was dressed up as a ninja, (but she still thought pirates are cooler! Go pirates of the Caribbean!) and slunk along the ground awkwardly. She looked like a bloated, almost-dead snake. I'll bet I just gave you a beee-utiful mental picture just there, didn't I?
She finally reached her target. Getting out a small pocket knife she quickly carved 'Eragon Shadeslayer hearts Angela the Herbalist' into the hard bark. Finishing her graffiti, she turned around to see several dozen elves just standing there and glaring at her with bloody murder in their eyes.
"Oshit."
20. Hi-jack Saphira.
Suffice to say Saphira went eagerly and Eragon was freaking out in his normal way.
AND NOW FOR SOME MURTY IRKING! WHOOOO!
26. Tell Arya Murtagh thinks leather makes her look fat and he expected her to be more pretty when he found out she was an elf.
"Hey Ary, if you come over here I'll tell you a secret."
"Is it the kind of secret that will cause me to lie awake at night sobbing my eyes out?"
"Not really, but it will probably cause some irreparable harm to someone."
"Tell me."
-5 minutes later-
"I'LL (censored)-ING KILL HIM!"
27. Lock him in a room with Eragon and Roran. Come back in 1 day to see the outcome.
Murtagh woke up in a small room with red wallpaper. He had no idea why it was red. Maybe someone was really angry when they chose the colour for their room. He didn't really care tooo much about his wallpaper though because he had just caught sight of who else was in the room.
"MURTAGH YOU TREACHEROUS WEASEL!" Roran got up and ran towards him with Eragon sort of trailing behind looking unsure of himself.
"Please don't eat me!" he curled up in the corner and started crying.
Roran and Eragon stopped and stared at the mighty red rider crying like a baby.
"Tameera?"
"Definitely."
A/N: Nothing much to say. Hey, Murty got tortured, so I hope you're all happy.