Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

A/N Thanks for all of the lovely reviews, sorry for the wait, but here it is! More tomorrow night =)

Chapter 13

Loved & Lost

Edward

I stood there for a moment, staring like everyone else at the scene before me. I didn't exactly know that Carlisle was going to do this. I had said Tanya was the least objectional princess I had met. I guess he took that to mean I was in love with her. Only I wasn't. So I ran out of the room after a minute with Tanya screaming and chasing me. A second later Carlisle was after the two of us.

"Edward!" Tanya shouted grabbing my arm, and pulling me back to her. This was not a discussion I wanted to have, especially while Bella was angry, and probably in trouble for her actions (accidental or otherwise).

"Tanya, I don't have time for this right now," I snapped.

"You don't have time for your fiancée?" she demanded.

"Well, since I don't remember asking you to marry me, I don't have a fiancée. And since I don't have a fiancée, there's really no one to make time for. Excuse me," I said continuing my arch down the halls. She latched onto me again.

"This is ridiculous, Edward. We're getting married, proposal or no proposal. Carlisle just announced it to everyone. It would be a disgrace to change our minds now. I don't want to change my mind. I want to marry you. It makes sense," she said.

"I'm so sick of that Tanya! I'm so sick of what makes sense! It doesn't make me happy, okay? You want to know what makes me happy? The girl I can never have. The girl it doesn't make sense to marry. The girl who never makes sense! Nonsensical makes me happy, and you… you're perfectly sensible," I sighed attempting to explain something so totally ineffable. This was just beyond her limited vision. She couldn't comprehend. Carlisle reached us at that moment.

"You're making a fool of yourself, Edward," he warned.

"Then let me be a fool for love, I don't care!" I practically shouted.

"Love? And who do you love?" he demanded.

"Isabella, but of course," I answered truthfully.

"Princess of Cumberland, that hag?" Tanya interjected.

"Worse Tanya, a waitress, a maid, the very one who ruined your dress tonight," I replied. "Excuse me, but I have matters to attend to. Oh, and Carlisle, you may inform Emmett the crown is as good as his," I added, almost casually.

"I raised you to be a king!" he shouted as flabbergasted Tanya found her voice. She screamed insults at both me and my true love, but I never turned. I felt infinitely better having made the right decision at last. I should have known I'd never be happy unless I had that perfect woman along side me. Bella was that perfect woman. I could be filthy rich without her, and be miserable, or dirt poor with her, and happier than I'd ever been.

I raced toward her room. The whole fiasco had taken less than twenty minutes, so maybe her harsh and bitter feelings had not yet cemented. Maybe there was still time for apologies. She deserved quite a few, but I could only offer ones for the wrongs I had committed. I raced past the kitchen where we'd spent much of our time. I hurried down the guest hall, where she'd once stayed, past the very spot where I had offered her a job. I even climbed the stairs remembering the steps we'd said goodnight after the ball, and the same steps we'd crashed into each other on the next day. The beautiful day, which had turned quite foul after my poor decision, would no longer matter. I was going to set the record straight, and do what I should have at the beginning. I threw open the door, but no one was there.

Frantically I pulled open the drawers for some trace that she still lived here. The bed was freshly made, the table and bureau empty. Was this the wrong room? Where was she? I knelt down burying my face in the blanket for comfort. I heard a slight creak from the door way, and found two girls, and Ms. Lauren Mallory standing in the doorway.

"Jessica, go find some other place to sleep," Lauren commanded.

"But Ms. Mallory," she started to complain. Lauren shot her a dark look, and she merely curtsied and scurried away. I stood again, and crossed the room toward Lauren.

"Where is she?" I demanded to know. Lauren shook her head, like she pitied me, but with no pity in her expression at all. She looked smug in fact. "Where?" I emphasized.

"Gone, your highness. She was fired after the incident. She left immediately, saying all the while she wished she'd never come," Lauren smirked at my crestfallen expression. She was glad to be away. Away from me. Lauren swept into the room, and sat on the bed. She kicked her heel back, and I thought I saw a flash of something there, but when I glanced back down there was nothing to be seen.

"Did she say where she might go? Did she mention anything else at all?" I asked desperately.

"No, your majesty," she answered.

"Did you send her away with any money?" I asked, hoping she would at least take care of herself until if I couldn't find her.

"No, I did not. Now, shall I escort you to your room, your highness?" she offered.

"No, just get out, get out now," I ordered hostilely.

"But…" she argued.

"Out!" I shouted, and she hurriedly exited without a second look. I closed, and locked the door behind her. I climbed into Bella's old bed, and buried myself in a pillow that smelled of her. She invaded my dreams, but I didn't mind. I was happier being tortured by her memory than if I'd never known her at all. Isn't that what they all say?

Tis better to have loved, and lost, than never to have loved at all.

I loved her, and lost her, but it was my own fault.