The First, Second and Forty-Eighth Wedding Plan

by eloquentfever

CURRENTLY WORKING ON: Semi-sequel to The First, Second and Forty-Eight Diet. Kurt and Sebastian's relationship is growing—and they are getting married. 47 times that Kurt and Sebastian abuse the idea of marriage and the day they get married. Kurtbastian. All dialogue. Caution: DRY, OFFENSIVE HUMOUR - includes stereotypes and can be crude and offensive depending on who you are.

13. Tis the Reason

Chapter 13

Tis the Reason

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"Hummel, quick—re-send the wedding invitations this time and tell them that the wedding is cancelled because I turned into a polar bear."

"Sebastian, for the last time, I'm not telling your horrendously large extended family that the wedding has been cancelled. Mostly because I can't be bothered to print anymore paper and I've already booked the hall."

"But they don't like the theme."

"On the contrary, your parents found it fairly fitting that our wedding is all scarlet red. It symbolizes the amount of bloodshed that will happen the minute we do get married."

"So, no bloodshed is happening now? Huh."

"Point taken."

"What are you doing, Hummel? Are you doing crappy doodles? Stop drawing crappy doodles."

"I'm now planning the outfits for our wedding. It's taking so much time. All I ask of you is to not lose or gain any weight, and stay the same height for the next few months. Knowing you, you will somehow end up fucking it up—gaining or losing a shit tonne of weight because the universe hates me."

"Really? You think that might happen?"

"What?"

"Me gaining loads of weight? Come on, Hummel. Don't bring my hopes up and then crush them with your shoe or something."

"Excuse me. I will not crush your hope with your shoe. My shoes are original designer shoes. I will not taint them with something as pathetic as your hope."

"Okay, Hummel. That insult was impressive."

"Thank you. I've had a lot of practice."

"Hey, hey, Hummel… are we really inviting my extended family over? Think about it. It's a terrible idea. They'll ruin everything."

"Honey, the entire thing is already ruined. I'm marrying you of all people."

"What in fuck's name is wrong with me, Hummel…? Hey, we should get drunk before we go to the wedding so that you don't start crying from being too nervous of being around me…because even after all this time, you still get butterflies in your stomach when you see me."

"Sure, if you butterflies travel from my stomach and go to my head and give me the worst migraine in the planet. That's number one and number two, if I do cry, it's because I genuinely said yes to this and I can't figure out why. However, I can't back out now."

"Because you love me, Hummel?"

"No. Because my Father bet that I would want to back out so now, I can't."