Disclaimer: Anything you recognize? Doesn't belong to me.
Spoilers: Eh, no.
Pairings: When I sort them out, I'll let you know.
Summary: Day after day, you face your reflection; living your lie. How long does it take before you face the facts?
Notes: Nothing that hasn't been said before..please R & R.
Thanks to: CenasNakedInMyBedWithme, iaera, together and ChArMeDcRaZiChIcK for the reviews!
Special thanks to my beta, Cam.
Chapter Twelve: One Step Forward
By the time the weekend had passed, Lita was left to wonder just where all the time went. On Saturday she had received a package from none other than Stephanie. The former redhead pursed her lips at it's arrival; questioning the McMahon's intentions. She learned soon enough though, that it was a copy of the job description, a contract and of all things; a WWE employee handbook. What a way to be subtle. Another thing in the package, was a small note from Stephanie herself. Lita had re-read the note that morning, questioning why she was being asked to possibly manage. The former Diva had called Stephanie then, blatanly informing her that she was in no way, shape or form interested in managing. Of course, Stephanie had written that off; just telling Lita to think about it..and let her know in two weeks. Lita had humored the brunette then, while in truth she had no intent what so ever of managing. As it were, one other person knew about the job offer, and that person had been sworn to absolute secrecy. For once, Dawn didn't try to coerce the former redhead, instead telling her that it was a lot to think about..and that either way she would be there for her. And speaking of Dawn, during their phone conversation the brunette Diva had nonchalantly mentioned that Randy and Stacy were fighting. A lot. While Dawn did confess that she was never within earshot to hear anything, the happy couple looked far from it. Lita had merely written that off, stating that she didn't care either way. Their life wasn't her concern. So instead of going on about that topic, Dawn switched gears..questioning the former redhead's plans for Thanksgiving.
It was also then that Lita realized, that if she did re-join the WWE, it would mean traveling on or near holidays. Not that it bothered her too much, but it would certainly put a damper in the usual holiday travel. As it were, she, John and Katie already made two trips..and it was possible that there would be a third. Add to that, the school situation with Katie, plus if the job was based in Stamford. Moving from North Carolina up to Masachussetts had been enough for the former Diva. Not that she minded the move, just that it was a pain. If she took the job, that would possibly mean re-locating to Stamford. And it was then that the prospect of managing, instead of doing corporate office work began to sound more appealing. Lita wondered if Stephanie had intended for that to happen..but if she did, why would she insist that Lita take over for J.R.? One little contract was causing her more trouble than she realized. Currently, the contract and handbook were sitting atop the desk in her bedroom. Looked over once, and since then, they hadn't been touched. After all, she still had two weeks. And, getting back to Stephanie wasn't the only thing that she had two weeks time for. Randy was also coming in two weeks. And for once, Lita wished that her life could just be normal; if there was such a thing. But none the less, she would welcome almost anything than her current situation. A situation brought about by one little fact, one little thing that had been bugging the former redhead since the birth of her daughter. What in the world had she done?
x
"Mommy!" Kaitlyn called up the stairs to her mother, whom was still cleaning up the bedroom upstairs. "Mommy, I'm gonna be late!"
"I'll be right down, Katie!" Lita called down for the fifth time in the last ten minutes, granted normally she wouldn't be in such a rush, but today was Tuesday. Which meant John would be coming back, which also meant it was time for their little chat. "Do you have all your stuff ready?"
"Yes!" Kaitlyn bounced from foot to foot, waiting as patiently as possible for any signs of her mother.
Upstairs, Lita was in the midst of tossing clothing into the hamper, shoving shoeboxes back in the closet and overall; a mess. Normally, knowing that John was coming home wasn't such a big deal. If anything, Lita always looked forward to it. It meant having another hand to help with Katie, and it meant she could sleep in. But it went without saying that this time was different. While John hadn't brought it up in any phone calls, it was weighing heavily on the back of Lita's mind. She wasn't exactly sure what would happen after they talked, nor did she really know what they would be talking about. Given, she had some idea..but all the while she worried.
Since the double phone call incident on Friday, Randy had called twice. First he said was an accident but had turned into a phone conversation between Katie and Randy. Lita had the oh so lovely duty of letting John know that Katie was talking to Randy. That hadn't been pretty. The other phone call was last night, Randy calling to inform Lita that his mother had called. Why he would do that, Lita hadn't been exactly sure, but he eventually let her know that the pictures had arrived. And not wanting a repeat of the previous night, Lita had been quick to end the conversation before Katie caught on. It struck her then, that even simple things like phone calls were becoming complicated. The former Diva could only hope that it wasn't a sign of things to come. The last thing she wanted was to put Katie in the middle of it all, but that's what she was doing. She sighed aloud then, raking her hands through her hair, when Katie beckoned again..and just as the four year old was making her way upstairs; Lita finally exited the bedroom.
xxx
By the time Lita had dropped off Kaitlyn, and then gone for groceries; it was almost 11:30. The former redhead huffed, grocery bags hanging from her arms as she trudged through the door. The unlocked door at that. Lita frowned, she knew she had locked that door..how the hell did it get open? John wasn't supposed to be back until the afternoon. Or so she thought, for the life of her Lita couldn't remember the time he had given. And then she noticed the television was blaring in the living room.
"Hello?" She called out tentatively, setting the bags down with a soft thump.
"Hey, you're back!" Dawn Marie replied, casual as anything. "Need a hand?" She added then, dragging Chris Jericho into the kitchen with her.
Lita blinked, "Uh..yeah that'd be good thanks." She quirked a smile, still puzzled at why those two were there. "Where's John?"
"Taking a shower," Dawn mentioned as she peered into one of the grocery bags, taking out an item to hand it over to the blonde man. "He said he needed a baby sitter for Katie tonight, soo.."
Lita nodded in reply, "Yeah..but I could've just called for someone."
Dawn huffed, shoving a bag at Chris. "Nonsense. Why go through all of that, when you have us!"
Lita merely shrugged, exchanging a look with Chris. Dawn had a point. "Um, I'll be right back..I just wanna change."
"We'll put this stuff away, so go on ahead." Dawn stated matter of factly, quite shooing the former redhead out.
And as Lita made her way upstairs, she could just hear Chris complaining about how he had volunteered to baby sit. And that was it. None the less, she shook her head; making her way past the closed bathroom door and to the bedroom. She changed quickly enough, just managing to shove the contract and handbook in the dresser drawer when Cena entered the bedroom. Lita smiled softly, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.
"Welcome home." She said, moving towards the door so he could dress in peace.
"I hope you don' mind..Dawn an' Chris bein' here an' all." John raised a brow, moving further into the bedroom. "I jus' figured that Katie might wanna see 'em."
"It's no biggie," Lita said instantly, shrugging her shoulders all the same. "I'm sure Katie will be thrilled."
John nodded in response, rubbing the back of his neck in thought. "Steph sent some stuff for you..but it's in my bag."
"I'll get it then." Lita nodded in turn, growing slightly uncomfortable..but she couldn't tell if it was from the fact that Stephanie was sending more job information or that John Cena was standing a few feet away in a towel. At any rate, the former Diva moved to exit, mentioning then. "Actually, it's a good thing you're back now..cuz you can get Katie from pre-K. I have an appointment at the salon this afternoon. Completely forgot about it though, go figure."
He smiled instantly, "I'd like that..I miss her."
Lita's head ducked, the woman moving further back until she was standing in the doorway. "Yeah..she misses you too." The corners of her lips tugged up into a smile before she turned, to head downstairs.
For his part, Cena watched her leave..questioning why she was seemingly distant, even if outwardly she was normal. He wrote it off as nothing, instead turning his attention to the dresser. However, when he reached inside, he didn't find what he was immediately looking for. Instead, he pulled out a very familiar looking handbook and a contract. While John knew it wasn't any of his business, he glanced at the contract anyway. All he could wonder then, was why Lita hadn't said anything about it. He tucked the items back, removing the boxers he was originally searching for, making a mental note to not bring up the contract. If it came up tonight, fine..if it didn't; he was confident that Lita would explain soon enough.
xxx
While the four enjoyed a peaceful lunch at the mall, John and Chris had departed shortly after. After all, they both claimed, who wanted to sit around in a hair salon? For their parts, Dawn and Lita made their way from the mall to the salon. As it were, there was a slight wait as Lita's stylist was still on her lunchbreak add to that, they had arrived fifteen minutes early. And so, Lita and Dawn plopped into the chairs, looking through various magazines and books of hairstyles.
"I know your hair doesn't need to get trimmed," Dawn raised a brow at the former Diva. "So what are you getting done?"
"I'm going to dye it actually," Lita shrugged, flipping through the book on her lap. "And no, I'm not sure if I'll go red again..maybe burgandy or something."
Dawn tilted her head at her friend, a thoughtful look on her face. "That would look pretty good..bring out your eyes some."
"I hadn't considered that, but whatever." Lita rolled her eyes, setting the book on the nearby stand. "I guess I was just getting bored with being blonde."
Dawn snorted, setting her own magazine down. "Well honey, you and I are proof that blonde's don't always have more fun..remember?"
Lita sent a wry smirk in her friend's direction. "Oh believe me, I remember..the havoc, the chaos, the mayhem."
"And the fun," Dawn finished matter of factly, leaning back in the chair. "We always had fun."
Lita nodded easily, "What happened to those days?"
"And you say I'm nostaligic." Dawn sent a sidelong glance to the former Diva. "We changed..people change. Life goes on."
"I know that," Lita protested instantly, hazel orbs fluttering shut. "That's not what I meant."
"Well," Dawn frowned thoughtfully, raking a hand through her hair. "If you could, would you change the past?"
"That's only a what-if Dawn, I can't actually do it, so why bother."
Dawn raised a brow, shaking a perfectly manicured nail at the former redhead. "Just answer the question."
Lita sighed, her eyes fluttering open to lock with the abstract patterns on the ceiling. "If I could? Knowing what I know now? I can't say..I mean, part of me would want to but then. I probably wouldn't be sitting here." Her shoulders shrugged, "For all I know, I could still be a WWE Diva."
Dawn nodded, expecting that from Lita. "And if you had stayed?"
Lita pursed her lips in thought, "I don't know. I might have ended up raising Katie more or less on my own, or.."
"Or you could be married," Dawn finished quietly. "At least that's one way of looking at things."
At that, a heavy sigh escaped the former redhead. Lita's hands fisting in the ends of her hair. "That could have happened, who's to say now..I didn't know where we were going at that time."
Dawn's lips pursed together in thought, the woman thinking back to some of the happier moments. "Can I ask you something..and promise you won't get mad?"
Lita sent a suspicious glance over, stating rather hesitantly. "Go ahead and ask, but I won't promise anything."
Dawn nodded, clearing her throat before she began. "Do you regret breaking it off with Randy?"
Lita blinked, honestly surprised at the question. "Where did that come from?"
Dawn raised a brow, placing her hands primly in her lap. "Curiousity after all these years, now are you going to answer the question?"
Lita sighed, searching her mind..searching a distant place in her heart. "I--"
"Ms. Dumas? She's ready for you now."
Lita shot the receptionist a relieved glance, politely excusing herself at that moment. For her part, Dawn frowned. It became clear to her that either Lita didn't know why..which was highly unlikely given who she was dealing with. Or that Lita just didn't want to answer. Whatever the case, Dawn Marie was flustered. She was determined to get to the bottom of that if it was the last thing she did. And since, Lita wasn't readily offering answers; she'd just have to interrogate the other party. Dawn made a mental note then, that as soon as they were back on the road; she would be having a little chat with one Randy Orton.
xxx
Lita emerged from the salon as burgandy haired woman. Or red in simpler terms, but a dark and rich shade of it. Dawn had commented that now she was a brunette and Lita had merely shrugged. Why they had started discussing hair colors was a mystery to them both; but on Lita's part it was a way to avoid Dawn's question. Because, in all truth, she hadn't given it much thought. She had just been so caught up in the fact that her career was going to change that she wanted to cut all of her ties. At least that was the logic she was using now. But all of that didn't matter on this particular day. After all, she still had a conversation with John. A conversation that she expected would change her life, but in what way..she still wasn't sure. At any rate, by the time she and Dawn made it back to the house, the car was gone from the driveway. That fact alone let both women know that Chris and John were picking up Katie.
And, by the time the three returned from the daycare center; Lita and Dawn were enjoying a rare moment of silence. Dawn had tried to get Lita to talk, or at least gain some more insight on the grounds of the break-up with Randy..but Lita being Lita refused to say a word. And since, Dawn didn't want to press the issue further, due to the fact that the door had just swung open, she fell silent; eyeing Lita suspiciously. Kaitlyn had rushed into the house, dragging her father figure and uncle behind her. All three stopped short in the kitchen, though it was hard to tell who was the most surprised at the new look. Katie had been the first to recover, launching herself into her mother's lap..only to 'reprimend' her for not telling her that daddy was picking her up. Lita just shook her head, setting her daughter down so she could proceed with her usual afternoon routine. It was also then, that Lita excused herself from the scene; claiming she needed a shower. For their parts, the others watched; John requesting that Dawn and Chris take Katie to the hotel with them in an hour. Chris had merely nodded, already having recieved the information, while Dawn questioned where to take the four year old for dinner. John merely shrugged, stating that Katie wouldn't care either way.
As it were, they wouldn't have to decide as Kaitlyn came barreling back downstairs. The four year old promptly informed her aunt and uncle that she wanted room service. Dawn wrote it off to Lita getting some minor payback for picking out a hotel suite, but none the less she agreed easily. For his part, John called Lita's favorite Mexican resturant. He made sure that Dawn, Chris and Katie would be around for another hour, but then he insisted that they hightail it out of there. Chris had opened his mouth to make a smart ass comment, only to find an elbow to the gut and a raised brow from Cena. Needless to say, by the time Lita was out of the shower and had changed for the second time that day; Chris, Dawn and Katie were on their way out. Dawn informed the redhead that John had gone off to pick up the food, but he would be back soon. The brunette Diva also took that moment to remind Lita of what she had said their second to last day together in Phoenix. Lita had rolled her eyes then, but kept the words in her heart none the less. While she hadn't given it too much thought since Phoenix, she did start to wonder exactly what John Cena meant to her. She had already come to the conclusion that there were more than friendly feelings, but beyond that? She just wasn't sure.
x
After dinner had been consumed, and the few plates and silverware put in the dishwasher; Lita found herself sitting opposite John on the couch. She tucked a strand of hair behind one ear, a sudden sense of nervousness overtaking her. Hazel orbs swirling with emotion locked with crystal clear blue, the redhead hoping desperately that she remembered to turn off her cell phone.
Lita offered a tentative smile, easing slightly when his eyes softened. "So.."
"So," He echoed, resting his palms flat on his thighs. "There are a few things I wanna talk about, few things I'd like to ask."
She nodded, resting back against the arm of the couch, her legs tucked beneath her. "Alright, go ahead then."
He cleared his throat, also leaning back. "My first question..do you feel anything for me?"
She nodded easily, hoping he wouldn't ask to what extent..because quite frankly; she didn't know. "Yeah..that much I do know."
"Well, you know how I feel about you so," He shrugged, trailing off then. "But that isn't what I really wanna talk about."
Lita nodded in turn, gesturing for him to continue.
He paused a moment longer, phrasing the words in his mind before he gave up. "Where do you see me in your life. Not in Katie's, but yours..just yours. I know that Dawn is one of your best friends, Jeff too. But, what about me?"
Lita's head ducked momentairly, the redhead ignoring the pounding in her ears. "You're a best friend, but not just a best friend. If it's possible..I'd say you're past that."
"Okay," He wasn't too sure what to make of that, but it was better than nothing. For now. "An' say, two years from now..where do you see me?"
A silence enveloped her, bringing disomfort to Cena. She opened her mouth to reply, but shut it quickly. The woman half shrugged finally, opening her mouth once more. "Honestly? I don't know..and I don't say that to hurt you but I say it..because it's the truth. I mean, so much could happen and--"
"Point taken," He cut her off quietly, not entirely liking where that could be going. "Then, where do you see me in Katie's life.."
'Now that Randy's in the picture.' She mentally added, her shoulders shrugging once more. "You'll always be a part of her life, and always in a big way..you are the father that Katie knows and the father that she's come to know. I can't say that it will always be like that..but," Her eyes fluttered shut, Lita realizing how harsh the truth was. "You'll always be a big part of her life..no matter what."
He nodded at that, thankful that he at least got some facts from her. "When we kissed..you didn't pull away. Matter of fact? You kissed me back, but--"
"Why did I stop?" She finished quietly, her eyes fluttering open to lock with his. "I was scared."
"I won't hurt you," He said softly, though she could hear the honesty in his voice. "You know that."
She nodded, "I know you won't but, I just.." She expelled a heavy sigh, raking her hands through her hair. "That kiss..felt right, but at the same time I was so.."
"Torn? Repulsed?"
"Not repulsed," She said instantly, turning her head to stare out the window. "I wouldn't exactly say torn either..I guess I was just confused."
He raised a brow, tempted to move..but not just yet. "About what?"
"We've always had this wonderful relationship, and it was always on this friendly level. One that I was completely comfortable with." She said evenly, hazel eyes blinking rapidly. "And then in one moment, it changed..or it had the potential to change. And part of me was okay with it, but another part was screaming no."
John cleared his throat, waiting until she had returned her attention to him. "Can I ask, why?"
x
Lita expelled another heavy sigh, twisting strands of hair around her fingers. "Since Katie came along, before that to some extent..I could always count on a few things. One that Dawn would always be there, that Jeff would always be there and that you would always be my best friend." She fell silent for a moment, the moment excruciating for them both. "I guess, I'm afraid that if that changes, I'll lose you."
"You'd never lose me Li," John stated softly, but firmly. "No matter what, you would never lose me."
"You can't say that," Lita protested instantly, burying her face in her hands. "Because, what if we do start dating and something happens..and I hate you or you hate me and we--"
"Stop," He commanded gently, the former Diva feeling the couch shifting beneath her. "I promise you now, you would never lose me. An' you won't."
Her hands left her face, hazel orbs brimming with unshed tears looking at him. "You can't make a promise like that John..and I know you mean well, but it's impossible."
Cena inwardly sighed, resting his arm along the back of the couch. "Then can I ask, why did you kiss me back?"
Lita's lips pressed together, the redhead noting the space had diminished slightly between them. "Because it felt right."
He nodded shortly, steeling himself for her next response. "Did you know who it was that you were kissing?"
A brow rose at that, confusion sparking through. "Excuse me?"
"I just wonder," John shook his head, figuring he should just get it off his chest now. "Since we really knew each other..have I just been a substitute for Randy?"
Lita blinked, a pained look in her eyes. "How could you even think that? God, no. You have never been a substitute for him."
He tentatively nodded, "And you're sure about that?"
Her head ducked again, Lita's face curtained by her hair. "..Yes I'm sure."
While he wasn't completely satisified with that, he took it for now. "Then, that brings me to the last thing."
She sighed from behind the curtain, a hand tentatively parting her locks. "Go on."
"I want to be with you," He stated truthfully, a hand reaching out in spite of it all to brush against her cheek. "I have for awhile, but I want to be with you."
Lita sighed, that could just complicate things more..but why would it? Her personal life was just that, personal and not concerning anyone else. Of course, it could create for some tension when Randy was around..'But what business is it of Randy's?' Lita frowned slightly, mentally kicking herself. "I.."
Cena raised a brow, resisting the urge to ask her to continue, knowing that might just push her to clam up.
The former Diva swallowed down the rising bundle of emotions. "I need time," She said quietly, so quietly that John had to lean forward to hear her.
Cena nodded easily, "You can have it."
Lita smiled shakily, starting slightly at the raw emotion in his eyes. "Just..don't expect too much of me?"
He smiled in spite of it all, "I can do that."
Lita relaxed at that, leaning back against his arm. "Thank you."
Cena's shoulder shrugged slightly, a hand toying with the ends of her hair. "I've waited this long anyway."
She let out a shaky laugh, ducking her head again before she merely shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you have."
He just shook his head, inching closer. "Would it be alright if I kissed you..or is that--"
A faint smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, Lita leaning forward to whisper against his mouth. "That would be perfectly fine with me." She smirked slightly then, closing the distance.
John smiled against her lips, not kissing her with all of the urgency that had built within him; instead letting her dictate the game. For her part, she tilted her head parting her lips ever so slightly to deepen the kiss. And this time, she didn't pull back. Instead a hand rested at the back of his neck, the woman gently pulling him closer. Their mouths melded together easily, and to John's surprise, it was her tounge that came forward, gently tracing a path across his bottom lip. Very gently, he eased her so she was sitting in his lap; his arms banding around her waist; Cena tentatively exploring the crevices of her mouth. They stopped when the need to breathe took over; Lita sucking in a sharp and much needed breath at that moment. While she still didn't know exactly how deep her feelings went for John Cena, she at least knew their relationship had taken a step. Whether it was a step in the right direction was yet to be seen. But at that moment, Lita decided she didn't care. All that mattered, was them. And that was good enough for her.
End Chapter.