Sorry it took so long peeps. Busy weekend for me, top that with no sleep Sunday night and being plagued with a migraine because of that and I just couldn't sit at the computer and type. Anyways, here's the chapter... sorry for the cliffie before. It's not ending in a cliffie this time. Few mentions before I start
CraZy-xClowN - It's nice to know you'd rather be reading this instead of studying... but school is more important... in my eyes... I gave up on school when I entered high school, and I didn't continue my education after high school. Now I wish I had... ha ha ha. And you find out who Emily's birth mother is in this chapter
lil Kass - Always believe your guts. Hee hee hee. I have an idea on where I want to take this story but any ideas are great. I love adding little things in for my readers... gives them a little warm fuzzy feeling... and makes them come back for more :-D
dark-girl-faith-sidle - My apologies for the cliffie. I hate them myself, but I had to do it... it was getting too long. Didn't want to bore people... plus... it's making people come back for more... and that's always great!
WARNING!!!!: Talk about rape lies ahead. Disturbing images and talk. Plus coarse language. Just in case...
When Sara's crying became just tears, she continued
"I had looked in the field about 10 miles away from our house" Sara took a deep breath "I found Emily. She was dead. But what was disturbing for me was that she was dismembered. She was cut into 7 pieces; her head was cut off, her arms were cut off at the shoulders, her legs were cut off just below her hips and her torso was cut in half. But even though she was cut into pieces she was pieced together like a puzzle, except there was exactly an inch space where she was cut. And judging by the fact that she wasn't decomposing that much, I knew she was recently killed and put there..."
Sara suddenly jumped up and ran to the washroom and a couple of seconds later, Catherine heard Sara vomiting. Catherine got up and joined Sara in the washroom, holding her hair back while she continued to vomit.
While Sara sat against the wall after she had finished vomiting, Catherine gave Sara a cup of water to wash the taste away and applied a cool, damp cloth to the back of Sara's neck.
"Thanks" Sara managed to get out
"You're welcome. How are you feeling?" Catherine asked concerned
"Not too good. But better than I would've been if you weren't here. I think I've finished, but I need to tell you the rest of everything." Sara said, keeping her eyes away from Catherine's
"You don't have to tell me everything now, you can tell me later"
"No, I've started and I want to finish it." Sara said stubbornly
"Ok, do you wanna go back in there then?" Catherine questions, wanting Sara to be comfortable
"No… I think it's wise if we stay in here. I may need to be sick again."
"Ok. Wherever you're comfortable, honey" Catherine said sitting down
Catherine sat down next to Sara against the wall, and laced their hands together with Sara's. Sara sighed and continued
"Emily was laying there completely naked, her eyes were open and it felt like she was staring into my soul. She looked so scared. And I wasn't there to protect her, to save her from the bad guys like I had promised I would. I hadn't fulfilled my parental duties of keeping her safe. I stood there taking everything in… you could say I was in shock. Then it all sunk in. My baby, my daughter, my little Emily would never come home again. I would never hear her call me mommy, I would never hear her laugh again, never see that beautiful smile, I would never feel her little arms around me or her eyes light up whenever she saw me or Jennifer. When that sunk in, I broke down. I fell to my knees crying, apologizing for not protecting her. I don't know how long I was there for. They found me next to Emily curled up in a ball still crying and apologizing." Sara starts to cry again "My Emily… I couldn't protect her. My Emily…"
Sara soon stopped crying and continued, emotionless "I couldn't sleep for the next few days. Every time I would close my eyes I would see Emily staring up at me crying out for me to help her. Jennifer dragged me to the doctor's after the 4th day of not sleeping. He prescribed me some strong tranquilizers. That made me sleep, but only for a few hours because I would wake up from nightmares of Emily calling out to us."
Sara was staring at a spot across from her emotionless, still. Catherine squeezed Sara's hand to let her know it was ok.
"We found out that she was tied up, bound and gagged… and he… he… raped her numerous times. And not with his own every time. She was raped with objects too…" Sara started shaking and she looked like she was going to be sick again. But Sara took a deep breath and laid down in Catherine's lap and continued while staring at the same across from her. Catherine started stroking Sara's hair while Sara continued talking.
"He raped her with bottles, pipes, basically anything he could get his dirty fucking hands on… and they also said he had raped her with a broomstick handle and it ripped right through her making her bleed out. That was what had killed her. But that sick motherfucker wasn't done with her" Sara said with anger and disgust in her voice "He had sex with her after she was dead! Then cut her up, and he must have thought it out completely because most people would just dump the body pieces and go, not caring. But he actually took the time to piece her together making sure each space was an inch apart"
Sara felt like she was going to be sick again, so she rushed across the bathroom floor throwing her head in the toilet just in time. Catherine joined Sara and pulled her hair back while she vomited again.
Catherine was in shock with what she's been hearing. How could anybody be so sick and twisted to do such a thing to a young girl, Sara's daughter at that! If anybody had done that to Lindsay, Catherine would be sitting in a jail cell herself for killing that sick fuck with her bare hands and she wouldn't have cared. If she didn't have Lindsay, there was no point in continuing to live. It would have been hard for her to continue on, Lindsay was her life. How Sara could find the strength to carry on was beyond Catherine.
Sara sits against the wall, staring at Catherine
"Thank you" Sara says
"You're welcome" Catherine replies
"No, You don't think you completely understand. Thank you for caring, thank you for understand and most importantly, thank you for staying." Sara says with tears forming in her eyes
"And my reply is 'You're welcome' didn't you hear that you? Are you too busy staring at this sexy body of mine?" Catherine says with a small smile, hoping Sara wouldn't think she was being insensitive. Catherine desperately needed to lighten the mood. When Sara smiled Catherine knew and was relieved she didn't make a mistake.
"Oh, I guess not. Now I know these sirens that are going off in my head are not because I'M HOT, it's because you override me in the hotness factor" Sara says, relieved that mood is getting lighter. She knows it won't last long, but they both need it.
"Oh! Deflate that ego of yours, Sidle. Of course, I'm hotter!" Catherine banters back, smiling more
"My ego? Your head is the one blowing up like a balloon!"
"DAMN RIGHT IT IS!" Catherine sticks her tongue out at Sara, then they both erupt into laughter, tears falling down their faces from laughing so hard. Their laughter died down and they stare at each other getting lost in each other's eyes. Then Sara spoke
"Seriously, Cath. Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me. I was expecting you to run, saying we're over and done with, not to speak to you ever again. But you didn't. And I'm eternally thankful for that." Sara says tears falling down her face
"I don't know what made you think I would do that, Sara. But I'm with you for the long haul. Nothing you say will scare me away. I love you, Sara Sidle. I'm so happy I finally have you and I'm not going to give up that easily on you. Please know that. And you don't have to say 'Thank you" Catherine now has tears falling down her eyes as she wipes away Sara's tears.
Then Sara smiles "I really hate to ruin the mood, I really want to kiss you… but I have vomit breath… not very attractive"
Catherine laughs "I don't care." Then leaned in and captured Sara lips in a slow and passionate kiss but not deepening the kiss.
Catherine pulled away, put her forehead against Sara's and their eyes met.
"I love you" Sara whispered
"I love you, too" Catherine whispered back. Then Catherine pecked Sara on the lips and got up "Come on, let's go to bed. You can finish telling me everything tomorrow, like how Grissom is involved in all this. But I got questions for you to answer first."
Sara laughs "Damn, I knew there would be questions. Ok, 21 questions here we come!"
Sara gets up and follows Catherine back to bed
Once they were in bed, positions reversed from earlier. Catherine's now laying on Sara's chest with Sara's arm wrapped around Catherine's back.
"Ok, let's start with the questions." Sara said half-jokingly. She knew what was coming from Catherine
"Was Emily yours, Jennifer's or adopted?" Catherine asked quietly
"She was mine. Jennifer and I had been together for roughly 7yrs. I met her at Harvard. We started going out a few months before we graduated. I had talked about going back to 'Frisco after Harvard. I asked her if she wanted to come with me, and she accepted. A few years in we were talking about starting a family. I was scared… my childhood wasn't the greatest… I'll tell you about that later, when I'm ready… anyways… I thought I wouldn't be a great parent, considering my parents lacked in that department. But Jennifer told me I would be a great mom. We opted for adoption. But at that time, adoption for same-sex couples wasn't allowed. We had talked for months about who would carry. Then one night… now I know this will sound cheesy, but it was what we did when we couldn't make a decision between the two of us…" Sara laughs "We had been talking about it for months and we really wanted to start a family, so we flipped a coin to see who wouldn't be the carrier. I lost. So, I was the carrier. I was lucky. First insemination, and I was pregnant. It was such a wonderful feeling knowing I had a human being inside of me. I loved her so much. I couldn't believe I could love someone as much as I did her. She was my world, my number one. We both loved Emily, we tried to give her the perfect childhood… but then… that happened..."
Catherine heard the change in Sara's voice "I'm sorry."
"It's ok. I'm dealing with it the best I can." Sara says "Ok, next question"
Catherine pauses and thinks for a few seconds "What happened between you and Jennifer?"
"When Emily went missing, I pushed her away. I couldn't deal. I didn't deal with everything the way I should've. I started sleeping on the couch; I didn't feel like being close to anybody. It was breaking my heart knowing that I was hurting her. But I couldn't stop. I continued pushing her away. I heard her crying at night. It tore me apart. I was blaming myself for Emily's murder. And I thought she was too. We argued one time, and I told her I knew she was blaming me. She said she's never once blamed me for Emily's disappearance or murder. I called her a liar. Then, I started spending time with Grissom. We started talking after a seminar I went to that he was talking at, and we became friends. So I started spending more time with Grissom, he was here almost every chance he got. We stayed up all night talking most of the time. Mostly me talking about how I was dealing. Jennifer accused me of sleeping with Grissom and that was why I wasn't being intimate with her. I didn't defend myself. I let her believe what she wanted to believe. I couldn't handle the fighting anymore, I wanted to leave. To run away. Grissom asked me to come to Vegas. Said he needed me to be a third party in an investigation that was going on with one of his CSI's. I took him up on his offer. That night I wanted to tell Jennifer I was leaving, but I couldn't. Instead, I had sex with her. It wasn't making love. It was just sex to me. But she told me she loved me afterwards. I couldn't say it back. So while she slept, I wrote her a note. Told her I was sorry, that I loved her, but not in the same way anymore. I asked her to forgive me for the pain I had put her through and the pain I was going to put her through with me leaving. I took off the ring and placed the note and the ring on the pillow, and left. I haven't seen or spoke to her since." Sara finished
"Do you still think about her?" Catherine asked
"Of course. We had a lot of great times together. She was my best friend. And plus, she was also Emily's mom. I do think what it would've been like if Emily was still alive. If we would've still been together. But I'm sure everybody does that. I'm sure you think that about Eddie. What would it be like if Eddie were still alive, right?"
Catherine sighed, "Yeah, I do. I do understand where you're coming from with that"
"I know. Anyways, anymore questions?" Sara said
"Um… no. I think I'm good for now. I'm getting tired, and we still have a lot of talking to do tomorrow."
"Yeah. Ok. So, bed time?" Sara smiled. She was just barely keeping her eyes open
"Yep!" Catherine snuggled closer to Sara "You're my pillow tonight"
"Great…" Sara said sarcastically
"Hey!" Catherine smacked Sara
"I'm only joking, I'd love to be your pillow tonight. Now, are you comfortable?"
"Yep!"
"Good, I'm turning out the lights. Good night, babe."
"Good night"
Sara turns off the lights and within a few minutes they were both asleep
I couldn't keep the darkness up... I needed to add some humor in. Lighten it a bit. I hope it didn't ruin the chapter. But I do have a question to ask of you fellow readers. I want to experiment with trying some chapters as Sara and Catherine's POV, what would you guys think? Keep it in 3rd person or have some chapters as Sara and Catherine's POV? You guys are the ones that keep me writing, I aim to please my readers. I don't want to do anything to make my readers stop reading. If you could let me know what you think about that, that would be great... thanks!