The morning drags painfully. I've never been in a hurry to watch the games, not a single second of them but I find myself staring at the televisions in school all day willing them to turn on so I can be sure Madge is okay. When lunch finally comes Madge's absence is more noticeable than I ever could've imagined. After a few minutes of staring mindlessly at the seat opposite me the tv above me finally comes to life.
The boy from 8 killed the girl from 6 last night and because it's a death they show it even though he's apologising and balling his eyes out the whole time. With her death we've reached the final 8 and that means reporters. They don't show anything of Madge and Orion and I tell myself that's a good thing. I try not to think about it for the rest of the day but no matter how hard I try the thoughts come unbidden to my mind.
I pick Prim, Rory and Vick up at the end of the day. According to Rory, Gale mentioned he wouldn't be walking home with us because there was somewhere he had to be. I have a feeling I know exactly where that is. I decide to take the kids home then find Gale but I'm sidetracked when Prim points out someone sitting hunched over in the meadow between town and the seam, it's smaller than the one the fence runs through behind my house and nowhere near as beautiful. In fact it's not even a meadow anymore, the grass is brown and dry and not much else grows there, as a result it's usually vacant.
It doesn't take me long to realise the man sobbing in the field is Thom, he started working in the mines last year and I assumed that's where he'd be but obviously not. I hesitate in going to him, he clearly wanted to be alone and I can't deny I've been wishing for Madge to come back, by default wishing his younger brother didn't. I really have no right to be here, my sibling is safe but I can't just walk away
"Thom?" he turns to look over his shoulder and my breath catches. There's something especially heart breaking about seeing a grown man cry. Fresh tears wet his cheeks and his eyes and nose are leaking. He wipes both with the sleeve of his shirt and turns away from me again
"Hello Katniss" I sit beside him and take in the scene he so avidly watches. The foreground is grey and decrepit, it holds no beauty, no allure, no nothing. But beyond it, beyond the fence which is visible from here, there is lush green, nature, freedom and a setting sun. I have had a taste of it and will always want more. I can't imagine how trapped, confined, the longing or the wonder Thom feels when he sees it, or perhaps he doesn't feel anything at all, perhaps he feels empty "it's like something inside you dies isn't it? When their names are called" that's exactly how it felt, when they called Prim's name I was ready to die "2 months, 2 months and I could have gone for him" I struggle for something to say but Thom never gives me the chance "you're friends with the girl aren't you? Madge?"
"I-"
"She seems nice" I frown. Thom's as prejudice as Gale when it comes to townies, he's been in countless fights because of it "Orion seems to like her a lot, she can't be all that bad"
"She's not" I say simply
"Trained for the games I reckon" Thom mutters wiping his eyes
"She's just doing what she can" I defend Madge, the argument bubbling out of me before I can stop it
"She's saved his ass a few times, can't fault her for that" Thom agrees "he's been telling her bed time stories too" he murmurs, his lips attempting a smile
"Goldilocks? I heard it was from a fairytale?"
"My mother always told it before we went to sleep, Orion liked how she described the woods in the story. Think he's trying to make the arena less scary you know"
"That's smart, if it's helping him cope" I try to offer comfort but the arena is scary, he should be on his guard not making it into a fairytale
"I think he's alright" Thom says as if trying to convince himself "she's got his back"
"They're friends and Madge is a good friend"
"Yeah" Thom snorts "took me two years to riddle Cartright's name out of him, she got him talking about it on live television in less than a week"
"Different circumstances" I offer "Gale guessed it was Delly"
"She's the biggest pain in the ass I know"
"That's what Gale said" Thom almost laughs but his throat is still thick from crying "you know who Madge was talking about?" I wonder, Thom nods "and?"
"It ain't my place to say" he says shaking his head
"It's not you is it" I joke, earning another attempt at a smile
"Nah I'll try my best, you know, after what Orion said about talking to one of them but you know how I feel about townies"
"Could be worse" I say nudging his arm "could be Gale" when Thom doesn't even offer and attempt of a smile at my most amusing comment I realise that, that's exactly who Madge was talking about. It all makes sense, a future miner, from the seam. 'I always had a thing for hunters', that's why everyone looked at us. 'Not having the man you might love be an ass', that's an understatement for how Gale behaved towards Madge "it is isn't it? It's Gale?" Thom shrugs
"It was just a theory me and Orion used to joke about. He believed it more than I did, turns out he was right"
"And Gale doesn't know?"
"Dunno, he's been completely blind to it so far. Hasn't mentioned it but he hasn't said her name since the first night he came to my house with liquor. Scared of how I'll react I think"
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be making you talk about these things" I stammer quickly, realising my monumental mistake and complete lack of sensitivity
"No!" Thom holds up his hand to stop me "it's nice, having someone talk to me properly, everyone's tip toeing 'round me like I'll shatter, I can't stand it!"
"Well any time you want to talk to someone completely oblivious and insensitive you know where I am"
"Thanks, I might just take you up on that" I squeeze his shoulder as I stand "hey Katniss?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't say anything to Gale"
"I won't, not my place right?"
"Right" Thom nods and I lift my hand in a poor imitation of a wave. As I walk to the abandoned building Darius referred to as HQ I wonder how I could be so oblivious to everything around me. Madge always said that, often when I'd catch Peeta Mellark staring at me -boy am I glad I finally got that off my chest - but I never could have imagined half the things that have been revealed to me since the reaping.