Chapter 13: Foundations

There had been a lot of tears, a lot of pain and a lot of worry during the past week. The Pack had been under stress after everything that happened. From Paul taking off by himself to kill a group of vampires to my lower leg being mauled by him in wolf form. Everyone had been in shock when it happened, even Sam—much to my surprise.

They had been nothing but good to me; cleaning my wound, calling Dr. Carlisle over, insisting I stay for at least five days (at Sam and Emily's) so they could look after me. I felt so at home with them, that I mentally scolded myself for not visiting that often.

Sadly though, Paul hadn't showed up.

And it wasn't because certain vampires attacked him or that he couldn't be found like last year. No, this time he proved us all wrong. He had in fact tore those 'bloodsuckers'— as he would call them— to shreds. It seemed impossible, no one could believe it but Sam knew, having patrolled the area and getting glimpses of Paul's thoughts.

Sam had said that Paul was shielding his thoughts and memories from the pack. That he was wallowing in his own misery over what he had done to me, his imprint. Normally, after doing such a horrible thing, the wolf would immediately phase back to his human form and make sure his mate was okay. Apologize and beg for forgiveness. But Paul had done it differently.

We all wondered what exactly he was thinking, and why he hadn't come to see me after five long days. I could give him one thing— he was brilliant at keeping his thoughts to himself. Yet, I still wondered why he'd stayed out in the woods somewhere for that long.

He had no idea how proud I was of him, killing those vampires all by himself.

On the sixth day, Emily and Sam allowed me to go home. Although it was hard walking on the leg that had a bandage wrapped all around the bottom of it, including my ankle, I felt the need to just go home and think. Think about everything Paul and I had gone through for the past two months.

So I thought and thought and thought. And our relationship to an outsider would look like it was hanging on threads, so close to falling down. It even looked like that to me, because everything that we had been through was my fault and my fault alone.

Everything could've been avoided if I hadn't got the job in the first place. Then there was also times where I could've told Paul that I bumped into this vampire and I would've just stayed at home with Noah as the pack patrolled, seeking out the vicious group .

In all honesty, the group was ridiculous. They were obviously a bunch of new vampires— past the newborn phase— and they thought it'd be 'awesome' to kidnap a shape shifter's child and brainwash it into thinking that they were the good guys when what they were trying to do was impossible, sick and ridiculous.

And I was lucky I survived them.

On the seventh day, just past midnight, I was missing Paul more than ever. There was a craving in my body, just to be connected with him in any way possible. The tugging in my heart wasn't helping either, it had been giving me a constant headache for the past week.

I wondered if he felt it too?

Feeling hopeless and miserable without him, I tucked Noah into his crib as he slept soundlessly and headed downstairs, into the back yard.

The stars were burning high up in the night sky, a half moon giving off enough light for me to see in the dark. I sat down in the middle of the yard, the grass damp beneath me but I didn't care, I only cared about Paul coming back to me in that moment.

"Paul?," I called into the darkness. The forest too far away for me to see it at this hour.

Nothing.

With a sigh, I continued. "I miss you, you have no idea, the world is an empty place without you around, it's really really awful. But I understand if you need time and I hope that somehow you can hear me because I want to apologize for every single thing I've put you through lately. You didn't deserve any of it, you trusted me completely and I let you down… I let myself down too. All you've ever been was honest with me, yet I just had to keep hiding things from you. What kind of person am I?.

"Isn't the whole imprinting thing about me being your soul mate? Me being your perfect match? Me being the best woman to carry on the legacy to the tribe? Well, I feel like I've failed you in every way. Don't get me wrong, Noah is everything to me but." I paused, my throat tightening as tears welled up in my eyes. "I broke your heart, and yet you had no other choice but to stay with me because of this pull we have. And I'm so so sorry that you have to stick with a person like me, I'm nothing like Emily or Kim even, their relationships with Sam and Jared are almost perfect.

"And our relationship was so close to perfect until now and it's my fault. I'm not looking for sympathy here Paul, I don't deserve any, this is the truth but I want to let you know that you'll always be my everything, always. I just… I think you deserve better."

A sudden rush of relief washed through my body, after saying all that. He probably couldn't hear me, for all I knew he could be in Canada now but I just needed to get that all out. I needed the truth out there, and there was so much more I wanted to say but I wanted it to be in person.

I wanted to mend our relationship.

The next morning, I was complete mess. Having had no sleep for over forty-eight hours, the bags under my eyes were impossible to cover up and I constantly found myself nodding off. But I'd force my eyes open, knowing that I'd only be asleep for an hour before I'd wake up again.

Maybe Paul couldn't sleep either…

Emily called me twice a day, once in the morning and once at night, just to make sure I was doing okay. Different members of the pack would turn up at my hall door with groceries and muffins Emily had sent over. They had in fact commented on my state but didn't push the subject.

I, on the other hand, spent most of my time in the kitchen, just scrubbing away at nothing. It was my way of trying to take my mind off Paul, it didn't work though, not really. The only thing that would take my mind off him for a while was Noah. However he was new to the world and spent most of his time sleeping.

So as usual, I was in the kitchen once again during midday, washing cups and glasses that hadn't been touched for a while. Halfway through my cleaning, a strange sensation filled me, causing the hairs to stand up on the back of my neck. My heart started thumping harder and oddly enough, the headache that I had started to think would be permanent disappeared.

"I must be going crazy," I mumbled, washing the suds off of a wine glass. The sudden sound of movement causing it to fall from my hands, shattering into a million pieces in the sink as I spun around on my heel, my back pressed against the counter.

There he stood by the entrance of the kitchen, his appearance catching me so off guard that I gasped out loud with shock. A hand clasping over my mouth as I scanned him with wide eyes from head to toe.

His face looked older somehow, thinner and more defined. Yet, it was his eyes that had changed the most. There was this wiser look to them, as though he had been through every single situation possible but the sorrow in them was heartbreaking. The deep dark circles beneath them, the sadness the dark depths conveyed. They stared deeply into mine, and I suddenly felt vulnerable to him, like he could see everything I was thinking just by eye contact.

And, his body had thinned out too. I never thought it possible for a person to lose so much weight in a week but this was proof, then again he wasn't fully human. Dirt and blood clung to all areas of his body, some parts badly bruised. The jean cut off's he wore were noticeably a size too big for him, hanging low on his hips, barely staying on.

His beautiful black hair had grown out even more, creating this disheveled look to him, but I couldn't stop searching his eyes. They weren't the eyes I looked into last week before he left, they were so much different.

He looked animalistic in a way. Lethal.

"P-P-Paul?," I whispered. Lowering my hand from my mouth slowly.

I noticed his eyes drift down to my leg, the leg he mauled. For the past few days I had taken to wearing summer dresses with cardigans over them, as it was hard trying to slip on bottoms when one little tip against my wound had it burning painfully.

After a moment, his eyes drifted back up to mine again. Lips parting as if to say something but then he shut them again, deciding against it.

Taking a shaky breath, I said softly. "Say something, please."

"Are you afraid of me?," he asked suddenly. A change his voice also apparent. It sounded huskier, deeper… older.

"No," I said honestly. Watching him carefully.

He shut his eyes for a moment before opening them again, staring right into mine. Yet, he didn't say anything, just stood there watching me fidget under his gaze. It was awkward to say the least and the air was heavy.

So in hopes of lightening the mood, I said. "You're probably hungry, I'll fix you up something."

I headed over to the fridge as quick as I could, pulling it open and grabbing a plate of Emily's blueberry muffins. But when I shut the silver door and turned back around, I was suddenly being pressed up against it as Paul shoved the plate out of my hand, causing it to fall onto the tiled floor with an ear piercing smashing sound.

His burning hands were wrapped around my shoulders, holding me in place as he dipped his head, eyelevel with me now. "I'm. Not. Hungry," he growled.

My blood grew cold at the tone of his voice. "Okay…"

"You're afraid now aren't you?."

"Paul-."

He leaned in closer to me, our foreheads touching. "I'm a monster to you now aren't I?."

"Wh-."

"After I hurt you, you see me differently don't you-."

"Stop!," I yelled. Shoving at his chest. "Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it! You're driving me nuts!."

Dropping his hands from my shoulders, his fingers lingering on my wrists, a look of confusion flashed through his eyes. "It's the truth isn't it?."

"No, Paul, it's not. Now." I reached up, pressing a hand against his shoulder in an attempt to shove him away. "I'm going to get you something to drink-."

Reaching up quicker than humanly possible, he grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers with mine and pressed it up against the fridge, over my head. "I'm not hungry, or thirsty, or anything! Ugh." He moaned, pressing his face into the crook of my neck. "God damn it Fay!."

The hand that lingered against my wrist was suddenly around my waist, holding me tightly against him as he breathed heavily against my tender skin. It was all so abrupt that I remained still, unsure of how to respond. There was no way to tell whether he was angry or not.

Carefully, I brought up my free hand and ever so gently, ran my fingers through his hair. Surprisingly, his head fell to my shoulder. "What's wrong?."

"I…" he trailed off as I felt something cold, slide down my chest.

"Paul?," I whispered. My hands still working their way through his hair. "Paul, are you okay?."

He shook his head against me, more cold droplets running down my chest, one after the other. The hand that had mine pinned to the fridge, fell to his side and after a deep intake of breath, he fell to his knees in front of me, his arm still wrapped around my waist.

His deep brown eyes stared up into mine, glistening with tears. That beautiful, plump mouth of his drawn down at the sides with sorrow as he fought hard to speak to me while he was so close to crying. "I should be the one… asking you if you're okay." he gulped. "You have no idea what I've been through."

Catching me off guard, he pressed his face into my tummy as he started crying. After a minute, it erupted into heart wrenching sobs, soaking my dress with endless amounts of tears within seconds. Both his arms now wrapped around my waist, holding me closer than ever as his heart hammered against me. His sorrow, literally rubbing off of me.

I found myself crying too.

It was the first time I'd seen Paul so devastated, so broken. There had been so many occasions where he'd break down but this was by far the worst state he had ever been in and it tore me apart, seeing him that way. The work of the imprint had me feeling his pain too.

"It's all over now, you don't have to worry about anything anymore," I told him soothingly through tears.

"I… hurt… you," he choked out.

I held his head against me. "It was an accident."

He didn't say anything for a while after that, just held onto me as he continued to sob his heart out.

Standing there, I wished there was something I could do to make him feel better but sadly there wasn't, not everything had a cure. Not even when mythical creatures like vampires and werewolves existed.

"I didn't know what I was doing," he squeaked. "I swear, I would never hurt you intentionally."

"Paul I..."

I stopped speaking when he raised himself back up to his full height, taking my face in his large hands. "I'm so so so sorry Fay, I'm so sorry, so so sorry, I'll never forgive myself."

"Honey no… It was my fault anyway," I replied. Staring up at his flushed face, swollen with all the crying he had been doing.

A tear escaped the corner of his bloodshot eye. "It wasn't Fay."

"I was standing too close, I'm sorry."

Leaning in, he pressed his lips to my tear streaked cheek. "Standing too close isn't wrong," he murmured.

"Paul," I sighed at the feel of his lips against my skin. "It was wrong then."

His hands fell to my neck, rubbing his thumbs over the sensitive skin as he started to kiss my whole face. "Everything's wrong Fay."

My eyes sought his. "What do you mean?."

"We'll discuss it later," he said. Pressing one last kiss to my forehead before pulling back, still teary eyed.

"Later?."

He sniffled. "Yeah… I need to take a shower and I really need to see my little baby. So… just wait a while okay?."

I nodded. "Yeah, sure."

With that, he gave me a sad smile before walking away. Leaving me alone once again, in the kitchen. There were no words to describe how happy and relieved I was to have him back home with me but I couldn't hold back the tears that fell from my eyes from the hurt. The hurt of him not kissing my lips.

He would always kiss my lips, and even after being away for so long, he hadn't today. I thought that when we made love last week, our relationship was almost back to normal. Apparently something had gone wrong again, except this time around, I didn't know what it was.

Yet.

"Fay! Ola! Where have you been loca?," Jacob called out to me, happily as ever.

There was a bonfire on First Beach tonight, especially for Seth's imprint. She hadn't heard the stories much to everyone's surprise. It turned out Seth was afraid to tell her the legends were real and so a year into their relationship, he decided now was the right time. You've got to feel sorry for the kid sometimes.

"Hopping around my house for the past week," I said. Giving him a smirk as I sat down on the log next to him.

He scrunched up his nose. "Don't remind me."

"Couldn't have been as bad as some of the things you've seen."

"Oh so you're saying I've seen some pretty horrendous stuff and no one else has?," he questioned. Raising a skeptical eyebrow at me.

"Yup, pup."

A series of laughter erupted from across the fire in Embry and Quil's direction. They were pointing over at Jacob and making puppy dog eyes at him.

"Hey pup, wanna play catch?," Embry joked.

"Or how about we buy you a collar eh? Show you off to all our friends!."

Jacob snorted. "The only friend you've got is that dumbass next you."

"Boys! Keep it down, Billy and Quil Jr have arrived," Sam ordered. Taking his place next to Emily, as they leaned against a log, sinking into the sand.

They always looked so in love to me, so devoted to each other, that I found myself wishing Paul and I had that. We were so close to having it, but… I made a mistake which damaged our relationship. If only I could turn back time.

"Hey Jake?."

"Yeah?." He smiled.

"How are Jared and Kim getting on?."

"Bleh! Jared's been moping around for weeks over Kim, but just like Seth." He rolled his eyes. "He's too pussy to make up with her, jeez! They don't know how easy they've got it."

I leaned in. "What do you mean?."

He sighed. "I mean I haven't even found my imprint. Yet they were lucky enough to and they screw everything up and make mountains out of molehills. It's ridiculous if you ask me."

Touching his shoulder, I whispered. "So you've.. changed your mind? You do want to imprint."

"Yeah." He ran a hand through his hair. "I've thought about it a lot and I guess I just realized how much better life would be if I found her. I'd be anything for her and I wouldn't be a coward like two people I know, if anything came between us I'd make sure I got rid of it."

I gave him a smile. "Well if anyone deserves to imprint, it's you. You need it more than us all and you've got the right attitude. I hope you find her Jake."

"Fay?," he said slowly. His eyes narrowing. "Is everything okay… between you and Paul?."

Was I really that easy to read?

I shrugged. "The answer lies with him."

"So he came back to you this afternoon, you know.. after his emo stage. And didn't make up with you?."

"It's not like that Jake, it's complicated."

He coughed. "Sure."

My head shot to the side, sensing Jacob's discomfort, to find Paul sitting himself down next to Jared on a log across from us while he cradled Noah to his chest. He looked as attractive as ever, in a fitted button down black shirt and dark jeans. However, Jared and him seemed so engrossed in their conversation that I turned to look at Jacob again.

"So…"

Jerking his head in the direction of the elders, he said. "They're starting." Even though we both heard the stories over a hundred times. It was his way of putting an end to the awkwardness that surrounded us. I loved him for that.

Throughout the storytelling, I avoided eye contact with Paul and instead watched the loving couples around me as they shared loving gazes and touched each other affectionately every now and then. Funnily enough, it brought me back to my first few weeks here.

The memory that stood out the most was the night I was invited to a bonfire while Paul's eyes burned into mine the whole night long as we sat across from each other around the fire. He had a girl with him and I didn't like that. At the time I was so confused as to why a guy who treated me like crap brought out feelings in me I never knew existed.

That was before our relationship even started.

A poking at my arm brought me out of my trance. "Woah!."

Jacob chuckled. "Party's over."

"Sorry, did I miss anything?."

"Oh well, except for the part where Seth stripped naked in front of everyone and phased, nah not much."

I laughed. "Seth is definitely a risk taker like that isn't he?."

"Yeah… not."

"Excuse me?."

"Oh hi Seth," Jacob said brightly as we both rose to our feet. "We were just talking about how brave you are, weren't we Fay?."

"Of course! Heard you phased in front of everyone."

Seth rolled his eyes. "What have you been smoking Jake?."

"Definitely not the same thing you're smoking."

A series of smart comments were thrown back and forth between the two boys as I stood there, laughing at the childishness of it. They made me feel like an average teenager without a worry in the world again— the girl I was before I came to La Push.

Even though I didn't miss being her, there would always be a part of me that enjoyed her freedom. How whenever she wanted, she could leave the house and wander the town with friends. How she didn't have to worry about paying bills. How she didn't have to wake up during the night to feed a baby. How she thought that mythical creatures were only stories. How she didn't have to worry about her husband getting attacked— those were the things I missed at times.

Yet I wouldn't change my life for anything.

"So you smoke Seth?."

We all turned to face Paul, who had a cheeky grin on his face.

"No I don't, but I do remember you smoking once at a get together two years ago," Seth retorted.

His cheeks turned a shade darker, our eyes meeting briefly. "I was an idiot then."

Jacob laughed. "And you still are." Sending me a sly wink.

I shook my head at him, stifling a giggle.

"Well." A warm hand landed on my shoulder. "Call me an idiot all you want, but I'm going to have to steal this girl for a while."

"Adios!," Jacob said, sending me yet another wink.

Paul and I walked side by side away from everyone, including Noah who was being looked after by Jared much to my surprise. Confusion started setting in when we took off into the woods. Neither of us said anything though, an awkwardness surrounding us.

When we finally emerged into the open, we were on another part of the beach I hadn't ever seen before. It looked secluded, hardly any evidence of human life ever being there so I assumed he must've found it while patrolling.

A moment later, we were sitting against a rock, watching the sea glisten under the moonlight.

"The legends say that you can be anything your imprint wants you to be, most of us end up as lovers." Paul started. "I've seen it over the years from Sam and Emily to Jared and Kim. Then we've got Quil imprinting on little Claire, he's just like a brother to her and everything is the way it should be. Then we've got the likes of Jacob, Embry and the rest of the pack who haven't imprinted yet, so they're waiting for that special moment to find them. But no one knows what their imprint will be to them."

"And?."

"And most of us want a romantic relationship with our imprint as long as she's an appropriate age. Why? I suppose it's because we only see her." He started running his fingers through the sand between us. "All we want to do is protect her, care for her, make her happy, love her."

"I know that Paul," I said carefully. Watching him stare out at the sea, his profile stunning.

"But what nobody seems to know, including you, is that us Quileute Shape-shifters are selfish. We want to be adored, protected, cared for, loved even though it's us who should be making our imprints happy. We should be happy enough to see her healthy and happy, of course it doesn't work like that. We want more. We want everything we give our imprints returned. And that Fay." He shifted, angling his body towards mine as he stared into my eyes deeply. "Is what's wrong."

As we stared into each other's eyes, I wondered what he was getting at with everything he just said. Yes, I understood him completely, he was very thorough, very clear but I seemed to be missing the point.

So I asked. "What are you implying?."

"I'm implying that lovers was what we were but now, after everything you and I have been through, us being lovers is wrong. We shouldn't be lovers, where's the foundations to our relationship? They're gone. And so we need to build the foundations again, but this time we'll do it smoothly. We'll start over."

"Start over?," I gulped.

"Yes. We'll start over… as friends."

I stared at him wide eyed. "You want us to be friends? Just friends?."

He nodded. "That'll help us get over everything. Look at you and the guys, you're all friends and you seemed to be enjoying yourself a lot tonight."

"But Paul." I leaned over, pressing my hand to his cheek. "I enjoy being around you more."

"Yeah, you enjoying being around me, being around someone isn't enough."

"I don't mean it like that-."

"Shush." He pressed a finger to my lips before I backed away from him, leaning back against the rock. "I know what you mean."

"Then why be friends huh? We can get through our past if we work on it together."

"Fay," he said softly. "Sexual intimacy isn't going to fix things."

"That's not what I meant," I said faintly. Too shocked to speak.

He gave me a small smile. "Well if that wasn't one of the things you meant, then I don't see the problem with us being friends."

This was the most unexpected thing I've ever thought Paul would come out with. There weren't any words to explain how I felt, I was too shocked to come up with anything. I just couldn't understand how he wanted us to be friends after everything we've shared.

I scrambled up to my feet, brushing sand off of my jeans. "So are you taking the spare room?."

Following suit, he stood up to his full gigantic height. "No. I'm sleeping next to you not with you."

"This is ridiculous Paul."

"It's not. I know it's going to work. It'll take a while but it will work."

He started walking towards the tree line, me trailing behind. "Then tell me Paul, what's going to change in our everyday lives huh?."

Pausing, he took a deep breath before looking over his shoulder at me, his dark eyes burning into mine. Making this 'friend thing' that much harder as I kept my lust for him at bay.

"Everything."

A/N: Right. So I guess there's only two more chapters left, the next being the last and the fifteenth being the Epilogue. Anything you'd like to see happen? I'll definitely reply to your ideas/suggestions and discuss them if you want.

Your reviews keep this story going so thank you all for making me smile with your kind words and keeping this story alive.