Chapter Twelve: Monster

It wasn't too long after their conversation in the kitchen that Thor and Jane left for the night. Darcy cleaned up the kitchen, but she barely watched what she was doing. After trying to throw away the dirty dishes instead of washing them she realized it would be better to clean up the next day, so she left everything where it was and turned out the light as she went into the living room.

For awhile she just sat there in the dark, staring into space. She couldn't get her brain to shut up. Why now had Thor shown up? Why hadn't he known about Loki's memory loss? She knew he wasn't lying, Thor couldn't lie if his life depended on it. The man was like an open book, everything he thought or felt was right out there in the open for everyone to see.

After a time Darcy felt her eyes fall shut, so tired was she from the worry over Loki. She fell asleep, sliding down until she was curled up on the couch. She was so out of it, that she didn't hear the whimpering that soon turned to screams coming from Loki's room.

Loki shot up in bed, woken up by his own screaming. His entire body was covered in a thick layer of sweat. He gulped and panted, but he could never seem to take in enough air.

Looking down beside him, he half expected and half hoped to find Darcy there. Instead all he saw was an empty space.

He squeezed his eyes shut as image after image from his nightmare flashed across his mind. Blood, death, fear, screaming, so much screaming. He felt his breathing pick up even more, his lungs trying to take in great gulps of air, but still he felt faint. Images flashed before his eyes, ones not from his dreams, but from the first day he had met Darcy. Images of small children in hospital beds, burned, broken and bleeding. Of talks with Darcy, the hatred of Barton and the others. And then he knew, he finally knew.

Unable to take anymore, he practically leapt from his bed, running straight to Darcy's room. He could feel his panic rising when he flung open the door to find her empty bed. It had obviously not been slept in. Had she given up on him, lied to his brother, deciding that she couldn't love a man like him?

It took him a moment, but he forced himself away from her room. He checked the bathroom, the kitchen, even his room once again just to make sure he hadn't missed anything. There was no trace of her. His heart finally calmed down when he entered the living room. There she laid, sound asleep on the couch.

He hesitated a moment as he approached her, unsure about what he wanted to do. Though the memories of those children, so broken and damaged, pushed him forward. He knelt down on the floor in front of Darcy, grasping her shoulder in his hand. He shook her carefully until her eyes fluttered open.

She gave him a soft smile once she realized who was in front of her, but he couldn't make himself do the same. He could feel the burning heat of tears welling within his eyes and he blinked them away.

Realizing that something was wrong, Darcy sat up fully, her smile falling off her face.

"Loki? What's the matter? What's wrong?" The tears in his eyes scared the shit out of Darcy. He looked so lost, so damned frightened that it made her heart beat faster.

When he spoke, Loki's voice was small, like a child's. Even though he couldn't remember his past, he knew such a voice was strange for him. It felt wrong moving past his lips.

"I dreamed." Darcy's eyes went wide, had he actually remembered his nightmares? She felt guilty, was it because she had not been there to calm him, or had the appearance of Thor brought it on? Either way she didn't like it. She opened her mouth to speak, but Loki cut her off and continued on.

"I was the one to do all of that, wasn't I? The battle you told me about, the one that ruined the city, I led it? I was the man you had talked about, right? I killed all those people, put all those children in the hospital?" Darcy couldn't say anything, so shocked was she at the desperation and anguish in his voice. Finally Loki couldn't take the silence and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her more harshly than before.

"I did it, didn't I?! DIDN'T I?!" Darcy nodded, tears slipping from her eyes and down her cheeks. She watched helplessly as Loki let go of her, sinking further down on the floor, curling in on himself. His whole body shook as he muttered quietly under his breath. Darcy's chest ached as she listened to him mutter 'monster' over and over.

Unable to watch anymore, Darcy slid down beside him, taking him into her arms. Resting his head against her breast, she rocked him back and forth like a small child. Her fingers smoothed through his hair, carefully combing out the strands.

"Everything will be alright, I promise you. Everything will be alright." Loki pushed harder into her, his arms going around her waist to gather the back of her shirt in his fists. She continued to rock, every now and then placing kisses on the top of his head. Her tears were soaking his hair, but she couldn't seem to stop crying. This wasn't how she imagined he would act once he found out. Though now she wondered why, he had thought himself a good man, it shouldn't have surprised her that he would break down when he found out that he was a murderer.

After awhile he looked up to her, his body still plastered tight to her.

"How can you say I am not evil, knowing what I have done? I am a monster." More tears trickled down her cheeks, but she took a breath in. She needed to calm down for him.

"You're not a monster Loki. I may not know the whole story, but what I do know is that you were troubled. Things are never black and white, Loki." Darcy lifted a hand, wiping away a rebellious tear that had escaped Loki's eye. He leaned into her touch, his breath hitching as her fingers stroked his jaw.

"Do you remember everything from the battle?" He shook his head, his hand coming up to remove her's from his face. How could someone so beautiful stand to touch him? He tried to pull away, but Darcy used her other arm around him to hold him tighter.

"I remember some of the battle, of commanding an army. I remember blood and death, and reveling in it. Of magic, and Thor, and I remember a blue arm, but nothing more." Darcy nodded her head, not really knowing what she could say. She couldn't really justify what he had done, because it was wrong no matter why he had done it. Still, she couldn't push him away. Instead she pulled his head back to her chest, and continued to rock him while smoothing his hair.

She wondered if this was the beginning of the end. Would he remember everything soon and leave her? Or would Thor be the one to take him away? Whichever, Darcy doubted she had very much time with him left.

An hour later, legs asleep and back sore, Darcy stood up and helped Loki from the floor. Neither of them spoke as she led him to her room, the two of them curling up in her bed. Darcy held him still, her arms around his shoulders and his head resting on her chest. It took some time, but the two finally drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Loki returned to sitting in his chair, but he had refused to pick up his book. For a good half of the morning the two just ignored what had happened the night before. For Darcy it was because she didn't know how to handle it, and she was sure for Loki it was embarrassment at having broken down.

Darcy had just put away her laptop so she could go make lunch, when Loki finally spoke.

"I want to know everything about who I am, and what I have done." Darcy stopped in her tracks, her heart pounding again. She wanted to tell him to forget about it, that he should use his memory loss as a chance to start over, but she knew to do so would be wrong. If it been her, she would've wanted to know.

"I told you, I don't know everything. I've heard of you, but until that day in the hospital I hadn't met you. Before then I had only known your brother, and that was for only three days."

"I know. I was wondering….would you ask Thor if he would be willing to talk to me? I have to know. Please Darcy." She was stunned, but nodded her head anyway.

"Of course. I'll ask him after we have lunch, alright?" Loki tried to smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. He was at once scared and impatient to find out what his brother had to say.

Loki watched as Darcy walked into the kitchen. He wondered what would happen to them once he knew everything, once she knew everything. Would she still love him?

True to her word, Darcy left their apartment once she had finished eating, with the promise of bringing back Thor. She found the man in question in the common room, watching a movie with Steve.

He looked up, giving her a soft smile once she entered the room. Though she noticed that Steve give her a wary look, she figured he must have seen the video feed from the night before. She ignored him and sat down beside Thor, who turned his attention from the TV to her.

"Loki had another nightmare last night, only he remembered it." She ran a hand through her hair as both men in the room remained quiet.

"He put two and two together…damnit, he figured out he was the one that destroyed the city and put those children in the hospital. He had a breakdown last night, kept calling himself a monster. It took a long time to calm him down enough that he would go back to sleep." She dared look over to Thor, his face was pinched in worry. She continued on before he could say anything.

"He's asked if you would talk to him. He wants to know about who he is and what he has done." It was Thor's turn to run a hand through his hair, it was such a human gesture that Darcy was momentarily shocked. They were so much alike that sometimes Darcy forgot that they were aliens.

"Do you think that is a good idea, just yesterday you said…" Darcy cut him off by waving her hand at him.

"That was yesterday. It would just make things worse if you keep anything from him now that he knows."

"Alright, I'll speak to him. When should I go?" Darcy gave him a sad little smile.

"Now, actually." He nodded and stood up, his hand out to help her up from the couch. Neither spoke until they were inside the elevator.

"Are you going to be taking Loki back to Asgard?" It was the question that she most dreaded to hear the answer to. Though she knew she had to ask.

"Eventually. Mother told me that I could not return without him. In time I will be bringing Loki back home, once his lesson is learned." Darcy couldn't hold back a small sob that welled up within her. No matter what, it looked like she was going to loose him.

Thor looked down at her at the sound, his heart breaking a little for the young woman. It was strange to see a woman act the way she did towards his brother. Sure, Loki had his share of women on Asgard, some had even fallen for him. Still, none had professed it quite like Darcy had. He placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her to look at him.

"For all that you have done for my brother, I know Mother will not reward you with heartache. Things will work out in the end, I promise you this, Lady Darcy." She gave him a smile as the doors opened. Thor took a deep breath and walked out, but Darcy stayed inside. He turned back when he realized she had not joined him, his hand coming out to hold the doors open.

"Why are you not coming?" Darcy leaned against the back of the elevator, trying to look as though she wasn't about to fall apart.

"The conversation you're about to have is private. It should be between you two only. Don't worry, I'll be upstairs if either of you need me. Go, your brother needs you." Thor nodded and let the doors go before turning towards the apartment.

Darcy rode the elevator back up to the common room where Steve was still sitting, though now reading a book. She sat down with a huff and tried to get into whatever movie Thor had been watching, but she just couldn't stop thinking about what was happening between the two brothers.

"How do you know that Loki is being serious? He is a master liar after all." Darcy threw him a look, even though she knew he had a point. Still, her heart was breaking there, he didn't need to bring that up to bother her as well.

"I can't know, but I'm not like the rest of you. I can't spend the rest of my life doubting everyone. Always wondering if a person was lying to be, using me.

"Someone, sometime needs to put faith in Loki, and I'm going to be that person. If I get burned because of that, than that is my problem. I have a feeling, anyway, that if I get hurt it won't be because of something Loki does." No, it would be because she had been stupid enough to fall in love with him in the first place.

Steve started to say something, but Carli ran in the room just as he opened his mouth. He quickly snapped his lips shut, watching as the little girl hopped up on the couch next to Darcy. She curled up against the older woman, dancing her doll across their laps. Steve shook his head, Carli might have been young, but she understood a great deal about what was going on in the tower. He had watched several times as she searched out those who needed comfort. He sometimes wondered if she didn't have a bit of a gift herself.

Thor walked into the apartment to find Loki in the living room, absently flicking through a book. It made Thor pause for a moment. If not for the clothes and room they were in, he would have thought them back on Asgard many years ago. Thor couldn't count how many times he had gone to his brother's room only to find him sitting alone with a book.

"If you don't wish to talk to me, I would understand. Apparently I'm a rather evil man." Loki didn't look up from his book when he spoke. That as well was familiar. Loki always knew when someone was watching him.

"You are not evil, Brother. Things….things have happened between you and our father. You found out something that hurt you badly, and no one handled it correctly. Sure, the things you have done have been evil, but you are not an evil man."

Thor walked further into the room, sitting down on the couch when Loki didn't speak. It was silent a moment before Thor could stand it no longer.

"What is it that you want to know?" Loki looked up from his book then, his eyes focusing on him with more intensity than Thor had seen in a very long time.

"Everything."

"That will take awhile, we have lived much longer than you may realize, but I won't leave here until you are satisfied."

Loki turned in his chair to give him his full attention to him.

"Who am I?"

Darcy spent the afternoon and evening in the common room, coloring and playing with Carli. At one point Clint had come in looking for his daughter, he gave Darcy a soft smile but said nothing. Darcy had felt a loss in her chest at that. She really did love Loki, but she knew had she never met him there could have been something between her and Clint. She seriously hoped that he one day found a woman that would love him the way he deserved.

By midnight Thor had yet to return, and Darcy was getting worried. She was sure she would be able to hear it, even from that many floors up, if the two were fighting. Thor was not a quiet guy by any means.

Tony came into the room just a couple minutes past, looking like he had spent the week in his lab. She knew he most likely did. He was like a dog with a bone when he got an idea for a project.

He plopped down on the couch beside her and grabbed the remote, turning the channel. It took Darcy a moment to realize that she was watching the feed from her living room. That Thor and Loki were sitting there talking on the screen. The volume was down low, so she couldn't really hear what they were saying, but from what she could gather they were talking about Frost Giants and something about Loki and Odin.

She turned to Tony then, her voice incredulous when she asked; "You can just watch us from the common room?"

Tony shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. Sometimes Darcy wanted nothing more than to bash him over the head, repeatedly.

"It can be accessed from any screen in the building, well actually from anywhere JARVIS happens to be installed." Darcy wanted to yell at him, but she realized it would be futile. Tony would just smirk and tell her life was hard. The last time she had complained about something he had ruffled her hair and said in a sing song voice, Tough titty said the kitty and sauntered out of the room while Clint, Pepper and Jane yelled at him to watch his mouth around Carli.

She turned back towards the tv before grabbing the remote and shutting it off.

"I stayed up here because what they're talking about is private." Tony shrugged again, not knowing how close he was coming to having the woman beside him whack him in the back of the head with Carli's doll.

"I just thought you might feel better if you knew they weren't killing each other." All of a sudden Darcy felt bad for wanting to cause him injury….well almost bad.

"Thank you, Tony." She turned away from him and continued to stare off into space. Tony made a loud sighing noise a minute later.

"Get up, you're going to be staying in one of the spare bedrooms tonight." Darcy opened her mouth to protest, but Tony just grabbed her hand and started to pull her up.

"It's already after midnight, and by the looks of it Thor and Loki are going to be awhile. I will not have you sleeping on the couch when there are perfectly good rooms just down the hall. Plus, the couch needs to be kept open just incase I piss off Pepper." Tony stopped walking for a moment, looking back at Darcy thoughtfully.

"Which seems to be a lot actually. Still don't understand how I end up on the couch when this is my tower." Darcy just shook her head, not really up to explaining that one to the idiot. Instead she just allowed him to continue dragging her to the spare bedroom.

She thanked him when he opened one of the rooms, and went to sink into the large bed without another word. She didn't notice as Tony covered her up with a throw, giving her a smile and a shake of his head. She didn't notice when he spoke quietly to JARVIS, telling the AI that it was to wake Darcy if there was trouble between Thor and Loki, and only that. For Darcy had fallen asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

Author's Note: OMG! I seriously can't believe how fast I'm getting this done. Normally it takes me a year or more to finish a story.

Anyway….this one is about to wrap up, if I can keep things on schedule I'll post the epilogue on Sunday.

Also, I've posted the preface of my next Loki/Darcy, The Midsummer Lover.

Disclaimer:

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.