Epilogue ~~ Return to Now

"I'll say it again, Abi," the Doctor remarked as he stood at the console, typing away at the monitor, "I am impressed at how graciously you left Mr Gordon behind at the end. I really thought I was going to have to drag you away kicking and screaming from wonderful Artemus."

Abi was flopped in one of the seats at the side of the dais, gazing idly at the rise and fall of the time rotor within the central column of the console as the vwarping sound of the TARDIS traversing the Time Vortex filled the air around them. With a crinkle of her nose, she said, "Oh, that would have been a lovely image for Artemus to carry away with him, his last view of his…" She glanced at the Doctor. "…of his fan girl."

"You were very mature," said the Doctor.

"Well… really it was something Jim said to me early on."

"Oh?"

"And when it all came down to it in the end, I realized that I could love Artemus Gordon with all my heart, but I could never actually have him."

The Doctor shot her a sidelong look. "Ah… Correct me if I'm mistaken, Abi - and I never am - but didn't you know that going in? You've read through your multi-great grandfather Elias's copy of Mr Gordon's memoirs how many times? And you know that shortly after the point when we just left Messieurs West and Gordon, a certain Miss Lily Fortune makes a dramatic reentrance into Mr Gordon's life. And this time, when he once again asks her to marry him, she does not turn him down."

Abi sighed. "I know. That's why I chose this adventure. It seemed like a little bit of nothing, and was one of the last chances to see him before he became a married man."

The Doctor was silent a moment, his eyes locked on the monitor and not on her at all. Finally, "Then why, Abi?"

"Why come see him? Why throw myself at him when I already knew what his future held for him?" She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe… maybe I'm just stupid. Or maybe I'm like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, and I couldn't be told the truth until I'd figured it out for myself."

"Hmm. Well… and now that you have figured it out, young Dorothy, here are the ruby slippers, carrying you home." The Doctor gestured at the TARDIS surrounding them, eliciting a small laugh from his companion.

She sighed again. "All right, Mr Time-Traveler. Artemus, we know, winds up with Lily. Even Jim winds up with someone! But…" And now she lifted her eyes toward the Doctor. "…what about me? Do I wind up with someone?"

"Of course you do, Abi!" said the Doctor brightly. "That's what I'm working on right now."

She stared at him, puzzled. "What?"

He grinned and waved at the monitor before him. "Just been doing a bit of web-surfing here, looking at some kennels, to order for you…" He glanced up at her and waggled his eyebrows. "…a new pug-beagle mix."

She closed her eyes at that statement and slowly shook her head. "Doctor! Not that I want to be ungrateful. I loved Bandy and wouldn't mind a new puggly-boy. But," she sighed, "when I asked you if I was going to find someone, I certainly wasn't talking about a dog!"

The Doctor, his eyes again fixed on the monitor screen, muttered to himself sotto voce, "And neither was I." He looked a bit longer at the website through which he had just bought the dog, taking in the picture of the smiling face of the owner of the kennel, a young man with dark wavy hair, bright brown eyes, and a strikingly familiar face. The Doctor chuckled to himself softly, whispering, "And with a name like that, this young fellow can't help but be a fan boy, the perfect match for Abi the fan girl. Must be another cousin."

Then he blanked the screen, lest Abi catch a glimpse and his surprise for her be spoiled.

The note of the TARDIS changed now. "Ah, coming in for a landing," proclaimed the Doctor. There was a loud and final SHTUNK and the time rotor in the central column fell still. "Here we are. Home sweet home for Abi!" he said.

She hopped up and started for the door, but the Doctor stopped her with a hand held out. "Forgetting something?"

"What?" she said. Then it dawned on her. "Oh! The TARDIS key that you loaned me. You're right; I was forgetting." She stuck her hand in her pocket and fished for it, and her face went pale. "Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh? What do you mean by 'uh-oh,' Abi? What sort of 'uh-oh' was that? Don't tell me you've lost the key to my TARDIS!"

"No no, that's right here," she said, pulling it out and laying it in his palm. "It's just that... I thought I had my phone in that pocket too. But it's not there." She slapped at her other pockets, then looked around at the TARDIS floor. "I can't find it."

"Well," said the Doctor, "that's no problem. I can fix you up a new superphone, in case you should ever wish to call me."

"It's not that, Doctor. It's… My phone had the little video Artemus made of himself reciting Shakespeare. I really didn't want to lose that." Tears were springing up in her eyes.

"Oh, that's it, is it? I see now! Compared to Artemus Gordon, I'm chopped liver!"

"Oh don't be silly, Doctor. Compared to Artemus Gordon, everyone's chopped liver!" She paused, then added, "Oh well. It's not like I ever could have shown that video to anyone. But he made it especially for me…"

"Well, it's possible you dropped the phone here in the TARDIS. When you and wonderful Artemus went off to the wardrobe to return the costumes, for example."

"Oh, that's true!" she exclaimed and started for the interior doors to search.

"Ah-ah-ah!" he forestalled her, then made an impressive gesture toward the console where - pop! - up from a small round port sprang into view a brand new…

"Oh! You have a new sonic screwdriver!"

"I never leave the TARDIS without one." He plucked out the new device, checked the settings, then thumbed the switch and ran a scan. "Oh. Well, apparently your phone is nowhere to be found within the TARDIS. Sorry about that, Abi."

"Oh. Well," she said glumly, "don't worry about it."

He shook his head. "Oh, but it's modern technology left behind in the 1870's. That won't do! I'll have to go back for it. But," he added, "as we're already at your house, and your father will be coming home from work soon, we should go ahead and finish our tidying up, don't you think?" He slipped on his overcoat, then took from a pocket a familiar little object.

"Oh!" said Abi. "That's the last of the bombs that Artemus made, isn't it?"

"It is indeed. And you," he said, placing it in her palm, "get to toss it into the rubbish bin to rid us of the last vestiges of land squid. Ready?"

"Yes, Doctor!" she said, a grin returning to her face.

"Allons-y then!" He flung open the door and led the way to the rubbish bin, then cautiously popped the lid up and had a look within. "Ew! That's entirely too much pink to take in at a single glance. Off you go, Abi. Toss it in." He opened the lid completely, then backed off in a hurry.

From a safe distance, Abi wound up and pitched. FWOOM! The rubbish bin full of jellyfish went up in flames. Over the crackle of the conflagration, the Doctor with a grin said, "Good thing it's a metal bin, eh?"

"Pity I didn't think to get out some sticks and marshmallows," she called back.

At length the fire died down, then out. Pulling out the new sonic screwdriver, the Doctor scanned the bin. "That's got the lot of them," he announced, then turned the device to sweep the whole area. "Good idea to check around, make sure we didn't miss any earlier when we… Hullo!"

"What?"

"Curious. There seems to be something over here, in the original crater."

"More land squid?" asked Abi, aghast.

"No, it's not an organic reading. But it's definitely something I've scanned for recently." He stopped and looked at her. "But… the only other thing I've scanned for with this sonic screwdriver is…" He broke off as he reached the crater and looked inside, then brushed at the dirt in the bottom. "Well! Have a look at this! It was buried just beneath the land squid."

He pulled out a small box made of some sturdy artificial material. Turning the box over in his hand, he looked for an opening, then set the box down, drew Abi a short distance away, and pointed the sonic screwdriver at it. With an explosive WHUMP the box cracked open, exposing that within it, it held…

"Now how did that get in there?" said the Doctor.

"My phone!" Abi squealed with delight. She darted forward and scooped it up, flipping the lid open and checking it over. "It's fine!" she proclaimed. "And strangely enough, it's fully charged." She began pressing the buttons and brought up the Artemus video, listening to it through rapturously. "Perfect!" she said when it ended. "I didn't lose it after all!"

"But…" said the Doctor. "But how is it here? How could your phone have wound up here and now, and under the land squid…? Abi!"

"What?"

"Give me the phone!"

"Why?" she said, even as she passed it to him.

He scanned it with the sonic screwdriver. "Well, it doesn't seem to have a bomb inside it."

"A… a bomb! Why would my phone have a bomb in it?"

"Because, my dear Abi, how else could it have gotten here? Or should I say, who else could have brought it here, having learned from the phone itself when and where you live? Someone with the ability to travel through time, and someone with the access to a land squid to plant one in the back orchard here?"

Her eyes widened as she realized what he was getting at. "Vautrain…"

"Precisely. And in case we didn't figure it out…" he said, and turned the phone for her to have a look.

A new video had been added. Vautrain's features filled the tiny screen, and as the Doctor started the video, the madman's voice spilled forth.

"My dear Mr Gordon. As you have no doubt deduced by now, it was indeed I who planted the Hydra in the back yard of your young cousin's home, compassing her death. Consider this the first shot across your bow, Mr Gordon. You and Mr West have by no means escaped me. I shall return. How well did the author Herman Melville put it:

'…to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.'

"This has not ended, Mr Gordon. You and Mr West will do well to be ever looking over your shoulders, for you will know not from whence I shall strike.

"Ah, and one more thing, Mr Gordon. All my love to your dear wife!"

The video ended there in a freeze frame on Vautrain's handsomely urbane face with the twist of evil in the eyes. Abi shuddered and snapped the phone closed. "I don't understand," she said. "Why would he put a video on my phone and address it to Artemus? How would he expect Artemus to ever see it?"

"I don't know, Abi." The Doctor puzzled over it for some time, then said, "Ah… well… whatever you do, hang on to that phone. And if by some strange chance you ever meet up again with Mr Gordon - or for that matter, with Mr West - be sure you show them the video."

"All right," she agreed. "Wait - what about you? Why don't you take it back and show it to them?"

The Doctor frowned, looking off at nothing. Then bestirring himself, he said, "Somehow, Abi, I don't think that's going to be necessary. But I will tell you this: Vautrain thinks you are dead. Keep it that way."

"But, Doctor…!"

He was striding away now, his overcoat billowing around him, one hand uplifted in a jaunty wave. "Ciao, Abi!"

She was just about to race after the tall skinny fellow when a car pulled up in the driveway and Chas Gordon hopped out. "Hey, Abi!" he called. "How's my girl?"

Torn between the Doctor and her dad - Abi chose her dad. They were already inside the house by the time the vwarp of the TARDIS sounded in the yard, then faded away to nothing.