Chapter Thirteen
"You slept pretty early last night. We were worried, is everything okay?" Harry asked me. He sat down opposite of me and Luna on the breakfast table.
"Yes. I was just tired and all. Too many late nights studying for our O.W.L.s" The lie slipped easily out of my mouth. "And 'we' weren't worried. You were. Ronald is still mad at me for not helping him write his essays for him anymore." I muttered angrily. "I should never have, from the start."
"Don't say that now. He just needs time to adjust. He relied on you, you know." Harry argued softly as he piled his plate with food. Taking a bite, he swallowed before speaking, "He'll come around soon enough. If you apologize to him-"
"I will not apologize Harry," I spat out harshly. "Too many times I've been the one who had to fix things. It's his own fault if he can't manage without me. I won't always be around, you know."
"I know," Harry seemed to be taken aback by my words. He looked at his food solemnly. I felt Luna's shoulder brush against mine and I looked at her. She gave me a small smile that seemed to melt my anger. Taking a deep breath I returned it and calmed myself down. "If he apologizes, will you forgive him?"
"When and if he does, I will. He's still one of my best friends, Harry. Both of you are." I whispered to him gently. He seemed to cheer right back up at my reassurance and ate in silence.
I talked with Luna in hushed whispers about my new scheduled lessons when her eyes seemed to glaze over before returning back to life. I narrowed my eyes before I felt it too. The familiar taste of magic filled my senses. It was weaker than usual and I looked towards its owner.
Snape walked slowly but smoothly towards the table. His face as unkind as ever, as if he would murder the next person that would talk to him. But his movement lacked the usual flair and billowing of his robes. I looked straight at him, and he seemed to notice as he stared back, a grimace on his face. He was hurt.
"He had a meeting?" Luna's voice cut in. How she was able to know everything astounded me but I let the thought drift away. I nodded softly. Every time Voldemort called him, he winded up hurt when he returned.
"He looks worse than last time." I mentioned. It was true. With every second more I observed him I noticed the difference. His face was more sunken, his face paled and his hand twitched ever so slightly. The realization hit me and I had to force myself not to gasp out loud. Tearing my gaze away from him I felt myself shudder.
"You okay there? You grew paler just now." Harry observed.
"Just a chill," I lied. I nearly forgot where I was.
My thoughts ran over to Snape's twitching hand and his appearance. Just how long was he under the cruciatus curse to have that much of an effect on him. I've casted it on him enough times in practices to know he had a high tolerance to the curse. Each time was strong, but never had his body spasm out of his control. Never had mine either. The short durations of the spell during each casting never made me get to that point. Surely Voldemort wouldn't be so careless as to irrevocably harm one of his death eaters in his inner circle.
Luna took control of the conversation chatting about nonsense while I nodded numbly in response. She faked the conversation smoothly as I paid little interest as my mind racked over Snape's situation. Dumbledore instructs him to go to Voldemort whenever called. And I would do so as well, Snape is after all, the best kind of spy. But I can't have him going back there with no other protection. Not because he isn't powerful enough but because it would be wrong to send a man of his caliber with no kind of comfort, even if he might not need it.
"Did I ever mention that I like your jewelry, Hermione? They are quite beautiful. Perhaps I should make some like yours." Luna's question drew my attention to her. She had that knowing look in her eyes and I could tell her thoughts followed mine.
"It's hard to make jewelry don't you think?" Would I be able to enchant something strong enough to fend of the pain of strong curses? My magic is stronger than most of my year, let alone the students ahead of me. But enchanting objects was tricky business.
"With some guidance, it wouldn't be so hard. You know the spells don't you?" Her tranquil voice whispered to me. I nodded and look back to Snape gesturing him discreetly to the exit.
"I'm going for to the library for some research. You want to join me Luna? Harry?" Harry shook his head violently in fear of getting trapped with me hours on end in the library. Looking at Luna I gestured her to follow.
"I'll pass this time," she whispered swiftly not missing a beat. "You'll have more luck without my presence." I nodded to her gently and headed towards the door. Looking back one last time my gaze fell over to Snape who slowly got up from his seat. Moving past the rush of students headed for breakfast I made my way to the now empty dungeons and Snape's office without another student in sight. Slinking in his office I took my usual seat and waited.
It was only a few minutes that went by before I saw the walls of his office shift to reveal a passage and a disgruntled potion master trek on through. His hair was greasier than usual and the spasm in his body became more apparent. He walked silently to a large couch and collapsed onto it, finally letting go of the last bit of his façade.
"You really should have gone to Madame Pomfrey. I don't see why you don't when you're hurt like this." I whispered to him. Getting up from my seat I stood above him, wand in hand. His closed eyes opened painfully. "Don't move now, I need to use a diagnostic spell on you." I flicked my wand in his direction and golden streams of light enveloped him, turning red the instant it touched his skin, and surprisingly black as it reached his head. "Merlin," I gasped. "Just how much pain are you in?" I wondered out loud.
"Too much for me to handle it seems." I heard him chuckle before he convulsed harshly on the couch. He lifted his hand, struggling to do so as he coughed into it. Drawing his hand away I saw the blood that now tainted it. Grabbing a handkerchief I wiped the blood away from his mouth. He had grown weaker from the simple movement, the effects of his wounds finally engulfing him. The blood snapped me into my senses as I casted charm after charm on him.
Taking of his robes, leaving him in only his boxers, I casted the blood that seeped out of the crudely healed wounds from the night before. I didn't have enough care for his indecency at the moment as I stared at his hurt body. There was just so many of them. Barely healed wounds were more prominent. The angry red marks stood out from his flesh, raised obviously from recent wounds. There was more marks on his body, spread all along his limbs, stretching to his back. Jagged scars seemingly from knives and permanent welt marks from whippings covered the expanse of his back. Just how much torture had he taken throughout his eyes of service? Just how much pain had he endured? I forced the tears rising from my eyes down. I couldn't get distracted. Not when Snape was in front of me so wounded and weak.
One by one I sealed the wounds. Chant by chant I healed him. His eyes fluttered open every now and then and glanced at me emotionless but less pained. His body stopped trembling soon after and I wiped the sweat off my face. I watched as I reopened wound after wound, the blood seeping out of him as I intentionally cut open his flesh to properly heal them. It was a somewhat archaic style of healing but the pain already should have been numbed by the sheer amount he was feeling. Healing the wounds properly would avoid any complications if I had simply healed it crudely. The scars would have for sure been more prominent on his pale skin. Adding to the great amount of scarring on his body was something I wasn't fond of.
Leaving him to recover I wandered out of the dungeon under a disillusionment charm and into the potion's classroom. Stripping the storeroom of its wards I entered and grabbed the necessary ingredients to replenish those that I would need for my soon to be lacking stock of potions. Warding the storeroom again I left the classroom, trudging slowly back to the office in near exhaustion.
He laid their sleeping peacefully as I rummaged through my bag for my potions box. Pointing my wand I casted several vials of potion. Uncorking each one I slipped the liquid down Snape's throat, massaging it gently to force him drink. One by one they went down, a blood-replenishing potion, dreamless sleep, draught of peace, strengthening solution. I hesitated slipping him the last one. It was an ancient potion that I came across from the book Gran gave me. The potion was tricky to make, but powerful enough to heal the body and mind completely from nearly all maladies. The gold and silver liquid swirled inside the small vial, resonating with power. Uncorking it, I tipped back Snape's head and poured it down his throat.
I watched as he slept soundly on a too small for him couch. That wouldn't do at all. Walking over to the wall he used to enter I placed my hand on it. I could feel his wards and the castle's magic reverberating from the walls.
"Let me in," I whispered as I pushed my magic along the wall, willing it to open. The castle heard me as it shifted to reveal the once hidden passageway. I guess the castle was more fond of me than I thought. Hopefully this led to his rooms.
Pointing my wand at Snape I levitated him through the passage gently. Carrying his body with the spell, I followed the candle lit path into a dead end. The wall shifted again and I felt the magic ripple by, giving sight to another sitting room. Placing him on a couch I walked around his private rooms, opening doors to see where they lead. It was bigger than I expected, though the castle was certainly big enough to accommodate the space.
It was a rather large flat, a sitting room, a study and library, a simple but spacious kitchen, a large meticulously clean and organized potions room and lastly a bedroom. It was dark and subdued, though oddly comforting instead of unnerving. Heading back to the sitting room I levitated Snape once more and placed him on his bed, tucking him. With one last diagnostic spell I left the room and closed the door.
"Tilly," I called out. A sudden crack came form nowhere leaving a smaller younger house elf in its wake. It was the same house elf that saw to me every time I went to the kitchen. He was young and hopeful to serve from the first time I had met him.
"Young miss called for Tilly," the elf chirped. He looked anxious to serve as his big eyes glanced at me.
"I have an important question and you must answer truthfully," I said. Tilly's ears seemed to lower sadly. "And then I will ask you to do some things for me." I continued. His saddened expression quickly turned happy one more at the prospect of being given something to do.
"Tilly will serve young miss. What does young miss need of Tilly," he asked.
"Who do you serve?" The question seemed redundant as it left my lips. Just how many times will I have to ask someone nearly the same question?
"Tilly serves Hogwarts and its students and teachers." The elf replied confused.
"I know that Tilly. What I'm asking you is whose orders will you follow in absolute. Do you serve Dumbledore if he would ask to spy on a student, say me for example? Or do you serve everyone of this castle. Or can you serve only one person first and foremost above all others if the castle wishes you too?" My questions seemed to bother him as his eyes grew large and troubled.
"I serve Hogwarts and will follow the castle's instructions," he said finally. I smiled at him.
"I wish the castle to allow you to belong to me and serve me only. Does the castle approve of my wishes?" I said out loud. It was a bit hypocritical for me to ask him to turn over to me, to follow my orders and essentially become my house elf but it was necessary. I couldn't possibly allow an elf that I called upon so often to be discussing what I do. At least I as his master would treat him fairly. Maybe even offer him a wage and if he didn't accept treat him as equally as possible and be a good master. The castle's magic seemed to vibrate through the air at my wishes as I looked at Tilly's response.
"Hogwarts approves of your wishes. I and the rest of my line belongs to you, Mistress." Tilly bowed before me and I felt his magic and mine lash out, physically forming as they bonded. "It is done. May Tilly serve now?"
I smiled at him gently. "You may serve now. I want you to take care of the man in the other room, Professor Snape. He is hurt and must rest. If he needs to get something while he is bed ridden you will provide it for him when I'm gone." I walked over to Snape's desk and grabbing a spare piece of parchment from my back I picked up a quill and began to write, shortly after, handing Tilly the finished list. "These are his favorite food. See to it that those are served to him when appropriate and that he eats at least two meals a day." I looked over at Tilly to see if he was following. His eyes were so hopeful as he glowed from being instructed. Here I was ordering my own house elf, when less than a year ago I was fighting for their freedom from slavery. How time's change.
"Tilly will serve young miss as ordered." Tilly nodded happily.
"I will also need you to be aware of him. When he leaves the castle inform me discreetly. When he returns inform me again. When he comes back hurt, find me and bring me to him, or find me and I will order you to bring him to me. Is that clear?" I ordered more forcefully than last time. He nodded happily at the onslaught of orders he'd been given.
"Tilly understands."
"For now, go to my dorm and bring me my black dragon hide bag or clutch, whatever form it is in. Then bring me some food and some tea, please. You're dismissed." With another crack Tilly was gone.
Checking in to see Snape I saw him lying their content and relaxed. His face filled with some color and he looked younger than ever as the stress left him due to the last potion I made him drink. Stumbling out I looked entered the kitchen and sat on the small dinette table, waiting.
It wasn't much longer that plates of food of all sorts appeared before me like a feast. My bag lay nearly forgotten on another chair.
Now all that's left to do is wait.
"Miss Granger," a soft voiced said, rattling me out of my sleep. "I believe it is inappropriate for a student to be out of bed past curfew. Let alone in a teacher's private room," I heard the voice say.
Groaning I lifted my head away from his bed, stretching my back that was hunched over for hours as I slept. "I suppose the teacher shouldn't have nearly gotten himself killed then from the pain he was feeling." I joked as I rubbed my eyes, in attempts to wake up.
"You should have gone back to your dorm." He said softly, his eyes stared blankly at the ceiling. He was avoiding my eyes. I knew it.
"And leave you here unattended. Your body is still healing, Snape." I got up from my seat and leaned over him my wand in hand. Casting the diagnostic spell his body lit up with golden threads. "You had a few more attacks while you slept. It broke through the dreamless draught I gave you." I mentioned. "Why didn't you get help before hand, Snape?"
"Poppy cares for me, but if she heals me and saves my life I will be in her debt. With me being in Poppy's debt I will be, by extension, in Albus' debt." He explained softly. I could hear him not wanting to talk about it but he gave me the explanation I sought anyways. "Did you stay for the entire day?" Snape whispered, finally tearing his eyes away from the ceiling and onto my face.
"I did," my voice nearly failed me as my heart beat loudly in my chest. Why oh why did I choose him? "Tilly," I called. He looked at me confused until the elf came in with a loud crack.
"Mistress called?" The elf said.
"Tilly this is Professor Severus Snape. His orders to you is second to that of mine. He will be, essentially, your second master." I explained gently. Tilly nodded in understanding. "I need some soup for him. Something easy for his stomach." I finished. The young elf quickly vanished to bid on my orders and I turned to Snape.
"You have a house elf," he mocked. So he knew about S.P.E.W. he chuckled dryly before it turned to a slight cough. I felt my cheeks warm up. Oh why did I name it so badly?
"Correction. We have a house elf. He is yours to order as well." I managed to say trying to hide my burning cheeks.
The room grew silent as neither of us knew what else to say. The sudden crack and aroma of food brought us out of the silence as a bowl of steaming vegetable soup appeared on a tray on Snape's lap.
"The house elf-"
"-Tilly," I cut in.
"Tilly, is very good. Vegetable soup is the one thing I typically order a house elf to bring me after…" he trailed off.
"Well then, I guess I should leave you to it then. Seeing as you seem stable enough," I picked myself up slowly from my seat and headed for the door.
"Miss Granger," Snape's voice called out for me. "Which potion did you use?"
I stared at him questioningly.
"I should not have recovered this quickly with any potion in my stores." He further explained. His tone was stricter now as if I had made some sort of error. I shivered under his gaze.
"It was an old potion I found in a book." I managed to mutter out. He looked at me cautiously.
"You will explain to me this potion you've made me drink" He motioned for me to sit. "I will not be a guinea pig to your strange and untested potions," Snape sneered at me. Surely he knew that the potion wasn't harmful to him and that I had tested it at least of some measure. I felt my anger flare out. "I do not like to be kept waiting, Miss Granger," Snape whispered softly. I reached out to feel and taste his magic. It was calm and hesitant almost as if- I looked into his eyes and felt the magic wrapped around him trying to grasp on to mine. It felt cold to the touch. Lonely almost.
He wanted me to stay.
My anger died down. He wanted me to stay and keep him company. I fought my oncoming blush down. I'm just a student in his eyes. Nothing more. I'm just a student who he sees potential and power in. Nothing more. Nothing romantically more.
I walked tentatively towards the chair I had propped up beside his bed from before and sat down. Here goes nothing. I open my mouth and began to speak.