AN: Dances around waves here it is, the next chapter. Ok, so it was a bit more difficult to put in a chapter than I originally thought. I hope this doesn't mess anything up. I had to make sure it meshed with where I've been and where I'm going. This chapter is a bit shorter than the others, but I knew it was going to be too much to add into an existing chapter. This one hasn't been read over as much as the others, writing a story in its entirety before publishing, I fine-tooth-combed it to the best of my abilities without a beta. So please pardon this chapter if it's a bit "messier" than the others.
Thanks for sticking with me through the Holidays and my break in posting. I was pretty much out of pocket for two weeks. Updates should be more regular and the whole thing should be up by Christmas or else you guys would have to wait like two weeks and I don't want to do that to you.
Thanks for all the great reviews, that's what actually prompted me to write this and stick it in and I have some plans for upgrading a few of the remaining chapters. Ok, so enough of my rambling. Enjoy!
Chapter 12
Ginny sighed as she sat down at her desk rummaging through the list of items she needed to get done this week. Maddie's party was this weekend and she knew her mother had most of it under control, but there was still stuff that needed to be done. Not to mention work and her crazy emotional state. Everything seemed to be swirling in dizzy patterns these days.
"Owl Weasley." Jim dropped a note on her desk as he breezed by to head to his office. Ginny turned the piece of parchment over in her hands and recognized Hermione's neat and tidy handwriting. When Ginny opened the note there was one simple line.
Lunch, my office at noon. I'll have sandwiches here.
Ginny closed the note and tucked it into her bag. Might as well get started on work, this lunch could take a while. Within a few hours Ginny had her desk cleared and handed in her articles as she headed out the door.
The cool air of the Ministry Atrium hit Ginny in the face as she stepped out of the green flames of the floo network. Even though the ministry was only a few blocks from her office she had not wanted to fight the sidewalk crowds. She hurried to check in her wand and get her visitor's pass before heading for the lifts. As the one in front of her opened her brother Ron nearly barreled her over in his hurry.
"Ron!"
"Ginny! Sorry, wasn't paying attention and in a hurry." Ron stated breathlessly as he skidded to a stop and pulled his nose out of a stack of papers. "What are you doing here?"
"Having lunch with Hermione."
"Ohhh" Ron stated slowly. "Ok, tell her I said hi, I'll see ya later." Ron took off in a hurry and Ginny just shrugged as she side stepped her way into the lift before the doors closed.
"Where to miss?" a tall lanky boy asked from the operator's stool.
"Oh, um Magical Law please."
Ginny took the ride down to Hermione's office in silence and was the last to leave the lift before a group of sharply dressed wizard's in business robes brushed by her to get in. She took the long narrow passage to where she knew Hermione's office was. Stepping into the small space a girl a few years younger than her looked up from the receptionist desk. Ginny thought she might recognize her from Hogwarts but wasn't sure.
"Can I help you miss?"
"Hermione Granger"
"Second door on the left." Ginny nodded , having already knew the answer. When she arrived at Hermione's door it was closed. After knocking gently she heard Hermione's voice beckon her to come in.
"Hey Ginny!" Hermione was hurridly tucking away her file folders and stacks of parchments to make room for the tray of sandwiches and pot of tea she currently had hovering in the air. "Here, have a seat, I'll have this cleared away in just a moment."
Ginny took her seat and plopped her bag down on the floor. "So, what is this all about?"
Hermione set the tray down and handed Ginny a plate and cup as she herself started to help herself to a sandwich.
"Just wanted to talk with my friend over lunch, but it's pretty much impossible for me to get away for lunch right now, so I thought I would order in."
Ginny eyed her warily and nodded. "Spill it Hermione. What are you really up to?"
Hermione sat back in her chair and grinned across her desk. "Ok, ok, so how was dinner last night?" she asked tentatively.
Ginny groaned as she sat back in her chair. She figured this is what Hermione had been up to.
"It was…..nice."
Hermione cocked an eyebrow up. "Details please."
Ginny picked at her sandwich for a few moments. "Hermione, I……I'm scared." Ginny had not really gotten into any deep conversations with anyone, Hermione or her mom since Harry had come back about everything, preferring to figure things out on her own, but it was starting to become a bit overwhelming.
The brunette sat her plate down and walked around her desk to the chair next to Ginny. "Why?"
"Harry wants us to try again, to….to.. be a" Ginny was having a hard time getting the words out.
"A couple." Hermione state hesitantly.
Ginny nodded. "I can tell. He wants us to be together again, really badly."
"And you don't want this?"
"Yes, no…..I…I don't know." Ginny let out in a huff and then softened her voice as she looked down and away from Hermione. "I don't know if I could survive if it didn't work out."
Ginny was bursting at the seams. She had been holding in a million different emotions ever since Harry had come back. In a typical hour if she allowed her thoughts to wander her feelings could range from hate, to being scared, to mad, to giddy like a school girl, confused, to….to wanting Harry back so much it hurt.
"If you knew that everything was going to be ok in end, not counting the journey, because sometimes, that's rough, but saying the destination was what you wanted, would you, could you, try?" Hermione wasn't too sure her statement had made much sense. She wanted to know for certain that if Ginny knew things would be ok, would she want Harry.
Ginny had long ago placed her plate down and was now twisting a small portion f her shirt in her hands.
"I just want to be happy, for Maddie to be happy. We had found a balance, now I just feel like every hour my life is tottering back and forth, I've lost my balance and it's scary."
"I know, it is. And I know your first concern is Maddie, but what about you Ginny. He's back, isn't that what you had been waiting for, longing for?"
"Yes." Ginny stopped for a second and looked up at her friend. "But I…I guess I never actually let myself imagine it would happen and now it is and he's not mad, he's actually being really, really nice over the situation. I mean I could almost use the phrase dream come true, so why am I soooo scared? Not to mention, I just can't seem to let myself go around him. That's one of the things we talked about last night. I've just put up this barrier, but behind it I know I'm safe."
Hermione sighed and pulled Ginny into a hug. "It's going to be ok Ginny."
"How can you say that. I'm just waiting for the new to wear off and for him to go running in the opposite direction like I'm sure any other guy his age probably would have done if they came home and their school girlfriend is like guess what you have a five year old child." Ginny stated a bit exasperated.
"Because, I've watched you and Harry since we were twelve. If there are two people on this WHOLE planet meant for each other is the two of you. And he's a good guy Gin, he really does love Maddie I believe. I think he may be a bit freaked out, not having a proper childhood of his own, like he doesn't have a clue what he's doing, but I do know he loves that little girl as much as he loves you. I see it in his eyes every time he looks at her or hears her name, or yours for that matter."
Ginny nodded and continued to play with the hem of her shirt again.
"Do you want to give it a try Gin?"
Ginny looked up at Hermione. "I do, but…."
"Yes, I know you're scared. It's ok, just, start putting your toe in the water, you never know it's warm enough to jump in if you don't try."
Ginny smiled at the phrase her friend used, but it's true.
"Ok, we'll see. Baby steps, toes only, none of this jumping into the deep end just yet."
"Good." Hermione smiled as she reached across the desk and picked her sandwich back up and handed Ginny her plate back at the same time.
-----
Harry paced outside the team locker room as the rest of the team exited after practice.
"Oi, Potter, what you pacing for?"
"Hey Oliver, I need a favor, kinda quick like to. I know it's Thursday and everything, but ummm, this is really important. I thought maybe you could help."
"Ok, sure thing." Harry turned and followed Oliver to his office.
-----
Ron weaved his way through the crowded pub. He knew exactly where to find his friend, even if he couldn't see him yet. As soon as he rounded the far end of the bar, there he was, sitting at the last table, pint in hand and one in front of the empty seat waiting on him.
"Thought you had ditched me and that I was going to have to be pathetic and sit here and drink two pints by myself."
Ron clasped Harry's hand in a firm shake and then took a seat.
"Sorry, Hermione is getting in panic mode over the wedding and I couldn't leave till I gave her some yes or no answers on something another. Honestly, I'm not tally sure as to what I agreed to, but it made her happy which makes my life easier." Ron grinned as he took a sip of his beer.
Harry just nodded his head. Ron and Hermione getting married. He never thought he would see the day. He had always been able to tell for a long time that Hermione harbored feelings towards Ron before he came to realize his own. It was like a miracle the day Ron realized what was going on around him.
"So, what's up, you're the one who called the secret meeting."
"Oh, nothing, just you know wanted to get out of the apartment for a while."
Ron just nodded. "Uh Huh, and you had that dinner with Ginny last night."
Harry just gave a non committal shrug. "Have you talked to her today?"
"No, but I think Hermione had lunch with her."
Ron watched his friend for a moment. "So, I take it she still hasn't hexed you yet."
"Came real close to it at one point."
Ron smiled to himself, "I bet, especially when she figured out where you were taking her."
Harry let a small grin escape. "Yeah, she was a bit mad at me at one point, but…." Harry trailed off.
"But…."
"Well, it turned out ok. Actually pretty good. We talked a bit and I actually got to tuck Maddie into bed." Harry sighed and took a sip of his drink to keep from having to say anything else at the moment. He had thought to himself all night how much he wished he could do that every night. After he had left her room, closing the door behind him, he didn't stay but long enough to tell Ginny goodnight. He didn't want to make things awkward by trying to hang around too long. Besides he had needed to be alone to think for a while.
Ron nodded at his statement. "Harry, I know you say you still love Ginny and that you love Maddie and I can definitely see you taking an active interest, but really, beyond all of that, what are you thinking. I mean, you came home from living the past five years on your own to find out you had a daughter."
Harry traced a few patterns on the table with his finger before he answered.
"When I was away, basically I slept, I ate, I played quidditch methodically and that was about it. I definitely wasn't living. I was scared to death to come home, but I knew I needed to, just for my own sanity, I needed to know how things were now, what kind of state I left things in."
Ron took another drink of his beer and nodded for Harry to continue.
"I figured best case scenario, I would get to play quidditch on a decent team, maybe get to hang out with you and Hermione on occasion if you could still stand me and start to try to move on with my life, but it back together, or rather start one. I had no inclination of Ginny ever wanting to see me, especially after I saw her the day of the press conference and she didn't say a word, just ran. I felt that I knew then how she felt and I won't say I was ok with, it's just what I figured would happen. I would bury my feelings and move on, let her have the life she was living, whatever it was. The thought had passed through my mind that she could be married with kids. When I conjured that image in my mind it hurt.
"At times, I'm so overwhelmed by everything I almost just want to go back to that hole in head that I came from. I had totally hidden myself away. It was easier there, I didn't have to feel or think or anything." Harry watched as Ron's eyes clouded over a bit growing dark.
"Understand me, I'm saying I'm going to do those things, but at the times that everything comes crashing in you get this gut instinct to run. I listened to it last time and trust me, I don't want to end up where it took me again. I do love Ginny, I have never stopped, and I don't think I ever will, even if…..even if we stay nothing more than friends personally. I had dreams of having a family one day, making something of my life. I figured that was long down the road, that I had so much other stuff to deal with first. I had started to crave it, to want a normalcy. I think that's one of the things that pushed me back home. When I did allow myself to feel anything, that's all I wanted."
Harry stopped for a moment to gather his thoughts a bit more. "I didn't think I would come home and within a matter of weeks, be so close to what I wanted with whom I wanted all of that. I know even if Ginny and I have a chance together it's not going to come at the snap of a finger, but it doesn't seem so far off any more either. I finally feel like for once, I'm in the right place at the right time."
"What about Maddie? She can't afford for you to see her as a novelty Harry and when the new and shiny wears off to leave. Or if you Ginny don't work out for you to leave."
"I'm not Ron. I promise, no matter what happens between me and her mother, I love that little girl. I….It was like the whole universe shifted when Ginny told me I had a child. I mean, it was shock, I felt for days as if the wind had been knocked out of me and I couldn't quite get my head to focus. I don't know what I'm doing half the time, but I know I want to be here, now. Every time I look at the book Ginny gave me I could literally kick myself for missing every bit of that. I can't get it back. I can never really see her walk for the first time, I have a picture of it, but I don't have the memory of it. I don't ever want to have another significant moment of her life where all I have is a picture."
Harry leaned back into his chair, relaxing, realizing how tense he had become hunched over the table spilling his guts and heart out to his mate. He laughed low and looked up. "I bet I sound like the sappiest Valentine's card you could ever find about right now."
Ron grinned back across the table. "Yeah, but woman have a way of doing that to us."
The two men laughed together. "Besides, from a brother and an uncle's view point, it's what I want to hear, so just keep it up. I've been pretty understanding. I held Ginny responsible for part of the whole ordeal, not telling you sooner and then refusing to let me later and what not. I haven't threatened to cut any of your body parts off or to bury you alive in the backyard, unlike others in my family. However, screw up this time and I might rethink that." Ron smirked across the table.
Harry nodded grimly, silently promising to himself like he did everyday lately, he would not mess up again, at least not intentionally. He was going to do everything in his power, to make sure of that.
They sat there for a while make small talk, finishing up their beers and commenting on the sports scores on the screen. Ron had taken an interest in football as well since Hermione had brought home the muggle tv.
As they were leaving Ron turned to Harry, "You are coming Sunday right?"
Harry looked a bit surprised at the question and the stern tone in Ron's voice. "Of course! I could kick myself for missing the others, I won't ever miss another birthday."
Ron smiled at his friend and clamped him on the shoulder. "Correct answer! By the way have you gotten Maddie anything yet?"
Harry smiled, "Yeah, I hope she'll be surprised." Harry just waved to his best friend and told him good night and headed off to catch the tube back to his apartment.
-----
"Ginny!"
Ginny sighed as she placed a ribbon in her daughter's hair, which was not currently an easy task due to the fact that Maddie would not sit still.
"What mum?"
Molly poked her head into her daughter's room. "I was just looking for you. I need you to go and tell your brother's and father where you want everything set up outside."
"Ok, in a minute. Sit still Maddie, for just a second, please." Ginny pulled the last loop and pulled to secure the ribbon and then bent down to place a kiss on her daughter's head. "There, you can go, but do not ruin your dress, you hear. I do not have time to find you something else to wear."
Maddie was out the door and halfway down the stairs yelling for her cousin Paxton before Ginny even finished her sentence.
"Hey princess." Ginny's dad came over and gave her a hug. "So, where do you want all this stuff that your mum made us drag out?" Ginny surveyed the lawn and noticed Harry was already there helping Ron pull the last of the picnic tables from the shed. Ginny gave orders for the tables and the chairs and unwillingly gave the task of hanging banners and balloons to her twin brothers. Threatening them within an inch of their lives if they played any kind of tricks before retreating to the kitchen with her mum.
"Is everything going ok outside?" Molly asked as she whisked by Ginny setting plates and cutlery on the table to be carried outside latter.
"Yes, controlled chaos as usual." Ginny stated as she took an apron from the cupboard and put it on. Hermione turned around and gave her future sister-in-law a wink and started back to the task that had been assigned to her.
The backyard was now full of family and friends. The adults were lounging around the picnic tables with children scurrying around the backyard and underfoot. Maddie ran up to her mom who was trying to cut cake for everyone.
"Can I please open my presents now?" Maddie was pulling on the edge of Ginny's sundress and whining. Harry came up behind them at the moment. "Daddy, please tell mommy to let me open my presents now. I've eaten my cake and I've played nice with Paxton."
Harry laughed and Ginny sighed. "Ok, ok, but hold on a moment." She bent down and scooped up her daughter before she could run off. "Let me get Grandmum over here to cut everyone else's cake ok?"
Maddie nodded, her red pigtails bouncing. Ginny quickly surveyed the backyard looking for her mother and spotted her across the lawn. Ginny turned to Harry. "Here, you take her for a moment, keep her calm till I can get mum over here. Ginny handed over Maddie who went to her father quickly. Ginny started across the lawn and turned back to look over her shoulder at the squeal of her daughter. Harry had just plopped a big dollop of icing on her nose and she was laughing and trying to get it off so she could eat it.
Ginny smiled to herself. "Mum, I need you to go and cut cake for me, Maddie's being impatient." Molly followed her back to the table. She placed a hand out and stopped Ginny before they got too close again.
"I'm glad Harry's here." Molly eyed her daughter as she spoke these words, watching as her daughter watched her own daughter and her father together. They were still laughing and eating icing.
Ginny smiled and looked at her mum stating softly, "me too."
Maddie spent the next half an hour opening her presents and squealing and running around and giving people hugs and saying thank you. She got to her father's last and immediately had her mum help her put one of her custom made Dover Dragon's jersey's on over the pink and yellow sundress she was wearing. She spent a good part of the rest of the party flying around on her new Dragon's toy broomstick and telling Paxton no, that he could not have a turn.
Ginny was packing up Maddie's presents and picking up trash as she went. Her and Paxton had been ushered in the house by Molly earlier after a near accident over her new broomstick. The guys were packing up the picnic benches and taking down decorations. She was thinking over how wonderful it was to finally have Harry home, at Maddie's birthday. She let her stomach flutter over the images of Harry playing around in the backyard with their daughter all afternoon, everyone else melting away from the image.
"I still think if we could bottle her energy we could market it."
Ginny jumped and let out a short startled gasp.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's ok, I was just lost in thought."
Harry tilted his head to the side. "About?"
He could see the light blush creeping up her cheeks in the semi-darkness.
"I…..I need to get this stuff inside." Ginny turned and took the pile of toys in her arms with her as she escaped to the kitchen. Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair and turned to go and help Ron finish packing the chairs up.
"She's not making it easy on you is she?" Ron asked as Harry handed him a chair to add to their pile.
"Nope." Harry popped the p and continued to work.
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