A/N: A HUGE thank you to Linette23 for taking the time to edit this chapter!
Camping in Ostagar. The Joining. Collecting crazy people.
I have not had much time to write since we have been traveling non-stop for the better part of three weeks. My mind has been such a mess I hardly know where to begin. I have lost everything all in one night, how does one deal with that?
I know what I SHOULD feel. I should be furious, sad and whatever else grieving people feel. Sometimes I feel as if I have nothing left. I am afraid to cry, I fear my tears will never stop. I'm afraid to sleep because I'm afraid of what I will see in my dreams. My appetite is the only part of me remains ever the same; unfortunately, we have not had much in the way of food.
I don't want to bother Duncan with my problems; I know he has many of his own. He does his best to keep our conversations light and for that, I am thankful. We both have a fondness for books on magic, which has been a subject we have discussed at great length. I really do enjoy my talks with Duncan; he has a gift for putting people at ease.
"Maker breath, but I still miss him." Alistair sighed.
I suppose I should keep watch over our camp. I volunteered since I don't sleep. Duncan tells me we will be in Ostagar by tomorrow afternoon, thank goodness. I'm tired of walking about the country. It is enough to make me miss traveling by Caravan.
I believe I am finished writing for now. Fadas is begging for attention and I have a camp to watch over. I will try to write once we've settled into Ostagar.
I finally have some time to write, but not a much. I am to attend a strategy meeting with the king, but that can wait for now. I must write of everything that has happened today.
We arrived in Ostagar this afternoon, just as Duncan had predicted. King Cailan even acted as our welcoming committee. Mother was right, the King is insanely attractive. I don't much care for the long hair, but he is very attractive.
Alistair groaned. In his time in Ostagar, he wasn't sure how many conversations he had overheard between women soldiers. All gushing over Cailan, speaking of how dreamy he was and how lucky the Queen was and blah, blah, blah. It surprised him that she found long hair unattractive. He might just have to rid himself of his long hair before long.
The King was completely aware of who I am. Apparently, both my father and mother have spoken of me. Nope, that isn't embarrassing at all. I told the King of everything that had happened in Highever, which Duncan confirmed, once I was finished. I almost broke down and cried several times, but stopped before it could happen. King Cailan seemed genuinely angry at the news. He told me I would have my revenge, which is something I'm not even sure I want. I thanked him anyways.
The King told me Fergus arrived safely several days ago. Which is a HUGE relief, I begged the King to allow me to see him unfortunately he was off scouting the Korcari Wilds. I will just have to wait until the battle is over to tell him of Oriana and Oren. That is a conversation I'm willing to put off as long as possible. .
He knew most of this, thanks to Wynne secretly divulging Elissa information without her knowing. Why Elissa never told HIM of which things would forever be a mystery. It bothered him to no end that she never shared much of anything about herself unless he continually badgered her for information. Which rarely happened since he always came to her with his problems?
The King's view on this upcoming battle bothers me. He wants an epic battle, something that will be in history books and legends for years to come. He doesn't appear to take the darkspawn very seriously at all. Something I believe to be a massive mistake. I didn't voice my opinion; I believe it would have fallen upon deaf ears. Duncan feels the same way, even if he hadn't voiced his opinion of it to me, I could see it in his eyes.
Duncan told me I could explore the camp before my trip into the Wilds. Since I haven't had a decent meal in three weeks, I felt it was long overdue. Most of the soldiers in the food tent passed off my appetite as that of a Warden's. I have no idea what they are talking about, but let them think what they want. I was happy just to have something in my stomach that wasn't from a tree, bush or stream.
They have a kennel here! Fadas didn't appreciate me socializing with other Mabari hounds. It's not as if I was going to ask for one, I just like looking at them. He follows Duncan everywhere he goes and expects me not to be jealous, but Andraste forbid I look at other hounds! That hardly seems fair to me. That damn dog!
He laughed softly. "You would be jealous of Duncan and your dog? Really Eli, that is awfully petty of you."
I spoke with my very first Mage today! Her name is Wynne; she is very polite and seems to know much about the darkspawn. I wish would have had more time to speak with her, but I had to be off to find a fellow Grey Warden.
Once I completed my search the camp, I set out in search of my senior Grey Warden; Alistair. I found him speaking with a Mage, or maybe it was arguing I'm not exactly sure what they had said to one another, since I was rather distracted at the time.
The King may be Handsome, but Alistair astounded me, seriously, I forgot how to breathe. To call him handsome would be doing the man a disservice. Simply put, the man is gorgeous
Alistair gaped at her words. His gaping quickly turned into a wide grin. "Maker's breath, that is exactly what I thought when I first saw you. Well minus the man part, but I defiantly thought you were gorgeous." He beamed.
His hair is blondish red and short, and stubble to match, flawlessly tanned skin, oh and his eyes! His dark hazel eyes are so full of humor. I sound just like those noble twits I used to make fun of at balls and parties.
Alistair brought his hand up to his mouth in order to stifle a laugh. "So she likes my eyes does she?" He grinned. The first thing he noticed about her was sadly, was her short silver hair. It's rare to see silver hair on a human. Her smile was enough to make his heart beat just a little faster within his chest. Her brown eyes, while beautiful, screamed of sadness. Her smile never quite reached her eyes.
All right, before I embarrass myself anymore, I'm moving on. There are two other recruits. Ser Jory who is a knight from Redcliffe, and Daveth I believe he hails from Denerim. The four of us went into the Wilds searching for darkspawn blood and some Warden treaties Duncan said would be useful.
Somehow, I found myself leading our group. I'm still not sure how that happened, but I didn't like it. I'm not a leader; I'm a fighter, but who am I to argue.
The darkspawn are fucking scary and they smell horrible. I wish I had my bow on me instead of my daggers. I would much rather be killing them from a distance than up close. I found the easiest way to kill them is if I imagine Arl Howe's face on every single darkspawn I come across. I hate that I do that, I don't like being vindictive and angry.
"You killed them with such ease that I assumed you've faced them before, but now that makes perfect sense." Alistair mumbled.
In our search for the treaties, we came across a witch named Morrigan. The men accused her of being a Witch of the Wilds. As true as that may be; I hardly think being a witch of the wilds is a bad thing. I rather liked her. I found her brutal honesty refreshing, but I will admit at times that her honesty is a bit too brutal.
"I am not in the least bit surprised. You of all people would find her enduring. Damn your soft heart." He growled.
She took us too her mother, Flemeth. Certainly, it could not be THAT Flemeth? The witch the Chasind have feared for centuries. I would have asked if we had not been pressed for time.
Flemeth gave us the treaties, (thanks to my politeness) and sent us on our way. Morrigan lead us out of the Wilds. She whispered the most curious thing in my ear before she parted ways. She whispered something about Alistair and I should be careful, her mother would not be pleased with the extra work. I have no idea what she meant; she didn't give me a chance to ask for an explanation before she shifted into a dog and ran away. She is a shape shifter, interesting.
The joining is not something I ever wish to relive. This is why we needed the darkspawn blood; we take it into our bodies, thus tainting our blood. This allows us to sense them, and they can sense us as well. It seems as if there should be more to this Warden business. The power to sense darkspawn hardly seems worth tainting ourselves. Once we drink the blood, either our body accepts the taint or we die. Seeing as how I don't have much to lose, I fail to see the down side of this situation.
Daveth was first, he sadly did not make it. It was horrible watching him gasping for breath and just fall to the ground.
Ser Jory drew his sword on Duncan when his turn came. Duncan defended himself and killed Ser Jory. I can't say I blame him, but it was still shocking nonetheless.
I obviously survived, but the visions were horrifying. There was a large red dragon with sharp teeth, sharper claws, and none too happy that I was there peeping on him. I have no idea why I would dream of a dragon, but I hope never to see him again.
I wonder why Duncan asked me to meet with the King and not Alistair. He is the senior Warden, I'm sure he should also be involved in any strategic meetings. Alistair didn't appear to be too bothered.
I think I have put off meeting with the King long enough. I think Teyrn Loghain will be there! I've read so many books on the man; I'm interested to see what he's like in person.
He made something resembling a gagging sound as he turned the page.
We are in camp so now I have time to write.
What have I done to warrant losing more people that I care about, and my new home? Does the Maker take some kind of sick pleasure our pain and suffering? The more I see of the world, the more I think the Chantry may be right. I think the Maker has left us, but not because we are not worthy of his love, I think the Maker is an asshole.
The plan was extremely immature, but it was expected. King Cailan would be on the front line with the Grey Wardens. Alistair and I would be lighting a beacon to let Teyrn Loghain and his army know when to strike. All of us tried talking the King into staying behind with the Teyrn and his men, but the stubborn man was too far into his dream of being some grand hero. He would hear none of it.
Alistair was none too happy to hear of this plan, but there wasn't much either of us could do. Thus, we set off to the tower of Ishal. It was SUPPOSED to be an easy job, we really should have known better. The darkspawn had dug a tunnel under the tower; they were waiting for us by the time we arrived. Thank goodness, I found a bow! It wasn't much, but the bow allowed me to pick them off from a distance.
There was a huge Ogre waiting for us by the beacon. I hate darkspawn ogres; they don't go down as easily as other darkspawn do. These bastards actually make me work!
Alistair lit the beacon while I watched outside to make sure the Teyrn saw. The son of a bitch saw it all right, he sounded his retreat and left. I could hardly believe what I was seeing; the grand hero simply left the battlefield. I sure I was screaming "No" because Alistair continually asked me what was wrong. I ran over to the other window and saw it all, and that is when I saw the King die.
I watched on as the ogre grabbed the weaponless King, roared in his face, and snapped his spine in two. It killed him instantly. I watched on as Duncan rushed the Ogre and ran his sword through its skull. He hovered over the King, protecting him from any darkspawn that dared to step near him. I watched in horror as one of the armored darkspawn rushed towards Duncan, and slashed its blade across Duncan's neck with such force it separated his head from his neck.
I screamed some more and told Alistair we needed to leave. Just as we neared the door, a group of darkspawn broke it down. The last thing I remember is an arrow going through my neck, and I blacked out.
"Holy shit, I had no idea she saw it all." He gasped into the hand that was covering his mouth.
When I came to, Morrigan informed me of her mother's rescue. Her parting words at the edge of the Wilds suddenly made sense. It would have been nice if she had told me how to avoid getting an arrow through my fucking neck.
She told me of my dim-witted companion who awaited me outside. Thank goodness, Alistair was still alive!
"HEY! I am not dim-witted!" He nearly yelled.
I thanked her for her part in our rescue, rushed to get my clothes on and ran out of the hut.
Alistair stood near the edge of the swamp and was clearly alive. According to Flemeth, he had been worried. I'm sure he had hoped I would be Duncan, if only I could have made it so.
"That would be completely false my dear."
We decided to use the treaties to build an army against the darkspawn, since that is what Grey Wardens do. I'm going to help build an army! Not in a million years did I ever think I would be doing such a thing. It's thrilling and scary at the same time.
Flemeth suggested we take Morrigan with us, sighting her magic would be useful to us. Morrigan appeared to be less than thrilled about this option, but came with us anyways. Here I am leading again, once don't like it, but I haven't been given much of an option.
"I'm sorry Eli." Alistair sighed. "I thought of my own selfish fears. I knew I didn't want to lead. I never even bothered taking your feelings into consideration."
Morrigan suggested we go north to a small town called Lothering. We left as soon as she was ready. I swear her and Alistair's constant bickering is going to be the death of me. Fadas and I try to distance ourselves, but sometimes it simply doesn't work. Ugh!
Lothering was a town filled with Ostagar survivors, but was in danger of being consumed by the darkspawn, so evacuation plans were underway. These poor people are going from one hell to another.
Morrigan went off on he own, to gather herbs for potions and whatnot. Alistair, Fadas and I wandered about the town looking for supplies. Alistair had been quiet since we left Flemeth's hut two days ago, so I thought he might need to talk. I wanted to tell him I knew how he was feeling; I knew how it felt to lose someone. I doubt he would have believed me, much less take any comfort from my words. Much to my surprise, he did speak of Duncan. I'm so glad he did.
In our walk through town, I managed to get him to speak of his childhood. He told me that Arl Eamon raised him, until he was at least ten years of age. He joked about dogs raising him. I don't think it was a joke but he passed it off as such. He told me the Arlessa sent him off to the Chantry because she was afraid she was Eamon's child. It was a story that angered me more than I thought it would. The poor man, going through so much and remaining as light hearted and good-natured as he is.
We picked up two people in town. One is, or might be crazy. She is a cloistered sister, who is very good with a dagger. Her name is Leliana, she told us the Maker came to her in a vision and told her she needs to come with us. She is crazy, and more than welcomed in our group.
Although I must say, I was a bit jealous of the way Alistair looked at her. It made me wish he would look at me like that occasionally, instead of looking at me for direction.
"Holy Maker's ass, I thought she was cute. I did look at you like that, just not while you were looking. What the hell is wrong with women?" Alistair shook his head rolled his eyes and chuckled softly.
Our second member is Sten of the Qunari. We found him in a cage on our way out of town. I'm not actually sure what possessed me to save him, but a little voice in my head told me he might be useful. This, of course, is a theory I have yet to test. I asked the revered mother to release him into our custody, thanks to Leliana, the revered mother agreed.
We ran into some darkspawn on our way out of town, but with six of us, they were easy enough to dispose of.
I tried to sleep. That went about as I thought it would. I dreamt of Highever, I was sure the screaming I heard was coming from me, but it was all in my head. Then it morphed into that red dragon again. I jumped from my bedroll as if it were on fire. Alistair informed it the red dragon is the Archdemon. That is what we are up against? At least there is no pressure or anything.
Instead of going back to sleep, I took the time to get to know everyone. Hey! Alistair has never licked a lamppost in winter! That is indeed good news, I suppose.
Alistair's hand flew up over his mouth in order to stifle the fits of laughter.
It took me a moment to figure out what hell he was going on about, one moment I asked him if he had ever….well done THAT. I assumed being a gorgeous man and all that he might have. Next, we were speaking of licking lampposts! As it turns out we were still talking about sex, but suddenly it turned into a conversation with a child. I honestly should have seen the coming from him of all people. He looked surprised to learn that I have also never licked a lamppost in winter. I'm not sure why everyone is always so surprised. Do I look like some cheap hussy?
I believe Leliana might have been a Bard from Orlais before seeking shelter from the Chantry. I wonder what happened to make her stop; she would not speak of it. That is all right, I hope she will tell me soon though. I can feel it; I just know she and I are going to become good friends.
Sten is IMPOSSIBLE! He answers a question with a question. He could at least show a little appreciation since I save his ass from the darkspawn. Alas, Qunari are a proud race and a race all about duty. Getting to know him isn't going to be easy but damn it I'm determined!
Morrigan was slightly talkative tonight for a change. She can shift into other animals, but just as I suspected she can't shift into other people. I forgot to write it down earlier, but her mother is THAT Flemeth, but Morrigan would speak of her mother. I don't think they like each other very much.
I'm so very tired, but I volunteered to take watch tonight with Leliana. I suppose I should stop writing and do my job. I'll write more later on.