A/N: Almost all the reviews for this story have been anonymous, so I am sorry that I can thank each of you personally. But I really and truly appreciate your amazing reviews, your support in reading this and the encouragement you give me.

Just one more chapter left! :)

"Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it's time for them to be hurt."

Haruki Murakami (Norwegian Wood)

It had been about two weeks. Give or take a few days. Brian had called him, and each time, Justin had let it go to voicemail. He listened to all the messages, and then deleted them.

He deleted them, because not in any one of the messages did Brian say what Justin wanted to hear.

This was painful.

He hadn't expected to fall in love, and he certainly hadn't wanted it. And yet, here he was.

He lay awake, unable to sleep, sat by the window expecting a person who would never come, knowing that he would be restless until he saw Brian, but also knowing that comfort wasn't to be had even if he did see Brian. This wasn't what Brian wanted.

Memories of spending time with Brian flooded his thoughts at the most unexpected of times, and Justin got unreasonably mad at Brian for having this control over him.

Having been drawn out of his carefully constructed shell, it was hard to crawl back into it.

Truth be told, he didn't even want to.

Brian had shown him how to enjoy life again, to be a part of the world, and Justin didn't want to let that go.

Justin had to keep with him what he learnt with Brian, and learn to live that life without the man.

It was hard.

He had been alone – entirely alone – before. Justin knew that he could do it again. Except, there would be no illusions this time round. He couldn't tell himself that he was okay, because he wasn't. He wanted a life with Brian – a life he couldn't have.

And he couldn't hide away from the world any longer. It wasn't fair to his mother, to his sister…and it wasn't fair to Brian, who had spent months and months, helping Justin learn to live again.

His mother told him to be patient; two weeks wasn't a long time, and she was convinced that Brian just needed some time. She was sure that he'd come around, and be open to the idea of the two of them, in a relationship.

Justin hoped she was right.

Justin should have known something was up, given the extra bright smile he received from the barista, when he walked up to order his morning coffee.

"Your friend is waiting for you. He paid. He has a muffin too. For you," she chattered as she handed him the coffee.

Brian smiled at him as Justin turned around in evident surprise.

"What are you doing here?"

The masked slipped a bit, and he saw the uncertainty in Brian's eyes.

"You're not answering my calls, you're not responding to emails…you haven't even played your turn for weeks. I thought you loved Scrabble."

Justin closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. "I concede. You win."

"I thought you loved to win."

"Brian. What are you doing here?"

"Justin, will you sit down? Please?" Brian added, when Justin stood rooted to the spot.

"Fine," Justin said, and sat down. "Now, what are you doing here?"

"I'm…here for coffee…"

"Brian, stop it. Just because it worked then, doesn't mean it's going to work now."

"I'm here to see you, what do you think?"

"Why?"

"Justin, why are you making such a big deal out of this? What, now we stop being friends?" Brian had the audacity to actually look confused.

"Of course. YES. Yes, we stop being friends."

"You're joking, aren't you?" Justin felt bad when he saw the hurt in Brian's eyes, even if it was just for a moment. "Why can't we get past this?" Brian continued, regaining his composure.

"Get past…what? Brian…you want to act like our feelings don't mean anything?"

Brian sighed, rubbing his temple. "So we have feelings. Big fucking deal. We ignored them for this long. Why the hell can't we just go back to being friends?"

"Because!" Justin stared at Brian incredulously. "Because. You can't…you can't go backwards. We can't undo what we said, or did, or what we feel. We can't pretend that these feelings don't exist."

"Yes we can. We're not children."

"We're also not robots. We can't just shut off a part of our emotions. At least I can't. And I don't want to."

"So…what? What precisely does that mean?" Brian looked tense and exhausted.

"Brian…I don't want to be your friend. I want to be more than that. And…despite what you feel, you don't want that. Which…I'm not going to settle for less. I'm not going to pretend to not feel what I feel."

"I'm…" Brian stopped, taking a deep breath. "Christmas is coming up."

Justin stared uncomprehendingly.

"We're not seeing each other for Christmas even?"

That broke Justin's heart a little bit more, and he knew he was going to be hurting Brian with his response. "As friends?"

"That's what we are."

"That's what we were."

Brian sighed again, and attempted a different tactic. "Would it have helped if I turned up here on a full moon?"

Justin stood up. "I have to go," he said, turning around and starting to walk away.

"I drove all the way here in the fucking snow; don't you dare walk away from me!" Brian said, raising his voice in evident frustration, and it did the trick.

Justin came back slowly. "What do you want from me? We're not seeing each other. Not for Christmas, not for New Year's, not for coffee, or movies, or cocktails or anything. I can't be your friend anymore. Unless I want less, or you want more…unless you're ready, this…thing…between us," he said, gesticulating, "is over."

"So you're saying good bye. Walking away."

"Yes."

"What happened to us having a connection?" Brian asked, making air quotes, angrily spitting out his words. "What happened to always being in each other's lives? Always running into each other? What happened to being connected? All that's suddenly bullshit now? Now it's good bye, because you can't have what you want?"

Justin couldn't believe that Brian was throwing his own words at him. "I want you! I was happy with you! How many times do I have to say that before you believe me? And yes, yes, it's good bye because I can't have what I want."

"So all your grand ideas, they just fall by the wayside. Just like that. Because I can't give you what you want."

"Because you won't. Because I'm not going to pretend to be happy being just friends when I want something more. You already gave me what I wanted, until you unilaterally decided that I needed something else. If you're not ready to be with me, then I have to walk away. Brian, I've carried you around inside me for ten fucking years; just because I tell you good bye, I'm not going to suddenly stop."

Justin turned around and walked away again, and this time, Brian didn't stop him.