Hello Friends :-) Please Enjoy this, and thank you for the mad love.
Clare's POV
Eli and I said our goodbye's so that I could explain to Drew that I was leaving. Before I got in my car Eli noticed my worried expression, and squeezed my hand.
"You can do this Clare, It's a hard thing for me to swallow, but I know you care about him. If he really does love you the way he say's, he will understand."
"Thank you Eli, for always saying exactly what I need to hear. I love you, and I'm sorry but I have to do this alone."
"I know baby. I love you too Clare, go take care of what you need to take care of. I'll be waiting for you when you're done." I kissed him goodbye, and got in my car. The whole way to Drew's I cried. How could I tell him I was leaving, when I knew how much it would hurt him. I thought of so many ways to explain it to him, but each scenario ended with me stabbing him in the heart. When I finally arrived to what had been my home for the the last two months, I was frozen. It took several minutes before I could walk inside. When I finally opened the door to the house he was sitting in the living room with that angry look on his face that he had had on when I left to meet Eli. When I opened my mouth the speak, he cut me off.
"Don't say it Clare, don't say what I think you're going to say. I swear to god if you say it, I'll go crazy." Drew Stood up from the couch and walked towards me, only inches away now.
"Drew this is my husband, the father of my children. It's Eli..."
Drew threw his hands in the air. "You know what this is Clare? Its fuckin bull shit. So what? What excuse is any of that for what he's done to you! Being Eli, isn't an excuse for disserting you and the kids for months! This time I thought you'd be smart enough to realize you don't need to be with someone like that Clare. You have spent almost 20 years with someone who doesn't deserve you! What is it that Eli has ever done for you to make you so crazy when it comes to him? It doesn't make since, it's twisted Clare. Wake up."
"It's not crazy Drew. Eli isn't the villain you always make him out to be. He has always been by my side. Through my cancer, through everything. This time was different though. Have you ever lost a child, have you ever had to feel like someone was literally cutting a piece of you out with a knife! You have no idea what Eli and I have gone through, losing someone like this can make you do things you wouldn't normally do. You wouldn't understand."
"I do. I know that pain, it's the pain I felt when I lost Adam! It's the pain I feel everyday he isn't here! It's the pain I'm going to feel if you walk out that door right now Clare. I know this wasn't ever a relationship, but I'm not crazy, you wanted to kiss me before Eli called you and fucked everything up like he always does. Things have changed since you moved in here, I felt it and you feel it too. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me Clare. Tell me!"
"I love you Drew! When Eli cheated on me with Lenore in New York, I felt like nothing. I told you I didn't feel good enough for him, and you told me not to dare ever say that again. Every time I've ever needed you, you have always been there. Every time I have ever felt down, you have lifted me up. You are my best friend, and you always will be. I am so proud of you, and how you've made something of yourself. You proved everyone wrong, including Eli. You raised an amazing son on your own without Bianca's help, and in the darkest time of my life you have been by my side when you didn't have to be. It took me so long to admit it to myself, but I do love you Drew. How could I not? But I love him more. I love him in a magical, and unconditional way Drew. I can't live without him, I cant do it. Don't hate me please, but I just cant. You may never be able to understand it, I cant understand it myself, but it's just what my heart wants. There isn't any kind of reasoning to it, and I know that this explanation isn't enough for you, but it's all I've got Drew." I was standing in front of Drew breathless, and scared of what he'd say next, when Alex walked in.
"Mom? What's going on? I heard shouting."
I hesitated on weather or not to tell him just yet, but it was time for the both of us to go back home where we belonged, with Eli. "Baby, get your stuff we're leaving."
"What the hell, why?" Alex had an unusually harsh tone with me, it took me and minute to respond to him. "Spit it out mom."
"We're going to stay with dad Alex, get your stuff now." His face turned hard, and I could hardly recognize him."
"Dad? Who's that? Because last time I checked that wasn't Eli Goldsworthy. Julia would be disgusted with him, just the way I am. If anyone's been a father to me it's been Drew!" Drew's head shot up, and he shared a look of understanding with Alex. I wasn't pleased with my son the way Drew obviously was.
"Shut your Mouth Alex Adam Goldsworthy, your father has raised you! You're more like him than you think, when something goes wrong you both wanna give up. This family has gone through so much, but we cant just give up. We have to work together to fix what's broken Alex, don't shut your dad out when all he wants is for us to come home so that we can stop running and fix this. Julia of all people would be defending your father, you know that so don't use her to justify the way you're acting." Alex laughed in my face, and I felt my heart break a little more.
"I'm not using her for anything, if anything dad has been using her as an excuse to get out of my life! Julia has always been his favorite twin, they got each other. Dad doesn't understand me, and never has. I'm not the faggot theater arts performer kid he wanted. You can do what you want, but I'm not leaving. I'm staying here. If that's ok with you Drew?" Drew nodded his head, and flashed Alex a quick smile.
"Alex I can't leave you here, don't do this. Don't push us out, we're your parents. We love you." I was desperate to hold on to him, I couldn't lose him too.
"I'm going to my room with my brother Blake, and in the morning the guy who actually wants to parent us is going to take us to morning basketball practice. I'm going to stay here where there's an actual family. I cant be around you and dad's unstable shit you have going on." I threw my hand over my mouth to hold in a sob as I watched my son walk back up the stairs, away from me. Drew had a sympathetic look on his face, and when Alex had reached the top of the stairs he grabbed my hand.
"I'm sorry he was so harsh, I'll talk to him for you. It's going to be ok Clare."
"Fuck you Drew. How could you sit there and let him think it was ok to stay!"
"Because it is, I love that kid and you know that. I understand him not wanting to be around his sorry excuse for a father. When you're ready to realize that too, we will be here waiting for you."
I threw my hand across his face, I had been slapping a lot of people lately. I didn't feel any guilt for it either, he had lit a fire under me not many people could. "Don't fuck with me Drew. I may have told you I loved you, but make no mistake I don't love you nearly as much as I do my family. I wont let you use my son to get to me, you're crossing a line. He can stay here tonight, I don't want to upset him any further, but you can bet your ass he's coming home to our family tomorrow. Mine and Eli's. I'll get my stuff later tomorrow, I cant stand to look at you right now. You talk so much about Eli and his faults, but have you ever stopped to look at yourself?" Drew stood in front of me with a pained expression on his face, and a red cheek. I didn't care though, I had to set things right. After so much tragedy, it was time I put my family back together."
Eli's POV
It had been two hours since Clare left me in the Degrassi parking lot to move out of my sworn enemy's house. It was all so fucked up. The longer she took, the more I started to think she had changed her mind. I started to imagine terrible images of Clare and Drew together, when finally the door swung open. Clare ran to me throwing her arms around my neck, sobbing.
"Clare, what the hell is wrong! Where is Alex?" She pulled away from me and walked over to shut the door.
"He doesn't want to come. He said such awful things Eli, I feel like we've lost him too. What else can I take." My wife had been through so much, I didn't know what to do to take her pain away, but I had to try. I walked over to Clare and wrapped my arms around her, she was dead weight in my arms. She had no strength left. I picked her up bridal style in my arms, and I carried her to my bedroom. I set her down on the bed, and sat next to her.
"Tell me what he said." She looked down at her hands, not wanting to answer me. "Clare please, what did he say? I cant take it, I told you I'm not going anywhere anymore."
"He said that you were an ass hole, and that Drew has been more of a parent to him than you. He said that you always loved Julia more because she was so much like you, and he isn't. I tried Eli, I tried to get him to understand that we love him but he didn't want to hear any of it." Clare began to cry again.
"Alex is right, I haven't been here like I should have been since Julia died. But he's wrong, I love him just as much. I'll talk to him tomorrow. He's going to come home Clare, I promise. I'm his dad, not Drew." My voice had a rough edge to it when I said Drew's name, and I could see the stressed look it caused Clare.
"Eli. For a moment can we lay here? Can we lay here and pretend that we're in high school, laying in the back of Morty without a care in the world." I gave her a sympathetic look, and pulled her into my arms.
"There's nothing that I'd want more." After an hour of laying there in silence, I felt something move against my stomach. "Clare. Is that what I think it is?"
"Yes, it's her. It's our baby. She hasn't been moving lately, I'm surprised but glad she's kicking. She must feel how happy mommy is." I smiled, and held her closer.
"I'm so sorry I haven't been here, I'll never let you go again Clare Goldsworthy."
"Please Don't, Elijah." Her voice was so little, she had such a big wall up still.
"I wont, not ever again. Everyday I've spent with you, has been the best day of my life Clare. I never could have predicted that we would have come so far from our day's in English class, to this, but I am so grateful that we have. I have made so many mistakes, and each time you forgive me with such grace. You love me so unconditionally, so beautifully. I was lost after we lost our daughter, but I want you to know that not even for a second did I not love you. When you were with Jake, when I was in New York, when you were with Drew, I always loved you. I have always loved you, and each time I have messed up it's been because of my own issues, never because of you. I just need you to know that, and to understand that you're the most amazing, smart, and beautiful wife and mom. I just wish I could be even close to something that you deserve. I'll spend forever trying to be. Forever trying to make up for my mistakes."
"You give yourself no credit Eli. We have spent 16 years of marriage together, raising our children together. You changed their diapers, and taught them to be amazing people. Alex may not remember all of that right now, but eventually he will. I have made so many mistakes that you have forgiven too. I'm not perfect either. It doesn't matter what you do, I will never give up on you. I will never not love you, for better or worse remember?"
I exhaled a sigh of pure bliss. "I do."
"You are the most imperfectly perfect thing of a person I have ever met, and you're mine. No matter what happens, as long as I'm with you, I know I can get through anything. No matter what, I'm here to stay. We're a fairy tale, remember?" She chuckled a little, and it made me happy to here her laugh again.
"I Love you Mrs. Goldsworthy."
"I love you Mr. Goldsworthy."
"You and the baby need to get some rest Clare, we have a big day tomorrow. We not only have to get our baby boy, but we have to check up on our little girl too."
Clare's eye's widened, and she tilted her head up to look at me. "How did you know I had an appointment tomorrow?"
"I called the hospital, and since I'm your husband they didn't mind giving me the information I needed. Do you really think I wasn't going to make sure you were ok Clare? I'm always going to make sure you're taken care of Blue Eyes, Now get some rest." Clare fell asleep in my arms, and for the first time In months I slept like a baby.
"No, I just wanna hold you. Give a little time to me, I'll burn this out, we'll pay hide and seek to turn this around. All I want is the taste that your lips allow. My, my, my, my, oh give me love. Give me love like never before, cause lately I've been craving more. And it's been a while, but I still feel the same." - Ed Sheeran Give Me Love
Love Always, Rie xoxo