My hands retract from Christian like they caught fire, and I stare widely at Ryder. He remains puzzled and dressed entirely different from this morning. His dirty blonde hair is pulled back into a bun, and he's all dressed in his usual all black attire. Christian coughs, breaking the awkward silence.
"Ana?" Ryder asks, again. I give myself some distance from Christian, and try to breathe at the same time.
"Oh, um, this is a friend from back home. Christian, this is Ryder."
Ryder is the first to step forward, holding out his hand to shake Christian's. I bite my lip, and anxiously watch them interact for the first time. They mumble a few words, and both turn to stare at me. Gray and hazel eyes burn into mine.
"I'm guessing you won't be able to have lunch now." I shake my head, and he sighs.
"We can have dinner tonight with Kate. I want you two to get to know each other." Ryder nods and comes forward to kiss me on the cheek goodbye.
"Nice to meet you, Christian."
Christian doesn't respond, and the door shuts behind Ryder. I roll my eyes at now Christian's silence and go back over to my desk. Knowing him so well, I usually wait for him to make the first move. But he goes straight to the window, glancing out into Paris.
"Christian," I whisper, needing him to say something or anything. To explain what he said seconds before Ryder interrupted us.
"He loves you," Christian mutters, crossing his arms.
"What?"
"And I know he loves you because it's impossible not to." He turns around to face me and stares deeply into my eyes.
"What are you talking about?" My heart is beating rapidly, and I brace myself against my desk.
"I love you, Ana." Those three small words just came out of his mouth, and I feel like I'm in an old dream of mine.
"No, you don't." I deny, shutting my eyes.
"I love no one, but you," Christian says, hearing his footsteps creep closer to me. My eyes blink open and I need to separate myself from him. This man can't just come here and say these things to me, expecting me to jump into his arms. "I could start fires with what I feel for you."
"Why now?" His eyebrows furrow.
"Excuse me?"
"You have no right to do this. You can't just hop on one of your private planes, come here to Paris, and fuck up my life when it's most convenient for you."
"It's not like that, and you know it!" He yells, sparking a burning fire inside of me.
"I'm finally happy with my life and found someone who makes me happy. And now, here you are telling me that you're in love with me. But where were you months ago? When I poured my heart out to you, and you denied me." Christian runs his fingers through his hair and frustratingly tugs on it.
"I've changed! I'm not the same man I was when you left New York. Flynn has been working with me, and made me see that I'm deeply in love with you. I've always have been, Ana, but have been so blind and foolish to realize until now."
He latches onto my wrists, urging me to look at him. I stubbornly refuse at first, but he begs and I glance up. His gray eyes blaze into mine, and I sigh. What am I suppose to do? I've been so in love with him since I first learned of the word love.
"I'm happy that you've changed and become the better version of yourself." He smiles, his hand reaching up to stroke my cheek. "But you can't just expect me to drop everything in my life to be with you."
"Ana, I-" Christian starts, but I shush him.
"I still do love you, and I think I always will. But I can't keep going through this endless cycle with you and I'm the one that keeps getting hurt. If you want me, you're going to have to earn me." I explain, and he's completely silent. I expected his reaction was to lose it and start destroying everything. His breathing is calm but heavy. He nods.
"You're gonna be all mine, baby." I raise a brow.
"Oh, really?" Christian gives me one of his smug smirks and licks his bottom lip.
"You just wait and see." My teeth dig into my lip, and I sigh.
"I guess we will."
Christian's confession definitely has me in a delusional state of mind, after thinking for many years that he could never truly love me, but here we are now. I so badly want to believe when he says he loves me, but my heart can't handle another blow to it.
Then there's Ryder. These past months with him in Paris has been life changing and it has made me learn things about myself. For this being my first relationship ever, I can see why Mia and Kate want to get married. But I don't know if it's in the cards for me.
Ryder, he's very different from Christian, but not just because he has long dirty blonde hair and tattoos. He's always attentive, and never fails to put a smile on my face or make me laugh until my stomach hurts, and there's this understanding where he always respects me and the decisions I make. My relationship with him is easy and I never have to wonder what's going to be the next problem.
Everything with Christian always goes skin deep and is intense. He makes me question things and push myself. Maybe the way he acts and comes off too serious towards people would think I could find a better man suited for me. A man exactly like Ryder. But what people don't see about Christian behind doors is that he's incredibly funny, and has a way to making me feel like the most important person in his world. He's so much more than he actually is.
But it all really comes down to if Christian can really devote himself to being better, and see the man I've always known he could be. Meanwhile, I truly do care for Ryder and don't want him hurt in whatever happens with Christian here. He's the only person here in Paris that has helped me become a better and stronger woman. I never want that change. Christian coming here has definitely put things in a hot mess.
I decide on wearing a long-sleeved emerald green dress, and try my best at working with my new shorter hair. Kate joins me in the bathroom, looking fantastic in an all red crop top and long skirt. She helps with my lipstick, and I can't help but stare at the big rock on her finger.
"Want one like mine someday?" Kate teases, and I shrug.
"Maybe," I answer, and Kate thinks I'm joking for a second.
"Wait, what do you mean?"
"I don't know if I ever want to get married." She stops applying lipstick, and steps back, her eyes scorching into mine.
"Stop it. You've always talked to me about getting married, and having the perfect dress." I glance down, picking at my nails.
"Things have changed. I mean, look at my parents."
"What about them?" I tilt my head, raising my eyebrow.
"They're divorce."
"Just like half of the population today." I sigh.
"I know, but- I just don't have those feelings anymore." Kate leans against the sink, crossing her arms.
"Do you even still want kids?"
"I don't oppose if I ever happen to end up pregnant, but who knows anymore." There's a knock on the door and Kate moves to the side of it to open. Ryder peeks his head inside, giving me a full smile.
"Ready to leave yet, ladies?" I nod.
"Meet you by the door in two."
When I proposed having dinner with Ryder, Kate, and even having Christian tag along I was clearly out of my mind. The four of us gather around the round table, with Christian and Ryder on either side of me. Which causes me to have major anxiety and lose my appetite at the same time.
"So how long have you and Ana known each other?" Ryder asks, trying to spike up a conversation and I sit back as he leans forward.
"Forever," Christian says, his eyes glaring into his. "We both grew up together in New York."
"Wow! It's funny how Ana has never mentioned you, until now." He chuckles, and Christian raises a brow. I dig my teeth into my bottom lip and I'm pretty sure I'm drawing blood.
"Oh, look, here comes the waiter." I change the subject, letting out a huge sigh of relief.
We all go around the table to order and I ask for my second glass of red wine. Kate gives me a look, mouthing for me to slow down on the alcohol, but my nerves are making it harder to stop. Christian and Ryder easily get into a conversation about sports, and that makes my heart beat a little steadier.
Once our meals rolled around, I pour myself another glass and I'm too tipsy to stop. Ryder leans back into his seat and throws his arm around my chair, his fingers softly playing with my hair. My eyes flutter over to Christian's, and I feel his face completely harden. It's probably taking all of him to not jump over to the table and attack Ryder.
"If you will excuse me, I have to use the ladies room," I announce, raising up from my seat. I don't look back as I wobble on my heels to the bathroom.
"Are you okay?" Kate asks, following right behind me.
"I'm at dinner with my boyfriend and the man I used to love and have sex with. I don't even think I'm drunk enough for this." I ramble, and Kate laughs.
"Yeah, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around why you invited Christian along."
"I felt bad and it would've been rude of me not to." Kate nods.
"Well, at least it's almost over." I scoff.
"Not soon enough."
We both exit the bathroom and I find a vacant seat that was next to mine. Christian stands up from his seat, buttoning his suit jacket. I furrow my eyebrows and become confused.
"Where did Ryder go?"
"He got called into work, and he told me to tell you he'll call you later," he says, bitterly. Kate mouths to me that Elliot is calling her and she walks away to somewhere quieter.
"You didn't scare him away, did you?" I ask, raising a brow and crossing my arms.
"I would never do that." Christian digs his teeth into his bottom lip, trying to hide his smirk.
"Christian!" I pout, and he chuckles.
"Relax, baby." I roll my eyes. "No, no I didn't."
"You just love to push my buttons."
"I love pushing all of your buttons." Kate comes back, shoving her phone into her purse.
"I need sleep. Jet lag is kicking my ass." She yawns, leaning her body onto mine, tiredly.
"I'll drive you back to your place." Christian offers, and I nod.
The three of us squeeze into the back of the car and I grudgingly take the middle seat. Kate sleepily rests her head on my shoulder, and sleep overcomes her. I glance out of the window, my eyes constantly finding the side of Christian's face, as takes in all of the Paris. He hasn't quite aged a bit in those three months when I saw him last, but his dark copper hair falling over the tips of ears.
"It's just a face." My eyes snap away from his face, staring straight ahead.
"What?" I ask, pretending to be oblivious. Christian turns his head, grinning.
"I always catch you red handed."
"You have a weird sixth sense," I mutter.
"My sixth sense is you," he whispers, and I stare into his gray eyes.
The car comes to a slow stop and Kate slowly wakes up from her sleeping position on my shoulder. She doesn't waste a minute jumping out of the car and running inside. Christian cautiously helps me, grasping onto my hand. I smooth out my dress and he walks with me to the door.
"Well, tonight was fun." Christian breaks the silence, shuffling his feet and his hands in his pockets. I laugh to myself.
"Liar." He shrugs.
"I am not lying! I got to spend time with you, even if Ryan had to be there." I roll my eyes.
"His is name is Ryder." It's Christian's turn to roll his eyes, a smug smile on his face.
"Same thing." I place my hand on the door handle, turning back to find Christian already looking at me. "I have really, really missed you."
"I missed you…more than a lot." I murmur under my breath. He takes a few more steps towards me, keeping a safe distance between us.
"Oh, yeah?" I nod, biting my lip.
"I always miss you."
"Likewise, baby." Christian's gray eyes stare intensely into mine, and I awkwardly cough.
"I should get inside."
"Yes, you should." Our stare off becomes much more fiery. I'm the first to make a move, leaning to kiss him on the cheek. My lips pull away slowly, flickering up to meet his gray orbs. My heart is beating so rapidly, I'm pretty sure it's going to explode out of my chest.
"Goodnight, Christian."
"Goodnight, Ana," he says, huskily. Oh, fuck it! I slam my lips against his own, bringing them in for a deep, passionate kiss. Christian's hands instantly find my backside, gripping onto my dress. He greedily slides his tongue into my mouth and I moan, feeling myself wanting more and more.
My phone starts to ring, blaring the ringtone I happily set one day for Ryder's contact. I withdraw myself from Christian, placing my hand over my mouth. I suddenly feel hatred towards myself. What have I just done?