Only
I'm becoming less defined as days go by
Fading away
And well you might say
I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself
Sometimes I can see right through myself
Less concerned about fitting into the world
Your world that is
Cause it doesn't really matter anymore
None of this really matters anymore
Yes I am alone but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
And I just made you up to hurt myself
As days went by, Nnoitora felt that he was melting; he felt that his personality was drastically changing.
Really, he wasn't, but he felt like he was fading away. So little was changing, but he was losing focus. He saw himself from a distance; he felt removed from the terms in which he saw himself. Sometimes, he was transparent.
Those were the days he knew he was in love with Neliel Tu Oderschvank. He was not in love with the real Neliel, but the one in his head. She was the one he could dominate; she was the one he could order around.
He could care less about trying to fit into her world anymore. He never would, and his concern for that had long since dissipated into nothingness. All of the things he had done to impress the green-haired golden-eyed goddess meant nothing. All of those things mattered not.
All of the times he had killed to impress her meant nothing, for she was unimpressed. Just because she was gone did not mean she had never been real and he knew that.
He knew that his Neliel had been the one he'd made up, and he'd only hurt himself in doing so. He knew he had been a fool for doing so, and he knew he would hurt himself.
She was gone, and he was truly alone. She was a kid, a fucking kid, and he was alone.
Then again, he always had been alone.
Neliel had never been real to begin with. He had never known the real Neliel. He had only made up a version in order to hurt himself.
What a fool he had been. He was alone. He had always been alone, but now it was for real.
He was alone. He was the only one.
He had always been alone, but now he always would be alone.
At least she had taught him that his killings meant nothing when it came to building his strength. After all, who would care if he killed ten thousand weaklings?
Well the tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be a scab
And I had this funny feeling like I just knew it's something bad
I just couldn't leave it alone, I kept picking at the scab
It was a doorway trying to seal itself shut
But I climbed through
Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be, and I can see things I know I really shouldn't see
And now I know why, now, now, now I know why
Things aren't as pretty
On the inside
She knew she was not supposed to be where she was, but there was nothing she could do to help it. She was only a child, and the frustration was there in the beginning, when she could not even recall her name.
Something caught her eye. She turned her head, and saw the figure of Nnoitora disappearing into Las Noches. She wanted to know who it was. She knew he was someone bad, she knew that whatever mysterious thing had happened to her had been his fault, but she had to know just who he was.
"Who'th that guy?" she asked, causing her former fraccion to pale as much as they possibly could. "I…have to know," she murmured, running after the figure, clutching her face and broken mask, desperately trying to keep the blood from flowing.
"Nel!" the two fraccion cried, but she had already reached Nnoitora.
"Fucking pathetic." They heard him growl, as he held her at arm's length by her bleeding skull.
She knew she should not have been where she was, but she could catch a glimpse into Las Noches. It was not pretty, and she knew then why Nnoitora was not pretty inside. For a brief moment, she recalled everything about her time in Las Noches.
Then, her golden eyes shut, and she sank back into amnesia as Nnoitora flung her into a wall and left.
The former espada, reduced to a mere child, was lucky to have such loyal fraccion. It was something she had always taken pride in, for she had always taken such good care of them.
It was a shock to see that she was the only one.