A/N: Here's a trigger warning. Towards the end of this chapter, there's a short description of hopelessness and suicide that may be triggering for some people. So, please tread carefully.

XIII - At the End of It All

He had gotten her to Isane as quickly as he physically could. She had stopped breathing and he begged to any possible higher god that was out there to let her live. It was a selfish wish, but he needed her. He needed her in his life more so than he had realized before. They'd had too little time together and most of it had been without admitting their feelings. He waited outside the Division, staring up at the night sky with his reiatsu hidden. If he left it released, his men would come running, thinking he had been injured so something and he didn't need them getting in the way.

Kotetsu-fukutaichou had come to find him, her eyes downcast. She and Isane had done all that they could and healed Sakura's body. But there was nothing else either of them could do. She was too far gone for them to save her. His heart splintered within his chest and he could only close his eyes in hopes that he could keep it together while in public.

"You're... welcome to see her body, Kuchiki-taichou, if you wish."

He turned quietly and followed her throughout the station. At the door, Isane exited the room and bowed her head to him. "I'm sorry, Kuchiki-san."

Byakuya waited until the left around the corner to enter the room, closing the door silently behind him. She laid on the bed, dressed in the white robes and her pink locks fanned around her. In this room, in this state, she seemed so small, smaller than he remembered, even from holding her not an hour earlier. He reached a hand out to touch her hand, but clenched his fingers into a fist instead.

If only he had been faster. If only he had been able to land stronger hits on their opponent before she asked to do it alone. If only.. If only...

He slipped his hand under her head and gathered her against his chest, squeezing his eyes closed. If only he could go back and kill the bastard himself, before she had to...

It wasn't fair. Was he cursed to never find fulfilling happiness with the women he opened up to? Was he forever cursed to live his life in solitude, those around him leaving or dying? First, his father, his mother, then Hisana, and now her. What was he supposed to do? He pressed his lips to the crown of her head, begging in his mind for her to come back to him. He apologized for not being able to love like she wanted when she needed him most. He apologized for causing her pain.

He just wanted to see her again, finally tell her how he felt.

But then something pulsed in the room.

For a second, Byakuya thought it had been her. That her chakra had flared again. But it wasn't her. It was her zanpakuto pulsing next to her on the table. His slate grey eyes widened. If her zanpakuto could was still active like this, then maybe she wasn't completely gone.

He laid her down gently and remembered one of their nights together at the Estate. She had taught him a useful healing technique that she adapted for his reiatsu use. Gently, he slipped the left shoulder of her robe off and gently pressed a hand over her heart. Focusing, he stretched a strand of reiatsu out to flow and wrap around her heart, his eyes closed to visualize just as she taught him. He could remember her soft giggles as she had him practice on a fake heart she'd taken from the medical station. Then, he flooded her heart with his energy while performing CPR, careful to not break any of her ribs.

Every time he blew into her mouth, he prayed for something to happen. He knew that CPR shouldn't be done after a certain time frame. But her zanpakuto kept pulsing next to him, giving him hope, false or not.

And then her heart finally gave a stuttering and weak beat. And then another one, a little stronger. He felt like he should have used his reiatsu to help her lungs. But he wasn't that skilled.

He withdraw his reiatsu as her heartbeat became stronger and cupped the top of her head, calling her name. "Sakura. Sakura."

Finally, she gasped, arching her back up off the bed and then coughing. He restrained her as her hands swung wildly in the air, as if fending someone off. As she settled, he stood and told a passing nurse to get Kotetsu-taichou.

Sakura's eyes fluttered open, circling around the room. "...Byakuya...?"

He took her hand.

She groaned softly, shifting. "My body aches."

"You died," he whispered, squeezing her fingers.

"I was?" She blew out a breath, closing her eyes again.

But he leaned forward to press her forehead gently against hers and kissed her lips. "I love you, Haruno Sakura."

Though his eyes were closed now, he could imagine the smile that graced her lips as her hand touched his cheek. "I know."

\/\/\/

Sakura stood before the Soutaichou, her own taichou, Isane, standing to his left while Ise Nanao stood to his right. She had just finished giving her report of the mission. But Isane was present because she had operated outside of the duties that were outlined for her before the start of the mission. Granted, yes, she had healed her comrades as necessary. But when the enemy presented himself, she had not called for Kuchiki-taichou and had, instead, taken on the enemy herself.

Kyoraku lifted his hat, his one eye watching her with aloofness, but the underlying serious very present. "Could you explain your actions?"

"As you know, Soutaichou, I remember my previous life before I died. In my village, I was a shinobi, similar to your Onmitsukido Division. When we passed our examinations and were allowed to take on missions, we were honor-bound to take care of our teammates, no matter what happens to them. Desertion is not an option."

"This doesn't explain why you clearly violated your orders," Ise-fukutaichou said. But Kyoraku quieted her.

"Please continue."

"The enemy, his name was Uchiha Sasuke, and he was one of my teammates. We died together. But he went to Hell. The moment I saw him during the mission, it became my duty to fight him. Not Inumuta, not Meiji, not Kazu, and not Kuchiki-taichou. I had promised him long ago that I would never let him fall, that I would never let him fail himself and our village. I had to be the one to kill him. Not because I wanted to. But because of my honor to him and our honor to our village."

Kyoraku hummed, rubbing his chin. "I see what you mean, Haruno-san. But, that still doesn't cover your refusal to follow orders."

"I explained this as succinctly as I could to Kuchiki-taichou and he eventually allow me this honor killing. By then, my orders had changed."

"You almost took your life in the process," Isane tried to counter.

"And, if I had died, then so be it. Teammates should always protect each other. Only families would sacrifice their lives for each other."

They all sat in the silence of her statement and Kyoraku finally sighed, pulling his hat down over his eyes. "Very well, Haruno-san. I accept your report and will not punish you for your actions. But, please know that such a pardon is rarely ever granted for direct violation of orders."

Sakura bowed deeply, hands at her sides. "Thank you, Soutaichou."

\/\/\/

He woke to the sound of her shifting. For a second, he thought she leaving and prepared to stop her. But she wasn't. She'd draped his yukata over shoulders, over her bra and underwear, and sat cross-legged in front of the open bedroom door, looking up at the night sky. The moon was nowhere to be found since it was the night of the new moon. He sat up and moved to sit behind her, pushing her hair aside to kiss her neck and shoulder. His strong thighs pressed against her softer, leaner ones.

"I didn't mean to wake you," she whispered, leaning back against his chest and clutching his wrists to wrap his arms around her petite body.

He only gave a soft hum to say he was fine with it.

"I just... couldn't stop thinking. I know it's been two months now but... I can't forget the things Sasuke accused me of."

"You were not at fault."

She sat quietly in the circle of his arms and whispered, "But what if I was?"

He sat up straighter, looking out over the garden beyond the door. "Hell has a way of skewing its inhabitants' perceptions of their final hours. And, because he was someone from your past, you would believe his words. He was your friend and he was hurt."

When she didn't say anything his hands touched her gently - shoulders, neck, cheeks, and temple - but not enough to suggest he wanted her intimately.

"Sometimes... I wish I had been able to take his hand and go to Hell with him. Maybe then, he wouldn't have been so hurt, so lonely." She looked up at him over her shoulder. "But then I wouldn't have been able to meet you again."

He pecked her lips.

As she settled against him, he closed his eyes. Not to sleep, but to be present in the moment with her. But he felt the subtle shift in her.

"I never you told you about the scar on my throat."

"I did not expect you to. It is personal."

"But you've shared personal stories with me." Her fingers grazed the scar on her throat. "The enemy had drained me of my chakra. Without it, I was too weak to engage them. I could barely drag myself over to the tree where you found me. Sasuke had managed to kill the immediate ambushers, but he was bleeding out from a deep gash in his abdomen and I didn't have the chakra to heal him. Neither of us would have made it back to our village. He laid his head in my lap and begged me to help make him not scared. He was afraid of what came after."

She fell quiet for a couple minutes and he patiently waited.

"I stabbed him in the heart. It was the quickest way I could think of for him. He didn't take long. But I did. I couldn't stand the waiting and I could hear more of them coming. They would have tortured me, broken me and forced me to give them all of my village's secret. And I couldn't do that. I wasn't mentally prepared to withstand the torment. So, I took the same kunai and... just slit my throat. I didn't have the guts to just stab myself. What if I missed? This was... the only way."

She turned her head towards him but didn't look directly at him. "Does that... make me a coward?"

He didn't say anything for a couple seconds and reached up to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. "A coward would have been more afraid of death. That you readily embraced it speaks more to your conviction to protect your village."

She settled again. "...I guess."

"This is why you wanted to leave the headbands."

"Yes. It would have been days before they sent someone out to search for us. By then, I'm not sure our bodies would have still been there. It was the least I could have done for Sasuke, and for our teammates, the ones we saw at the stone. That kind of closure is what I knew they needed."

"And what you needed."

She ducked her head. "Yeah..." But she looked up at the sky again. "I just wish I could have save him."

"Do not dwell on it," he offered, holding her tighter against his chest. He crossed his legs under her knees, wanting to hold all of her. "Dwelling on it will only darken your heart. You'll lose yourself in wishing for the things you could have done differently."

They sat in the following silence of the night. She didn't need to ask how he knew. He had shared with her his story of Hisana before and how it had made him colder afterwards. But she knew about the choices he made after her passing and how he resolved to be kinder to Rukia once she knew about her late older sister. In the last two months, Sakura had been around when he agonized over whether or not to give Rukia a kimono to dance in for the New Year. It made her giggle, even now, at how ridiculous he was acting over asking her such a simple thing. Of course the woman had said yes; she wouldn't have given any other answer.

He nuzzled behind her ear and tightened his hold around her waist. "What?"

She sighed, holding onto his forearms. "Nothing. Just remembering something."

"From then or now?"

"Now." She turned her head to kiss him deeply. "I might still regret not doing more. But at least I know that I can hold their memories in my heart and move on."

A/N: This is not the end of the drabbles! And it's certainly not the end of Sakura and Byakuya from this story line. But, it's at least the end of the bulk of their story. Look forward to more from this story line and other stories as well.