Chapter Thirteen –What Could Have Been

"Look who's finally here!" Brooke declared as she bounced into the room excitedly.

Haley glanced up from her desk with a smile. "You're late."

"Relax, Tutor girl. We're right on schedule. What are you doing anyway? You do realize that school is over?"

"I'm just going over my speech again."

"You're such a nerd."

She chuckled softly as she glanced at her valedictorian speech. "Right. Remind me again how you passed Calculus?"

"I love you!"

"That's what I thought," Haley grinned before standing up and reaching for her cap and gown.

"Anyway, everyone is waiting for you downstairs," Brooke announced.

"How do I look?"

Brooke took the time to check her out. "Smokin hot! Let's do this!"

"I can't believe we're graduating today," Haley muttered. It all seemed to pass by so fast. It felt like yesterday that they all walked through the halls of Tree Hill High for the first time. Now, it was all over and soon they'd be going off to college. She still couldn't wrap her head around it. Everything was changing so quickly.

"I know!"

Brooke smiled happily before linking their arms together. Before she knew it, Brooke was pulling her downstairs. She heard people laughing and she couldn't help but smile. Her mother held her camera in her hands as she took pictures of Jake. Her father stood off to the side shaking his head.

"There you are," Keith grinned. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks, Daddy."

"How about me, Papa James?" Brooke questioned before spinning in front of him so that he could get the full effect of her dress.

"You, too," Keith chuckled.

"You all look so beautiful," Karen smiled happily through her tears.

"Mom, don't cry," Haley stated with the shake of her head. She glanced at her father for help but all he did was shrug before folding his arms over his chest. Her mother had been emotional for the last few weeks.

"I'm just so happy. Both you girls come stand next to Jake. I want to take pictures."

"Ok, but then we have to go. I don't –"

"Want to be late," Jake finished for her with a chuckle. "Yeah, we know."

She elbowed him in the side. "Shut up!"

"Get over here," Jake grinned before pulling her into him. He did the same with Brooke, his arms around both of them before they all smiled at the camera. Her mother snapped the picture. The next fifteen minutes were spent taking pictures with everyone. When they were finally done, she quickly got her things ready. She really didn't want to be late.

"I can't believe we're graduating today," Brooke declared happily. "Whoever thought I'd finish high school?"

"Me for sure," Jake teased.

"Shut up," Brooke giggled.

Karen smiled proudly. "I can't believe it either. I'm so proud of all of you."

"Let's get going before she starts crying again," Keith muttered.

"Good idea, Dad," Haley smiled.

"Are you nervous?"

"A little."

"Don't be," Keith smiled proudly. "You'll do great. You've worked really hard for this. Take it all in, sweetheart. This is your day. Enjoy it."

"I will," Haley nodded.

"Right," Brooke chuckled. "I can't wait for the party tonight. I mean, it sucks that Damien is throwing it and thank God you broke up with him by the way, but it'll be so much fun! Everyone is going to be there. It's supposed to be like the party of the year!"

"You say that about every party," Jake laughed.

Brooke rolled her eyes. "But I really mean it this time."

Jake rolled his eyes before glancing at Haley. She couldn't help but giggle softly before following them out of the house. She couldn't imagine doing this without them here today. They were her best friends. That would never change. They survived the last four years together and now it was time to let go of their adolescence and move on. She was terrified of what the future would bring but she was ready for it.

Haley sat at her desk as she read over the book in her hands. She didn't know how long she had been studying for her exam tomorrow but she knew it was a while. She had been at it all day it felt like. She continued reading. She flipped the page before taking a few notes.

She heard the door open before it slammed shut. She glanced over her shoulder and noticed Brooke tossing her books angrily on the bed before rushing towards her closet.

"Bad day?" Haley questioned softly.

"Like the worst," Brooke declared. "Eric dumped me!"

"What?"

"That's right," Brooke muttered angrily. "He dumped me! Can you believe that? I was totally going to end things with him and before I could he did! I'm so pissed off! Not to mention the fact that I'm late for Ryan's party. I don't have anything to wear and I need to find a guy before I go."

"Don't you have an exam tomorrow?"

"Yeah, so?"

She glanced at Brooke worriedly. "Brooke, shouldn't you be studying?"

"That's your thing," Brooke laughed softly. "Besides, I studied a little earlier. You know all work and no play makes me cranky. Plus, I so need to find another man. He's going to wish he never let me go."

"Fine," Haley muttered. "Have fun."

"Oh, we will. Now get dressed."

"I told you that I couldn't go. I have an exam in the morning," Haley explained once again. Brooke just didn't understand sometimes.

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know you've been studying like crazy. We've been in college for over three years now and how many parties have you attended? I swear, Hales, you're missing the whole point of college. You're supposed to let loose and have fun. When was the last date you've been on?"

"I don't remember."

"That's exactly my point," Brooke sighed. "All you do is study and go to class. Live a little, Hales. Just come to the party. You might even have a little fun."

"I can't. Not tonight."

"Please," Brooke whined. "I need you with me. He's going to be there and I'll look pathetic if I show up alone!"

"No, you won't. Besides you just said that you were going to find another guy."

Brooke placed her hands on her hips. "You're going."

"I have to pass this exam."

"So, for once in your academic career you'll get a B!"

"I…"

"Come on," Brooke pouted. "I need you there. We won't stay long. I promise."

She dropped the pen in her hands before shaking her head. How many times had Brooke dragged her to parties over the years? She couldn't even remember. But she knew that Brooke wouldn't leave her alone for the rest of the night. She was going to this party whether she wanted to or not.

"I'm not staying long," Haley mumbled as she stood up.

Brooke clapped excitedly. "Thank you! We're going to have so much fun!"

"Right," Haley muttered as she started looking for something to wear.

"Maybe Blake will be there."

She rolled her eyes. "Why should I care?"

"Because he's totally into you. I think you should go for it. You so need a boyfriend. I mean, it's really time for one. You haven't dated anyone since high school. You need to get laid!"

"Brooke!"

"What?" Brooke chuckled. "I'm just saying. You can't keep your V card forever!"

"I'm waiting until I'm married," Haley stated agitatedly. "I can't help it if I haven't found the one yet."

"You're still talking about the one, huh? I really hope he's out there because you're surely missing out on a lot, Hales. I mean, you never even try with guys…you've never been in love. How can you fall in love when you can't even take a chance on anyone?"

"When I find him, I'll know, and I won't have to try. It'll just happen like it's supposed to." She turned away from Brooke after that. She didn't know how many times she and Brooke had this conversation. She was so tired of hearing it. She couldn't help it if she hadn't found any interesting guys here at Stanford. It's not like she didn't try. She really did. It was just that none of them were what she was looking for.

What was the point in starting something when you knew that it won't lead anywhere? She didn't see it. She just wished that Brooke would get it. Brooke was all about having fun and experiencing everything. She wished she could be that way.

"Thank you!"

"Let's hear it for Haley James!"

The crowd cheered and she waved. After every show she always felt the same way. Happy. She loved her job, loved performing, lived for it. She loved all the traveling and all of the people that she met on the road. This was the life.

She made her way off the stage. Someone handed her a bottle of water and she quickly downed it before tossing it in the nearest trashcan. She didn't stop walking until she was safely inside of her dressing room. She calmed herself down before taking a seat. She noticed the pictures of her parents and smiled. Next to it was a picture of her, Brooke, and Jake. She took those pictures to every show. They reminded her of what was important in her life.

Since college things had been different. Jake was a music producer back in LA. Brooke was a huge fashion designer that traveled the world. Her parents still lived in Tree Hill and she made it home every few months to visit them. There was nothing like going home for a break from the crazy business she worked it. She loved her job but sometimes she just needed to get away from it all.

She took her time getting dressed and getting her things ready. Once she was done she did a few interviews and signed a few autographs before she was escorted to the limo waiting for her. She could see the flashing lights as people took pictures of her and she smiled before the door was closed and the limo took off. She sighed in relief. Sometimes she just wished that she was a normal person.

Leaning her head back, she closed her eyes. It wasn't long before someone opening the door woke her up. Her eyes snapped open and she smiled sheepishly at her bodyguard John.

"Sorry."

"No need to explain, Miss. James. I'm sure you're tired," John grinned. "Let's get you inside."

She nodded before getting out of the limo. She was ushered inside quickly. Once she was in the elevator she pulled out her key for the penthouse before putting it in and then she waited. Once the elevator doors opened she walked inside of her apartment before dropping her purse by the door.

She made her way into the kitchen and instantly started looking for something to eat. She pulled out the Chinese food from the day before and started eating it.

"And I thought Rock Stars were supposed to stay out all night partying."

She rolled her eyes as Brooke entered the kitchen. "What are you doing home?"

"Bad date," Brooke mumbled. "I swear the men in New York are just awful."

"At least the ones you end up dating," Haley grinned.

"Thanks," Brooke stated sarcastically. "How was the show?"

"Good. Big crowd."

"Dumb-Dumb wanted to take me to see some heavy metal group tonight," Brooke giggled. She couldn't help but laugh along with Brooke. Didn't the guy at least know Brooke a little? No wonder Brooke was home so early.

"Wow," Haley grinned.

"That's not the worse part."

"Do tell."

"He showed up at the restaurant wearing eyeliner," Brooke explained while shaking her head.

"Really?"

Brooke nodded. "I mean he had on more than I did."

"Where did you meet this guy again?"

"A friend of a friend who isn't a friend of mine anymore," Brooke muttered before fixing herself a glass of water.

Haley giggled. "So what are you doing?"

"Watching TV."

"Anyone called for me?"

"Jake," Brooke answered.

"I guess I should call him back."

"Actually, you might want to leave him alone for the night."

"Why's that?"

Brooke grimaced. "I might have kept him on the phone for three hours telling him about my horrible love life."

"That poor boy," Haley giggled softly.

"What about me?"

Haley rolled her eyes. "You'll be fine."

"Right," Brooke sighed. "I'll just be alone for the rest of my life!"

"You're not alone. You have me," Haley called out as Brooke stormed off back to the living room. Haley giggled quietly to herself as she finished eating. Brooke always got this way when a date went bad. In the morning it would be like nothing happened.

She picked up her mess before making her way into the living room. She took a seat on the sofa before covering herself up. She glanced at Brooke.

She loved her life. She did. But lately she had been thinking about all the choices she had made in her life. She wondered if this was really who she was meant to be.

"Brooke?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think that this is who I'm meant to be?"

"What do you mean, Superstar?"

"This," Haley stated as she held up her hands and looked around the luxurious penthouse. She noticed Brooke looking at her confused and she shrugged her shoulders. "I mean, did you ever picture this is where I'd end up?"

"Yes," Brooke nodded. "You were born to do this. Where is this all coming from?"

"I just feel like…there should be more to my life besides my job. It's like there's something missing and I don't know what it is."

"Haley, you have everything."

"I never pictured my life like this, Tigger. I mean, I thought I'd be married by now. Maybe even with kids. I don't know. I might be going crazy. Forget I said anything. What are you watching?"

Brooke looked at her for a few seconds before looking away.

"The news," Brooke replied as her eyes stayed glued to the TV.

"Seriously," Haley couldn't help but laugh. Brooke never watched the news.

"Yeah," Brooke sighed. "It's so sad. He was so young…our age."

"Who?"

"That hotshot lawyer. You know the guy. He's like the youngest lawyer to win all his cases. It says that he hasn't lost a case yet and he was going to be one of the best…"

She finally glanced at the screen. "What happened to him?"

"Car accident," Brooke stated. "God, he was just so young."

As Brooke talked they flashed another picture of the guy on the screen. Haley felt her heart pound hard in her chest at the sight of him and for some reason she felt sad. He was so handsome and Brooke was right, he was young.

"What was his name?" Haley whispered. She was feeling something else but she didn't know what it was.

Brooke glanced at her. "Nathan Scott."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and she could feel herself wanting to cry. She knew she shouldn't feel this way. She didn't know the guy, didn't know a thing about him. But looking at his picture she felt something pull inside of her and she felt the loss of him. The feeling was overwhelming and it took over everything inside of her. Nathan.

"Nathan?"

Her eyes shot open and she was breathing rapidly.

"Nathan!"

She shouted his name loudly in the darkened room. She was still trying to calm her breathing as she tried to remember where she was. That dream she had wasn't real. No, it was a nightmare. There was no way that it had been real. Nathan was real. He was her husband. They had been married for as long as she could remember. Nathan wasn't some stranger who died in a car accident. They had the most amazing life together, a son, a daughter…

"Nathan!"

Her panicked voice continued to shout his name as she made it out of the bed quickly and took off running out of the room. She didn't know what was real and what wasn't. It wasn't long before hands took hold of her arms and stopped her. It was Brooke.

"Nathan," Haley rushed out. "Where is he? What happened? Where is he, Brooke?"

"Haley, calm down," Brooke said confused. "You must have had a bad dream."

"Is everything ok?" Julian questioned from behind Brooke.

She glanced at both of them. Before she could ask where Nathan was a little voice spoke before her.

"Mommy?"

She noticed Jamie standing a few feet away and she quickly started crying at the sight of him. Brooke let go of her arm and she instantly made it in front of Jamie before dropping to her knees and pulling him into her. She hugged him as tight as she could. He was real and that meant that Nathan was real. It had all been a dream.

"Don't ever leave me," Haley muttered.

"I won't, Momma," Jamie promised. They stayed like that for a long time before she let go of him. Jamie went back to play with Jacob and she stood up and faced Brooke.

"What happened?" Brooke questioned.

"I don't know," Haley muttered shaking her head. She couldn't explain it. It all felt so real, like that actually could have been her life. She shuttered. There were times lately when she wondered if Nathan would've been better off never meeting her. She knew for her that she couldn't live without him.

"You went to take a nap and the next thing I know you're screaming out for him…is everything ok?"

"No," Haley shook her head. "Everything's not ok…I'm not ok. I have a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach."

"It's going to be ok. Nathan's going to be back soon."

It all came rushing back to her so quickly. How much she needed him, how much she wanted him. Nothing could ever change that. He was like the air to her. She couldn't live without him. She had been so stupid to push him away. What had she been thinking? How could that have helped things? She didn't need space from him. They needed to be together. She couldn't bear a life without him. She had handled the accident and their loss all wrong. She had been suffering but that didn't mean she had to shut him out.

She knew that it was wrong. She hadn't deserved to feel better because of him. But maybe if she let him know how she was feeling, maybe if he could understand the way she felt, then maybe they could heal together. They needed to get through this together like they had always done. They were a family, at least they were.

She took Jamie home and got him ready for bed. She checked the phone but he still he hadn't called. After reading Jaime a story, she tucked him in. She brushed her fingers over his cheek and smiled at him. He looked so much like Nathan.

"I love you, sweetie," Haley smiled.

"Are you and dad going to leave each other like Aunt Brooke and Uncle Julian?"

She felt her heart drop in her chest. "Hey, come here." She made him face her as she searched for the right words. She hated how this was hurting him. She was supposed to shield him from all of this. This wasn't supposed to touch him at all. This was all her mess.

"Of course not," Haley explained carefully. "Your daddy and I love each other very much."

"But Aunt Brooke and Uncle Julian loved each other too and they stopped."

She took a deep breath. "Listen, what your daddy and I have is very special and I promise you that we're not going to stop loving each other. Don't forget that." She leaned in and kissed his forehead softly.

She didn't know where she and Nathan stood at the moment but she knew no matter what that they'd love each other forever.

"And Aunt Brooke and Uncle Julian still love each other."

"Like you and daddy?"

She nodded before smiling at him.

"Goodnight, baby." She left his room and went to her own before sitting on the side of the bed. She glanced at the wedding picture next to the lamp and smiled. Lifting it in her hands she brought it close before reaching for the phone. Trying to call him one more time wouldn't hurt. She dialed his number and waited. Her tears started spilling once his voicemail picked up.

"I love you," Haley whispered before hanging up. She moved herself to his side of the bed before glancing down at their wedding photo. She had to fix this. There was just no other way.

Haley kept her eyes glued to Jamie as they sat in the café. They had come to the café for dinner. She was so exhausted. She hadn't really slept the night before. She just couldn't get over the nightmare that she had the day before. It had just felt so real. It was all so horrible, imagining a life without him felt just wrong.

"How's your food?"

"Good," Jamie muttered. "Grandma makes them just right."

She smiled. "She does."

"Is Daddy ever coming home?" Jamie questioned.

She felt her heart drop. "Of course he is, sweetie. Daddy should be home tomorrow."

"I miss him."

"Me, too," Haley muttered. She missed him so much. She couldn't wait for him to get home so that they could talk about everything. She had tired calling him earlier but his phone was turned off. She hated how badly things were between them now and she knew that it was all her fault. She just wanted to talk to him and explain to him why she felt the way she did. Things were different now. She wanted to let him in.

"You know what we should do? We should cook daddy a nice dinner and surprise him."

"Cool," Jamie grinned. "Can we have balloons?"

"Anything you want," Haley smiled. This was perfect. It was just the way to show Nathan how much they both missed him.

"I can't wait for Daddy to get home!"

She smiled at Jamie. "We're going to have to go shopping for a few things."

She watched as Jamie nodded eagerly before focusing on his food. She smiled at him before glancing behind the counter. She noticed her mother hang up the phone before looking at her helplessly. She quickly stood up and walked towards her mom. She didn't like the look on her mother's face. It made her heart drop.

"What is it?"

"It's…Dan. He had a heart attack and they don't know if he's going to make it."

"Oh my god," Haley rushed out. "Nathan…" He was all she could think about.

"We have to get to the hospital. Deb said that both the boys were there. I have to call your father."

She glanced at her mom confused. "But…Nathan's in New York."

Karen shook her head as she placed the phone to her ear. "Deb said he was there, sweetheart. I guess he got back early."

"Oh." Nathan was back in Tree Hill and didn't tell her. She ignored the aching in her chest as she pulled out her cell phone. She needed to call Brooke to take Jamie for the night. She didn't want him knowing what was going on at the moment. Then she needed to get to the hospital as soon as she could to be there for Nathan. He needed to know that he wasn't alone.