They found the vampire. Where? In a cave. Nope, no abandoned, torn down castles or anything, just a cave. How anticlimactic.

"Alright, vampire!" yelled Zeph. "It's time to end you!" He ran towards the vampire...only to get owned. Like Krillin. Heheh.

"AGH! OH, GOD, I'M LEAKING!" yelled Zeph as he laid on the floor, completely immobilized by pain.

The Vampire bowed to the Light Warriors and Solun and Dr. Science and said: "Welcome to my lair...allow me to introduce myself. I am Tirituss, and I am the Vampire of this cave. Shall we tango?"

Tirituss disappeared from sight...only to reappear right behind Quad! "You look yummy..."

"wat." said Quad. "Nothing." said Tirituss, as he placed his hand on Quad's shoulder. "Hey, did you know that all rapes start with a hand on the shoulder?"

Quad moaned. "Yes, please...but not today..." Quad did a reverse roundhouse back-kick of fury at Tirituss's man-ovaries, which were anatomically mis-placed, as they were in his ass-cheeks. Tirituss screamed in pain and coughed up some blood.

"Agh, my man-ovaries! I remember when he-" Tirituss pointed at Dr. Science. "-implanted them in my ass-cheeks with the most horrible surgery of my life!"

Dr. Science stroked his chin hairs and recalled the time of when he did that. "Ah, yes, what a lovely procedure...made much easier with a chainsaw...why did I do that again? Ah, yes, mother."

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" said Tirituss, as he disappeared from sight and reappeared behind Solun.

"Wait, wha-" said Solun. Before she could barely even react, Tirituss used Thundershock on her. How did that work? Aren't Vampires Ghost-types? Ah, whatever,

Solun fell forward and lay there, unconscious, just like Zeph. Just like Krillin. Heheh.

"Hey!" cried Dr. Science. "That was my lightning in a bottle! Why, you little..."

Dr. Science drew an incendiary sniping machine gun from his pack, and he aimed it at Tirituss. And then suddenly, HE STARTED RAGING! YEAH, FIRE THAT MACHINE GUN, MUTHAFUCKA! SHOOT HIM RIGHT IN THE-

And then Tirituss caught every bullet with his hand. Turns out he was fire-proof. "Uh-oh" said Dr. Science, as Tirituss owned him.

"DAMN YOU, VAMPIRE! TIRITUSS? MORE LIKE TIRITITS!" yelled Dr. Science, as he passed out. A lone beaker full of light rolled out of his hands, with the word FLASH written on it. Instructions were conveniently labeled on it.

In case of emergency, freak the f** out, and throw in opponent's face. "Oh how convenient." said Tirituss, as he picked it up and threw it at Rain. A huge flash was shone. Rain was blinded!

"Hah! Hahahahahahah..." laughed Tirituss, as he struck Rain in the neck and knocked her out.

"Wait a second..." said Quad. "You didn't freak out!" "Wait..." replied Tirituss. "How did you read the tiny letters from all the way over there?"

"Good question" said Quad, right before he lunged towards Tirituss, magical staff at the ready.

"LAWL, UR ATAX R USELES" said Tirituss, as he owned Quad in one punch. Quad flew back and hit his head on the ceiling. When he landed on the ground, he just so happened to land in a position which placed his face on Zeph's buttcheek.

"EAT THIS! FLAME CHARGE!" Moon surrounded herself with flames, and charged towards Tirituss.

Tirituss managed to stop Moon by simply placing his hand on her forehead.

"God dammit" said Moon. She raised her hand and pointed her palm at his Tirituss's face. A shot of ice blasted him, temporarily blinding him.

"Hah. How pointless." said Tirituss. He charged towards Moon and tripped on a rock. His head smashed Moon in the face.

"I meant to do that" said Tirituss after he regained his balance. "But that's besides the point. Everyone's down, except you. And your magic can't help you. And, you are weakened. I may be blind, but I can sense you!"

Tirituss charged forwards...and slammed into a wall. "Ok, I'm still practicing, just let me get it right this time."

He charged forwards again, this time, tripping on my shoe. He landed in a pile of "pies" if you know what I mean.

"That's right, bitchotchickles" I said, as I stepped forward this time. "It's time for the narrator to get a shot at this! Haaaahhhh!"

I leaped forwards, my pencil in hand. I aimed a downwards stab at Tirituss's neck...only to get owned in one punch like Quad. And like Trunks. Heheh. This would be funny, if it weren't for the fact that I was getting my ass kicked by my own character.

"Dammit!" I said. "Moon, distract him for me! I'm going to get Dr. Science's secret vampire kit!"

Moon shot a ball of fire at Tirituss while I dug through Dr Science's pack. "Ah, yes" I said when I found it. "Here it is!" I took out the small container. Written on the front was:

In case of vampire, use these.. I took out a small steak. "Eat this!" I yelled as I ran towards Tirituss. In the middle of my run, Tirituss opened his eyes and smiled at me. "I can see again...and I can see that you are absolutely retarded."

"What?!" I screamed, pissed off at how he could insult me like that "How could that be!? I got your one true weakness right here! BITCH I'M PROBABLY THE SMARTEST ONE HERE!"

I slapped the steak across his face. And across the other side. But nothing was happening! His face was just getting covered in steak sauce.

He owned me in one punch, again, this time, sending me landing in front of the container full of steaks. I picked it up and read the instructions again, looking for a answer.

It actually read In case of vampire bbq, use these. "SON OF A BITCH" I yelled, as Tirituss owned Moon in one punch and then proceeded to own me with several.

"OW, GOD! OH, GOD THAT HURTS. OUCH. OH GOD, MY BALLS! AGH!"

I lay there, taking his punched for a while, before I caught his fist, looked him straight in the eye, and said this: "You haven't even seen my final form yet."

I suddenly went Super Saiyan and caught him a full nelson! Everybody who was unconscious just happened to wake up at this point.

"Goodbye, everybody...it's been fun being your narrator...but don't worry. This story will go on. I hired an intern. Just...have patience with him."

"Wait" said Quad. "There's somebody worse than you?!"

I looked at my novel counter-part straight in the eye and said this: "Yep"

And I self-destructed. Like Chaotzu.

Everything went dark.

END OF CHAPTER 13