Say You Care
Hey everyone. Sorry for the wait, but I was in pain all week. Getting your wisdom teeth pulled is not fun at all. Anyways, enjoy chapter thirteen!
-Marinette-
I want to cry once my grandparents and aunt leave. I want to curl up into a ball on the dirty hospital floor and cry my eyes out. I want to cry for them. For my parents. For everyone that I have ever loved. But I take a deep breath, and remind myself that the pain will be over soon. I'll drift away, and they'll forget. Life isn't meant to be sad. Life is meant to be lived, happily. My parents knew that better than anyone. Always sweet and optimistic, always loving and compassionate. I don't think I had ever seen my parents frown or cry. Our home was always filled with love, the way it should be. I was lucky that I had them, such beautiful people, and they were my family. I wish that I could go back to my home, hear my parents humming in the kitchen as they baked pastries. But now that home was cold and empty. My parents weren't humming in the kitchen, the smell of fresh bread didn't fill the apartment. They were gone. Everything was gone. What was the point in going back to a place without love, and light, and music? I sat on my cot, looking down at my unconscious body. She was so still and tranquil. For all anyone knew, she could be dreaming happy dreams, about her parents baking pastries in their apartment. That sounded better than wandering around a hospital like a lost spirit, an entity of absolutely nothing.
That's when the door opens again. Standing there, still as a statue, is Alya. She looks terrified, her eyes wide as she stares at my unconscious body. Her face is red and her eyes are bloodshot, she looks so sad and distraught. I wish that she could see me. I wish that I could reach out and touch her, hug her, tell her that she shouldn't be sad. But I can't. I can only watch her as she rushes to my bedside, Nino close behind her. She opens her mouth to speak, but she's so choked up that she can hardly say anything.
"Hi Alya." I try my best to smile for her, but knowing that she can't see it makes my heart ache in my chest.
"Mari," She whispers. Although she closes her eyes tightly, a few tears escape. Then she takes a deep breath. "No," She tells herself, wiping the tears as quickly as they fall. "I'm tired of crying."
"Then don't," I tell her. "I don't want you to cry over me."
What's the point? She can't hear me. I watch the two of them, Nino grips Alya's hand tightly for support, unshed tears swimming in his eyes. I don't think that I've ever seen him cry. I listen to their silence, filled only by Alya's shaky breath.
"Alya," I continue despite logic or reason. "Don't be sad. I'll be okay, I'll be with my parents."
I watch as Nino puts his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. He gently strokes her head, trying to calm her. I say her name again, louder this time. Obviously, she doesn't react. Neither does Nino. They can't hear me. I can't tell them how much I love them, or how glad I am that they are here. How much I want to laugh with them, and cry with them. If only they could hear me. I would say everything that I've ever wanted to say to them. Maybe I'd even tell them about Ladybug. How I spent years saving Paris from akuma. I wonder how they'd react. Would they be excited? Happy? Or would they be disappointed? Would they be angry that I hadn't told them sooner? It's a shame that I never had the courage to tell them. Who knows? Maybe if I had more time, I would have. Maybe when I'm gone, Adrien will tell them. Now all I have to do is let them say goodbye, and I can be on my way.
"It's hard to see her like this." Alya whispers into Nino's chest.
"I know," Nino replies, placing a soft kiss on top of her head. "No one should have to suffer like this."
I want to tell them that I'm not suffering. But even though I feel no pain, I am suffering. I feel this ache in my chest, a hole that may never be filled. A pain that I know will never go away as long as I live. And there is no reason for me to. I have no one to turn to, nobody who can help me through this time. I want to cry again. But, just like Alya, I'm tired of crying. I watch as Alya nods and lets go of Nino. She turns to me, my unconscious self, and takes a deep breath.
"Hey Marinette," Her voice is low, it trembles and quakes. She takes another deep breath. "I really hope you wake up soon."
I can't Alya. I can't live without my parents.
"I know that things are hard right now," She sympathizes. "But everyone's here waiting for you. Your family, everyone in our class is here to support you, and Adrien. Adrien is here."
Everyone in our class is here? I saw the two of them in the waiting room with Adrien, but not the entire class. When did they get here?
"Please wake up Mari," It's Nino who speaks this time. "We'll always be with you, we'll always support you."
I can't. You know I can't.
"We're your family Marinette." Alya whispers, placing her hand on top of mine. "We're going to get through this, all of us."
She gives my hand a light squeeze. Although I am unconscious, I swear that I can feel the love and warmth radiating through my skin. Then she smiles, the first genuine smile that I have seen on her face all day. The smile that is so strong and beautiful it could light up the world. The smile that she should always have on her face. This smile is made of hope, hope that I will wake up and smile with her again someday. Would it be selfish to leave? Would it be selfish to leave Alya, and Nino, and even Adrien? No. It isn't. If I do not think that I can stay, then I don't have to.
"Now we're going to go so that everyone else can see you," Alya tells me. "But we'll be back really soon."
She gently moves my bangs out of my face and places a soft kiss on my forehead. She and Nino don't stop watching me as they leave. They linger for a moment, as though they are waiting for me to suddenly awaken, alive, happy, and well. But I don't. There is no mistaking the depressed look on Alya's face as she walks out of the room. Then I'm alone with my thoughts once again. I look down at my unconscious form, I'm afraid to touch her- me. So I simply watch her breathe. My eyes trail down to the earrings still stuck into my ears. Tikki where are you? Why can't you be here to give me advice and support? I suddenly feel sick to my stomach again, not a nauseous sick, just sick. Like there's a virus slowly eating me, consuming every part of me, and it will continue until there is nothing left. I'm alone. I'm all alone. I have no one to laugh with. I have no one to talk to. I have nothing. I am nothing. I'm here. I'm breathing. But inside I'm already gone.
"Marinette?" A new voice catches my attention.
I can do nothing but stare at the sight before me. Standing in the doorway is everyone I know. Everyone I went to school with. Some hold flowers and others simply stand around my bed, trying their best to smile, even though I know they want to burst into tears.
"Hi sweetheart," It's Mylene who speaks first. She walks over to my bed, her heels clicking on the tile floor. "We're glad to see that you're out of surgery."
"Why are we talking to her?" I hear Kim's voice from the doorway. "She can't hear us."
I let out a small chuckle. Oh, Kim, if only you knew.
"Actually, studies show that while she is in a comatose state, hearing familiar voices aids her in recovery." Max informs the room.
"Anyways," Mylene continues. "We brought you flowers."
I watch as Ivan places a bouquet of lilies on my bedside table.
"The florist said that yellow brings health and good fortune." She continued.
I hear a small sniffle from the other side of the room. Sure enough, there's Rose, crying. Juleka wraps her arm around the short blonde, kissing the side of her head gently.
"Please wake up." She chokes. "You're such a good friend to everyone, we're all here because we love you. Please."
The small girl starts breathing heavily to the point where she can no longer speak. Her face turns white and she looks as though she is about to faint. Juleka realizes that the poor girl is dangerously close to having a panic attack. She gently rubs her girlfriend's back and calmly escorts her out of the room. To my surprise, Sabrina is the next person to step forward, holding a single pink carnation. She places it on the bedside next to the lilies.
"I'm sorry that I was rude to you." She whispers. "I remember you said that pink was your favourite colour."
That was nice of her. I hadn't expected Sabrina to visit me.
Alix steps up next. The short hair that she had dyed pink when we were younger is now bright blue.
"I never thanked you for always cheering me on." She tells me with a smile. "I need you to keep cheering for me, okay?"
Even though she smiles, I can see her biting the inside of her cheek, she's trying not to cry. I didn't even know that Alix had tear ducts. She takes a step back for the next person to see me. It's Nathanael, he places a piece of paper on my nightstand, a black and white sketch, a portrait of me. He's gotten significantly better at drawing in the last few years. He's captured every detail of my face, right down to the line of freckles across my nose. It must have taken hours. It was incredibly beautiful.
"Art is suppose to make you feel something," His voice is low and his face is as red as his hair. "You have always been art to me, Marinette."
All of my friends, standing in one room, telling me how much they love me. How much I mean to them. I can't help but feel love for all of them, I couldn't have asked for better people. They want me to be okay, they want me to continue. And I wish that they could hear me. I wish that I could explain to them that I need to moved on, to be with my family. Slowly my friends leave my bedside. Sabrina is the first to go, head hung sadly, tears in her turquoise eyes. I wonder if I should have tried harder to reach out to her, I know that her friendship with Chloe wasn't the best. She would actually be a decent person if it were not for Chloe's influence. Alix follows a few minutes later, when her brother arrives to pick her up. Kim and Max leave together, having been silent for most of the visit. I don't blame them for being so quiet. What exactly can you say in a situation like this? All one can do is offer words of comfort. Nathanael leaves next, slower than everyone else, he stalls and looks back for a moment before finally exiting the room. Mylene and Ivan stay the longest, they sit by my bed and watch me, waiting for me to move.
"Come back Mari." Mylene hums sadly. "We're all waiting for you."
Ivan puts his arm around his girlfriend.
"We should go," He whispers. Mylene nods, but only hesitantly, she doesn't move. "I'm sure that a certain someone wants to see her, and I don't think he wants an audience."
Mylene nods again, the tiniest smile appearing on her face. I listen to the click of her heels and the squeak of his sneakers on the tile floor as they make their way back down the hallway to the waiting room. And I'm alone again. An empty entity wandering endlessly. If I stay here for much longer, I'm going to go crazy. Seeing my friends didn't make the pain go away. I still feel like someone has taken a part of me, like I'm trying to walk without legs, or trying to see without eyes. I feel like someone has abducted me, trapped me in a world that I don't understand. I have no one here with me. No one to turn to, no one to care. I can't do this alone, and yet I must. I wish that someone could hear me. I wish that someone could see me. I wish that there was someone who understood.
I suddenly hear the clicking of heels on the tile floor again. For a moment, I think that it's Mylene, but it isn't. When Mylene walks in heels she's graceful and dainty like a ballerina, her heels make a delicate sound. These heels sound angry, the way they stomp and clack on the floor indicates the intensity of the person. No, this wasn't Mylene, this was the last person that I would have expected.
-Adrien-
Just get up off that stupid plastic chair and go see her. It shouldn't be that hard. So why is it? Why am I afraid to see her? Because the last time I spoke to her we were angry, and now I might never get the chance to make things right. I thought that I was doing the right thing by giving her space, by giving her time. If I could go back a few weeks, I would have immediately called her, apologized for every stupid thing that I have ever done. I can only think about what might have been, how I could have made everything better. I keep thinking about us, about how happy we were. How the only arguments we'd have were about who would pay for dinner or where we'd go for our next date. I think about how we would hold each other close, how soft her skin felt, the taste of her lipgloss. I think about what it was like being her partner, being Chat Noir and Ladybug. How it was special, and intimate, like a secret club for just the two of us. I tried to remember when all of that was mine. I think about when the city was ours. I think about the nights we spent on rooftops, private little moments in alleyways filled with stolen kisses. I think about our three in the morning chats, our late night patrols. I think about the intensity of her kiss that night in my room, and I tried to forget the argument that occurred that same night. You never think about the fact that you'll have your last kiss with someone, you'll have your last date, your last day together. Sometimes you know the day is coming, you prepare for it. But when someone is suddenly ripped from your life, completely unexpectedly, it's like the world has stopped spinning. One minute things can be normal and natural, and then the next minute everything can be taken away from you. How am I supposed to face Marinette after all of the things that I've said to her? I've pondered for weeks, wondering if I should call her, but I never knew what to say. I still don't know what to say. I think about us, about our first kiss on the tower, about our first date, our first everything. I can't imagine doing any of that with anyone else, I don't want to be with anyone else. These are the things that I should be telling her, I shouldn't be sitting here thinking them. All of my friends have seen her, they brought her flowers, gave her words of love. They knew exactly what to say to her. I wish that I knew what to say, how to speak to her. But I don't. How do you speak to the person who means everything to you when for the last few weeks they've been treating you like a stranger? I want to see her, I want to tell her that I'm still here, that I'll always be here. That I'll always love her.
I only look up when I hear the sound of crying. There's Rose, her face buried in Juleka's neck, the taller girl gently stroking the blonde's hair. Her face is completely red and her eyes are bloodshot. Juleka kisses her girlfriend's cheek lightly, a comforting gesture that turns Rose's frantic breathing into deep, calm breaths.
"I'm going to take her home." Juleka tells Alya. "Call me if anything changes."
Alya nodded and hugged both girls tightly, thanking them for coming. Rose picked her bag up off one of the plastic chairs and sent a reassuring smile in my direction before leaving with Juleka. I watched the two girls go, arms linked, their pace slow as though they were hesitant to leave. Nobody wants to leave their friend in a state like this. One by one, my classmates return. Sabrina comes back first, but she doesn't stay long. Alix hugs Alya goodbye and leaves with her brother, wishing Marinette the best of luck. Kim and Max stay, so do Ivan and Mylene, they talk amongst themselves, I don't listen to their conversation. Nathanael stays as well, he sits by himself with his nose buried in his sketchbook, only looking up occasionally when footsteps approach the door. I've caught Alya and Nino doing the same, and I'm sure they see me doing it too. Whenever footsteps approach the door, we wonder if it's for us. If the squeaking of shoes on the tile floor is a nurse or a doctor, here to give us an update. It makes me feel anxious whenever I hear footsteps approaching the door. I just keep thinking, is this it? Is someone about to walk into this room and deliver the worst news of my life? Or the best? My stomach felt tight and my hands twitched nervously. If I was afraid before, then now I was on a whole other level. Every so often Nino or Alya would look my way, searching for any indication that I was going to go, that I was going to see her. But as much as I wanted to move, as much as I wanted to march into Marinette's hospital room and tell her how sorry I was, I was too nervous. Why was I acting like this? What was it about seeing her and talking to her that made me feel so uneasy? This is Marinette for God's sake. But what if she doesn't want to see me? What if my opinion doesn't matter to her? What if she doesn't want to hear my apology? That would ruin me. Without any doubt, it would ruin me.
That's when I hear it. The clicking of heels on the tile floor. Click, clack. Click, clack. Slowly getting louder as they approach the waiting room. I can't help but stare at the door, the footsteps suddenly sound like a stampede. Whoever it is, it can't be a nurse, the nurses don't wear high heels. Her figure appears in the doorway, her long blonde hair tied into a ponytail at the top of her head. I have to blink a few times when I see her, I couldn't be sure if she was really here. She looks at me with a frown before approaching me, tightly gripping the strap of her handbag. Everyone is watching her, mostly in shock, and she knows it. What is she doing here? Is she here because she wants to appear sympathetic? Or does she sincerely care about Marinette? She never has in the past.
"Hi Adrikins." She doesn't call me that with the same cheerful, peppy, tone that she usually does. Instead, the nickname sounds almost sad.
"Hi Chloe." I reply.
She puts her bag down and sits in the seat next to me. I want to ask her why she's here. I want to know what she's doing. I open my mouth to speak, but in true Chloe fashion, she doesn't let me.
"How is she?" Chloe whispers, as though she doesn't want anyone to hear.
Her question genuinely shocks me. Chloe only cares about Chloe, that is how she's always been. I can see Alya not so subtly glaring at Chloe from the other side of the room, and I know that Chloe sees it too.
"She's out of surgery." I reply flatly.
"Can I see her?" She inquires.
"You want to see her?" Her request is definitely surprising. Especially considering the fact that she accused Mari of being a gold digger when we first started dating.
"Look, I know that I have not exactly been her favourite person," She sounds condescending, even when she isn't trying to. "But I want to see her, just to- to-"
She takes a breath.
"I want to apologize to her, okay? Is that what you want to hear?" I can hear the grief in her voice, I can see her holding back tears.
"She's down the hall." I tell her what room Marinette is in, and Chloe gives me somewhat of a smile before standing up.
At first, I think that she is going to leave, but then she turns back. She looks me dead in the eyes.
"You haven't seen her yet, have you?" She inquires.
My eyes widen slightly "What gave it away?"
"You're practically shaking," She replies. "I haven't seen you shake this much since they told you your mom left."
She's got me there.
"I don't know what I'm suppose to say." I tell her.
"Wrong." She responds. "You know exactly what to say. But you're not saying it because you're terrified that whatever you say will be the wrong thing."
I stare down at my lap, because I know that the second I look at her I'm going to tear up. It's hard to admit something true. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that you're afraid. I feel Chloe's hand on my shoulder, a gesture that she doesn't often give with sympathy or comfort.
"Don't be afraid to see her Adrien," She whispers. "Don't be afraid to tell her the truth."
Then she lets go and steps away from me.
"Now I'm going to go see Marinette," She tells me. "But you're going in right after me, understand?"
I give her a small nod and she smiles.
No matter what, Chloe knows how to get exactly what she wants.
I wasn't going to add in a conversation between Chloe and Adrien. But I want to make her sympathetic before I make you hate her again in the next chapter.
I didn't put any of the other kids in Mari's class in my last fanfiction, so here is ALL THE KIDS! I was going to have them come in one at a time, but the chapter got too long. Also Julerose because they are sweet cinnamon rolls! :)
Tomorrow is my city's comic convention and I'm going dressed as Ladybug, my brother is coming too and he's gonna be the Eleventh Doctor. So if you are going to a convention tomorrow and you see a Ladybug with the Doctor, that might just be me.
Until next time, keep on reading!