A/N: I've hit musical inspiration! Lol. I'm kinda revamping how this will end. And you'll love why once we get there. Still a ways to go though! Lol.
MelMat: I really thought you'd enjoy that whole part. =3 Intuition.
Mahri: Glad you enjoyed it!
CatatonicVanity: Lol. I think we're a ways off from real feeling being acknowledged though. Something an outsider could see, but not anyone involved.
Carottal: Lol, I only know you haven't reviewed, because those little red lines that say it's not a word.. They annoy me. So I add user names of reviewers to my dictionary. Your doesn't exist yet.
I'm glad mine is unique. We're hitting the real plot and point of Wammy High and I can't WAIT to add the song that actually inspired this fic!
Honestly? I created Matt off of my real personality. Lol. The way that I play Matt in cosplay. But Matt is part of me, so he is the easiest cosplay ever, in my opinion.
I'm glad you appreciate all the effort I put into character development and relationships. I kinda had the ideas planned out before I got it going, cause I needed this to work out how I wanted it to. I'm glad the messages are getting across.
Misa is highly misunderstood in the fandom, I think. I love her to death. She was my first DN cosplay. She's another part of me. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and what girl will never know the way a man (or another woman) can take advantage of you and your feelings? She's loyal and a loving spirit that gets trampled on. I think we can all relate to that on some level.
I really hope where their relationship is a surprise. I mean, I'm sure you all can guess on some level.. But I hope I do it in a way that leaves you all needing more. I actually hadn't planned so many chapters before this happened. But I really wanted to build up the hatred and tension first.
Thanks for your wonderful review!
Krihs: 100th reviewer.. Lol. I'm glad you enjoy my playlists and the story. Mello taking him so soon was always planned and the real plot of the story. We're just getting into it. =3
TinkanaiT32: You might be glad to know that my gf actually lectured me when I told her I was behind on my updates. She told me I better get back into it and make time, even if we're just sitting around my house on the computer, not talking instead of going out once in a while. Lol. She knows how important writing is to me, and these fics just as much as my original work.
Lol. Maybe we've learned not to investigate those noises, but it worked out for them nicely this time, ne? And yeah.. I use the whole, "Holy fucking Zelda!" in real life. Another thing I gave Matt based off of me. Lol.
Did you look up the video too? The singer Mello represented looks just like him! His name is Dima. So. Hot! Lol. If you haven't, go! Now! Lol.
494dwangel: Mello is so confused right now. =( I'll address the ff bs at the end of replies.
RiinaVenecara: Lol. You should check out the video as well. Dima looks exactly like Mello!
monstah-chan: I'd say.. Be happy. Cause this is the whole point of this fic. We have hit the true plot, my friend. I take pride in keeping them in character, so it's was a real flattering review, thanks. My music as well. Music=Life to me. Lol. I hope to keep you interested in the music as well as the story.
Ok.. About this whole Fanfiction purge bs.. I'm also on MangaBullet AND Deviantart. I'm NessaYume on both. I will provide links as well for you guys. I have plenty of reasons to fear deletion of my stories AND account. Lol.
MB: www. mangabullet nessayume/ profile
DA: nessayume. Deviantart
Also, I added a pic on DA of my new tattoo! I got 4 the other night (bout 3 weeks ago.. from tomorrow). But I got one specifically for MM! Please, check it out.. Though there is tons of controversy. Seriously. My body. My art. My choice. No one else's. If you don't agree with it, Idc. For those who do, awesome. You can see it here (warning, partial nudity and implied sexual situation):
nessayume. Deviantart # / d53w7xu
I also made a facebook for "NessaYume" cause people kept asking me if I'd add them.. The pic is also there, but feel free to add me. I give updates on writing and my life, teasers for upcoming chapters as well as new fic ideas.
www. facebook profile. Php? Id= 100003989808521
Just remember to remove all spaces! Enjoy! Now that I've wasted 1 ½ pages.. Onto the story! Lol.
Chapter 13
"However, if you need more help in understanding, let me know." The words were whispered against his ear, causing a shiver to move up his spin. The hot breath warmed his skin, and the stubble on the other teens face gave him goose bumps as it was dragged away.
Mello was standing in the trees still, and his world was spinning. He barely registered that Matt had left him alone to his thoughts, and he wasn't sure if that was good or bad. His head hurt. He was dizzy. He felt his entire body ache with the confusion, like he was ready to crumple into himself. His chest rose and fell with the hard pants leaving his lips in a fight to stay in control. And he was losing.
His eyes burned, so he squeezed them shut, finally doubling over with a strangled cry as he covered his face in agony. What the fuck had he done? What was happening to him? And yet, through his own confusion, one feeling stood out the most.. The betrayal.
L's face flashed in his head, causing him to straighten immediately. His breath hitched and calmed all at once. His face was wet with the tears he didn't want to acknowledge. And then anger bubbled up into his body, sending him into a murderous rage. He needed answers, and he would get them, now!
~*~line~*~
L found himself in a situation he never thought possible. Beyond was entertaining the kids with stories from when he was in school, and L his mentor. They were laughing at some of the trouble the younger man had caused, and in turn, the headaches and stress he caused L.
"Wow, Matty is so much like you!" Misa was gushing. Beyond beamed proudly, and L rolled his eyes.
"Good to know." He said in a monotone voice. Beyond gave him an innocent look that made L's insides melt. Without even thinking, he laid a chaste kiss on his lover's lips, ignoring the 'aww' in the background. He was happy. Something he had never thought he'd have.
Then all hell broke loose in the form of his new pupil barging into the tent. Mello was in a rage, and for once, it was directed at his mentor and hero.
"You!" He spoke dangerously low, pointing at L. He burst forward, catching him off guard, and landed a right hook to L's jaw. Everyone was upon him instantly, pulling him away from the older man who lay on the floor, clutching his bloodied lip.
"I trusted you! I believed in you!" Mello was struggling against the binds or arms on him. His face one of complete anger. Beyond roughly tugged him back, and Mello sank to his knees. His anger crumbled and L watched as tears began to flow down his flawless cheeks. "You know what I've been through." He whispered in a broken voice, face falling in his hands.
L felt his heart break as he watched. Mello was such a strong kid, and he hadn't seen him cry since he rescued him all those years ago. He crawled over to the teen and pulled him into his arms, whispering soothing words. Beyond pushed all the other teens out of the tent and closed it for some privacy, remaining behind just in case he was needed.
"I'm sorry, Mello. I never should have lied to you. Or rather, I never should have hidden the truth. But after what you went through, how could I not? I was afraid you'd see me differently. The ideas your father pounded into you. Literally." He pulled back to make Mello look at him. "I'm sorry, Mihael." His name was whispered so lightly, that B almost missed it.
Mello just stared for a moment, completely lost in his daze. The confusion set in as flashes of the night before came to mind. Then Matt's voice, "However, if you need more help in understanding, let me know."
"You were my hero, L. I had a father, but you were more like my Dad. Now what? What am I supposed to think? I feel so betrayed and lost." He whispered. L didn't know what to say. He wasn't very good at this stuff. It's why he had never been able to tell Beyond how he felt, or Mello the truth about himself. Beyond, sensing this, took pity on his boyfriend and moved forward, into view. Blue eyes snapped to him, the mirror of mistrust.
"Look, I know this is hard for you. But the best and only advice that anyone can give you, is to follow your heart. Forget what anyone has told you. What do you believe? Does being with me make L a different person? Does it change everything he's done for you? Does it change that you care about him? Look inside yourself, Mello, and answer these questions. And if you ever have more, and need someone to talk to, you can always come talk to L or even myself."
Beyond had crouched down next to them and placed a gentle hand on Mello's shoulder.
The blond looked so lost as he whispered, "I don't know what I believe or feel. I'm not even sure who I am anymore."
L watched as Mello rose to his feet and left once again. He bit his lip as his own tears threatened to fall. Beyond pulled him close, and he lost all resolve.
"He looked like the little boy I had to go save in Russia all those years ago. So lost, confused, hurt, and betrayed. And this time, it was my fault!" L let out as the tears fell freely. Beyond shushed him, while rubbing his back soothingly.
"No, L. It wasn't your fault. It was his father's. He never should have put those beliefs in his son's head in the first place. Now, all we can do is sit here and let him come to us. This is something he has to figure out on his own." Beyond was speaking in his ear, now carding his fingers through his hair. L nodded in acceptance and allowed himself to be lowered to the ground, resting his head on Beyond's chest. More soothing words and strokes soon lulled him into sleep.
~*~line~*~
Mello was wandering. His confusion making everything and everyone pass in a blur. He had swiped a bottle of vodka somewhere and it was already half gone. He knew it was just a temporary fix. That even though it dulled the pain, it would come back with a vengeance later. But he couldn't care less at the moment.
He spotted Misa in the crowed, waiting for the next band to come on. He subconsciously moved towards her.
"Hey." He said in a low voice. She jumped slightly, but then relaxed when she saw him. Her hand was over her chest in relief, but soon she sniffed the air and glared at him.
"Are you drunk?" She demanded. He rolled his eyes.
"Give me some credit, Misa. I've only had half the bottle." He held it up to prove it to her. She gawked at him in disbelief. "What?" he glared in return. She shook her head and crossed her arms.
"How about instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you be happy for L?" She spoke dangerously low. His glare hardened.
"You don't know shit though, do you?" She cocked a brow, and went to question him, but was cut off by the band arriving. She instantly brightened, and Mello groaned. It would be them.
Matt walked onto the stage, hamming it up for the crowed. Kiyomi, Givanni, and Near followed in their own fashions. The confusion wracked through his body the moment Matt looked at him. Those green eyes that haunted his mind were covered by the dark lenses of his red sun glasses, but that didn't mean he couldn't feel them on him. They scorched his soul and it made him squirm. Heat moved up his body as Matt's lips twisted into a smirk.
"I just kind of felt like singing this song today." Matt spoke into the microphone, his voice loose and carefree. Misa smiled at that. She hadn't seen him seem so relaxed in a while.
I'd rather be punched in the face
Be sprayed with some mace
Than be head over heals
I'd rather be hit by a truck
Then be totally fucked
I know you know how it feels
I'd rather be buried alive
Than be living a lie with somebody like you
Love is hell, love is shit
Can't you tell I've had enough of it
Raise your hands, let me hear you yell
Love is hell, love is hell, love is hell
Mello wanted to laugh to himself as he heard the lyrics. Memories of their talk earlier swam in his mind, but Misa gasped beside him, breaking him from his musings. He looked at her. She had a hand loosely covering her mouth, and her brows knitted. His sighed and asked, "What?"
"Matt wrote this a while back when Adrian hurt him. It's kinda been what he's lived by ever since." She said in a pained tone. Mello nodded, assuming Adrian was the one she had mentioned before back at the party at Givanni's.
I'd rather be broke on the street
Than be losing sleep over something you said
I'd rather spend the weekend in jail
And be stuck without bail
Than have you stuck in my head
I'd rather just play with myself
Than deal with somebody else and get totally screwed
Love is hell, love is shit
Can't you tell I've had enough of it
Raise your hands, let me hear you yell
Love is hell, love is hell, love is hell
Mello watched Matt on stage. He knew Matt was letting him know his offer stood. No strings attached. Just a chance to understand and figure things out. But that thought broke his mind, and anger coursed through him once again. He was straight, damn it! He didn't need to figure shit out! He didn't understand L and his relationship with Beyond, but who said he needed to?
I'd rather be stabbed and be cut into ribbons
I'd rather be dead than the way you got me living
I'd rather be shot in the heart and be bleeding
I'd rather be left here alone than be needed
Love is hell, love is shit
Can't you tell I've had enough of it
Raise your hands, let me hear you yell
Love is hell, love is hell,
Love is hell, love ain't right
Just as well I'll be alone tonight
Raise your hands, let me hear you yell
Love is hell, love is hell, love is hell
Matt had noticed the change in Mello as he stood there and watched him. He saw the anger start to roll off of him in waves as he lifted the bottle up to his lips once again to take a swig. He shook his head and smiled to himself. Seemed like Mello needed a stern talking to after this.
I'd rather be stabbed and be cut into ribbons
I'd rather be dead than the way you got me living
(Love is hell)
I'd rather be shot in the heart and be bleeding
I'd rather be left here alone than be needed
(Love is hell)
Mello turned and walked away as the song ended, looking back to catch Matt's eye with a heated glare before heading off again.
'Yeah,' Matt thought to himself as he watched the blond stalk off, half a bottle of vodka dangling from his fingers, 'he definitely needs a talking to.' He bowed out with the others and snuck away as soon as he was able to. He was pretty sure he knew where to find the angry blond, and he intended to get answers.
~*~line~*~ (was going to end it here, but I think I'll give you all a bit more!)
Mello was seething. His fist landed into the trunk of a tree, then he turned and smashed his now empty bottle into another tree. The sun had just set, and he found himself in the same spot he was in earlier with Matt. Thoughts of the red head sent him reeling all over again. Another punch to the tree.
"Now, now. What'd the tree ever do to you?" Matt's voice rang out. Mello turned to him in his rage, eyes wide and murderous. Matt just smirked.
Mello lunged at him, baring fists. Matt easily caught them both, twisting him around and slamming his body into a tree.
"You've been drinking. And I'm here to make sure you get back safe." Matt spoke into his ear.
"Fuck you!" The blond spat in reply, struggling between the tree and Matt's body.
"Well, if that's how you prefer to get this anger out of you, I'm game." He whispered seductively, nipping Mello's ear lobe. The blond jerked even harder, finally freeing himself from his prison. Matt stumbled back with a laugh. "I was kidding, you know."
"No you weren't." Mello launched his body again, this time taking Matt's body down to the hard ground with his own. He drew himself up enough to reel his arm back, and deliver a hard punch to Matt's jaw. "I'm straight, you fag! You bottomed! Nothing even came close to my ass! I'm straight!"
Matt caught his fist again, and flipped their bodies, throwing his own punch. "You don't have to have it up the ass to be gay." He smirked as Mello got even madder.
Mello threw Matt off of him, and covered his body quickly, trapping the red head face down below him. He slammed his face into the dirt with a sadistic laugh.
"Oh yeah? Is that what this is about? You loved it when I fucked you, didn't you? You are just begging for me to do it again!" He growled. Matt couldn't help but moan.
"What can I say? I like it rough." He purred in a deep and seductive voice.
"Well, why shouldn't I comply then?" Mello lifted the slip hips under him, dragging the waist band of the denim and cotton boxers down to expose his rear end. He easily released his erection from his own jeans, spit in his hand, rubbed his cock a few times, and slammed into Matt.
Matt's head lifted from the ground in a cry of pain and pleasure. Mello slammed it back down with a growl, "Keep your face in the dirt where it belongs, fag!" He thrust hard to punctuate his point. Matt just moaned in reply.
A rock was scrapping against his cheek. Mello's fingers were pulling his hair so hard that strands were tearing out. The quickness and lack of lube was rubbing his insides raw, and he'd probably be bleeding again. But he didn't care. His body ached from the abusive punishment, but he laughed lightly and moaned, shoving his ass back into Mello to impale himself even harder.
Mello grunted in response as Matt's insides clamped down on him, and rolled his hips into his prostate in response. Matt jerked violently and cried out, spilling himself onto the ground below him as his fingers dug into the Earth, ripping up grass and dirt alike. Mello groaned, rolled his hips one last time, and released into Matt.
Movements slowed until they stilled. Mello fell to the side of Matt on the ground in a daze. It had happened again. How did this keep happening?
"I was doing so good." He whispered. Matt lifted his head and gave him a questioning look. Shock filled him as he saw tears streaming down his temples. He reached out and gently touched Mello's arm, genuine concern over taking him. But the blond jerked away, and a steely glare fixated upon his face. "Why? Why do you have to do this to me? I was doing so good! I had repented for my sins and was living the life of a good Catholic! Why did you have to ruin it for me? What is it about you that makes you so damn special?" He yelled out as he sat up, covering himself with his jeans. Matt sat in a stupor.
"You mean, I'm not the first guy?"
"Of course not, you imbecile!" Mello cut him off. Then the reality of his confession hit him like a sac of bricks. His eyes widened and his blood ran cold. Matt was staring at him with a slack jaw.
"You're a fucking hypocrite." Matt whispered. Mello sniffed, jumped to his feet, and took off running, not once looking back.
A/N: So, I gave you all a little extra there. Hope you enjoyed it!
Song used:
"Love is Hell" by Theory of a Deadman