Chapter 12

Spock sighed inaudibly as he felt Jim's gaze on him once more. Bones had allowed him to leave the medical bay only a day after he had been stitched up, knowing full well that if he kept him any longer the Vulcan would go insane from lack of mental stimulation. Unfortunately, he had banned him from the science lab for the next few days in order to allow his shoulder to fully heal, and he wasn't allowed to do any heavy lifting either.

Which basically confined him to his room, and to the bridge.

Where he currently was.

With a worried James Tiberius Kirk still staring at him.

Spock refused to meet the Captains gaze, knowing from experience that it most definitely did not make him turn away in embarrassment, and instead, he used it as an invitation to come even closer.

And the Vulcan was touched, honestly, by the concern the man showed him, and yes, he admits that his heart warmed every time he caught him glancing over at him... But it was also incredibly irritating.

Spock was distracted by the gaze on the back of his neck, especially since his current work was so tedious, and he found that his productivity levels had fallen to a mere 34.7%.

Which was not acceptable. At all. Not if he wished to stay on the Starship.

The Vulcan closed his eyes for a second as a shadow fell across his desk.

Here we go again.

"Hey Spock".

He turned in his chair, "Good evening Captain".

Jim hovered in front of him, obviously uneasy.

"Are you... I mean, is it... How are you?" He finished lamely, and Spock became increasingly aware of the other bridge's occupants listening into their conversation.

He had refused to inform the rest of the crew, already ill at ease with just Jim and Bones knowing about his injuries and their occurrence, but Kirk's sudden protective nature was hard to miss, and every time he came over to the Vulcan, they tried to find out why.

"I find myself adequate, Captain" Spock replied evenly, "Was there a specific reason for your visit?"

"No, no, I just... Are you sure?"

"Completely, Captain... If that is all-?"

"Yes, yes, of course" Jim said quickly, taking a step back, "I'll just... go and... return to my station... See you later, Spock".

"Until our next assembly, Captain" He nodded, before turning back to face his console, not missing the pitying look Uhura sent his way as he did.

That was another thing.

Uhura knew.

Spock wasn't quite sure how, considering Bones had patient confidentiality, and he refused to believe Jim would willingly betray his trust considering everything he had done for the Vulcan so far... but somehow, she still knew.

She had yet to mention her knowing to Spock, but he could just... tell.

From the saddened looks she kept giving him, the empathy she tried to convey, and the not-so-subtle pulling him aside after dinner yesterday and telling him that if he want to talk then-

Well.

Somehow, she knew.

And he found himself rather... infuriated, with the careful way they now chose their words, the sympathy glances they kept giving him, and the almost cautious manner in which they moved around him. Always giving him too much space, enough space to duck and run and hide, but too much.

Spock couldn't lie to himself.

He missed Jim's touch.

He missed his hand on his shoulder to lead him from the science lab, he missed the heartfelt pats on the back when the captain was in a good mood, and he missed the unconscious brushes of his arm against Spock's, of his fingers against this wrist, of their legs as they sat down at meal times...

Spock missed Jim.

Not this Captain Kirk, not this fretting human, not this aggravatingly over-possessive watchful shadow!

And eventually, the inevitable was going to happen and Spock was going to just-

"Hey, Spock, are you sure you're okay?"

-snap.

He spun around with a snarl, and glared at the Captain, absolutely fucking furious that-

"Yes, Kirk, I am okay! I am healthy, adequate, well, alright, fine, good, and whatever other fucking variation that you can come up with! I am sick and tired of you hovering over me all the damn time and this is the last warning you are going get before I quite possibly physically harm you! So just back the hell off already!"

Silence.

Spock froze, just realising what he had said.

Jim looked at him in shock, stunned into place.

The rest of the crew stared, all work forgotten.

Spock abruptly stood up.

"... Excuse me" He muttered, quickly run- no not running, quickly walking- from the room, the door shutting behind him immediately but still giving him enough time to hear-

"Dude, did you just... did you just break the Vulcan?!"

Once out of view, he ran.

Flinging open the door to his room, he slammed in shut behind and allowed his human side to take over, throwing himself down on his bed, not caring for his protesting injuries as his vision blurred.

He couldn't stop the tears from falling.

Clawing at his eyes, he angrily wiped them away, swearing and cursing himself and his stupid emotional actions in every language he knew.

He had ruined it.

He had opened his mouth and barked at Jim and now Jim was going to hate him forever and he'd be forced to leave because they'd kick him off the Starship and he'd be alone again and he can't, he just can't, bear to lose Jim to lose Bones to lose everyone because for once in his miserable life he's happy and now he's gone and messed it up and why the hell had he opened his mouth?!

"Spock?"

He jumped and spun around as there was a knock on his door.

"Spock? Can I... Can I come in?"

He frowned.

"... Uhura?"

His door was pushed open slowly, and she poked her head in, "Yea, it's me... Is it okay if I come in?"

He slowly nodded and sat up, discretely trying to wipe away the tears.

But of course, it was too late.

"Oh Spock-" Nyota immediately rushed forwards and pulled him into a tight hug.

He flinched, froze, and then leaned into the touch.

She quickly jumped back, "Sorry! I- I'm sorry, I know you don't- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No! No, I... I like it" He admitted quietly.

If he was going to be sent away, then he might as well admit everything, after all.

She frowned, "You... You like it? Being hugged?"

He swallowed thickly and cautiously nodded.

Immediately, her warm arms were wrapped around him again, and he almost purred at the contact.

Hesitantly, he returned the gesture, and he felt her smile into his neck, "I didn't expect... You were just so jumpy when we first met you and then Jim found your injuries and told me what happened and-"

"Jim told you?" He asked, frowning at the blank wall in front of him.

"Well... When I say told... I may have seen you in the med bay and then cornered him to find out why and possibility threatened his masculinity if he refused to tell me... I didn't give him much of a choice".

His unconsciously tightened his grip around her.

Damn, did he love this woman.

Which made his next action all that more painful.

Slowly pulling back, he took a deep breath before facing her, "I'll... I'll start packing now so-"

"Woah, woah, woah!" She interrupted, "Start packing? What do you mean start packing? You're leaving?"

He frowned, "Do you not... want me to-"

"Spock. No one is going to ask you to leave!" She replied quickly, "Why would you think that?"

"Because... Because I snapped at the captain and-"

"-and Jim most certainly is NOT going to hold that against you! Spock, do you know how many times I've glared at him? How many times I've snapped? Do you know how many arguments we have on a daily basis?"

He frowned, and thought.

"... An average of 2.4 arguments per day since I have arrived".

She sat down next to him and gave a watery smile, and he was alarmed to see tears in her eyes.

"Spock... You really don't get it, do you?"

"... I am unaware of what 'get it' is meaning in this-"

"He cares for you" She interrupted gently, "Jim cares for you so much and I just... I have never seen him so worked up over someone else this much before, and he's not used to it. That's why he's being so overbearing! It's his way of... showing his concern, his way of dealing with his worry".

The Vulcan frowned, confused with this new development.

Nyota softly bumped shoulders with him, "And besides, it's like you said. If I argue 2.4 times with him every day on average, and I haven't been fired yet, then why the hell would you be?"

"... Because you are his friend-"

"And so are you".

Spock blinked.

Uhura smiled at him, "You're our friend, Spock. We like you, we care for you! You have to... You need to understand that, okay? A small spat with Jim isn't to get you kicked off this ship. Hell, I'm pretty sure you could even murder Bones at this point, and Jim would let it slide".

He frowned.

He wasn't quite sure if that was true...

"We all fight and argue at times, Spock" She continued, carefully reaching up and rubbing his back, "But we make up again, and carry on as normal. It's only human to disagree from time to time. You know better than any of us how irrational and emotional humans can be... So don't worry, okay? You're going to have a lot more arguments with all of us over the next few months, but that will never, never, get you in trouble, and will certainly not get you tossed off the Starship! Do you understand?"

Spock gave a slow nod, because finally, finally, he thinks he's beginning to.

Nyota smiled back at him, "Good. Good... I'll tell Jim to lay off a little-"

She quickly put up a hand as he went to interrupt.

"-because if I don't, he will continue to be just as overbearing".

Oh.

Well.

In that case...

"And Spock?" She asked gently, reminding him all too much of his mother before she died, "I know you were fully justified to snap at Jim... but I think you need to explain to him why it bothered you so much".

He opened his mouth, paused, and then closed it again.

"I know you don't think so, but it really does help to talk about things" She continued, standing back up, "And the best person to tell?"

"Jim" He finished, and she nodded, smiling, "Exactly... So come on, what a better time to start than the present?"