Must...contain...excitement...

I'm back, just in time! God, I love you guys, because OHMIGOD WE REACHED 100, but I'm going to save that for later. Down below. Just know that you guys are all awesome, and I appreciate every one of your precious reviews for my little ole story. :)

Now, I kind of lied. But not really. We're going to have another FANG POV...but I like this one. The first half of this chapter is solely humor, just for you people.

And this chapter is hereby dedicated to little21, who was my 100th reviewer! -confetti- This Fang-filled chapter is for you.

FANG

"Fang…" Something probed the outside of my cheek, poking me repeatedly. I moaned and swatted at it groggily. Leave me alone…aliens…meh. "Fang…FANG!"

"Wha'?" I shot up in bed, looking at a very annoyed Iggy with his arms crossed.

"Well aren't you a heavy sleeper." Iggy remarked, jumping to his feet. "Come on. We're going out."

"All of us?" I asked, rubbing my eye and pulling on some pants.

"Nope. Just us." Iggy replied, turning around at the doorway. "Oh. And don't put on those pants. The smell like potatoes and may or may not have a colony of spiders living in them."

Holy freaking hell.

I slowly took off the pants I was almost wearing and yanked on another pair from my backpack, and then stood up.

"And what are we doing?" I mumbled.

"We need to have a bit of Man Time, Fang."

Holy shit.

The last time Iggy said we needed to have "Man Time", we went out into the forest and handled chainsaws while eating raw steak. ("MAN UP!" Iggy screamed happily as he drove his chainsaw into a boulder.)

Needless to say, it didn't end well.

It was the best and worst experience of my life.

"O-kay…" I said warily, following Iggy through the house and to the back sliding glass door.

"This is going to be so awesome."

"Hey, Iggy?" I asked.

"Yes, Fangy?"

"…Aren't you going to put on pants?"

Iggy 'looked' down at his t-shirt and boxers, and then scoffed. "Social standards mean nothing to me, Fang."

Of course they didn't.

We walked out to the forest behind Dr. Martinez's house, and Iggy and I began to jog out to a ravine Iggy said Gazzy had found the day before. We sat on a log, and I took a pill out of my pocket and downed it. I had this like, constant headache, and so I took Advil every few hours. I hoped I wasn't getting addicted to over-the-counter drugs. Max would kick my ass into Narnia.

"And what are we doing?" I asked Iggy, kicking my feet up on a rock.

Iggy fished around in his shirt pocket (don't ask me, just don't) and pulled out two cylindrical thingies. "We, my dear Fangles—"

"Don't ever call me that again."

"—Are going to sit here, talk minimally, and smoke bacon."

See, this is why I don't understand Iggy, let alone try to make a lot of conversation with him. This happens.

"Smoke what?"

Iggy took the two cylindrical thingies and held one out for me. "I've been working on it for a while. I finally got bacon to cook like that, and I stuffed bacon bits inside it and made it stay there. It's a bacon cigarette, no nicotine whatsoever, so Max can't murder us in our sleep. Watch."

And I proceeded to watch in awe as Iggy stuck the bacon cigarette in his mouth, took his lighter to the tip of it, and inhaled bacon smoke.

It. Was. Genius.

"Here." Iggy waved the bacon thingy at me. "Go to heaven."

So I did.

Score one for peer pressure.

"This. Is. Awesome." I smiled, leaning back on a tree. "Iggy, you're the Einstein of bacon."

"I know." Iggy leaned forward. "So, you want to jump off of a cliff or play with chainsaws again?"

Hm…"Well, I don't want to lose all the hair on my arms again, so…let's go jumping."

It was a bit redundant that Iggy and I were about to jump off a cliff, but we were so stoned off of bacon that we were willing to do anything stupid and dangerous.

What can I say? We were men.

So we started flying as fast as we could at eight in the morning to the nearest cliff in northern Arizona. Which means we were the stupidest dudes alive, and after we were done Max was going to rip the skin right off of our faces.

It was worth it. Almost.

"ARE YOU READY TO DIE?" Iggy screamed at me, laughing at our own idiocy. We were on a cliff on an actually low mountain. It was only a half hour flight from Dr. M's, and we could get here and back without Iggy collapsing from exhaustion.

"Totally."

"Do you want to go first?"

"Sure, what the hell?" I asked, and I perched myself precariously on the edge of the cliff. "Ready."

I was about to jump off gracefully and majestically like the way I am, but Iggy's hands slammed into my back, pushing me off of the cliff clumsily and a tad pathetically.

It wasn't really how I planned it. I didn't plan on screaming either, but who knows what's going to happen in life?

About seventy feet from the ground I unfurled my wings, still spiraling downwards, and then cut up at the last moment, the tip of my sneaker brushing the ground. I flew back up to where Iggy was, and landed right next to him.

"Damn, that was cool." I told him. "You ready, man?"

Iggy nodded enthusiastically. "Yep. God, I'm so excited."

"Yo, is your wing okay?" I asked him. "I mean, it just healed and stuff."

"I flew here, didn't I?" Iggy scoffed, positioning himself at the edge of the cliff. I decided not to push him, mostly because of his boo-boos on his back, and because I'm not that big of a jerk.

At least, I like to think so.

Iggy leaped off of the cliff, yelling "Yoohoo!" on the way down. I watched as he reached the hundred feet mark, and then I frowned. Didn't he know to…?

"SHIT!" I screamed, catapulting over the edge and shooting down as fast as I could. Iggy had air resistance, and I didn't, so I was going over two hundred miles an hour.

Which is pretty cool, you know, except when your brother is about to go splat.

Iggy's wings were flowing out behind him, flapping uselessly in the wind as if he couldn't control them. Just as we reached twenty feet I grabbed his legs and thrust out my wings as hard and as fast as I could.

This didn't work too well.

A searing pain tore through my wings, and I decided to throw Iggy as hard as I could into a tree as I crashed and burned on the ground, flipping over and turning and somersaulting into the dirt. My head was pounding even more, and my legs felt like Jello. In my peripheral vision I saw Iggy getting out of the tree I chucked him into and stumbling towards me. Oh, God, I was tired. Exhausted, even. Maybe it was a good idea to get back to Dr. Martinez's, because passing out wouldn't be very good or manly.

See? Nothing good comes out of Man Time. At least, Iggy's Man Time.

"Aw, shit Fang." Iggy dropped to his knees beside me, and I struggled to sit up. There was blood coming out of his lip and his forehead, and I knew I wasn't much better. "I screwed up bad."

"You think?" I spat out a tiny bit of blood, and Iggy helped me stand. I shook it off, jumped up and down a few times, and then watched Iggy puke a little bit from the combination of bacon smoke and almost turning into an Iggy pancake.

"Yo—" Iggy coughed a bit, bending over. "Let me—lemme look at your head, bro. You might have—might have worsened your concussion."

"Sure." Iggy stumbled over and I let him check out my head where I had recently taken the bandage off. It stung a bit when his nimble, trembling fingers brushed over my gouge, but it wasn't too big a deal.

"I don't know what happened." Iggy spoke shakily. "One minute I'm getting ready to open up my wings, and the next nothing will work. I couldn't even scream, man."

"That—that's weird." I muttered, and then felt a small wave of nausea. "Oh, oh God. Give me my Advil."

I fished around in my pocket and drew a couple more pills, downing them.

"You gotta stop taking those, Fang." Iggy told me seriously. "Too much. You're gonna get addicted. And that's not like being addicted to bacon, dude, that's serious addiction to crap."

"I know." I moped, straightening up. "We gotta get back to Dr. M's."

"Before you pass out, right?" Iggy said jokingly, but ended up puking again right after he said it, so it didn't really make me feel better.

"And before you puke out your kidneys." I slurred, and started walking toward the way we had come. "We'll walk for a bit. Until my Advil kicks in."

"And I stop puking."

"Yeah, that too."

After a half hour of walking we took another break, cursing ourselves and knowing that Max was going to have a hissy fit when we got back to the house.

No, Max doesn't have hissy fits. More like total blowouts. Total, absolute, crazy, hot blowouts. They were well intentioned, though. She cared about m—I mean us, and that's why she was always so kabloey when bad things happened. She was so awesome like that, caring for us and leading…and being cool…

"You're thinking about Max, aren't you?" Iggy asked, leaning back on an oak trunk.

He creeps me out sometimes.

"Who are you, Angel?" I scoffed, knowing full well that I was blushing.

Damn puberty.

"No, it's just that…you get all quiet when you think about her. I can tell."

Well that wasn't weird. "I'm always quiet, doofus."

"A different kind of quiet, loser. If you were me you'd understand." Iggy crossed his arms, closing his eyes.

"Yeah, well." I bit the inside of my cheek. "No one's you but you, Ig. So don't worry about that."

Suddenly I heard a rustling behind me, and Iggy's eyes flashed open in shock. I spun around, but didn't see anything. Maybe it was a deer, or something.

I turned back to Iggy, and was a bit weirded out. His eyes were still stuck open like that. Well, Iggy was blind…did he have the Guinness World Record for not blinking, and just didn't tell me?

I'm stupid.

"Yo, Iggy." I said cautiously. "Let's get out of here."

No response.

"Igster!" I hissed urgently. No, definitely not a deer. The rustling was getting closer…and louder. "We have to move, stat. Let's go!"

Iggy didn't move. He didn't even blink. I stepped forward to grab his wrist, but I became painfully aware of the silence around us.

This is where many people say, "Oh, shit." No, my thoughts were much, much worse than that.

Suddenly and out of the complete blue five Erasers lunged from the other side of our itty bitty (and when I say itty bitty, I freaking mean itty bitty) clearing, with all of their claws going toward my neck. I grabbed Iggy's arm and began half-leading, half-dragging him through the forest, stumbling over rocks.

Damn. It.

"IGGY SNAP OUT OF IT!" I screamed, looking back at his barely-moving feet and wide, unblinking eyes. "WE'RE GOING TO DIE!"

There was no way I was going to stop and fight on this one. Five on one I could probably manage, but my damn medicine wasn't working. I thought I was going to puke slash pass out any minute, and I wasn't going to fight and leave Iggy unprotected.

This is one of those moments I just wished I listened to Max.

I knew we had run a really far way when I began to recognize the trees we were passing. Great, we were almost back to Dr. M's! There were only five of them, Max and I could take them out no problem, once I got Zombie Iggy back.

Almost there…

Stupid Man Time…

Isn't just so damn typical that just when the oh-so-handsome, brave and generous hero was about to succeed in his mission and save his and his brother's sorry asses, he trips over a log?

It was a big log, I swear.

I crashed and burned (again), and Iggy just collapsed to the ground when I let go of his arm. I spit leaves and pine needles out of my mouth (damn it was hot out, and I just realized that…back on track now) and jumped back up to my feet again. I rushed back over to Iggy (parentheses are fun, no?), but suddenly all five of the brutes were surrounding me.

This was not a good morning.

"You ready to get some?" I hissed, positioning my feet into a fighting stance.

The lead Eraser chuckled, which immediately made me want to send him straight to hell. I hated their laughs. Really, really bad.

"Calm yourself, runt." Another Eraser grunted. "Don't strain yourself and just give yourselves over."

Now I was pissed.

"I'll give myself over." I spat. "If you guys eat each other. Because I'll get Ig and I some popcorn. It'll be a show."

"Shut up!" Lead Ugly shouted.

"Nothing like cannibalism to calm my stomach."

Ugly One lunged at me, and I socked him straight in the face. Ugly Two got a back kick to the balls, and Ugly Three was soon bent over in pain from me breaking his ribs. I took Ugly Four down with a scissor kick, and then turned around to finish Ugly One. Then I heard a gun go off.

And unless some random hunter had just shot the fattest bunny ever, I was pretty sure that meant bad news.

I felt a stinging feeling in my neck, and the only thing my brain really registered was that it hurt, and that Iggy's bacon cigarette had rolled out of his pocket. I reached up and pulled the tranquilizer dart out of my neck, eyeing it suspiciously.

Suddenly I dropped the dart, and my knees buckled. My hand was too heavy. Everything weighed a thousand bajillion pounds. Nutrisystem couldn't even work for me.

Ooh, pretty colors.

The last thing I heard was the Lead Eraser laughing before everything went away.

Did I mention I hated their laughs?

Yeah…

Hm...every Fang POV so far ends with him passing out. Peculiar.

But really, you guys, I am so appreciative for all the reviews I received. I mean, 107 reviews? I love you guys. That's what, like 15 reviews for just the last chapter?

Now, please review! And keep it up, I love hearing what you guys have to say. Predictions! Ideas! Anything! If you think I just took bacon to a new level...tell me. Just review!

Oh, and to RockingPhillip: Don't be afraid to tell me any grammatical errors I may have missed in editing. It makes me more aware, and a better writer (I like to think, haha). I promise, you won't be mean if you put it in your reivew :)

To SilverFalkin118: You're review was very much appreciated. It's always great to see new readers!