Ch 14

"Bella- give them the boy." Edward said in a soothing voice. The air was tense again.

"Edward!" I hissed. Was he so willing to sacrifice and innocent?

"Bella – it's okay. Just put him down."

I was not going to let this happen. I had formed a connection with Jacob Black. First on the beach all that time ago as he told me legends and now again as we sat peacefully while he whittled in the woods. I would protect him. I owed him that. I turned and ran into the woods with Jacob still in my arms. The clearing erupted into howls behind me.

I ran as quickly as I could. The howling and growls tore at my heart. I felt it break into pieces as I left it behind me in the clearing. I prayed that my actions wouldn't cause another fight to break out between the vampires and wolves. I couldn't take it if anyone else was hurt because of me. But I knew, I just couldn't let them take Jacob. I wouldn't let him end up a victim of other's choices. I would give him the chance to make his own choices. I would protect him.

I could only think of one place to go and I ran there as fast as I could.

Even with my conviction to protect Jacob, my heart ached at the thought of Edward getting hurt because of me. I had to believe that wouldn't happen. I looked down at the innocent, boyish face of Jacob unconscious in my arms. I owed him at least this. I owed him the freedom to be his own person- to choose his own way. I wasn't going to give him over to the wolves, even if they were his people. Who knew what they would do to someone who knew their secret? I couldn't abandon him like that.

As I ran, I distantly realized that his weight was not an extra burden at all which bothered me somewhat in the back of my mind. I was still getting used to the super-human abilities of being a vampire.

When I reached the back side of Charlie's house, I paused outside to make sure he wasn't home. It was early morning, he would most likely already be at work. Once I confirmed the house was empty, I ran around to the front of the house, used the spare key Charlie always kept on the top of the door frame and let myself in. I prayed that none of the neighbors were awake yet. There was no way me carrying Jacob this easily would go unquestioned if they saw me doing it.

Even though this had been my home for a little while now, I felt like an intruder now. As I looked around, I saw everything with new eyes- as a visitor. I laid Jacob down on the worn, old couch in the living room. He was asleep and snoring softly. Somewhere in my mind, I remembered that sleeping could be a coping mechanism to a traumatic event.

I paced back and forth in front of the couch, unsure of what to do next. I hadn't really thought my reactions through went I ran away with Jacob. I was so quick to act on instinct now. It was overwhelming. I thought about the wolves and the legends Jacob had told me. There was so much information there, now that I knew it was all true.

Pretty soon, Jacob stirred and I could tell he was coming back to consciousness. He woke up with a start and sat up on the couch staring at me with wary eyes.

"What happened?" He asked with a wide eyed, confused look.

"After you passed out?" I stalled.

"Ya- after, before. During. I don't really understand anything that just happened." He looked frustrated and confused. I couldn't help but sit next to him on the couch and place a comforting hand on his shoulder. He flinched away from me slightly, and I tried to hide the hurt from my eyes. I would have to be careful with him.

"After you passed out, I brought you back here – away from the wolves." I hoped he wouldn't think about how I was able to carry him that far. I wasn't ready for the conversation about what I was yet.

"The wolves with Sam!" he said, connecting the information in his mind. He paused in deep thought for a few seconds. "It's all true, isn't it?" he asked, looking into my eyes. "The wolves, the vampires. Wow, I feel like my head is going to explode." He lowered his head into his hands. I reached out again cautiously and continued to rub his shoulder in what I hoped was a comforting way. He didn't flinch away this time. "The Cullens. And Edward." He lifted his head to glare at me accusingly. "You knew- you knew what they were."

"Yes." I confirmed quietly. He turned his face away from me, staring steadily at his hands clasped together in his lap.. I decided it would be best to continue with the entire truth. "I didn't know about the wolves before just now, but the stories you told me- about the vampires, I knew about them. I figured it out shortly after you told me and Edward confirmed my suspicions… eventually." He looked at me for a few tense moments before responding.

"You're different - and your eyes. You're not - you're one of them?" he asked in a quiet whisper, his eyes wide again.

I let my silence become my admission as I looked him in they eye. He flinched slightly at the intensity of my gaze and probably the redness as well. He nodded grimly before breaking eye contact.

We remained quiet for what seemed like a long time, but in reality it was only a few minutes. I didn't dare move or breathe for fear of scaring Jacob away. I found it ironic that now I was the one that was waiting for the running and screaming. And I realized that I didn't want him to hate me. I didn't want him to be scared of what I was. I needed someone from my former, human life to still accept me. To know the truth of what had happened and not reject me. There was probably some seriously messed up psychology in that, but I still needed it. Finally, after an amazingly long time, he looked up into my face.

"Shouldn't you be trying to kill me or something?" he asked too calmly for such a question.

I smiled slightly. He was making an effort here. "I guess I don't want to." I replied lightly. "You don't smell appealing at all." He nodded as if absorbing that information. I guessed that he was probably still in shock from information overload.

"Jake." I said softly. He raised his eyes to look at me. "It's still me." I said with a small sigh. I had a lot riding on that statement. I needed his acceptance, I needed him to acknowledge that in some deep psychologically messed up way. I don't know what he saw in my eyes, but he looked into them and I felt like he could really see me there. Something crossed his face that I couldn't quite identify- determination perhaps?

"So I don't smell good, huh?" he asked trying to lighten the mood of the room. I saw the small glimmer of acceptance in this, and I couldn't help the grin that spread over my face. He grinned back slightly in response. It wasn't complete acceptance, but it was a big first step.

"Actually, I have a theory about that." I said trying to move the subject away from myself. I explained my theory that the Quileute wolves were more than just legends, that Sam was part of this legendary heritage. That perhaps it was a genetic link passed from generation to generation – thus the legends. His eyes grew wide at the connections I was making. Suddenly, the damn burst open.

"What are you saying? That I'm like them? That I'm going to turn into a giant freak?" He was nearly hysterical with accusations I didn't have the answer to. I tried to calm him by apologizing for my theorizing. I told him I was sorry and that it was just a theory. I didn't really know what this whole situation meant for him. I watched from the couch as he stood and took up my earlier position, pacing back and forth in front of the couch.

I suddenly had someone else to worry about more than myself. Sure, my situation was difficult and I had to come to terms with a life I didn't quite have the option to choose. But remembering my earlier epiphany, I knew I would have chosen it. I would have chosen Edward over everything, even a normal, human life.

But Jake had it much worse. He was finding out about a whole world he didn't know about an hour ago. And to make matters worse, he might have no choice in how that affected him. I had already had a choice. I had chosen Edward. I imagined he was feeling more lost and scared than I had been since I woke up. And just like that, I felt the connection to Jacob grow. I knew that he needed someone who could understand how crazy this was. How his whole life was spinning out of his control.

Eventually he calmed down and began speaking in a subdued voice. I could tell he needed someone to confide in. "I know Sam. He's got a bit of a reputation. Everyone steers clear of him- like he's got a free pass to do whatever the hell he wants. You know? And there's these two other guys that he's always with, like bossing around and stuff- they're all intense about 'our land' and 'our tribal pride'". They can pretty much do whatever they want and no one says anything. Not even the Tribal Council."

"Ya. I could imagine why." He comments fueled my theories about who exactly on the reservation knew about the wolves. Were they supported by the Tribe leaders? Did they know about the wolves, or were they acting on their own? There were so many unanswered questions. I shelved all that when I saw the lost look on Jake's face.

"Well, they really smell bad." I continued to my original point. He kinda snorted in an amused way. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you smell like them - but less concentrated. I think it's something about your genetics." I didn't know how he would take this information. I didn't consider him any different because of his heritage, but this must be complete information overload for him. I wasn't sure what this information would mean for him

He exhaled a deep breath. "I know. I figured that one out already. Pretty much when I saw Sam transform or whatever" he shivered slightly at the memory. "It's just so weird. I can't believe all this stuff is true. All these stupid ghost stories." He shook his head slowly in disbelief.

"Believe it, because here I am." I said bumping my shoulder against his gently. He smiled at me a little more enthusiastically.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you want to become a … vampire." He stumbled over the previously ridiculous word.

"Well, it wasn't really my choice at the time." I said cautiously. I figured if he could open up to me, I could return the trust. And really, I needed someone to talk to about it all. Seeing Jake's situation had made me understand that mine wasn't that bad. But I still felt that nagging need to have someone normal understand and accept me. So I told him everything.

I told him about Edward, and how much I loved him. I told him about the baseball game and James and his coven. His eyes got all dark and angry at that part and I glossed over the details of the pain James caused me. I told him that there was nothing the Cullen's could do- that it wasn't them who changed me. And that I would surely be dead if they hadn't come for me.

I also voiced my new epiphany for the first time, assuring him that my choice would have been to become immortal, to stay with Edward. But the choice was taken away from me and it was a hard adjustment. He listened to it all, silently, but encouragingly. It was a huge relief to just get it all out there. It was uncensored and raw. But it was even more of a relief that I thought it would be – and that was saying a lot.

When I was finished. He remained quiet thoughtful. "It's still you." He repeated back my words to me and it was the beautiful thing I had ever heard him say. Then he smiled at me and the sight of it breaking across his face was as glorious as the most beautiful sunrise. And I knew in that moment, Jacob and I would always have a piece of the other person. The things happening around us had forever changed the way our lives would be, and we had taken a step toward acceptance of our new lives together. As I looked at his bright smile, I felt the warmth he naturally radiated. He was my own personal sun warming me in my darkest of nights.