Disclaimer: I invented Newsies the same day I invented the space shuttle and microwave popcorn.

Chapter 13

The next afternoon was on a Sunday and so I didn't go to work. Instead I found myself and Chava standing in front of our tenement house, hands clasped and my hand out to knock. I had not wanted to come. I had sat on my front porch, ready to go, for an hour. It actually started to snow. I watched as the snowflakes drifted down slowly, melting on my gloved hand when I held it out from under the porch ceiling. Shivering, I had had second thoughts. But then Slick had stopped by.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. He stood there, watching me for a moment, a small smile lighting up his eyes. I lowered my hand. I was still amazed at how different Slick was than Spot. For Spot it seemed like it was hard for him to show any emotion except for haughtiness and pride. For Slick it seemed hard for him not to show any emotion. The kid smiled quicker than my dad's mood swings.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, stepping down the porch steps to stand in front of him.

He grinned down at me. "Well, I was just sellin' my papes," here he held up a stack of newspapers that were under his arm "and decided to stop by while I was in the neighborhood. Whatcha doin' standin' out in the cold like this? Tryin' to get frostbite or somethin'?"

I made a face. "No, I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to go talk to my father."

He tilted his head, his eyes obscured by the shadow of his cap. "Bad blood?"

I nodded. "You could say that. But I need to work it out. The problem is I'm a coward when it comes to Papa."

He shifted the stack of papers to his other arm. "I could come with if you wanted."

I smiled at the kind gesture. "Thanks, but my friend Chava is going to be there for me. Hopefully she can help me not stumble over my words."

"But she can't help if you ain't gonna show," he pointed out.

Then he did an unexpected thing. Lifting his papers to his shoulder, he held his other hand out to me.

"Come on, I'll make sure you don't get cold feet," he said.

I smiled and took his hand, giving it a light squeeze. I nodded.

"Alright, thanks."

He grinned at me and we began walking. I looked over at him. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt and pants, but his neck and hands were bare. His ears and nose were slightly red and I could see his breath as well as mine. I quickly pulled off my long white scarf and threw it around his neck. He looked at me in surprise. He lifted an end and examined it.

"What's this for?" He asked, puzzled.

"You looked cold," I said.

He grinned and I noticed his lips were chapped. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." I lifted the corners of my jacket and held them above my now exposed neck.

We walked on in silence for a while, me dreading every step closer to our tenement house. I shivered slightly as we stopped to sell a couple papers to a passing couple. A cute girl with freckles approached us and flirted with Slick for a few seemingly long minutes before buying a paper and leaving. Slick had a strange smile on his face when we began walking again. I nudged him.

"You like her?" I asked, tossing my head behind me to indicate who I was talking about.

He looked at me a moment before blinking and turning his face away.

"No" was all he said. He shifted his papers to his other shoulder, blocking his face from me.

I held back a smirk. "You seemed to be cozying up to her." I poked him in the ribs. "It sure seemed like you were enjoying the attention."

Slick didn't move the papers. "Yeah sure I liked the attention. That don't mean I like her. She's an alright looking dame, but not my type."

There was something strange in his voice. I wished I could see his face. As if hearing my wish, Slick switched shoulders again. He grinned at me although something about it seemed half-hearted.

"You know Spot really likes you. He just has a hard time showing it."

I started in surprise, almost stopping. "Why?"

He shrugged. "He has his reasons. But you won't see me blabbing them around. He trusts me see. Me and Cricket are his right hand men." He gave me an apologetic look. "All I can tell you is not to give up on him. He'll come around."

I was surprised Slick even knew I was thinking about Spot's aloofness a lot lately. I mean, it did seem like after both times he kissed me he retreated farther away. It was strange. What was he running from? What was he afraid of? I realized that Spot would be the last person to admit he was afraid of anything. His pride took care of that. Stupid pride.

We had arrived at the tenement house and I bid Slick goodbye, thanking him as well. He tipped his cap to me and then sauntered off, whistling. I took a deep breath and then entered the front door. Going up the stairs, I met Chava halfway. She gave me a tight hug. Then taking my hand, she led me up the rest of the way.

Now here we stood, with my hand raised to knock. I let my knuckles fall on the wooden door. Rise and fall and again. I held my breath as the door slowly opened. Minnie poked her small blonde head out. When she caught sight of me she smiled, but then her smile froze as our papa asked her who was at the door. I gave her a reassuring nod before pushing back the door, Chava at my heels.

Papa was sitting at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. He looked miserable. He looked tired and old. My heart suddenly went out to him. This was my father, I realized. The same man who had loved us more than air. And who Mush was convinced still did. I gestured for Minnie to take the girls into the next room. She did with wide, curious eyes. I approached the table, Chava trailing along not far behind.

"Papa?" I asked softly. "It's me, Maggie. Your daughter."

He looked up at me with eyes so vacant I almost thought he had turned blind. Then he blinked and the light blue pools focused on me. A frown flickered across his lined forehead but before he could open his mouth to order me away, I spoke up.

"I know about the fight Papa," I said. "I know about what happened between you and Mush. You can't blame yourself Papa. Tommy made his own choice to leave. And he doesn't hate you."

A look of surprise crossed his face before the frown replaced it.

"You don't know what you're talking about," he said in a low voice.

"Papa, please don't push me away! I love you, you're my father. Don't you think it's time you act like one? Minnie, Rose, and Anna think you hate them! They're afraid of you Papa. And Mary, Lillian, Ruth, and Helen are going to grow up to be just like them: frightened of you and of other men their entire lives. Don't you love us Papa? You did once, before Mama died. What changed? It's not our fault Mama died, we loved her too."

A tortured look entered his eyes, but he didn't speak. I walked over and kissed his cheek before turning to leave. His cracked voice stopped me.

"It's not your fault," he said. "It's mine. All mine."

I turned in surprise to see him crying, his shoulders heaving. I looked over at Chava, she seemed slightly uncomfortable. I met her gaze and nodded my head to the next room where the other girls were, indicating that she could leave. She did thankfully, squeezing my hand as she passed. I turned back to Papa. He had paid no heed to Chava and my exchange. I knelt beside his chair and took his large hand in both of my small ones.

"It's not your fault Papa. Mama gave birth to three babies at once. She was weak and sickly. It's no one's fault that she died."

"She only became sickly after she gave up hope that Thomas would not come back. I should have looked harder for him. I should not have given up. Because of my ineptitude, your mother grew weak with sadness. I killed her."

"No!" I exclaimed, shocked that my father could think such things. "No, you didn't. You made a mistake, but so does everyone. Her death is not your fault. You need to forgive yourself Papa. I know she wouldn't have wanted you to be like this."

He looked down at me with eyes swimming with tears still unshed. His jaw tightened.

"I know that, I know that." He muttered to himself.

"Please Papa, let Tommy come home. He doesn't blame you for anything. He understands that you were only looking out for his best when you caught him skipping school. Please Papa; let us be a family again. We don't have to stay at Uncle Leo's if you don't want us to. Even if his house is much larger and can fit us better. I don't know why you two dislike each other, but if only you'll let Tommy home I'll come back and we can start over again."

He was nodding now, gripping my hand tightly.

"Try again as a family," I pressed.

He looked at me directly now. "I'd like that," he said, squeezing my hand. He gave me a small smile.

"And I think living with your Uncle is a good idea. You girls and Tommy should move in with him as soon as possible. It's for the best. I'll go over to the station and sign for his release."

"But what about you Papa?"

"I'd better stay here. I'm a working man. I wouldn't do well in that posh estate. I'll be around, but I think you girls could do better withput a father like me."

I flung my arms around his neck. "Oh thank you Papa. I do love you. Very much. And please don't stay away too long, I disagree with you. If you clean up some I think you'd make a very decent father. The girls need you anyway."

He sat stiffly for a moment, before patting my back hesitantly. "You'd better tell your sisters" was all that he said.

Giving him a peck on the cheek, I ran into the next room. I grabbed Mary and swung her around in the air. She shrieked with laughter, her brown curls bouncing and her brown eyes sparkling. Minnie looked expectantly at me.

"Pack your bags girls," I said, grinning broadly. "We're moving in with Uncle Leo. Tommy will meet us there after I go with Papa to free him."

Chava looked at me curiously. "You're leaving?"

"What about Papa?" Florence asked as Minnie began to stuff their meager belongings into a bag.

I knelt in front of her, trying to be as kind as possible. "Papa can't come with us right now. He just needs some time to think things out. He'll come later. Understand?"

Florence nodded solemnly. Rose and Anna began to bundle up the babies in warmer clothes. Chava began to help with Mary and I helped with Helen. Chava kept giving me strange looks that looked like hurt, but I couldn't see why she would be hurt. I realized then that if we were all moving, that left Chava with no one. As we all left the room, I turned to my best friend and lay a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, you can come and visit any time." I told her. Her face lit into a grin.

"Thanks," she said.

We started through the house to the door. Papa was standing at the window, his hands clasped behind his back, his head down, his eyes on the floor. Florence went over and tugged on his sleeve. He looked down at her with sad eyes and placed his hand briefly on her head. Then he gently nudged her to the door where we stood waiting.

The walk back to the Mansion was a quiet one. Slick had left with my scarf so I was shivering slightly. Minnie, Rose, and Anna gasped and Florence's eyes grew wide in wonder at the size of the building when we arrived. The babies sucked their fingers solemnly.

When we entered the house, Uncle Leo was there to greet us all with a big hug. The little ones took to him instantly. Minnie was soon laughing, a sound I had not heard in a long time. Rose and Anna began to tell Uncle Leo stories in their regular animated way. We slowly moved to the Gold room where everyone was soon seated comfortably with a cup of hot cocoa. Daisy and Susanna took Helen, Ruth, Lillian, and Mary up to bed for a nap, for they were rubbing their eyes sleepily.

After about an hour, I left with Chava to return to the tenement house in order to go pick up Mush. I felt good about leaving the girls with Uncle Leo, knowing he would treat them like angels. Chava was grinning at me.

"That was a good idea Maggie," she said. "I just wish it didn't mean you all moving away. I'll miss you."

I reached my arm over her shoulders and gave her a small hug. "Like I said before, you can come and visit any time. It's not that far away. It'll be fun."

She gave me a small smile. We parted ways in front of her door and I walked into the apartment to meet Papa. He barely looked at me before walking past and muttering "Let's go." I followed silently. We reached the police station in good time. But when Papa signed the release forms and they handed Mush over to us, he refused to come to the Mansion.

I stood with my hand grasping his arm, pulling him slightly towards the direction of the Mansion. Papa just watched us silently. Mush brushed me off and turned to Papa.

"Thank you, sir," he said formally. "I am sorry for running away. But I'm afraid I can't stay with this family. I'm not fit to be the man of the house."

I frowned. "What are you talking about Mush? You're strong, brave, hardworking. You're great!"

He shook his head stubbornly. "No, I'm not. I'm like you said before Mags, a coward. I didn't come back to you all even when I wanted to back then because I was afraid. There was a fight . . . I killed a boy." He jerked convulsively. "I knew I couldn't stand to come back to you after that. I knew what it would have done to Mama." He turned his face away. "It would've killed her."

I glanced at Papa. He was staring at the ground, the muscle in his jaw twitching. I looked back at Mush. Laying a hand on his arm, I tried to catch his eye.

"Hey Mush," I paused. "Tommy listen. We don't care what you've done. It's all in the past now. I just want us to be a family again." I looked over at Papa. "All of us."

Mush looked at me with eyes full of indecision and I could see a struggle behind his expression. He frowned then relaxed and then frowned again. He started to shake his head, paused, and then followed through.

"I'm sorry Mags, but for the time being I can't. I'm heading back to 'Hattan. That's where I belong, with my newsies."

Tears gathered in my eyes, I struggled to hold them back. "But what about us? You're part of the family. We need you Tommy," I turned to Papa. "Both of you."

Mush smiled slightly and cupped my cheek in his rough hand. He looked like he was about to say something but stopped. He dropped his hand and sighed.

"Not yet. I'm not ready yet." He looked at me with apologetic eyes. "Sorry."

With that he turned and began walking away. The tears spilled onto my cheeks and froze there in the cold wind that rushed by as if on an important errand. It made me shiver without my scarf. Crossing my arms to warm myself, I turned to Papa but he had already turned away and was walking up the street back to the apartment. Soon I was all alone, shivering with tears running down my frozen cheeks.

Something warm and soft pushed against my arm. I looked down in surprise to see a red scarf being handed to me. I followed the arm of the giver to look in shock into the hazel eyes of Spot Conlon. He looked pointedly at the scarf he was offering. I took it with a quiet thanks. Wrapping it around my neck, I took a deep shuddering breath. The scarf smelled sharply of something I couldn't quite recognize, but it wasn't unpleasant.

"He'll come around," Spot stated, nodding towards Mush who was now just a figure in the distance.

I opened my mouth to respond but Spot had turned and was walking away, shouting the headline of the papers he was carrying. A couple stopped to buy one and I watched as the exchange was made. Then with a small sigh, I turned and headed back towards the Mansion, my heart in my toes.

Reviews are the wind beneath the wings of my fingers as they fly over the keys. Without wind it is harder to fly.