Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, or Clumsy Little Heart by Every Avenue
All around her, people stare as she slowly falls apart, picking up pieces of her clumsy little heart
Clare
"I'm telling you, Fi, it was magical. I felt fireworks and I was dizzy," I said, popping a chip into my mouth.
"Are you sure it wasn't the wine talking?" Fiona quipped, smirking. I threw a few chips at her and she giggled, her curls bouncing, "Have you had any more problems with Imogen?" she asked, suddenly serious.
"Not since her secret relationship with Jake had been released to the school. I'm telling you, whoever thought of that, and actually caught onto their game is a true genius," I smiled, chewing another chip.
"Clare…you didn't," Fiona said.
"So what if I did?" I asked tentatively, chewing slowly, debating on telling her that it was me.
"You purposely found out Imogen's secrets and exposed them to the school?" She asked, surprised.
I stopped chewing, and mumbled, "It was Eli's idea…" Fiona scowled.
Eli walks up, "Hey, Fiona, and hello, beautiful," he kissed me lightly on the lips and sat down next to me, leaning his shoulder into mine, before taking my right hand with his left. I blushed, and Fiona still scowled.
"Eli, did you give Clare the idea to humiliate someone, possibly for the rest of their life?" Fiona asked slowly, raising her eyebrows. Eli's hand twitched, and he looked at me as if to ask why Fiona knew, but I pursed my lips and dropped my eyes.
"She kinda deserved it, Fi," he said, "She made Clare miserable and Clare doesn't deserve to be treated that way when she didn't do anything wrong. Imogen made everyone's lives hell. I figured it was time to give her a taste of her own medicine," he finished. Fiona's eyebrows lowered, as if testing the idea, and she dropped her scowl.
"But still," she said, "No one deserves to be embarrassed like that."
Before either Eli or I could answer, over the intercom was Mr. Simpson's voice, "Clare Edwards and Eli Goldsworthy to the front office please." I felt people's heads turn in our direction, and I clenched my teeth before squeezing Eli's hand. He gave me a reassuring look, and we bid farewell to Fiona, who half saluted and half waved us off.
I looked over my shoulder, and never before had I seen Fiona so sad.
"Due to Mr. Martin's and Miss Moreno's indiscretion, I have a very important question to ask the both of you," Mr. Simpson said. He laced his fingers together and looked expectantly at us before continuing, "Miss Edwards, I would like you to take Miss Moreno's place as Hazel in the upcoming play." I gasped and looked at Eli, who was smiling, and squeezed my hand.
"And you, Mr. Goldsworthy, are to take his place as director." Eli went frozen. I felt the air drop literally ten degrees, and I was pretty sure Eli stopped breathing. I rubbed my thumb over his knuckles and he took a deep breath.
"Me, sir?" he asked quietly.
"Yes, Eli, you; I may be a lot older than the both of you, but I know passion when I see it – something Mr. Martin did not have. I give you my apologies that I didn't ask you to be director to begin with," Simpson said insightfully.
"T-thank you, Mr. Simpson," Eli said uneasily. I smiled at him and his tension released a little.
"You're welcome, Eli. You two can go," Mr. Simpson said, waving his hand at us as if telling us to skedaddle. I took the notion to stand up first, murmuring a thank you to Simpson, and walking Eli steadily out of the office. He seemed like he was in a trance; in total shock of what had just occurred.
Walking into the empty hallway, I stopped and kissed Eli lightly on the cheek. He turned to me and smirked, before leaning in and capturing my lips in a searing kiss. I happily responded; threading my fingers in his soft hair. He held my waist gingerly, and I felt his muscles flex as he held onto me. But it was over too soon, and he leaned his forehead against mine; touching the tips of our noses together and laced both of our hands in a strong embrace.
"We should go on a date," Eli said suddenly.
"And where do you think we would go?" I asked him, interested.
He chuckled, and his warm breath tickled my nose, and he touched his lips to my forehead before murmuring, "I don't care, as long as I'm with you," he said. My heart leaped out of my chest.
"Who would have taken you to be the cheesy one in this relationship," I quipped.
"I ooze with cheesiness, darling, and I do hope you enjoy it, because I really am a hopeless romantic at heart," Eli said. I giggled, kissed him lightly again, and we went our separate ways to class. My cheeks were inflamed; radiating heat at just the thought of Eli. I loved being with him. He made me so happy.
I made a detour to the bathroom, but stopped short at the door when I heard a whimper. I closed the door soundlessly, because I knew it had a tendency to creak. Someone was sobbing uncontrollably in one of the stalls, and I crept quietly to the source of the sound. I discreetly glanced under the door, and noticed fancy pink ballet flats from under the door.
Fiona
"Fi," my voice rang out, quieter than I intended. The sobbing stalled but the sniffling continued, "Are you okay?" I used my best sympathetic voice. The stall door clicked as she unlocked the door and stepped out slowly. Her face was slightly puffy and her cheeks red and slightly wet. Her curls were in disarray, and her dress crinkled. She pressed her palms to the dress and flattened it out.
"I'm fine," she said, turning quickly away and going to the mirror, tucking a stray hair behind her ear and wiping away the smeared makeup.
"I know you're lying," I told her, stepping into the reflection of the mirror, and I could see her flinch slightly at my bluntness.
"And I am," she said quickly, "I just don't want you to worry."
"I do worry, Fi, more than you think," I told her, stepping forward.
She met my eyes, "And I appreciate that. I had a weak moment. But I'll be okay; everything will be okay," she said. I opened my arms to her and she curled into my embrace, sniffling a little more.
"I'm here if you need me," I said.
"I don't think that will be necessary," she pulled back, "but thank you," she nodded.
"Anytime," I said, and she pursed her lips into a sad smirk, grabbed her bag, and walked away.
"God, Clare, you take so long to get ready!" Eli called up the stairs. I huffed, placing my curling iron down on the counter and spraying some hairspray into the new curls I just formed, "Almost done!" I hollered back, ruffling my curls and applying some mascara. Blinking several times, I applied my perfume and took one last look in the mirror. I was dressed in a simple turquoise dress with thin straps and white flats to accompany. I strolled down the stairs leisurely, taking note at how Eli's eyes nearly popped out when he saw me. He smirked, and ambled over to me with his hands in his front pocket.
"You look ravishing," he said, placing his hands on my hips and kissing me lightly. He was wearing a black button down shirt with three quarter sleeves. They were folded sloppily, and his skinny jeans hung snug on his hips. The first button of his shirt was unbuttoned at the collar, and I caught a glimpse of his neck under his strong jaw line. His hair was as unruly as ever, but I found it extremely sexy.
"I like your word choice, Goldsworthy," I teased, "but I think that's an exaggeration."
"Oh, trust me, it isn't," he countered quickly, smirking that smirk that made me get butterflies, the drop-your-panties smirk that drove me crazy. He did a drawn-out bow, waving his hand in circles and guiding me to the door. I laughed, and he opened the door for me, and closed it behind him as he walked out. He took a hold of my hand and interlaced our fingers, half-walking and half jogging to my side of the car to open my door for me.
"Too kind, Eli, too kind," I said, blushing.
"Nothing is too much for malady," he responded, capturing my lips in a kiss before easing my door shut. He ran around the front of the car, jumping with his butt on the hood and jumping off. He was very playful this evening, and I loved it. He was smiling more than he usually did, and kissed my lips again before starting up Morty. I felt butterflies in my stomach and my lips burned where he kissed me. I felt like I was flying; my mind on cloud nine and not currently in my body at the moment. Being with Eli was exhilarating. He made me feel things I didn't know was possible.
So maybe this is was love is.
No, Clare, no, stop it. You must not say that word; not yet. It is too soon; too early for such rashness. I scolded myself internally, glancing over at Eli as he drove out of my driveway, leaning over to lace our fingers together over the middle console. I kept one hand on the steering wheel at all times, and I enjoyed to watch him drive. His biceps flexed every time he made a turn, and I blushed when he caught me staring.
"Like what you see, Edwards?" He smirked.
"A lot, actually," I responded. Eli pulled up to a little Italian restaurant. He turned off the engine and clicked open his seatbelt and then mine. I scooted over to him and he immediately wrapped one arm around my waist and held my chin with the other hand. I tangled my hands in his hair and tasted him with fervor. He was warm and smelled good and tasted vaguely of mint and I loved it. He licked my lips, and I met his tongue for the first time. It was a little slimy, but he was a good kisser, so I wasn't complaining. He bit down on my bottom lip softly as he pulled away, and brushed my lip with his thumb.
"Bellissima," he whispered, running his finger over my cheek, leaving me blushing.
"You speak Italian?" I said, confused.
"Don't get used to it. It's one of the only words I know. I've just never had a chance to use it," Eli said, kissing my forehead. I smiled, and puckered out my lower lip, saying "Aw," and he blushed.
Eli got out and opened my door for me again, and taking my hand enthusiastically, led me to a hostess podium, and whispered something I couldn't hear. The hostess nodded, and smiled as she led us to a private room in the back. My mouth dropped at the sight of a small tea light candle in the center of the table, and there were fancy water glasses and three sets of silverware that I never understood each individual definition for. There was soft piano music in the background.
"Your table, Mister Goldsworthy", the hostess said, guiding us to our seats, handed us menus and took our drink orders.
"Water, please," I said, not wanting to use the sugary option and go for soda. It would make my teeth feel gross and I didn't want that.
"You're lame, Edwards," Eli stuck out his tongue, "Coke, please," he said; the hostess writing down our orders and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. The glass on the door was opaque; you could tell someone was coming but you couldn't see them clearly, nor could they see you.
"So how hard is it to get a reservation in a private room in a fancy restaurant?" I asked, lacing my fingers together under my chin.
"Not as hard as you think. All I did was call and request it," Eli shrugged.
"Honestly, Eli, it's too much. I would have been okay with a movie at home," I said.
"I wouldn't be that good of a boyfriend if the first actual date we ever had was at your house watching a movie." I liked the way he said boyfriend so easily; like it rolled off of his tongue at an instant, and I loved the way it sounded.
"And I wouldn't be that good of a girlfriend if I took all your spoils and you felt it was for granted," I countered.
Eli avoided the subject, "I like the way you say girlfriend," he tilted his chin up and raised his eyebrows repeatedly and closed his eyes, "Do it again," he said, pretending he had the chills.
"Mufasa," I said, alluding to The Lion King.
"Is it bad that in the back of my mind, I was thinking the exact same thing?" He asked.
"You have a soft spot for Disney movies? Who would have thought?" I said sarcastically, dropping my hand to the table and he took it and rubbed his thumb on my hand.
"I still cry every time Mufasa dies," he said, fake sniffling.
"Aw, how cute, Eli has feelings," I quipped.
"For you," he answered. I blushed. A new face returned with our drinks, and introduced themselves as our waiter, Cody. I ordered fettuccini alfredo and Eli ordered chicken parmesan. We talked and laughed throughout the whole dinner. Eli made me feel so at ease. He would lean over the table to kiss me and I would be worried that the candle would set him or me on fire, "Come on Clare, live dangerously," he jiggled his eyebrows and kissed me again.
The food was delicious, and I thanked Eli time and time again for the wonderful date. "It isn't even over yet. Don't thank me yet," he said sarcastically, leading me out of the restaurant. He took me back to Morty, opening my door, of course, and hopped in, but he didn't turn the engine on. He reached over me and clicked open the glove compartment. He took out a little gift wrapped package with a giant bow on it. Frankly, the bow was bigger than the present itself.
"What's this, Eli?" I asked as he handed it to me.
"Something that I've been compiling since I first met you," he answered.
Unwrapping the gift, it was revealed to be a mix tape. "You got this from Perks of Being a Wallflower, didn't you?" I asked.
"Damn, you got me," he said, hiding his head in mock shame. I kissed his cheek. The tape was entitled Thinking of You.
Popping in the tape into Morty's ancient tape player, the first song started to play. Kellin Quinn's voice emitted beautifully through the tape, and I glanced at Eli, who was blushing.
"How did you know I adored Kellin Quinn?" I asked.
"I guessed," Eli smiled, "there is a song list on the back," he said, pointing to the tape. I took the tape out briefly to glance at the back:
1) Stomach Tied in Knots – Sleeping with Sirens
2) I Like You – Man Overboard
3) Angel With a Shotgun – The Cab
4) You Had Me At Hello – A Day to Remember
5) Kiss Me – Ed Sheeran
6) I Must Be Dreaming – The Maine
7) When the Day Met the Night – Panic! At the Disco
8) Kissing in Cars – Pierce the Veil
9) Your Guardian Angel – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
10) Your Nickel Ain't Worth My Dime – Sleeping with Sirens
"I love how all the songs are cute and sweet until the last one and it's like "I want to get you naked." I quipped, putting the tape back in. Eli smiled uneasily, and I kissed him on the cheek.
And in that moment, no, I did not swear we were infinite; I swear that there was never a moment where I felt as though we were the only people in the world. Maybe that is being infinite, but I didn't want to make a cliché pop culture reference.
Eli leaned over and kissed me, then started the engine again. We were masked by darkness as we went through the night. Eli drove on some back roads that I didn't recognize. We were surrounded by trees and some sparse farms that dotted the hills on the outskirts of Toronto. He drove to a field, and ushered me out of the car, and led me to the back of Morty. He lifted the back – his muscles flexing as he did so, and I internally swooned. Inside was a spacious back with a few pillows and blankets to decorate.
"I wanted to watch the stars with you," Eli said, guiding me into the back of Morty. We lay down side by side, and I curled into Eli's side, his arm around my shoulder, and the other resting on my hip. He drew little circles into my hip, and I had to stop myself from throwing my everything, aka, my virginity, my v-card, whichever terminology you prefer, at him because it was driving me crazy.
"The stars are beautiful tonight, and it's so quiet," I inquired.
"It is peaceful. I used to come out here a lot to think," he said.
"How long have you lived here?" I asked.
"Since I was nine; my parents let us move because I was bullied really badly at my old school. It gave me a chance to start over," he elaborated.
"I am the opposite. I came here to start again and got bullied," I said sarcastically.
Eli turned to me, furrowing his eyebrows, "Imogen won't torture you anymore. I won't let her," he said, kissing my temple.
"Promise?" I asked.
"Promise," he assured me. My heart swelled, and in a leap of faith, I pressed my lips against his. He moved his lips softly against mine, holding my chin while I held his hair. His lips were heaven, and I was entranced. He ran his tongue over my bottom lip again, and again I opened to him, allowing him to kiss me how he pleased. He was a really good kisser.
I pulled on his hair slightly, and he groaned, and responded by kissing me harder; his hand moving down to grip my waist. We turned more into each other, and it was then that I noticed a growing hardness in his jeans. I smirked to myself at his eagerness, and teased him a bit by reaching my hand down and brushing against him. He detached his lips from mine, and growled lowly, "You're going into dangerous waters, Edwards," he kissed me again, hard.
"Live dangerously," I said breathlessly, imitating him from earlier with the candle on our table at dinner. He smirked and kissed my jaw and down my neck. I felt a pleasurable numbness wherever his lips touched. It was soothing and fiery all at once. I bit my lip and softly moaned, immediately slapping my hand against my mouth when I realized that sound I just made. Eli smirked against my skin and continued his slow, torturous ministrations. He was probably amused with me that I'm a virgin and just him kissing my neck is enough to send me into a frenzy. I was putty in his hands, and I think he enjoyed it. He grazed my teeth on my neck, and I stifled back another moan.
"Clare, you sound hot when you moan. Don't hold back," he immediately removed himself from my neck, before kissing my lips again.
"This could get heated," I said.
"I didn't plan on sleeping with you tonight, Clare," he answered.
I blushed, "I-I know that, it's just, I'm nervous about being intimate." I said softly.
"Why?" Eli asked, "You're beautiful, and I'm crazy about you; everything about you. I really, really like you," he said. I blushed more.
"I really, really like you too," I responded.
"Lucky me," he said, kissing me again, softer this time.
I was just about to take the kiss further when Eli suddenly stopped. He reached in his pocket, his phone lit up. He answered it, "Hello?" He obviously didn't know who it was, "Who is this?" he asked. The person identified themselves, and he eased, "Oh, hello Declan." Who is that? I looked at him oddly. All of a sudden his face dropped, and he had a look of sheer fear on his face. He pursed his lips and licked his bottom lip slowly, and swallowed, as if his throat suddenly dried.
"Oh my God," he whispered. He murmured a goodbye to this Declan person, and hung up the phone solemnly, and then sat up, quickly getting out of the back of Morty.
"Eli, what's wrong?" I followed him. He stood in the middle of the field looking up at the stars, paralyzed.
He didn't turn to face me when he said, "It's Fiona."
"She's dead."
End of Chapter