This (late) chapter is dedicated to freakishlyenergetic and COZETYOMI2 who both not only are regulars in the reviews, but also have great pennames :)
It was currently another meeting to attempt and fail at finding May Rivera in the study. The thing is, Justin and Juliet were going back to Florida in a few weeks and the agreement was that Zeke would have found May by then. Yeah…that's not gonna happen.
Apparently, Zeke had already packed and was prepared to get fired any day. Juliet and Harper both had given up hope in finding May long ago, and they never really paid attention in these meetings anyways. As if I was any better. I'm slouched on the chair doodling mindlessly as the words flow in one ear and out the other. It's not that I don't care anymore. It's just discussing what we already know over and over again won't go anywhere.
"So what about your dreams?" Justin asked.
I looked up from my sketchpad. "What?"
"Didn't you say you had these dreams about the past? Have you had any recently? Because since we're going nowhere, we might as well try to go somewhere."
"Still the same dream," I responded.
"Don't you think it's weird, though? That you keep having this dream ever since you got here?" Justin kept on.
I sighed. "So what's your point? That this house is causing my strange dreams? And even if it is, how is that going to help us in any way, shape, or form?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just trying to help."
"Look, I want to find May just as much as you. But we're approaching it the wrong way. Don't you get it? There's no way we'll find her unless we get the crucial parts of the story, the important bits of information that your dad and Papa Stu are hiding from us."
Harper perked up. "So it's over? We through with this finding May business?" I'm not going to lie, Harper's actions made me chuckle.
Juliet followed suit. "This calls for celebration. Who wants hot chocolate?"
And the two of them were down to the kitchen faster than you could say goshdarnit. Zeke shook his head and laboriously walked downstairs as well.
I finished my drawing and turned to face Justin. He was still sitting in the same position, with his head resting on his hands, elbows on his knees. He looked focused and deep in thought. And worried. He looked extremely worried.
"We'll find her," I reassured, "eventually."
Then he looked over at me and the emotions in his gaze were so intense I was petrified to my spot. "I don't just want to find May; I really couldn't care less of her whereabouts. I'm just scared."
"Why are you scared?" Actually, to be honest, I was scared to find out why he was scared.
"Dad loved May, but then left for Mom because it was the right thing to do, right? Then May disappeared. What if, after I marry Juliet because that's the right thing to do, you disappear too?"
[insert weakening of the knees here]
I finally looked away from his interrogating blue-and-hazel eyes. That familiar warm, fluttery feeling was creeping back, a feeling that wasn't supposed to come back ever again. Goshdarnit, I spent all this time trying to get over him and all it takes is one well-worded sentence from Justin to make me melt all over again. I have got to work on my resolve.
"Uh…don't be silly," I said lamely. "I won't go anywhere."
"Tell me you don't love me."
I looked back at him in surprise. "What?"
"Tell me you don't love me. Tell me that you honestly don't care for me enough to beg me to stay here. Tell me you don't have any feelings for me whatsoever and I will board that plane, fly back to Florida, and leave your life forever without looking back. You're the only reason I'm still here, Alex. Because I don't want to end up like my dad, searching for his soul mate twenty years too late. I don't want to give you up if there is still a chance for us. So please, tell me you don't want me like I need you. Tell me that."
It would be so easy to lie. So damn easy. But…
"You can't say it," Justin said after a long silence. "You can't say it because you do love me."
"I…"
"So why are you fighting, Alex? We're on the same side."
And it would be so easy to give in. So damn easy. But…
"Because we wouldn't work," I answered. "You and me, we just weren't meant to be."
"How do you know if we never try?"
We stared at each other, both desperately willing the other to back down. He simply didn't get it. Of course I loved him. That's the hard, utterly confusing part.
I opened my sketchpad and flipped back to the drawings I made of my dreams months ago. I beckoned Justin over and he sat on the armrest of my chair as I showed him the sketches. Sam and May at the café, Sam and May at the park, Sam and May hand in hand at the beach, Sam and May in a car…Countless scenes are portrayed in my rough drawings. Happy, happy, happy, happy…then I showed him the last page. It was of Sam—depressed, regretful, and lost. The image of his heartbroken expression was stuck in my mind ever since I dreamed of talking to him the other night.
"What if we also don't get a 'happily ever after'?" I asked. "You could be like your dad, but what if I'm not the May? What if I'm the Veronica? What if by choosing me, you will regret leaving Juliet for the rest of your life?"
"You look just like May—"
"That doesn't prove anything."
"But this is life! You can't hide forever because you're afraid of all that might happen. You need to take chances," Justin said. He placed a hand gently on my shoulder. Suddenly, he was sitting too close for comfort. I could feel his breath against my skin and I didn't dare look up to him. "Alex…please."
I took a breath and said the false words that would save me. "Fine. I don't love you."
I stood and walked towards the door to escape whatever this was turning to. And I was so close to stepping out that door.
"You're lying."
Halfway out the door, I stopped and shut my eyes. Of course he would know. Maybe the truth shown on my face more than I thought. Slowly, I turned around only to find Justin staring at a drawing.
Stepping closer, I saw it was of Sam and May kissing under the tree, the drawing Justin accidently saw a glimpse of before.
"That's not us, that's Sam and May," I quickly explained.
"Yeah, I know," he said. "But it could be us."
"Yeah, but it's not."
"Why are you so pessimistic today?"
"Why aren't you?"
"Look, I'm just saying that if we both love each other, doesn't that mean we should get together?"
"Under the proper conditions."
"We don't meet those conditions?"
"Well one, you're engaged…something you take lightly but shouldn't."
He shut my pad and stood to face me square on. "You know, in the end, none of it will matter."
I put my hands on my hips. "Yeah, but it's not the end, it's right now. And right now, it does matter. Because—"
[insert Justin grabbing my face and kissing me, completely without warning here]
[insert struggle here]
[insert Justin winning and me losing here]
[insert the best fucking kiss ever here]
When I finally found the strength to pull back and step away before my heart beats its way out of my chest, Justin was smiling like a Cheshire cat on steroids. And I realized I had a grin to match.
"What are you guys still doing here? I made hot chocolate!"
Justin and I jumped and turned to see Juliet stepping into the room. I scanned her face like crazy. Did she see us? Did she know?
"Yeah, we're coming."
So I followed them downstairs, confused beyond belief by the calm, emotionless face of Juliet van Hausen.
--::--
After dinner, Zeke laid the plane tickets on the table for Juliet and Justin. Justin took it and looked at me, as if still waiting for me to say I love him, as if still waiting for any miniscule reason to blow off his life and stay here forever.
But I didn't say anything.
Why must he make this so difficult? Doing the right thing is hard enough as it is, I don't need Justin fighting back. And that kiss…wtf?!!
In moments like these, I needed my mom. She was always the best when it had to do with boy troubles. So I stomped up to my room to defungle the mess that is my life. Opening my laptop, I saw one new email from her.
Alex,
You'll never believe what happened! I was invited to showcase my work at the Annual International Artists Convention in London! Be excited for me, okay?
I'll be gone in England for the next two weeks. I hope all is well with you and you're not getting yourself in trouble.
Love you, miss you,
Mom
Good for you, Mom. I'm proud of you. And did I mention I'm in love with Justin and he kissed me today? Goshdarnit, now I can't find the heart to tell her about this after she received such fabulous news. I wouldn't want her to get all mad at me, not when she's in such high spirits.
[insert asdl;kj;faakdsjd! here]
Oh hey, what do you know, Justin was also online. I opened up a chatbox.
Alex: you're going home.
My laptop beeped as it does when I get a new response.
Justin: i already am home.
Stubborn much? Well, two can play at that game.
--::--
The reason it took so long to get this chapter up is because I actually had to write it this week :P Before, all I needed to do was open up the already written chapter, edit it, add a few details here and there and presto! New chapter! And the whole reason I skipped this while writing the whole story back in November is because I had major writer's block for this kiss scene and I think I still have writer's block now. I know this chapter can be better and probably longer, but ah, whatever. If I wait to perfect this chapter before I update, that could very likely be another month… I'd rather just update as is and go back to fix it later :)
But what did you think? Didn't see that kiss coming now did you? ;) ;)
More exciting news: we did it! 96 reviews! Ahh! OMGOMGOMGOMG!
(And I'm really sorry for taking so long to update. Maybe if I find the time, I'll update the next chapter tonight to make up for it and to celebrate the record breaking!)