Kaoru started to sweat and toss and turn in his sleep and he fell into a nightmare….more like a memory really.

FLASHBACK…

Age…12

"Kaoru" Hikaru laughed as Kaoru fell into the mud at the park. Kaoru's hands balled into fists and he glared at Hikaru. "Oh look he's mad" Hikaru chuckled as 2 boys about their age walked up behind him.

"Do you hate me Kaoru, show me you little sissy" Hikaru smirked. Kaoru looked away from him. Kaoru stared into Hikaru's eyes….he wasn't going to give him what he wanted.

He wasn't going to lie either….he considered not saying anything…..but it wouldn't hold for long. "I DON'T HATE YOU" Kaoru yelled at the top of his lungs. Hikaru froze "what" he gasped in some sort of shock. "I DON'T HATE YOU, YOU'RE MY TWIN FOR CRIST SAKE I COULDN'T HATE YOU, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO TO ME" Koaru continued to yell as loud as he could.

This didn't make Hikaru happy he wanted Kaoru to say he hated him…..he didn't want him to love him….he didn't wanna be on the same level as tamaki to Kaoru. "Lets go" he hissed turning his back on his brother as it started to rain.

Kaoru sighed and looked up at the gary clouds rolling in. "hey" tamaki smiled. The blond helped him to his feet. "You okay" Tamaki whispered. "yeah he didn't hit me this time" Koaru smiled softly.

FlashBack over….

Kaoru turned over restlessly in the bed again…

FlashBack…..

Age 7…

"Kaoru lets play hide and seek" Hikaru smirked. "No Hikaru I always g-get hurt when I play with you" Kaoru scoffed holding his little teddybear close to him. Hikaru softend the look on his face "come on Kao Kao please" he begged. "forget it ru ru" Kaoru mocked his voice.

"I'll be more careful I promise" Hikaru swore. Kaoru raised an eyebrow he wanted to trust Hikaru he was his twin after all…."swear" Kaoru held out his tiny pinky. "swear" Hikaru gently wrapped his small pinky around Kaoru's indentical one.

"Im seeking this time" Kaoru muttered. Hikaru smiled "Okay kao kao" then he took off as kaoru started to count to ten. When he got to ten he called out "r-ready or not ru ru here I c-come" the stammering seven year old started to walk up the steps dragging his teddy bear in one hand behind him.

He qickly shrank back when he saw how dark it was up stairs. Hikaru had turned off all the lights. "Hikaru that not f-fair…you know im scared of the dark" Kaoru whined.

"Kaoru's a cry baby " he heard his brother sing from down the dark hall. "I am not" kaoru yelled. "then come find me" Hikaru smirked into the darkness. "I…I will" Kaoru started down the dark hall on shaking legs.

When he walked up to the closet he though Hikaru was in he opened it up. It was dark inside but Hikaru wasn't inside. A hand flew up over Kaoru's mouth from behind. Kaoru screamed and ran toward the steps. Hikaru chased him and as kaoru got to the platform at the top of the steps Hikaru shoved him down them….

….

Little seven year old Kaoru woke up in a hospital bed not to long after. He'd been hit on the head on his way down the steps and he'd broken his arm.

Hikaru and his mom were sitting by his bedside. Hikaru looked like he'd been crying his eyes were red and puffy. Even now Kaoru dosnt know why Hikaru was crying then. Mrs Hitachiin kissed her son's forehead and Kaoru smiled "Ill be okay"

FlashBack over….

Kaoru bolted up out of bed and pulled his knees against his barechest. And started to tremble a bit. He hadnt thought back on these thing in a long time….not since he'd started to fall for Hikaru. He could still remember it all like it all happened just moments ago.

He remebered the names Hikaru called him…the things Hikaru said…and times he'd been beat up and all the laughs Hikaru got from it.

This was why he was with tamaki now and not his brother….hikaru didn't love him….he was just his little fuck-toy. This al hit Kaoru again like it did before….but this time it hurt worse for some reason….no

He knew that reason….Kaoru knew it hurt more because he was stupid enough to think Hikaru had changed.

People don't change….they fake changes….so fool idiots into forgiving them for the horrible things they did in the past. Kaoru didn't go back to sleep that night. He got up when the sun was almost all the way in the sky again. Tomarrow he and Tamaki would be leaving and then the day after that…getting married.

Like it should have been.

HIKARU'S POV

"MOM" I called. She looked up from her book. "where's Kaoru" I smiled. "I havtn seen him" she smiled back. Then she patted the spot next to her with her hand telling em to come sit with her.

I did. "Honey….i love you both and I want what makes you happy I know how you feel about your brother" she whispered. I nodded "I know and your okay with it" I asked softly raising an eyebrow.

"I'll have to be Hikaru, I cant change who you fall for sweetie but not everyone else will except it I still don't but I cant help it and I don't want a romeo and juliet sitiuation here okay" he smiled an angels smile and kissed my cheek.

Mom always had a way of making me feel better. I walked up the steps and realized the guest room door was still closed.

NORMAL POV

Hikaru tapped on it lightly and heard nothing. He opened it to a frightening site.

His beloved twin was huddled into a corner shaking tramatically with his knees pressed against his bare chest and his thin arms wrapped around them. Everything around him seemed to be drenched in this dark sadness.

Hikaru rushed to his side and forced kaoru's head up so he could see his eyes. Hikaru shrank back. Kaoru's eyes werent filled with sadness or joy or tears….or anything….they were blank and seemed souless. This pain rushed through Hikaru…some how he knew this was in some way his fault.

He pulled Kaoru into his arms "Kaoru come on I love you talk to me" he begged.

"do you?" Kaoru's voice was as emotionless and as blank as his eyes.

He seemed hollow.

"Of course" Hikaru whispered pulling him close.

"Your only mad I wont be around for you to screw arent you?" Kaoru's hollow voice hurt Hikaru deeply.

"I know I used you in the past but Kaoru that was then this is now" Hikaru explained or tried anyway.

"I don't believe you" Kaoru's words were harsh and clear then he stood and left the room leaving Hikaru to sit and stare at the wall.