This chapter is my love letter to you for sticking with me throughout this adventure. Thank you to all my readers and especially me reviewers. I hope you spot the easter eggs.
[ Soundtrack ]
Johnny Cash - I Walk The Line
Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One
Blue Swede - Hooked On A Feeling
Take That - Rule The World
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Bonnie's POV
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I have feelings for Damon Salvatore. Damon freaking Salvatore. This was the thought repeating in my head all night until sleep overtook me. Even dreamland wasn't a respite from my introverted musings because my brain apparently thought it would be wise to replay every highlight of my changing relationship with Damon. From the first time Caroline he threatened me up until last night when I leapt into his arms and saw the same emotions I was going through etched on his unfairly gorgeous face. This thought continues to echo in my head as I lie awake in my bed staring up at the ceiling. I haven't even changed out of yesterday's clothes. Neither have I been able to move out of bed since getting in last night. My phone blows up like its been doing since I run away last night but I ignore it.
I have feelings for Damon Salvatore. Damon freaking Salvatore.
What am I going to do about it? I wish I could just turn off my emotions the way vampires can but witches don't have that luxury. I don't particularly want to either. My emotions are all over the place. Moving as fast as the Millennium Falcon. I don't know exactly what to feel. The predominant emotion is fear. I'm scared. I'm scared this realization means I've changed. I'm scared of facing Elena. She might not be dating Damon but she acts it. I'm scared I've falling for a guy who is in love with someone else. Not just anyone but one of my best friends. I'm scared of what I've become. A friend to and now a lover of vampires. I've let a vampire that into my heart.
Grams would be so disappointed.
It was't deliberate on my part. It just happened.
Oh sure. There were no hints this was going to happen. Nothing clued you in. Neither the facts that you enjoyed his joke and his company nor standing up for him. Not even the kisses.
I knew there was mutual attraction between us but this is more than that. There is nothing casual about it. Falling in love with a vampire. We could have guessed that. Hell, I would have hexed a time traveler a year ago, if he told me I'd end up falling for Damon Salvatore of all people.
What are you going to do?
I have no idea.
The sound of the front door creaking open rescues me from my thoughts. I'm tempted to go find out who it is but with the Acolytes taken care of, I can afford to be lazy. That is until a worse thought cross my mind.
What if it's Damon?
I have no desire to speak to Damon right now. I'm not sure I can even see him. I contemplate going out the window but that's silly and cowardly. I'm tired of running away. From my feelings and Damon. I need to get this done and over with. I need to stop him before he makes it to my room. I'm in too vulnerable a state to be near him in such close quarters. Its not Damon I find outside my room. I can't tell if that's fortunate or unfortunate.
"Hi Bonnie. We thought we'd come see if you were doing okay since you're not picking any of our calls." Elena says to me. I spot Caroline behind her at the foot of the stairs.
"What Elena is saying is that we're here to help you with your Damon problem and we're not leaving until we sort it out so don't even thing of kicking us out." Caroline says by way of greeting.
"I can't really refuse an order from Queen Blondie now, can I?" I reply.
"Awwww. She even sounds like him now." Caroline says to Elena. Flipping from her prom queen side to regular teenage girl side at the speed of Barry Allen. I don't necessarily want to talk to either of them but I'm honest enough to admit I have no clue what I'm going to do. I'm excited on one hand and scared on the other. It wouldn't hurt to confide in Elena and Caroline. They are my best friends and they're infinitely more experienced with guys than I am. I could use their insight.
"No, I don't." I say as as I join Elena at the top of the stairs. Prompting her to turn and head back down.
"Yes you do. I didn't even have to say who it is you sounded like for you to know you sound like me." Caroline says as she hugs the life out of me. Pulling back, she continues: "You run out of there so fast you didn't give us time to appreciate our victory."
"Yeah. Sorry about that. I had to leave. I had a lot on my mind. I needed space to think."
"About Damon and how utterly in love with him you are."
"Caroline! We talked about this." Elena admonishes.
"I know, I know." Caroline mimics in a singsong voice. "'We should ease into the Damon thing. We're just there to check on her. Only talk about Damon if she brings it up herself. I'm serious Care.' Well she sort of, kinda brought it up."
"Its alright Elena. I'm surprised stayed quiet this long, to be honest." I say.
"See El. No reason to get your panties in a bunch." Caroline says.
"Aha." I say, pointing an accusatory finger at Caroline. "You sound like him too."
Caroline smirks and takes a seat on the couch. I slump into one opposite her with an identical in place. Elena sits beside me: "It is within reason to believe Damon will have an influence on each of us but Caroline isn't speaking of influence and you know it. We're here to help. Talk to us."
"There isn't much to say, Elena. I have feelings for Damon Salvatore. Damon freaking Salvatore. How am I supposed to deal with that?"
"I'm told acceptance is the first step. Now all we have to do is figure out what you want to do and what's stopping you from doing it."
"How can you be so chill about this? I expected you to be hissing and spitting like a bodcat."
"I'm sure I would have been a week ago but like I said, Damon and I had a heart to heart. Made me realize I was being selfish and egocentric. You could even say amoral, to both Damon and Stefan. I don't want to be that kind of person. I can't say I ever wanted to be, the attention got to my head a little. Besides, I've got Stefan. Platonic love is all I have for Damon. You have nothing to worry about Bonnie. Damon is all yours." Elena replies.
"He's not mine."
"Yet." Caroline supplies. "You're just being stubborn, as always. We've already dealt with the Elena of it all. There is nothing else stopping you from doing what you know you want to do."
"I shared blood with him Caroline, willingly." I tell my friends. "We were both losing blood so I fed and drunk from him."
Elena still wouldn't hear it. "You did what you had to do. That damm Acolyte stabbed Damon because he wanted you to kill him"
"What?" I asked confused.
"We talked to Aisha, the witch on their side, Jeremy too." Elena spells out. "Carlo knew he was going to die. He wanted to. Death was his entire plan. All he needed was someone powerful enough to do it."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Think about it Bonnie." Caroline interjects. "The Armoury's monster was using the Acolytes as a tool to break itself free. I doubt it would have let them them go even if they succeeded. How do you outwit a psychic being?"
"By aligning its wishes with yours. A plan within a plan. For Carlo, the only way to be free from the monster's control was to die. The rest of the Acolytes were too blinded by revenge to realize it." Elena concludes.
My first reaction is surprise. Surprised the Acolytes did all that just ensure their deaths and prevent their tormentor from discovering the plan. Surprise gives way to anger. Anger that I was used as an executioner. Everything that happened last night, Jeremy's kidnapping, Tyler's injury, Damon near-death, was just so some diabolical vampire could have his death wish.
"That doesn't change anything." I admit "I still lost control. You guys would understand if you were there. I relished the pain I was causing him. Wanted to make him feel as scared as I was believing that Damon was dying. All because I was angry and scared of losing Damon. I feel like I have to become a different darker person in order to love him."
"If it's that important to you, get a tattoo or two like Miley Cyrus when she was going through her rebellious stage." Caroline advises.
"Be serious, Caroline." Elena says.
"I am. I'm completely serious."
Elena stops herself from indulging Caroline any longer. "This isn't the first time you've done something like that, Bonnie. You went against nature and the wishes of your ancestors when you brought Jeremy back. You broke the rules because you loved him. Just like last night. You also pretended to deactivate the Gilbert device even though you knew Stefan and Damon where going to be affected by it. The town needed to be rid of the tomb vampires so you did it despite the consequences. You made those decisions because they were the right thing to do. It's who you are. Loving Damon isn't going to change that. Its not going to change you." She finishes.
"You two came prepared."
"You have me to thank for that." Caroline says.
Shocker.
I'm touched by their faith in me but also annoyed at how well they now me. They have answers to questions I hadn't even thought to ask myself. I sigh. "Aren't you supposed to be on my side?"
"We are Bonnie but sometimes you make it so hard. You like him, he likes you. Don't overthink it. You didn't overthink it this much with Jeremy." Caroline reflects.
"It was easier with Jeremy. I knew what I was getting into with Jeremy. More precisely what I wasn't. Damon is a entirely different. I don't know when he is going to decide to be psychotic, homicidal or self-destructive."
"He told me you'd say that?" Elena replies.
"Say what?" I ask.
"You were going to, and I quote 'use his eccentric qualities against him' Its adorable how well he knows you.'"
I ignore the latter part to ask Elena when Damon told her this. Elena tells me everyone retreated to the boarding house after the fight. They stayed up all night and turned the adrenaline high from the fight into an impromptu send of party for Jeremy, Tyler and Caroline. Tyler was confined to a wheelchair after breaking his legs in the fight but he and Caroline were leaving to find a way to break the sire bond once her recuperates. The sleeping bags came out once the rush subsided. Even the Sheriff slept over at the Salvatore's. Everyone was aware of the elephant in the room but did their best to pretend otherwise. Damon surprisingly didn't kick anyone out. He just sat at the parlor, nursing a glass of bourbon. Barely saying a word.
"Truth be told I expected him to turn violent drunk like he usually does but he was uncharacteristically demure all night. He only spoke when he heard we were coming over. Said to tell you to find him where it all started when I asked him why he wouldn't just come with us. Also said something about acids and bases. No, it wasn't that. Salts and lemons? Not that either, um…" Elena stammers trying to remember the message.
"pH 7?" I suggest hopefully.
"Yes that. He didn't say what it meant. Just said you'd understand. Mind filling us in?" A curious Caroline asks.
pH 7, I remember Damon using that analogy to describe our polarizing reactions to what life throws our way. I've always been the mellowed one. Keeping my feelings and opinions to myself. Going as far as to hide and bury my emotions in hopes of not being a nuisance. I always did my best to stay quiet and unnoticed. Even running from unbalancing situations. Damon resides on the extreme side of the scale. Always conspicuous, never hidden. Doing and saying whatever pleases him with no regard to anything else. Preferring to dive headfirst and wholeheartedly into everything. We were both living extremes.
Damon's message answers a question I've been trying not to voice. Why hadn't come looking for me. Damon was trying not to be his usual intense self. He was giving me the room to decide what I wanted to do. Unlike with Katherine and Elena when he basically forced his way into their lives. Damon is letting me know he is going to live with whatever decision I make. I'm going to have to go to him if I want to develop the feelings we have for each other. The ball is in my court so to speak. I'm equally emboldened and scared at the same time.
"Mission Control to Bonnie. You still with us?" I hear Caroline ask cheekily.
"Yeah, I am."
"Wanna tell us what the chemistry lesson is about?"
"Its Damon's way of telling me everything is up to me. He isn't going to come after me like he did with Elena and Katherine before. Whatever decision I make is final and he is going to abide by it. Even if it means staying just friends. pH7 is an our running joke " I explain to my best friends.
"You can't possibly be thinking of dumping the guy before the relationship starts, are you?" Caroline says.
"Caroline's right, Bonnie. Damon's feelings for you are real. Its evident in his desire to be a better person. You know how he was when he thought he was in love with me. He would have done his best to self-destruct if he was still that person. Gotten into a fight with Stefan or gone on a killing spree. Anything to make you hate him so that he wouldn't have to deal with the possibility of rejection. Much like the time he snapped Jeremy's neck? You've had a positive influence on him, Bonnie. Time to cross the finish line."
One can argue against Elena's point. The only difference between Damon before and the Damon I've gotten to know now is just that. I've gotten to know Damon better. Seen the side of him that he reserves for Elena and those closest to him. I don't think Damon has changed that much. He is very much the Damon we loath sometimes and can barely tolerate. He is just more than that now. More layered. More human.
And I've fallen helplessly for the paradox he is. I'd like for all of this to be a dream but its not. Its real and so are my feelings for him. Damon knew I was going to run away from my feelings. Like I've done all my life. His message is to remind me of how far I've come. Standing up to my friends and stepping out of my comfort zone. I've moved up the scale. No need to throw away all the headway I've made by regressing into the person I was just a few short weeks ago. Playing it safe is rarely an assurance of happiness. I have to take the plunge and explore the unchartered territory Damon is offering me. I have to go after him. Damon deserves to know he is someone's first draft pick without having to force or coerce the person into choosing him. I need to do this for him. And for me.
I take a deep breath and make my decision. "I need a couple of things first."
"We are all ears." Elena replies.
"First, I need you to come with me to the airline company. Your vampire abilities should help with the awkward questions."
"Ermm..Okay?"
"I liked your idea but a tatt is too extreme. Something more subdued should do."
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Damon's POV
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Then I heard Stefan barge into the room. He didn't even knock. Rude. "You've been in here for so long I was starting to think you had died, again." He had that 'I have something to say and you're going to hear me out' look about him. "How long are you going to keep sulking?"
"I had my eyes set on a year but you and I can negotiate for a month." I replied flippantly. Not even bothering to look at him although I heard the sigh loud and clear.
"Look if it's about Bonnie, which I know it is, you should go see her. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel."
"She already knows how I feel Stefan. The whole town knows about it by now if Elena's track record is any indication."
I hoped that would annoy him enough to get out but St. Stef wouldn't take the bait "I'm going to let that slide. Bonnie is somewhere out there and you're here gloomier than the sky outside instead of going to find her. Too afraid to get your heart broken?"
"Nope. I've had a lifetime of that. I'm used to it at this point."
"I'm lost then. I can't help you if I don't know what's bothering you."
"I don't remember asking for your help Stefan." I said in my usual sarcastic tone, you know. The one I use when I want to be purposefully mean.
"Alright then." Stefan says, turning to leave. "Don't say I didn't try."
"Stef wait." Don't ask me why I stopped him from leaving because I still don't have an answer for that. I suspect it has something to do with the sound of his voice. He sounded betrayed. Like I'd let him down. Again.
"Look, I'm sorry okay. Especially that bit about Elena." I sit up in bed to say. Stef turns to train his eyes on me. Probably trying to judge if I was being honest. He nods his head after a moment.
"I'll take your word for it but you have to give me a straight answer. What are you doing in here when Bonnie is out there?"
It was my turn to sigh. Stefan and I are definitely brothers. He has my habit of persisting till a person replies out of annoyance. I heard movement downstairs and used it as an excuse not to answer the question. "Someone's coming Stef."
"I don't hear anything. This a poor attempt at changing the subject Da…"
"Give it a few seconds." I interrupted. You might question the logic of waiting for whoever it was to walk into our home but we're vampires. We were top of the food chain until Klaus broke his damm curse. Besides, do you know how many people traipse through the boarding house each day? Anyway it turned out to be Alaric. I couldn't help but gloat a little.
"You're gonna have to upgrade to the Bambi diet Stef. Bugs Bunny isn't doing it for you anymore." Stefan gives me a humourless smile in reply. Ric had gone home to change and take a bath but was now back because Elena had asked him. Ric was officially my babysitter. I'm older than everyone in this town and I still get treated like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Can you believe that?
"Where is she right now?" I stopped myself from groaning out loud. Stefan couldn't go a week without knowing were Elena was. I'll have to make that bet one day.
"I stopped listening after she said something about getting a manicure." Ric replies. "I'm sure you know the place."
"Yeah, I do. Bedford and King's. I've been there a few times. Care loves it because she and the owner share a first name. Kamille, the co-owner is great."
I was being sarcastic but it didn't surprise me to find out Stefan accompanied the girls to get a manicure. I stole a glance at his fingers half-expecting to find them painted but no such luck.
"For the record, I'm here because I'm worried. Not because Elena asked me to. But you should understand her and Stefan's concern. You don't have the best portfolio when it comes to dealing with rejection." Ric explains. That I can understand. Common sense isn't that had to grasp. I'm not unreasonable.
"So about Bonnie. You and Alaric are close so I don't think you'll mind saying what you have to say in front of him."
Trust Stefan to remember the conversation we were having before Ric walked in. The little hope I was nursing that he had forgotten evaporated. It was just my luck that Alaric had to be the one who walked in. Why couldn't it be Caroline or someone else I barely tolerate. No offence. Stef was right. I couldn't really pretend to be shy or distrusting of Ric so I had to come clean.
Ric asked, "What is this about?"
"Damon was about to tell me why he was avoiding Bonnie when you walked in."
"I'm not avoiding her." I almost screamed at Stefan.
"You sure as hell aren't trying to find her either."
"I think Damon is trying to sort out his emotions and decide the best thing to do, isn't that so buddy? He is faring better than I thought he would" He said to Stefan and to me he said: "You haven't killed anyone yet and you're sober. I thought Whitmore would be short fifty percent of their female population by now."
I felt like kissing Alaric after then. I would very much whore after your man if I were gay but you're lucky I'm not. I just love the guy. Every male friend I've ever made has tried to kill me over the years but you wouldn't know that if you judged me solely by my relationship with Alaric. You're right, Ric has tried to kill me. I forgot about that.
"See Stef, this guy gets me." I told my brother before clasping Ric's shoulder affectionately. In a non-gay way obviously.
"So that's it. You've just been here thinking. I guess we now know who the brooding brother is."
"I've been deliberating, planning, considering my options so to speak. That's not the same as brooding."
"Keep telling yourself that." Stefan says with a mocking smile.
"Jerk chicken Stefan"
"What?" Ric asked. Stef's smile was so infuriating I forgot Ric was around.
"Its a curse. At least Daman's version of one. Our mouth's would literally be washed with soap if an adult caught us cursing. So Damon came up with jerk chicken. I haven't haven't heard it in decades." Stefan explained to Ric.
Stef's mocking smile morphed into a laugh which was somehow not as infuriating as the smile before. I couldn't help but smile too at the memory of how much horse shit Stef and I shoveled every time one of the townspeople brought us to Guissipe after a soapy mouthwash. I hadn't realized it till then but it was nice having a brother to enjoy and endure eternity with.
"You and I have had one hell of a ride, haven't we Stef?
"Yes we have. I've enjoyed it more because you weren't the only on the cruise. I had Lexi then, and my friends now. You have the friends too. Ric, Liz, Caroline and the rest of the gang even though you annoy them sometimes. Its time to get the girl Damon. I promise you the ride feels better with Bonnie at your side.
"You don't give up, do you Stef?" I asked, equal parts emotional and exasperated.
"It's a Salvatore thing."
"Look, I'd like to find Bonnie, throw myself at her feet and badger her until she admits she is in love with me but I can't. I've done the chasing my whole life. With Elena and Katherine. It didn't work. I love Bonnie and I know her. She needs to decide she is okay with being in love with me before dive into the relationship without reservation. I could pressure her into it but It'll eventually blow up in my face."
"So what are you going to do?" Ric finally spoke up, "wait until she decides? What if she puts it off and never makes the choice?"
"She will. Patience has never been a virtue I posses. I sent a message by Elena. That should speed up the decision making process."
"And if she decides … she doesn't want you?" Stefan asks tentatively.
"I can't say I have experience being friends with a woman I want more from. I've always been a one or the other type of guy. You either love me or you don't. There is no middle ground. I can't promise to stay a friend but I'll give it a shot if Bonnie decides that's what she wants. She's had too many people walk out of her life already. I can't do that to her."
I swear Stef got all misty eyed even though he wasn't joining the dwarves to fight Smaug. He said one of those sentimental things he's good at and would have given me a hug if not for my swift evasion. That was too sentiment for me. Ric patted me on the back and gave me one of those smiles I've seen him give to his favorite students. The delivery room emotions were starting to get to me so I leaned on good old unpleasantness to cut through them.
"I know the boarding house is basically a frat house but you should knock before coming into my room, Ric. It's my sanctuary.
"I'll start treating it like a sanctuary when you start treating my apartment like one. Do I have to remind you that one time I got you and that sorority girl with a strap…"
"…strapless gown." I quickly interjected. "He caught me with a sorority girl who was wearing a strapless dress."
Stefan just rolled his eyes and shook his head. A very trusting brother, him. For the record, Ric was definitely not going to say the other thing that starts with strap. You look like you don't believe me. You and Alaric have been spending too much time together. A suspicious cop dating a suspicious vampire hunter. I hope that doesn't equal the end of vampirism.
"I can't remember why I decided to recap my day but regardless, that's the sum of it. How's yours going thus far Liz?"
"Great. I'm just about done putting things in order for my vacation. The last thing on my to-do list is to make sure there aren't any fresh cases before I leave. Which is why I tracked you down here. I must admit this is the last place I thought I'd fine you. "
"With good reason. This isn't my idea of a perfect hideaway. Witches are such fickle beings. My disdain for this place is matched only by its disdain for me."
"You're in love with a witch Damon, try to tone down the hatred."
"On the contrary, I've always loved witches. The young ones not so much but they get quite charming in their old age. I remember Eva of Medina, no one could scotch a dance floor like she could. Then there's Al Capone's enforcer, Ms Janay. Prohibition was in full swing but Ms Janay still hosted the best parties."
"I know its strange coming from me but you're positively ancient Damon."
"Why thank you ma'am. I would have liked to relive my glory days with a fair maiden such as yourself but alas it behooves on me not to bore you with tales as old as time. You may go and leave me be."
"Don't be dramatic Damon. Are you going to be okay? I'm asking because I don't want my subordinates burdened with a vampire murder their first day without me but primarily because I'm worried about you."
"No need to worry. Its nothing major. I'm only in love with Bonnie Bennett. Those combination of words sound so foreign to me, I wouldn't be surprised if my fairy godmother were to spring out of the ether and announce this is all some sort of sick prank to teach me a lesson."
"I'm no fairy but I play the godmother role quite well. What's bothering you?"
"Fear. I'm scared I'm going to blow it if Bonnie chooses to be with me. I'm afraid I'm going to go vintage Damon and hurt her. I've never loved anyone the right way. Everyone I've ever claimed to be in love with has either been a thinly veiled vendetta at best or an obsession at worst. I've never been in a situation where my head and heart are in agreement."
"And how does it feel to be in such a situation?"
"Its scary but also liberating. The gradual emotional progression she and I have experienced makes it easier to believe this is for real. My head anchors my heart. I'm fully aware of who Bonnie is. I'm in love with her strengths but not blind to her faults. Unlike with Katherine and especially Elena."
"You have no idea how hard I'm fighting to stop myself from saying 'my boy is all grown up'"
"I'll probably rip your heart out if you did say that. I think I've reached my limit. Another sappy conversation like this and I'll become Stefan. It took every ounce of the little self-control I have not to bash his face in this morning."
"And you knew Bonnie would be mad if she found out"
"That too. Enough about me. Any special plans for the vacation?"
"I've always wanted to see Amsterdam."
"An officer of the law heading to Amsterdam? Sounds like the premise of an R-rated movie. Taking Ric with you?"
"Maybe. I haven't told him yet. Haven't told anyone for that matter. I don't think Caroline would mind too much. She is going away on her own trip. I need to relearn how to take care of myself. I felt useless and undesired when Bill left so I poured myself into work. It was the one place I felt needed. It took my daughter's transition for me to make her a priority. At the rate I'm going, its going to take a major illness for me to focus on myself."
"If it's worth anything, I'm glad you're doing it. I'd hate for anything to happen to you. Who else will fawn over me if you died.? You're the only cougar I tolerate."
"I'm seriously going to shoot you by accident same day soon. I'd invite you along to wherever I choose to go but you're going to be busy for the next few weeks. Either with a new partner or a broken heart."
"Preferably the latter. I may just come find you if it's the former. Come on, go find Caroline. She should be done with her manicure by now. Try the Lockwood's first. You've got to tell Carol about your vacation. You know she's not going to like it."
"Oh I know. I'm not too concerned about that. I'll try the Boarding House if I don't find Caroline at the Lockwood's."
"Everyone might just move in at this point."
"Such a bitter old man. I'll see you when I see you."
And with that, Liz gets into her car and drives away. Leaving me once more to my thoughts and emotions. The funny thing is that my emotions aren't all over the place like they usually are when I get hurt. Truth be told, I can't say I'm even hurt. All I feel is a strange calmness. I know I've done all that I should so I'm content to wait. This is more like chess than boxing. You move when your opponent moves.
I'm distracted from my self-grandiose thoughts by a car moving down the road towards me. The tinted glasses make it hard to know who's driving but I know the car is Bonnie's. I chastise my heart for skipping a beat. The car parks snugly beside mine and the occupant takes my breath away.
For a moment, I don't recognize Bonnie until brushes some errant strands of her hair from her face. Throwing a portion over her shoulder. To say she looked like a goddess would be a understatement. Her hair is red. And I don't mean in a few places but everywhere. Bonnie spotted a full head of straight, sleek and long auburn hair that was more sienna than blood red. Flowing around and complementing her hear shaped face perfectly. I hold my hand out and motion for her to twirl, which she does. The hair swept over her shoulder and down her chest, stopping just under her breasts at the front and above her waistline of her form fitting skirt at the back. She stopped twirling after a second but didn't let go of my hand. Giving me a small ray of hope.
"You've got my attention Bonnie."
The shy smile on her face tells me she is blushing. So adorable. Too bad a stain doesn't appear on her cheeks the way it does with caucasians. Bonnie let's go of my hand in order to take a seat beside me. Just like our first time together here at this very location, we sit shoulder to shoulder on the hood of my car. I realize the silence we're sharing is awkward for Bonnie because she keeps fidgeting. Clasping and unclasping her hands and swaying her feet. I feel the need to ease her tension but I know I have to let her direct this orchestra of a conversation. It doesn't take long for her to find her courage.
"I got your message."
"Which one?" I ask. Glad to get things started.
"To find you were it all begun."
"This place lead me down the road to Bennett Boulevard so I thought it would be a fitting spot to either dive into or stillborn our feelings for each other. The sky above is a perfect mirror for what its been like waiting for you, dark and gloomy. The Sun's rays waiting behind the stormy clouds, to brighten the day or my life. Whichever comes first."
"I'm sorry I kept you waiting. It wasn't my intention."
"What was?"
"Retreat into safety. I only realized I had to make a decision when Elena gave me your other message. That was clever by the way. Saying so much with only a letter and a digit."
I swivel my head to look at her now, almost nose to nose. The smirk on her face is so adorable I fall in love with her all over again. "One of my gifts Bon. I wanted to let you know I was staying away because I realized you have to make the decision without any manipulation from me. Not because I didn't want to be there."
"Yeah, I get that. I also get that you've always had to claw and fight for every scrap of attention and love from the people you really wanted them from. I knew once I got your message that I couldn't let you do so again. You don't deserve that from me. You've been there for me these past few weeks without complaint. Surprising because you can be a big baby when you put your mind to it."
"Are you calling me a whiner, Bennett?" I ask in mock offence.
"Obviously Salvatore." Bonnie replies with a cheeky smile.
I love that we're back on familiar ground. The tension after her arrival having ebbed away. We still haven't addressed the elephant in the room but I know she and I are going to be alright. Inconsiderate of wether or not she chooses to develop the feelings we have for each other.
"You know you have to tell me the story behind the hair, right?" I say to Bonnie. The curiosity getting to me.
"You like?" Bonnie says flipping the waves on one side over her shoulder and tilting her neck towards the other side, highlighting the curve of her neck. Performing a move I've seen many women perform less sexily over the years. I run my tongue over the edges of my elongated canines.
"Like would be an understatement. I can think of a number of situations pulling on them would be fun. I have to warn you, their pretty risqué."
"They always are with you Damon. They always are." Bonnie says with a wink that doesn't help to temper my overactive imagination. "Anyway, its just a visual representation."
"Of?"
"My decision to move up the pH scale. I've made a few strides thanks in part to you but I want to move further. Which is why I'm grateful you left everything to me. For so long, I've been content to let things happen to be instead of being assertive and making things happen. My passivity encouraged the bad and stifled the good but that's over and done with. I'm ready to fight for not just what I believe in but for what I want too. The hair fair warning. Move or get trampled."
"I get that but why the red hair in particular? Why not go blonde or any other color?" I ask. Sensing there was a reason for the color choice.
"Oh that. It's because McCullough is a redhead."
"Am I supposed to know who that is?"
"Maybe, she is my namesake." Bonnie explains.
"She's called Bonnie too?" I butt in, clearly surprised I've never heard of this Bonnie person if she's that important.
"Yep. She is a character from a film adaptation. The film series has gone downhill but I still love the books they was adapted from. L.J Smith is a brilliant writer but I digress. To answer your question, that's why I went with fiery red instead of blonde. Besides, Elena is blonde now so that would have been weird."
"She's what? Bonnie dabs away at her face with a handkerchief. My reaction may have sprayed Bonnie with spittle.
"B-L-O-N-D-E, Blonde." Bonnie spells out for me. "Caroline went brunette so there's no awkwardness there."
Brunette Caroline and blonde Elena. Today must be named after the patron saint of spontaneous foolhardy decisions. I can't wait to see the look on Stefan's face. "Who came up with this ingenious plan? My money is on Caroline."
"You'd be right. She suggested a tattoo at first but that was too extreme for me so I got this instead. They couldn't let me have all the fun so they decided to have the makeover with me. Just like in fourth grade when Elena got those freckles."
A lift of my eyelids gets a chuckle and the report out of Bonnie. "Yeah, Elena came back from one summer vacation freckled. 98 of them in fact. I know because I counted them. She was so self-conscious about it, Caroline and I borrowed Jenna's crash kit and drew small brown spots around our noses to support our sister. It worked. Like you said that night, misery loves company."
"Please tell me you've got pictures." I say with the ghost of a smile.
"Elena would kill me. Its not like that now. I'm sure she'll love for you to see her in her knew do."
"I'm sure she and Caroline look good but I've got to say Bon, I think a redhead Bennett is a work of art. Call me biased."
Bonnie tucks her head down to hide the flush of joy I glimpsed crawling across her face. "I'm sure you'll change your mind when you see them."
"Unlikely Bennett. I'm not in love with them."
Just like that, reality comes crushing down. We got caught up in our usual back and forth and almost forgot there was a life changing decision to be made. Bonnie peeks at me from under her eyelashes. Emotion and a hint of doubt evident in her eyes. She leans into my touch when I put my palm to the side of her face, lifting her head. Her eyes flutter open when I call her name.
"It's okay Little Bird. I'm not going anywhere. My staying your friend isn't dependent on this decision. I'm always going to be here for you. In fact, doubt you'd be able to survive without me. You'll die from a lack of witty banter. Who is going to provide it if I leave? Caroline? Elena? Stefan who can't loosen up without binging through a city? Oh there's Matt. You're in good hands. He is as witty as a jock strap."
"You are too crazy to talk to sometimes."
"Insanity keeps things fun, Redbird."
"Redbird?" Bonnie asks. Almost resigned to the knowledge that her new look provides me with a lot of ammunition.
"Yep. I think its a step up from Medusa, don't you think?"
Bonnie makes a noncommittal sound. "I saw Matt before I came here. He isn't too happy about my feelings for you but he also said he wasn't 'not happy' that I was in love. Also said he's got a crossbow with your name on it if I ever need him to kill you."
My eyes are going to pour out of their sockets if I roll my eyes one more time. "The mutt can't give me orders. He should get that by now. Is that all he said?"
"I'm sure he would have said more but I caught him at the wrong time. He and Rebekah were . . . how should I put this? . . . busy."
"Good for Donovan. I was starting to fear he was gay."
"Damon!" Bonnie exclaims with a stinging punch to my abdomen. The hit tingles but its worth it to see the guilty look on her face. Proving that she doesn't wholly disagree with me. "He is as gay as you are selfless."
"Ouch" I respond, putting a hand to my still heart. "See Bonnie, you don't have to worry. You and I will always have this. You're not going to lose me. I love you but the honest truth is that I more than love you. I'm in love with you. So what's it going to be?"
Bonnie takes a moment to look at me. To really look at me. Its reminiscent of the time at her home when she kissed me on the forehead. My first instinct is to retreat and hide my emotions from her. Not wanting to be vulnerable, I bring my eyelids down to shied my eyes from her. Bonnie stops me with a palm to my cheek.
"Don't do that Damon. Don't hide from me. I want to see you. All of you."
I reluctantly open my eyes and leave my self bare to her. Our faces are so close I can feel the heat of her breath on my face. Without breaking eye contact, captures my head in her palms. I put my hand at the nape of her neck and stare as intensely back at her. Vampiric abilities come with a certain level of empathy. Helping us to peer into and manipulate the minds of humans and lesser beings. Even push thoughts and memories into the minds of less powerful vampires. Its always been difficult with witches because they constantly have their guard up, although it is not unheard of for a vampire and a willing witch to share their emotions.
That is exactly what Bonnie and I do. I expose the desires of my heart and the fear of my head to her. Everything I've been feeling since I realized I was in love with her. The wish to reach out to her but knowing I had to stay away. The fear of ruining the relationship because of my self-destructive tendencies and of being undeserving of her love. My hopes that Bonnie and I can stay the way we are for the rest of her mortal life and for eternity if she is willing to transition over time. These and many others I share with Bonnie.
I receive almost identical thoughts and emotions from Bonnie herself. Her worry that she's disrespecting her ancestors by being in love with me. Her shame that Shelia would be disappointed with her if she were alive. The realization that a family would be out of the question if she chose to be bonded to me by love. No babies, no children, no future. Just a partner who never ages while she pays time its dues. Bonnie shares with me her believe that the only way for her to reach her fullest potential is with me, by her side. Her knowledge that she has never felt more desired, womanly and competent than when she is around me.
There is no doubt about it. Bonnie is as in love with me as I am in love with her but love doesn't always conquer all. Ideologies like that are bred from naivety and ignorance. Love isn't about emotions alone. Emotions will fade without commitment to the cause. Awareness and dedication to what we sign up for is going to get us through times when our love for each other is absent. Our feelings for each other might be genuine but so are the the problems and obstacles in our path. The question now is if our love is worth the obstacles in our path and the adversities we will inevitably face. The question shatters our connection. It couldn't have lasted for more than a minute but it felt like a life time. Bonnie sags and buries her face in my chest. The dampness I feel on my shirt proves that there are tears streaking down her face.
"That was intense." She says after a beat.
"Very." I reply as I continue stroking her hair. My conscience begs me to be fair to Bonnie. Even if its against my own interest. I listen to my conscience for the first time in ages. "I've been a vampire for over a century, Bonnie. I've had more than a century to accept the things I'm never going to have. To move on from the things my encounter with Katherine robbed me of. I only just forgave Stefan for forcing me to become this unnatural creature. You deserve everything life has to offer you. I don't think my love is worth that great a sacrifice. What I'm trying to say is I understand, Little Bird."
Bonnie extricates herself from my presence to stare up at me. Her fiery hair making her defiant look a cliché. "You said you'd let me make the decision. You don't get to make it for me now."
Bonnie slides down to pick up her bag which fell off during the empathy link. I expected her to pull out another handkerchief but she pulls out what I suspect to be an envelope. She folds herself into a cross-legged yoga pose before handing me the envelope. "I made the decision long before I got here."
I take the envelope out of her hand and tear it open. Causing two plane tickets to fall out. I look up at Bonnie hoping to find some clues but her face is a blank mask. I take one of the tickets and notice its for a plane that leaves for Africa in three days. The country its headed to is one I know very well, Ghana. I start to connect the dots after I shake off the brain freeze that captured me for a second. Plane to Ghana plus two tickets, obviously for Bonnie and I equals her wanting me to come with. She is choosing me.
Words can't describe how I feel at the moment. I've often scoffed when I read books about a character's heart swelling but that is the most apt description I can think of right now. My heart is swelling to bursting point. Full of love for this annoyingly judgey witch. Who just made me the happiest man in the world. I can't find the words to express how I feel right now so I elect to show her, pulling her in for a kiss I hope conveys everything I'm feeling. I can taste the saltiness of the tears she's shed on her lips. It all ends to the euphoria of the moment. Bonnie Bennett chose me. Despite all my flaws and the restrictions on our love for each other.
"I choose you Damon. I love you and I'm going to be your forever girl if you'll have me." Bonnie breaks the kiss to say.
"Of course I'll have you, Judgey." I reply before peppering her with soft kisses. "What about everything else?"
"Everything else is worth this. What we have and are going to build on. Don't look so surprised. I feel like I can conquer the world with my fiery new look and the psychotic vampire at my side" Bonnie says with a smile in her voice and love in her eyes.
I hold my arm out in invitation to her. Bonnie molds her frame comfortably into my side and makes herself at home. I drape my right arm around her shoulders while she wraps her left arm across my back and around my waist. We zone out after intertwining the fingers on our free hands, my left and her right. Content to enjoy the tranquility of now and the love we share. The world can wait. We'll build a bridge across each river when we get there.
"One more thing Bonnie. Would you say you've found the diamond in the rough?"
"Hmm… I think I have the authority to confirm that, yes."
"Well then prep yourself to deliver on a few promises." I tell her. Wearing a grin I'm sure I haven't worn in decades.
"It would be my pleasure. Yours too I'm sure.
"I'm going to pay you back for all the times you set my brain on fire. Don't expect leniency from me. I'm going to make you suffer, Bennett."
"I expect nothing less Salvatore."
The sky seems to have finally settled upon a mood. The day's first sun rays pierce the glum morning sky. Bathing the woods in magnificent light. Even a mansion of such death and despair looks warm and inviting. The weather perfectly captures the mood I'm in. After years of wandering and sinking in the dark abyss of debauchery and hedonism, I feel like I've finally broken free and found the very thing I was craving. A place I belong. At the side of the most annoyingly judgey witch.
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Epilogue
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The atypical morning weather has now given way to a more standard summer's day, making the Lockwood Mansion the perfect venue for an impromptu party.. A farewell party very much like the one held for Jeremy a couple of hours ago. Caroline and her mom are the guests of honour. Along with their partners Tyler and Alaric. Mayor Lockwood suggested the party after giving the Tyler and Caroline her blessing to leave. She had been devastated when her child was brought back crippled but Tyler assured her his hybrid healing would fix him up in no time. The mayor wasn't too pleased with Sheriff Forbes' decision to take a vacation but was nonetheless happy her friend was taking some time off. She just hoped Mystic Falls could survive a few weeks without its competent and trustworthy Sheriff.
"Not that I'm complaining but It's strange seeing only this number of people here, son. You usually invite the whole town when we decide to throw a party." Carol says, casting a wandering eye around. The must be only ten people around. All of them she realizes are the people she sees around Tyler the most, his inner circle so to speak.
"Weird right? I only invited the people I can trust and we have stuck with me through everything." Tyler replies, himself looking around with a soft smile on his face.
"Well I'm glad you've finally found better friends." Mayor Lockwood tells her son.
"For real?"
"I wasn't the biggest fan of your childhood friends, if you must know. Except for Matt. The others were trouble mongers."
"You and dad were the ones who made me hang out with them in the first place."
"I know. Their parents are part of the Founder's Council and old friends of your Dad. It was expected that our children would form as tight a bond and eventually inherit the work of the council."
"The Salvatores are vampires. So is Forbes and I'm a werewolf. It's funny how the council has no idea the creatures they hate are amongst them." Tyler says with an amused look on his face.
"Be that as it may, we can't let our town be overrun with the supernatural. Enough talk about werewolves and vampires. Go, have fun. Don't think I haven't noticed the glances Caroline has been sending your way. Come see me when its time to leave."
Tyler plants a kiss on Carol's cheek before wheeling himself over to Caroline on the edge of the pool. Tyler wasn't too happy with her new brunette hairdo but he is starting to warm up to it. Caroline seems to be excited about it. Her enthusiasm about the little things is one of the reasons he has come to enjoy being around her. Tyler sits beside Caroline who chooses to sway her legs in the water rather than ruin her newly acquired style.
The rest of the gang are there too. A topless Stefan mans the grill while Alaric sits in quiet conversation with a still recovering Aisha. She had been reluctant to come but was convinced by the ever persistent Elena. Aisha was wearing an orange T-shirt that read "Kittens are Babes" over her briefs. A shirt obviously not hers and possibly a remnant of Tyler's punk rock obsession. Elena herself is splashing in the pool, not too bothered about her new blond pixie cut. Stefan thought it unusual that she'd favor that color but knew his girlfriend well enough to keep his thoughts to himself. Even Sheriff Forbes found it impossible to resist the allure of a carefree day at the pool so she. Lounging in a beach chair by the pool with a good book in hand seemed like a good way to start her vacation. A little self-conscious about her body, she opted to tie a sash around her waist over her swimsuit. Matt doses off in the corner, tired from his nocturnal activities. Rebekkah can be tiring.
Everyone is determined to enjoy the peace and quiet they have now before another Mystic Falls destroying entity with malicious intent emerges out of the shadows. If only they could find a way to block they lay lines crisscrossing their way around the town. Everyone's hazy state is disrupted by the sound of bickering.
"You can't be serious Damon. I'm telling Kekeli. That's racist."
"No it's not, Miss Holier than thou. You wouldn't want to relocate to Africa and you know it. You're just being stubborn. As usual."
"Well at least I'm not a jackass who thinks he is God's gift to the world." Bonnie loudly says to Damon. Their friends just sight at the exchange. Having long gotten used to the pair's bickering. They've been doing so from their very first meeting.
"Awww. Its so sweet that you think so Bonbon. You just have to say so If you want to get into my pants."
"Unfreaking believable."
"Oh oh. Light and day are at it again. Mind telling us why the fight?" Stefan asks. Damon and Bonnie stare at each other then back at Stefan, confused.
"Fighting? We're not fighting." Damon refutes.
"We're actually getting along really well." Echoes Bonnie.
"So this is a standard exchange between you two?" A bewildered Aisha asks. The only one new to the dynamic between the duo.
"Yep." Elena says. "They've always been like that. It used to be worrying, then annoying. It took us and them a while to figure out bickering was their special way of flirting."
"Thank you, Doctor Philomena."
"Is that stardust I see in your eyes Bonnie? Elena asks teasingly. Noting that her friend has a glow about her. Patience isn't Caroline's strong suit so she butts in before Bonnie can answer.
"Oh come on you guys. The suspense is killing me. Are you two together?"
Damon and Bonnie exchange looks once more, Damon with a question in his eyes. Asking if Bonnie is sure about this. Bonnie takes his hand in answer and laces her fingers with his. Never taking her eyes off him.
Damon squeezes Bonnie's hand. Joy evident on his face and the smirk that used to infuriate Bonnie firmly in place. "I bet you know what I'm going to say next."
"Most definitely." Bonnie replies, mirroring Damon's emotions.
"You know me so well. Wanna say it with me Bennett?"
"I'd like that Salvatore."
Bonnie and Damon turn to Caroline and the rest of their awaiting audience. Each with an interest like a courthouse awaiting a jury's verdict.
"That is for us to know. And for you to dot, dot, dot."
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NEXT?: Maybe the eternals of New Orleans or Perseus and the mafia atop Mount Olympus.
I remember the first thought that crossed my mind when I decided I was going to write a story. "Who would waste their time reading something I'd write?". I couldn't find a suitable answer to that so I decided to write this story for one person. My measure of success would be one reader. I would consider this venture a success if a single person invested his/her time in reading my story. Fast forward 11 months. I've overachieved. This is my first attempt at writing anything. My very first. I apologize if it felt disjointed like Frankenstein's monster. Shoutout to necie8373, summ3r710, mikjen108, rix1998 and the ever lovely Rita whose names I couldn't find a fun way to incorporate into the chapter without taking away from the story. I take my bow here. Leaving you with the credits and a quote from one the oldest books ever written.
[1st Corinthians 13:4-7]
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with and bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
[Credits]
I have no affiliation to Warner Bros Television, the CW Network or the publishing house in charge of The Awakening and the other books in the series. The characters represented her are owned by the above stated stakeholders. All besides those of my own creation. Any resemblance to persons, people or places is purely coincidental. Fictional liberties were taken with places of real standing. I own nothing. My work here is supported by .