Title: Eye for an Eye
Chapter 13 – The Road to Recovery

For the past few hours his mind had been drifting in and out of various levels of consciousness; hearing silence and then a strangers voice and then Sophie's and then silence and then Clark's and then…silence. Was it nighttime? Daytime? Noon? Open your eyes, move your hand…do something to show those that care about you that you are coming back. Wake up!

Sleep…I just want to sleep…was the foremost thought on Ed's mind during the bulk of the twilight hours; his soul beyond fatigued and his mind and heart just begging for some solid rest so that systems in place could get to work. But after what seemed like a small eternity to him, the silence was broken by voices…familiar, comforting voices.

"Ed…it's me…Sophie…good morning sweetheart…can you hear me? Please just open your eyes…"

But as his subconscious was allowing his mind to dwell on Roy's bloody corpse in the autopsy room, his morbidity was forbidding that final step taken back into the light of the conscious realm.

Roy…I'm sorry…damn I'm sorry…please…oh god please let him forgive me…

Silence.

Roy?

Silence.

Buddy I'm sorry…please know I'm sorry.

Silence.

He didn't want to wake up…he had failed…and despite all the familial urgings he just wanted to revel in his despondency. His brother was dead because of him. More familiar voices…Sophie…Clark…the doctor? And then…Wordy…his mind was once again prepared to stubbornly ignore his best friend's pleading for him to wake up. More silence and then…

Roy? What the hell…Roy…where are you? His mind calls out, his ears picking up his brother's unmistakable tone and his heart rate starting to slowly rise. Roy…I'm sorry…damn I'm so sorry…please…and then his mind stops its own useless tirade until he hears from Roy what he needs to hear.

'Not your fault Ed…not to blame…nothing to be sorry about…I love you.'

His mind and heart finally come to the same terms that no matter what his brother never blamed him and, despite the fact that Roy wasn't coming back, there parting terms weren't just the angry words he remembered – Roy had forgiven him and that was something now he could live with…honor his brother's memory. Wake up! His mind yells, his heart forcing an extra surge, finally forcing his watery eyes to slowly open and gaze upon the mediator of his salvation.

"Roy," Ed utters weakly after Wordy's warm 'welcome back', comment.

Wordy seats himself back down by Ed's side, watching his best friend's eyes blink and his throat attempt a painful swallow. "Just relax okay, you've been through…"

"Hell," Ed whispers.

"Yeah hell."

"Samuels…I shot him…he died right?"

"He's gone, his body actually cushioned your fall," Wordy relates with a heavy sigh. "How do you feel?"

"Tired…and sore," he groans as his body shifts slightly in the small bed. His hand slowly rises to touch his face, his mind flashing images of the superheated explosion before the black cloud swallowed him whole. "How do I look?"

"Sun burnt," Wordy smirk. "Just a few facial burns and cuts, nothing third degree. You were lucky," Wordy explains.

"Who did this…who murdered Roy?"

"Nora Jenkins."

"Brandt's widow? What?" Ed asks in disbelief, his stomach instantly tightening. "It was her?"

"Well she had help from her father and brother…" Wordy goes on to explain what LeCroix had told him the day before. Ed's mind tries to process all the players from the Nora's father the Chief, her twin brother Milt Samuels and his name change; Jacob and his step father, Warden Miller, Ryan, Keith, Marco…everyone who had a hand in orchestrating Roy's untimely demise. He leans back and closes his eyes, his mind trying to assimilate all the new information as well as make a plan to rebuild Roy's house after the fire had destroyed the kitchen, basement and back deck area.

"Ed?" Wordy's soft inquiry brings his blue eyes back into focus. "Sorry I was rambling there."

"I uh…nothing," he frowns as he looks away, his head starting to throb.

"What is it? I know I shoulda held on…Ed…" Wordy's tormented tone makes Ed look back in haste and shake his head.

"No…just the tape. Wish we had found it sooner."

"Yeah…me too. Coulda spared ourselves all this," Wordy sighs as looks at Ed in concern. "But you got your closure right?"

"Roy's not coming back."

"Ed…"

"I know…I know," he huffs as he tries to stretch out a bit and then bites back a gasp and recoils.

"Just take it easy. What do you need?"

"I need to get up…and walk out of this damn place," he growls, making Wordy smirk and Ed arch his brows in wonder.

"At least you sound like you again," Wordy comments. "Watch this tape as often as you have to…but you have your closure. All the baddies have been dealt with and it's time to just heal."

"And that's an order," the doctor's voice is heard, prompting both Ed and Wordy to look at him at once. "Good to see you back with us Mr. Lane. May I have a moment?"

"Of course," Wordy nods as he gives Ed's hand a warm squeeze and then puts the disc player away. "I'll go tell Sophie and Clark. Be back soon."

"Okay."

Ed watches his best friend leave and then turns and looks up at the doctor, his mind trying to pay attention to what prognosis the doctor was relaying; but it was failing in that it was wanting to replay Roy's message over and over, his heart aching but his mind desperate for one thing and one thing alone – closure.

The doctor finally takes his leave and Ed is left alone in the quiet room, his eyes drifting over to the disc player and wanting to replay Roy's message over and over; part of him still not actually believing it was true. "I'm so sorry…" he whispers as he leans over, putting undue pressure on his injured ribs and wounded leg, slumping back down with an angry gasp and cursing loudly. "Damn it!"

"Is it safe to enter?"

Ed looks over as LeCroix enters and nods.

"They left you all alone? Don't they know you'll climb out the window," LeCroix smirks.

"Trust me I'm tempted too right now," Ed replies with a small frown. "I found the evidence and…" he starts in a nervous ramble, only to have LeCroix shake his head and hold up his hand.

"You nearly die and you're worried about that? You sure you don't wanna come over to my team?"

"Pretty sure," Ed smirks. "Thanks for all the help. Wordy told me…well everything. Never saw that coming. Nora Jenkins wow."

"None of us saw that one," LeCroix admits in truth. "I have known for some time that Samuels was crooked but as to his motives behind wanting Roy out were a mystery until we found the evidence pointing to Nora and the Chief. Sad really."

"Very…now she lost everything."

"Children included," LeCroix huffs. "But hopefully knowing all this will somewhat help with the closure and healing process."

"What happened to Jacob?"

"His ass is still sitting in a jail cell waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Ed asks with a twinge of anger in his tone.

"For you to get better and actually arrest him."

"Me?"

"Well he did actually murder your brother."

"Y-you'd let me?" Ed asks in utter disbelief.

"Trust me you've earned it," LeCroix replies with a friendly smile. "Anyone tell you you're not superman?"

"A few times," Ed softly smirks as he settles back down. "I wish I could bring him back."

"I know you do. Trust me I feel the same. And when you are reminded of him and realize he's not…well just make sure nothing breakable's within arm's reach."

"Speaking from personal experience?"

"That I am."

LeCroix talks to Ed until Wordy, Shelly, Sophie and Clark all return; telling Ed that he's able to hold Jacob until he's out and the case would finally be closed. Wordy and Shelly take their leave, Wordy telling Ed he'd be back a bit later; allowing the family to finally enjoy having their father and husband back with them. Where he should be. Alive.

"What's on the tape dad?" Clark instantly inquires.

"A message from Uncle Roy."

"Really?" Sophie looks at him in surprise. "Did it have anything to do with that stuff in the safe Spike came to get last night?"

"It did," Ed gently frowns.

"Wanna tell us about it now? Or later?"

"Roy was murdered and this…this tape is his final farewell to me. He also mentions you two as well."

"Murdered?" Sophie asks in shock. "But you said…so a few days ago…it wasn't just a mugging was it?"

"I thought I was protecting the family and a lot of it I honestly couldn't talk about. But it's over now…all over."

"Can we watch it dad?" Clark asks again as Ed looks up at Sophie.

"Is it safe?"

"Yeah it's just…sad," Ed confesses in reality. Clark retrieves the player and the three of them settle in to watch, Ed playing all the way to the end for his family.

"And as a final note…take care of Sophie and Clark…I know they keep you grounded and I know what they mean to you and what you mean to them. Goodbye big brother. Love you."

Sophie's hand squeezes Ed's as her eyes water; the three of them slightly sniffing as the screen finally goes dark.

"Make sure you never lose that," Ed instructs as Clark takes out the tape and hands it to Sophie. "So…when can I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow."

"What?"

XXXXXXXX

Despite the fact that Greg, Sam and Jules, Spike and even Holleran paid him a visit, by the time the end of the day rolls around, he's more than restless and wanting to leave.

"Hey…are you trying to escape?" Wordy teases as he hovers in the doorway to Ed's room, watching Ed trying to slowly get off the bed.

"Yes. Wanna help?" Ed frowns as Wordy nears him.

"What do you need?"

"A ladder to climb out the window."

"Funny. What do you really need?" Wordy lightly chuckles.

"To leave."

"Right well somehow I don't think you have your walking papers just yet. What else do you need?"

"To leave," Ed groans as he gently pushes past Wordy and heads for the bathroom; leaving his best friend to offer his back an eye roll. Ed looks at his tired reflection in the mirror and frowns, his eyes darting between the skin that still looked a bit sun burnt and the large bandage still on his forehead. But unlike a few hours earlier, the reflection staring back wasn't as on edge or anxiety ridden as the one earlier; the re-watching of Roy's video before his family left for the night and then replaying Roy's words over and over in his mind that he wasn't to blame helped to ease the worry that had adorned his features the past few weeks.

Sophie and Clark had gone home for the night, Ed insisting they go home and get some rest and that he'd be fine, they finally complying to keep further tense arguments at bay. Ed exits the bathroom and looks at Wordy standing by the window looking out into the darkening night skies.

"You are not responsible you know," Ed mentions as Wordy turns to face him; a thinly veiled mask of guilt on his face. After twenty years of working closely together on and off the job, they got to know each other's habits, mannerisms and facial expressions.

"I let go," Wordy whispers as Ed nears, wincing as he watches Ed slowly ease down onto the top of the small, uncomfortable bed.

"Not on purpose. There was an explosion. Wordy it wasn't your fault."

"I shoulda held on a bit longer."

"You are not to blame," Ed reiterates in a firm tone. "You got me…not to blame."

"Ed…"

"No…Nora Jenkins was to blame for all this. She…she got Roy killed for…killing her husband," Ed groans as he looks at Wordy with a heavy frown. "In a way…I can't blame her."

"She wanted revenge…not justice. Roy went after the guy who sold the guns in the first place…that's what she should have told her brother to do," Wordy reminds Ed.

"I know…in the end…damn Roy's still to blame. But he's my brother…I had to you know," Ed sighs as he looks away from Wordy, his eyes slightly watering again. Wordy nears Ed and Ed's hand is quick to wipe away the tears as he looks at his best friend and nods.

"Ed…"

"He disobeyed and…damn it. So…"

"I know you miss him and it's okay to be sad and upset and…"

"I'm fine."

"Now you're lying," Wordy looks at Ed directly. "But at least I hope that tape drills down into your thick brain that you weren't to blame."

"That will be tougher to get past," Ed admits in truth.

"Figured as much. So you can go home tomorrow?"

"And I have to take it easy for a week," Ed states with a small yawn. "What the hell am I gonna do for a week?"

"Hmm didn't we have this conversation a few weeks back?" Wordy counters, forcing Ed to offer a begrudging nod. "You have a house to get ready to sell."

"I know. Did LeCroix tell you about Jacob?"

"That he's gonna let you make the arrest?" Wordy replies, making Ed nod in agreement. "Yeah. You musta made quite the impression on him; he doesn't share glory all that often. But he was right…you did earn this one."

"By nearly getting myself killed," Ed huffs as he tries to arrange himself on the bed, Wordy gently taking his arm and helping him ease all the way onto the bed and then helping to cover him up. Ed takes the blanket and then looks up at Wordy with a small frown. "Thank you."

"Ed…"

"No I mean it…I just…this was all so new and overwhelming. I am sorry I wasn't straight up with you all the time but um…thank you."

Wordy offers Ed a small nod and smile before he hands him another blanket to keep the small shivers at bay.

"How bad was the house damaged?"

"The insurance will cover most of it," Wordy reminds him.

"Insurance…right damn I gotta…"

"It's already been started," Wordy assures him in haste.

"What? How?"

"Ask the boss," Wordy replies in truth. "You just need to go in and sign the actual monetary release – in a few days. For now, just concentrate on getting better okay."

"Yeah nothing but time and nightmares ahead."

"Why didn't you let Sophie or Clark stay?"

"They can't get any proper rest here…I'll be okay," Ed answers with a slight wince. "Just…yeah. So tell me about…"

Wordy looks at Ed and can tell by the tired tone in his voice and the frequency of the onslaught of yawns he was trying unsuccessfully to hide that he needs his rest but is fearing being alone and so stalling and forcing his body to try to stay awake. But telling Ed that he had to go when he knows it's the last thing his stubborn mind wants to hear, Wordy settles into the chair beside Ed and tells him a few more details that LeCroix had told them about the whole Roy Lane murder conspiracy.

Finally about half hour later, Wordy watches Ed's eyes close, and his head slightly loll to the side and knows it's time to take his leave and head home to get some rest himself. He turns off the small light over Ed's bed, the light from the hallways still filling the room with light enough to see. Wordy looks at the strained expression on Ed's face and frowns, his mind now wondering how his best friend was gonna fare during the lonely hours ahead. Of course he knows Ed's reasoning for sending his family home to get some real rest, but worries about him waking up alone after a tormenting nightmare and an even more nightmarish ordeal. He prepares to leave but just before he reaches the door, Wordy hears a small gasp and turns back to watch Ed's fists tighten at his sides and his face crunch in pain; a painful beat tugging at his heart not to leave.

Ed…help me…

"Roy…" Ed's lips whisper in a small tormented tone.

I'm burning! Help me! Don't let go…Ed you can't…you can't let go!

"Roy…no…no…"

Don't let me die Ed…am counting on you…ED HELP ME!

"Roy!" Ed shouts, his eyes snapping open and his lungs gasping for air; his chest coughing and his hands scrambling for the light and the small glass of water he had seen the night before. But before he can get too tangled in his own web of tubing, kind but firm hands were there to take the lead.

"Hey…hold on a sec," Wordy's calm and reassuring voice instantly makes Ed settle back down as the light is flipped on as the small cup finds its way into his hands, his lungs instantly finding relief from the soothing water.

"Wordy…" Ed gasps. "What are you…doing here?"

"Brushing up on my knitting skills," Wordy retorts in sarcasm as he takes the glass back from Ed. "Take a deep breath okay."

"Right," Ed takes in another deep breath as he tries to get his heart rate to slow back to normal. "Why…aren't you at home?"

"Just because your family listens to you, doesn't mean I have to," Wordy smirks as he looks at Ed in concern. "Just rest okay…you look really flushed."

"I saw Roy…in the fire…he was calling to me…burning alive," Ed rambles off as he looks over at the now empty water glass and frowns.

"Hold on."

Wordy fills the glass with a bit more cold water and takes it back to Ed, who greedily gulps it down and then slumps back onto the small bed and squeezes his eyes shut and curses. "Wordy…go home," he implores as he opens his eyes and looks up at his best friend with a tormented gaze. "Sorry."

"How long have I known you?"

"Too long," Ed groans.

"Which is why I'm here and not listening. Now shut up and get back to sleep…if you can," Wordy smirks.

"Knitting?"

"Yeah you liked that," Wordy tosses back at him.

Ed settles back into the small bed, his mind at first upset at Wordy for not listening, but after being torn from the darkened realm by the tormented thought, he was thankful that he wasn't facing the night all alone. Knowing that Wordy was there, didn't make the nightmares as difficult to navigate through; the two of them finally settling down for a few solid hours before the sun starts to peak through the window, bathing both of them in a warm comforting glow.

XXXXXXXX

The following morning Wordy's the first to awaken, looking over at Ed, who was still asleep; watching him with a slight frown. The tape would help with his emotional recovery but he knows that it still might not be enough; Ed would have to really believe in his mind and heart that Roy really didn't hold him responsible in any way and that he'd never see his brother in person again. He watches Ed's fists tighten at his sides and feels his own stomach tighten. Sorry Ed… his mind laments silently.

"Morning," Wordy greets Ed in a soft tone.

"Morning," Ed lightly grumbles as he tries to straighten up, his slightly stiff body begging for another day of solid rest. "I know that LeCroix wants…" he tries to sit up only to have Wordy's hand on his shoulder gently push him back down; causing Ed to look up in wonder.

"He'll be there tomorrow."

"Damn," Ed gently curses but settles back down, his mind breathing an inner sigh of relief. "I want to face that bastard one on one…"

"And you will…tomorrow," Wordy assures him. "Right now you just gotta focus on getting your strength back."

"I know…part of me doesn't want to do it now…but I know I gotta face it sooner or later," Ed relates. "Jacob first and then the house and then…back to nor…work."

"You know things won't be normal again right?"

"I know…just gotta come to terms with that."

"Morning," Sophie greets them, with Clark at her side.

The serious conversation is once again put on hold as the rest of the Lane family arrives to collect their principal member and then head for home for some serious rest; doctor's orders. As much as Ed hates the idea of just heading home to do nothing more than rest, as he stands up to get dressed to leave, he feels the painful fatigue pulling at his limbs and finds himself actually thankful he's not going to stand face to face with his brother's killer in his current frame of mind. Wordy takes his leave, heading home for a few more hours of solid rest before joining the team on their special mission.

Ed enters his home, an odd feeling of being an almost stranger starting to consume him until Clark asks him if he wants to play a video game and his mind is pulled back to reality.

"Come on dad."

"Just go easy on your father," Sophie warns Clark as she watches Clark literally pulling Ed into the living room. The two of them settle into the couch, Ed watching with a happy smile as Clark gets things set up, his chest and leg still sore and his head slightly throbbing. But it was good to be home and away from the depressing environment of the hospital; the doctor having been right, he'd heal better and faster at home.

Lunch and dinner were mostly softer foods that would be easier on his system after the shock they sustained two days ago; but once again he didn't care, sitting at home around the dinner table with his family and listening to their banter was in a word – delightful.

After dinner, however, Ed sneaks away into the study, pops in Roy's last confession tape and presses play, Sophie silently watching from the doorframe before slipping away and allowing Ed his alone time with his departed brother.

"Roy…damn I'm sorry," Ed softly laments as he finally hangs his head in his hands and expels whatever fluid emotion his body could muster. A few minutes later, he feels Sophie's hand on his back as she eases down beside him, not saying a word and not making an attempt to turn off the haunting but heartfelt message – if it's what he needed to find closure, to keep the self-guilt at bay, then she'd support him for as long as necessary. The night ahead wasn't as bad as the one before, maybe it was because the day's events had been more physically tiring than the one prior.

The next morning, Ed finishes his shave and then looks at his face in the mirror, his skin was still a bit pinkish than normal and a few cuts and bruises made more evident after the evening's facial stubble had been removed. He had taken off the bandage the night before, the bluish mark still tattooing the skin above his eye; but he it was better than a few days earlier and a small band aide would hide it. The shower plus the somewhat solid rest from the night before, help to invigorate him a bit more so that when he finally finishes dressing and heads downstairs, he's confident he can face Jacob and not feel like he could fall over just without much effort from the other party.

"And after you see him you're just gonna come back and rest right?" Sophie asks with a slightly exasperated tone.

"I'm gonna do as much as can until I get tired and then rest."

"That means you'll never rest," she counters pointedly.

"I'm not going back on the job okay? But I can't do nothing either. I wanna make this arrest."

"Just promise me you won't get into a wrestling match with this guy."

"Not unless he starts it first," Ed retorts, earning a small scowl from his wife. "Trust me it's gonna be fine."

Ed finishes his breakfast and then heads into the quiet living room; Clark already at school and Sophie out the door to get her busy day started as well. Ed looks at picture of him and Roy on a small table and feels his stomach tighten. But before he can allow himself to get lost in emotional melancholy, a knock is heard at the door and he knows it's time to go.

"Ready?"

"Let's go see that bastard and finish this for good," Ed curses under his breath as they head for the SRU SUV; next stop LeCroix's precinct and then face to face with his brother's murderer. As much as he tells himself, it'll be routine, Ed knows that keeping himself in check around Jacob will be tough. But it was one more step toward closure and that although it would be painful it would be necessary.

A/N: so what will happen when Ed faces Jacob? And who else does Ed pay a visit to? A bit more to come here before we work our way to an ending…so please do review before you go and thanks so much!