First of all I need to thank Wanna Be Starting Something and ILuv Kurt n' Blaine because they are both wonderful people who made me smile when I read their reviews. you both made me write faster SEE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU REVIEW!
Soo this is the longest chapter so far...I hope you like it! REVIEW!
Chapter Thirteen
They were in the hall, outside of the rehearsal space. Jesse was pacing angrily, nervously. 'I have to say, I'm disappointed,' Johnny continued, walking towards Jesse. 'Community theatre. Amateur, community theatre. I guess it's hard to get out of here, isn't it – but then again, I managed,' he said.
Jesse shouted at him, 'I did leave! I got out of here, I did. But you…you fucked me up so much that I couldn't stay away,' he said, laughing, a terrible, dark sound. 'I never got over you, never. I had sex with literally hundreds of people to get over you. I nearly got AIDS. I nearly became a dad. I couldn't stay at college so I came back here, so, yes, I am doing fucking amateur community theatre,' he said, tugging a furious hand over his eyes to get rid of the tears.
There was silence. Jesse had stopped pacing and was now stood facing Johnny, both men staring at each other. Johnny looked a little shocked at what Jesse had just said to him. 'Jess,' he began gently, reaching to place a hand on his arm. Jesse melted at the familiar, comforting touch, then shook his head furiously, managing to pull away. 'No. No, you don't get to call me that. You don't get to touch me. You don't get to just come back here like nothing changed. You cheated on me, John,' he spoke, his voice low.
Johnny took Jesse's face in his hands, pushing it upwards to look at him. Jesse tried to move, but Johnny held him firmly. 'Jesse. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry about what happened. Please believe me. I haven't stopped thinking about you; every single day, I remember you. I remember us. Jess, the two years we were together were the best years of my life. I hate myself for ruining that – I can't tell you how much I hate myself. I came back here to see you,' Johnny said, beginning to cry. Jesse realised that he himself was crying, too.
'I tried to hate you, you know,' he told Johnny. 'But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Despite everything, I never stopped loving you. I'm angry with you, I'm furious, actually. But you…you are the love of my life,' Jesse said. The two men were close together now. Jesse could smell Johnny; he still wore the same cologne after all this time. His hair was still adorably ruffled. His eyes were still the same. His breath was still warm. His hands were still slightly calloused from permanently playing guitar. His body still fit perfectly with Jesse's. Jesse couldn't think anymore, and he leaned into that familiar body and kissed Johnny, hard.
-x-
They bolted out of the building, hand in hand, and then they somehow ended up on the backseat of Johnny's car. Jesse lay across the seat, kissing Johnny roughly, and they both began removing their clothes. 'What if people see?' Jesse asked breathily between kisses. 'Tinted windows,' Johnny replied, grinning, and then their lips found each other again.
As their – ahem, situations below – became more of a problem, Jesse began fumbling in his jeans, which lay on the floor, for protection. Johnny leaned across him, though, and fumbled in a small compartment, emerging moments later holding lube and a fistful of condoms. Jesse raised his eyebrows. 'Come on, Jess. It's us. Too much hotness for just one round,' Johnny whispered. Jesse laughed; he used to say it all the time, back in the old days.
As Jesse began sucking roughly on Johnny's neck, running a hand up the inside of his leg, Johnny ripped into a condom and put it on himself, between groans. In a sudden movement, he was on top of Jesse, and Jesse parted his legs obligingly. Johnny didn't bother to open Jesse up; he positioned himself and then thrust into Jesse, who moaned loudly. He moved back, almost completely, then slammed into Jesse again, both men making loud noises of contentment. They continued in this way for a while, then Jesse took his turn…then Johnny again. And Jesse again…they basically did everything they could think of before running out of condoms. And Johnny had a lot of condoms.
Afterwards, they lay together. Johnny's head was resting on Jesse's chest, their legs tangled. The distinctive smell of sex hung in the air. Jesse absentmindedly stroked a hand through Johnny's hair as the guilt began to hit him. 'Oh god,' he murmured to himself. 'Mm, I know,' Johnny said softly, kissing Jesse's neck. 'No it's not that, it's just that I – I'm kind of involved with someone,' Jesse confessed, feeling terrible. Quinn would not forgive him for this. Not in a million years.
Johnny moved off of Jesse slightly. 'From the look on your face, I'm guessing it's not an open relationship,' he said, and Jesse shook his head. 'Well we've not officially decided anything…but she would not be on board with this,' he explained. Johnny nodded. 'What's she like? Is she cute?' he asked. 'Like you care, you're gay,' Jesse said to his ex. 'Just because I have no desire to fuck the female form doesn't mean I don't appreciate it. In a totally non-sexual way, of course,' Johnny told him. The two of them laughed.
'I'm sorry Johnny. I shouldn't have kissed you…I shouldn't have let this happen. Not that this wasn't good – this was…my god, this was fucking amazing – but I don't want to get back together. What we had was wonderful. It was a great two years, and I'll never forget it. I'll probably always love you. But it has to stay in the past. I need to move on. I'm a different person now. I should be with Quinn. I'm sorry,' he said. Johnny nodded slowly. 'I understand,' he said. They stared at each other for a long, long moment. 'Goodbye, Johnny,' Jesse said. They kissed again, one last time. Jesse savoured every second, because even though he and Johnny would never be together again, this mouth, this body, this man, had been such a huge part of his life. This kiss was closing the door on that part of his life, and Jesse wanted to enjoy every last moment before the door locked him out. 'Goodbye, Jesse,' Johnny said once they'd broken apart.
The two men put their clothes on in silence and Jesse took one last look at Johnny. Then he got out of the car and slammed the door. He didn't look back.
-x-
Jesse had to talk to Sebastian. He needed his friend. And he also needed the French vodka Sebastian had smuggled back from Paris. He sped along the dusty road in his car in silence, fiddling with his stereo until his Sondheim mix CD came on. Only he would truly understand Jesse's melancholia.
The moment Jesse arrived at the house, he ran to the door, letting himself in. He didn't bother to knock; this was practically his second home. 'Seb?' he called out, as he walked straight to the kitchen, getting himself a glass and filling it with ice. 'Seb, I need to talk to you,' he called again, taking the bottle of clear liquid and pouring himself a generous measure. Jesse closed his eyes for a moment listening to the marvellous way the ice cracked with the vodka. He took a long gulp, draining his glass. He felt the burn in his throat, and poured himself another. The French did everything better, Jesse decided. Except musical theatre, of course. This time, Jesse let the alcohol swirl through his mouth, letting his teeth go numb. He closed his eyes and felt the alcohol hit. That was when he heard footsteps walking towards him. Good, Sebastian was here. 'Hey,' he said, still with his eyes closed. No response. He opened his eyes and nearly fell over. 'Quinn?'
She was standing in the doorway, looking stunning, as usual. 'Quinn…what…how…why?' Jesse asked, dumbstruck. She looked a little shaken up about something. When she spoke, her voice was panicked and shaky. 'I went to your place, to talk to you, but you weren't in. Your cleaner told me you often hang out here – she gave me the address. I came here because I really needed to talk to you. Nobody answered the door so I let myself in. Then I heard two guys talking upstairs, figured it was you and Sebastian, so I went up there – I went in there – oh god,' she said, beginning to cry. Jesse immediately went to her and wrapped an arm around her. 'What is it?' he asked, getting worried. 'Jesse…you need to go up there,' she said, taking the drink out of Jesse's other hand and draining what was left in the glass, then grabbing the bottle and downing a large measure. Jesse hastily took the bottle away from her and took it with him.
Jesse started up the stairs, determined to know why Quinn was so upset. He knocked once, sharply, on the door, and flung it open. His eyes widened. Sebastian was lying in bed, clearly naked under the sheets, with his arms wrapped around Blaine. Jesse sighed. Sebastian grinned at Jesse and Blaine waved. He could see why Quinn would have been upset about this – Kurt was her friend and cheating was a sore spot for her.
'Hello boys,' Jesse said slowly. He wasn't about to give a lecture on infidelity – it would be of no use with Sebastian and Jesse himself was hardly a saint in that area. So he decided to address this calmly and practically.
He stepped into the room and sat down. 'Blaine, does Kurt know about this?' he asked. Blaine looked shifty. 'Not exactly…I mean, I haven't told him. But he knows. I know he knows,' he said. 'Oh, Kurt definitely knows,' said a voice in the doorway. Blaine's face went pale and Jesse turned around. Kurt was stood there, looking angry and heartbroken. 'Kurt sweetie, let me explain,' Blaine said, getting out of the bed and grabbing a pillow to cover his groin. He started towards Kurt, who slapped him. Blaine stumbled backwards, falling onto Jesse's lap. Jesse tried to ignore the fact that he was wearing designer jeans and Blaine's bare-fresh-from-sex-ass was going to cover them with various fluids that Jesse didn't want to think about.
Kurt burst into tears. 'I didn't want to believe Quinn when she called me. But I just knew it was true,' he said. 'I was going to tell you, I swear,' Blaine told him, and Kurt shook his head sadly. 'You know what, Blaine, I've saved you the trouble. So you two can get back to – that – and I'll be on my way. We're over. And don't even try the let's-be-friends card,' Kurt said, storming out. 'Screw you,' his voice screamed from the hall, then the front door slammed loudly.
The three boys sat in silence for a moment. Blaine was pretty shaken up, Jesse was still shaken up from the Johnny incident and was now mildly tipsy, and Sebastian was doing something on his phone, clearly unfazed by the conflict. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd broken a couple up, Jesse reasoned. Jesse then became aware that Blaine was still on his lap, and cleared his throat loudly. 'Right, sorry,' Blaine murmured, jumping off him, the pillow falling to the floor. 'Nice package, Anderson,' Jesse winked at him. Blaine blushed. 'You wouldn't believe just how nice it really is,' Sebastian said, putting down his phone and moving to Blaine, comforting him. 'Seb, I really have to talk to you,' Jesse said, looking at him meaningfully. Sebastian understood, nodding. 'Let me just deal with Blaine first,' he said, but Blaine interjected. 'No, it's ok, I'm going to take a shower. Clear my head,' he said. Sebastian kissed Blaine's temple and the two of them clasped hands for a moment. They had a quick whispered conversation, so Jesse graciously turned his back to give them some privacy. He took a long draught of vodka. Then he heard light footsteps scurry out of the room – Blaine had gone.
Jesse was at the window, where he saw Kurt and Quinn talking outside. She was out of earshot, thankfully. They could talk without her overhearing. 'So. What's up?' Sebastian asked from behind him. 'Johnny. Johnny came by rehearsal,' Jesse said quietly, still gazing outside. He could hear movement behind him and knew that Sebastian was making himself decent. 'Wow. What happened?' his friend asked, clearly shocked. 'What do you think happened?' Jesse said, turning away from the window. He couldn't talk about this whilst looking at Quinn.
Jesse went to sit on the desk chair. Sebastian walked over to him. 'Well you look like sex,' Sebastian told him, then took his hand and lifted it up to his nose, 'and you smell like sex too,' he told him, dropping Jesse's hand. 'Like you can talk,' Jesse murmured.
'So you slept with your ex whilst being semi-involved with someone else,' Sebastian summarised, and Jesse nodded bitterly. 'Yes. Multiple times,' he whispered shamefully, having lost count of the actual number. 'You did what?' said a small voice behind him. Jesse's heart almost stopped. Oh shit. Oh fuck. He turned around and saw Quinn, a tear falling down her cheek. 'You're good at walking in at the wrong times, aren't you?' Sebastian said to her. Quinn ignored him. 'Jesse? Is that true?' she asked him. 'You – I – you were supposed to be outside,' he said lamely. 'Oh and that would make it ok?' she challenged. 'I thought I was the one who would be unfaithful. It never crossed my mind that you would do it,' she said, crying now. Jesse automatically wrapped his arms around her. 'I'm so, so sorry, Quinn,' he said, his own tears falling into her hair. She pushed him away. 'No. I can't be around you right now. I can't be with you,' she told him sadly.
Jesse shook his head. He couldn't lose Quinn; she was everything he needed right now. 'No – Quinn, I care about you so much; you don't know how much you mean to me. I hate what I did, I wanted to punch myself in the face. I totally understand if you want to hit me right now,' he said to her. 'That would be pathetic. I'm not some stupid bitch in a teen movie,' she said, making them both smile, the tiniest of smiles shared between them. Then Quinn's fell back into a thin, sad line. 'I'm done, Jesse,' she whispered. They looked at each other for a moment, then Quinn began to leave. Jesse tried one last time, desperate. 'Please. Please, Quinn. I – I need you in my life,' he said.
Jesse went to her, taking her small hand in his. He slowly intertwined their fingers, ignoring the tears that fell. He bought her hand up to his face, pressing his lips to her fingers. He closed his eyes and felt the soft skin, inhaled the scent of lemons and ginger and something else, something that was pure Quinn. He kissed her hand gently, once, twice. She pulled it away, shaking her head. 'Don't. I can't,' she told him. Then Quinn walked away.
Jesse stood, watching the empty space, unable to think or do anything. Sebastian pulled him into a hug, and Jesse cried onto his friend. Sebastian didn't say anything. He just let Jesse cry. Even though he could be a real dick, Sebastian Smythe was an amazing friend. Jesse told Sebastian this, somewhat incoherently, as his friend placed the bottle of vodka into his hand. Sebastian steered Jesse into one of the spare bedrooms, the one which was basically Jesse's room. Sebastian said something about shower sex with Blaine and left. Jesse fell backwards onto the large bed, holding the bottle like a teddy.
He took a good, long gulp. And another. And another. He noticed that more than half the liquid had gone. Jesse drunkenly sang to the bottle. 'And all shall know the wonder' – burp – 'of Sebastian's vodkaaa…,' he lamented, then began to cry again.
-x-
There was a soft knock at the door. 'Quinn?' Jesse shouted, getting up quickly. 'Nope. Just me,' Rachel said. His face fell and he slumped back onto the bed. 'Well that's a nice greeting,' she said, coming over to him. 'Sorry. I thought you were Quinn,' he mumbled. 'I gathered,' she said as she lay next to him. 'Sebastian called me. He told me everything. I thought you could use a friend,' she explained.
Rachel held his hand. 'It's going to be alright,' she told him gently, lifting his tired head and resting it on her chest. 'You don't have to do this,' Jesse told her, but she shook her head. 'Yes, I do. You were there for me when things were bad. Now it's my turn to be here for you,' she said, gently removing the bottle from Jesse's grasp. They lay there in silence for a moment. Jesse glanced up at his friend, and she smiled at him. He couldn't return it.
Jesse didn't love Rachel, not anymore. He wasn't even attracted to her. And she was gay. But she was hot. And she was here. And he was drunk and heartbroken. So he lazily ran a hand up her leg, which instantly stiffened. 'Jess, what are you doing?' she asked, a warning tone in her voice. He didn't reply; instead, he kissed her neck softly. That's when she realised what was happening. 'Ok, no,' she said, kind but firm, and immediately moved away from him. 'Jesse, you're drunk and I guarantee you'll regret trying that tomorrow,' she told him gently, giving him a light punch on the shoulder and took his hand, steering him out of the room and into the bathroom.
'Sebastian left some clothes and towels here for you. I think you'll feel better if you have a shower and some dinner,' she said, giving him a hug. 'I promise it will be ok,' she told him. Jesse nodded blearily. Rachel fiddled with the shower, Jesse unable to do so in his drunken state, and then she helped him undress, leaving him in just his boxers. 'I'm going to turn around so I can't see you, but I'm staying here whilst you're in there in case you slip or something,' she said. Jesse nodded as she turned around, slipping out of his boxers and then stepping under the hot jet of water. He sighed, letting the water run all over his body. It seemed like a good idea to sit down, so he slowly curled himself into a ball. The water felt so good on his dirty skin. Johnny and Quinn and Rachel…it all went away. He closed his eyes.
-x-
'Jesse? Jesse?' He heard Rachel's voice, sounding worried. He opened his eyes, and yelped; there was a huge towel about a foot away from his face. 'Jesse, you fell asleep. Come on, you need to get out,' she told him. Jesse realised that Rachel was holding the towel in front of her own face so that she wouldn't see anything. He laughed, and took it from her. When he stepped out, she was holding a smaller towel which she began drying his hair with. 'I'm sorry for trying to sleep with you,' Jesse told her. Rachel smiled gently. 'It's ok. You're massively intoxicated. I think you drank almost an entire bottle. And it's only 6pm,' she told him. 'Really? Can we watch a movie?' he slurred. She nodded. 'Sure. I doubt that Mr Smythe's movie musical collection is of the same standard as mine, though,' she warned. Jesse laughed. 'I love you, Rach,' he told her, giving her a hug. 'I love you too Jess,' she returned.
-x-
'These are good eggs,' Jesse said as he ate the food Rachel had made for him. 'Jesse, I wouldn't feed you baby chicks. I'm a vegan. It's tofu scramble,' she said, rolling her eyes as she took a bite of her own meal. 'Oh right. Yeah, sorry,' he said. 'I'm going to blame your forgetfulness with your drunkenness. Anyway, it could have been worse - Finn's fed me meat before,' she said, shuddering. 'What an ass,' Jesse murmured. Rachel nodded in agreement. RENT was playing on the screen before them – the only movie musical Sebastian had in his house – and the two of them chipped in here and there to sing along to their favourite parts.
'Aw man, I haven't watched this in ages,' said a voice from the door. Blaine and Sebastian entered, both wearing sweats, holding hands. They crashed on the sofa between Jesse and Rachel. 'Hey Rach, get the guys some of your eggs,' Jesse said, winking at her. She understood. 'Oh yeah, you should try some, they're really good,' she said. Rachel scuttled into the kitchen, returning moments later with large platefuls of the tofu scramble. 'Mm, salsa,' Blaine commented, taking a large mouthful. Jesse and Rachel grinned at each other, watching the two men unknowingly eat the tofu. Unable to keep the secret any longer, Jesse burst out, 'it's not eggs, it's tofu!' gleefully, and Rachel laughed. 'Damn you Berry,' Sebastian said, but they were both laughing.
Jesse speared a piece of avocado on his fork. 'A room full of queers,' he said in a sing song voice. 'You are so drunk,' Sebastian said, swatting playfully at his friend's shoulder. 'He's right, though,' Blaine said. 'Of course I'm right,' Jesse said. The four of them laughed as they realised what he said was true. 'Sh, sh, La Vie Boheme is on!' Rachel ordered. The anthem had, indeed, started, so they all put down their plates and danced up and down the sofa, and the coffee table, Jesse even rolling around on the floor at one point. When the song reached its end, with Blaine and Sebastian kissing rather deeply, and Rachel sat on Jesse's shoulders, he looked around, realising that he was smiling. And yes, maybe it was alcohol-induced, but Jesse knew that he was going to be just fine.
Hope that was ok...also don't worry, Johnny's not gone yet. PLEASE REVIEW!