The next day they flew to England. Her parents, having heard what happened to Bucky through one of her father's contacts from years before, had organised for an apartment to be available for them near where the American and English resistance base was in London. Alina couldn't have been happier but it was Bucky that seemed to be distant. He wasn't sleeping and when he did he was plagued by nightmares. More than once Alina was woken up by his unintelligible mutterings and when the nightmares were really bad he would thrash around and yell out.
The fifth night they had in their apartment was the worst. Alina woke up to Bucky's usual murmurings but when she tried to wake him up he started to yell.
"No! Don't, please! Let me go!" he trailed off into a panting groan and all Alina could do was cradle his face between her hands and call his name gently over and over again until he woke up in a cold sweat.
He pushed her away roughly and threw the sheets off, kicking his legs over the edge of the bed. Holding his head in his hands he sat silently.
Hesitantly, Alina reached over and laid a hand on his shoulder finding his whole body tense and shaking.
"Bucky," she whispered gently, "Sweetheart, talk to me."
He turned and looked at her before moving suddenly to claim her mouth with a searing kiss. Pulling back only to catch a quick breath he pushed her down onto their mattress and hovered over her, his lips finding her throat and pulse point.
The heat rushing through her body at his touch was fogging up her brain but she pushed it a side and flattened her palms against his chest to try and slow things down.
"Lina," he growled catching her wrists and pinning them to the mattress above her.
She turned her head as he leaned down to kiss her again, "Bucky, please. I-I can't do this."
He looked down at her the confusion in his eyes slowly being taken over by anger, "I almost die and you 'can't do this'?" he sneered.
Alina swallowed hard, tears prickling the back of her eyes, this wasn't the man she married, this man was completely different from the one she had said goodbye to at the train station in New York all those months ago. Anger flared at the thought, "What do you want me to do, pretend?" she snapped pushing at his hands but he didn't budge.
"You should do what a wife's supposed to do," he told her his face taking on a blank look that shook her to the core.
Using the self-defence she had learned in basic training, Alina used his inattention and body weight against him, rolling him over swapping their positions. She then pushed away from him and stood up putting distance between them as he sat up on the bed the devastation back on his face.
"Lina…" he tried but she shook her head.
"Just don't," she murmured before she turned and walked out of their bedroom. She went to the lounge and curled up on the small couch, sleeping there until the morning.
When she woke up it was to find that Bucky had not only left her note on the coffee table telling her he was going to meet some of the men from his battalion at the pub down the street but she also realised he had draped a blanket over her while she slept as well.
Still angry at him she got up and dressed and stayed around the house for the rest of the day. But when Bucky still hadn't come home and it was already dark outside she formulated a plan. Dressing in a black wiggle dress with a share blouse-like top, her black high heels, and pearl and gold earrings, Alina did her makeup and styled her hair parting it on the side and curling it beautifully so that it flowed down her back and over one shoulder. Once she was dressed and ready she walked the short distance from their apartment to the pub meeting Peggy who was just leaving the establishment and was dressed in a beautiful red wiggle dress.
"Did you see Bucky in there?" she asked the taller woman.
Peggy smiled, "He's at the back with Captain Rodgers talking about their new special mission unit. I think they're calling it the Howling Commandos."
Alina plastered a smile on her face ignoring the thought of Bucky leaving and what that did to her emotions, "We're going to discuss it tonight I suspect."
"All right then, I suppose I'll see you at the operations base when your leave is finished," Peggy said before turning and walking away from the pub.
Taking a deep breath to settle her thoughts and calm her nerves, the small redhead pushed the door open and walked into the pub. It was full of happy men and women drinking themselves silly and singing to the music being made by a man sitting at a piano. The singing slowly quietened the further she walked into the building and a soft blush heated her cheeks as the eyes of the many men in the pub turned to her. Forcing her chin up, she smiled breathtakingly and glided to the doorway of the back room.
Steve and Bucky were sitting at the bar just near the doorway and each had a glass of alcohol in front of them. Steve was drinking beer but Alina had to hold back a frown at the sight of Bucky's glass full of bourbon.
"Hey, Alina," Steve smiled at her.
The small redhead smiled at him, "Steve." She then looked at Bucky, whose intense eyes swept over her and then caught her gaze, "We need to talk, Bucky," she murmured.
He studied her for a few moments before nodding silently. He pulled his wallet from his pocket and put a few bills down on the bar, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, pal," he said grasping Steve's hand before he offered his arm to his wife.
The couple walked out of the bar and into the cool night. They walked in silence for quite a while, just enjoying the night. As soon as they had left the rowdy bar, Alina had slipped her arm from Bucky's and hesitantly laced her fingers with his, still not sure on his mood. But he had tightened his hand around hers and stepped closer so that they were touching from shoulder to fingers. Still, they walked in silence.
"It's gonna rain, sweetheart," Bucky spoke almost a half an hour later.
Alina smiled up at him and let him turn them around and lead her back to their apartment. About a block away from the building, the rain started. By the time the couple made it to their building, they were both soaked to the skin. As soon as they got inside the apartment, Alina started to pull the pins from her hair, toeing off her shoes by the door. She turned to Bucky and saw his raised eyebrow.
"Thought you wanted to talk," he murmured his gaze sliding over her again.
She couldn't help it, the feel of his eyes on her again; the memory of his hand wrapped around hers had her wanting more. She shook her head and stepped up to him, "Later, love," she murmured before standing on tiptoe and kissing him.
Their clothes were shed quickly and they only made it as far as the couch in the sitting room. After, they lay together on the couch cushions, the throw that had been over the back of the couch draped over their still intertwined bodies.
"I shouldn't have said those things, Lina. I'm sorry," Bucky spoke into the comfortable silence between them.
Never pausing the patterns she was drawing into the skin of his chest, Alina sighed, "I love you, Bucky, but I can't apologise for pushing you away, you scared me."
She looked up at him as he scrubbed a hand over his face, "…What they did to me in that lab…" he broke off shaking his head, his face dark with anger, "I can't talk about it, Lina."
"I'm not asking you to," she said her voice terse as she realised that's what he thought she wanted. Pushing down her anger she looked him in the eyes, "I don't want you to have to relive it if it's not going to help you get over it. But I'm also not going to stand for you lashing out after every nightmare or going to drink the day away either, Bucky."
"Who the hell said I would?" he grit out defensively, glaring at the ceiling above them.
Alina felt her heart break a little and she sagged into him. Whatever they had done to him it had changed him, taken away some of the light in his eyes, the mischief in his smile. Pushing to a seated position she caught up his tan uniform shirt from the floor beside the couch and pulled it on, tucking it around her body.
Bucky's hand was back on his face, this time covering his eyes. He took a breath and then let it drop, sitting up to look at his small wife.
Alina tensed, there was something in his eyes that made her heart contract painfully, a raw fear had entered his gaze and he was so tense he was trembling, "If they come for me you have to promise you'll run. You have to stay safe, Lina. If they got to you…" he cut himself off with a firm shake of his head. "Promise me you'll fight, sweetheart."
Tears slid down her face as she nodded and moved to hold him in her arms, all thoughts about discussing anything were gone. All she needed to do now was hold the man she loved and pray he didn't fall apart in her arms.